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found secret conversations and explicit fotos of my boyfriend's ex...help! watch

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    (Original post by Ariaxi89)
    Ok, the reason why I’m posting this thread is for a little out-of-the-box perspective from you guys. A couple of months ago, while my boyfriend was away visiting his family, I went on his computer…at first it wasn’t to spy, but I guess curiosity got the better of me. I went into his msn chat logs, and found some explicit and very flirty messages between himself and his ex-girlfriend. I have known that he had kept in contact with his ex since we got together, but I didn’t think it was to this extent. Not only that, he still keeps their photos, from when they were together…and ahem…of her cleavage and such. When I read the chat logs…it did feel awful that I was invading his privacy, but what hurt the most were the back and forth explicit flirting going on between them. One of the parts of the conversation really felt gut wrenching: his ex suggesting that they go for a walk in the park like they used to when they were together, but that this time he wouldn’t be able to stick his head between her breasts, to which my boyfriend replied “who says I can’t?:P”. Another one was when he most probably was ‘excited’ and I was out of the flat, his ex suggested that he buy a blowup doll and fit a wig on it like my hair! To which, again my genius of a bf, replied “a train ticket to your house would be much cheaper :P”. I have told him that I read the conversations, and that I was sorry for invading his privacy, but that he should not have had those flirtatious conversations with her when he is in a relationship with me. I have spoken to him about this twice, because I noticed that he’s trying to hide things from me on his computer. For example, he put a password lock on his pc and checks his ‘recently viewed’ folder often. I don’t know what to do anymore. All I keep thinking is about those conversations. He says he loves me, but I can’t help wondering if he is trying to see if his relationship with his ex could have gone further and been better than ours. I feel like I’ve been cheated on…weirdly enough even though those were convos. But he’s going back home this weekend, and I can’t help but think that he’s going to go see her. He tells me all about his other friends, which also include females, but he never told me that the last time he saw his ex they went to see a movie together. I don’t know what to do or think. If anyone can offer any advice, I’d very much appreciate it. Thanks guys.


    is everyone on here actually crazy?!?!?! who cares if you snooped, you had a reason to be suspicious and he should have had nothing to hide. If this happened to me, I would go crazy!! I think your really understanding, if it was my situation, seeing my bf say these things to his ex would feel like a kick in the stomach every time i thought about it. How long have you been together? :eek3:
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    I didn't read your post cus it lacked paragraphs, but PICS or didn't happen seems about right,
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    (Original post by paperclip)
    Wow, i can't tell if you're a brilliant troll, or a ******* idiot.

    OHHHH PLZZZZ u kno im right
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    (Original post by PinkyPrincesss)
    Heyyy, well i think you did the right thing. I am also kind of in the same situation as you. You didn't do anything wrong. It was his fault for being disloyal to you. If he loved u as he says, then he should have loved only you. His ex should mean nothing to him if he is seeing you. I think you did the right thing. I guess the next step would be for you to dump him. All men are the same. There all cheaters and it's best if their taught a lesson. My advice would be for you to dump him and shame him up as much as you can.

    I totally disagree with everyone else on here. It's her boyfriend, she has every right on him. He is in the wrong. It's ok for her to read everything about him or to know what he gets up to.

    Gurl, get in there and teach him a lesson because it isn't fair on you. It's never about about "Forgive or Forget" because it's always about "Trust and Regret"... Once you lose your trust on someone, its very hard to get back. As, Trust Is Like A Mirror.. you can fix it if it's broke... but you can still see a crack in the m***********'s reflection............

    I hope i made my point. Don't forgive him. And please do teach him a lesson. Hope i helped X
    Please, learn how to use "they're", "their", or "there", for everyone's sake!
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    Sounds childish. You shouldn't have been snoopin'
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    Post stuff -> threesome -> post stuff again -> profit
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    Don't stay with guys like that.
    It wasn't cool to snoop but ffs take some action now you've seen it.
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    Rightly so you shouldn't have snooped but you did and you found what you did. I'd be pissed off if my bf was talking like that to his ex - if he wants her that much tell him to get lost and go back to her.
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    I don't understand the whole "you spied, serves you right, shouldn't have spied" comments. The conversations didn't magically appear because she looked, they would have been there regardless. Yes, she shouldn't have been snooping but that doesn't mean she deserves what it was she found - her boyfriend is in the wrong!

    OP I wouldn't be happy at all. Especially the whole "train ticket to yours" thing. I don't want to be harsh but it sounds like he's pretty willing to cheat with this girl. However, it's your boyfriend, you know if you can get over this and trust him not to do it again.
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    Send the whole story to the daily mail. I'll rep you +1.
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    (Original post by Ariaxi89)
    seems that everyone's saying 'you shouldn't have spied, bad girl' but how many times did i catch him spying on my laptop and checking my diaries and going through my stuff! im sorry, but this is the one time i find dirt on him, and he denies everything, saying he 'can't remember'...yeah right.
    It always makes me laugh when people say things like "Well you shouldnt have spied then/You're equally in the wrong/etc..." Its a load of crap. You're not equally in the wrong. I went through my ex's phone once after becoming suspicious of him and whaddya know? He was screwing his ex behind my back. I didnt **** him over, he ****** me over. How else are people meant to find these things out? By asking them? They'll lie. Obviously. If you snoop only to find your other half has been being deceitful, I fail to see how anyone can condemn you.

    Oh and my ex said he couldnt remember as well. Funny that.
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    (Original post by PinkyPrincesss)
    Heyyy, well i think you did the right thing. I am also kind of in the same situation as you. You didn't do anything wrong. It was his fault for being disloyal to you. If he loved u as he says, then he should have loved only you. His ex should mean nothing to him if he is seeing you. I think you did the right thing. I guess the next step would be for you to dump him. All men are the same. There all cheaters and it's best if their taught a lesson. My advice would be for you to dump him and shame him up as much as you can.

    I totally disagree with everyone else on here. It's her boyfriend, she has every right on him. He is in the wrong. It's ok for her to read everything about him or to know what he gets up to.

    Gurl, get in there and teach him a lesson because it isn't fair on you. It's never about about "Forgive or Forget" because it's always about "Trust and Regret"... Once you lose your trust on someone, its very hard to get back. As, Trust Is Like A Mirror.. you can fix it if it's broke... but you can still see a crack in the m***********'s reflection............

    I hope i made my point. Don't forgive him. And please do teach him a lesson. Hope i helped X
    I hope you die alone. Both your grammar and comments are insulting to be quite honest.
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    (Original post by Noomes)
    I don't understand the whole "you spied, serves you right, shouldn't have spied" comments. The conversations didn't magically appear because she looked, they would have been there regardless. Yes, she shouldn't have been snooping but that doesn't mean she deserves what it was she found - her boyfriend is in the wrong!

    OP I wouldn't be happy at all. Especially the whole "train ticket to yours" thing. I don't want to be harsh but it sounds like he's pretty willing to cheat with this girl. However, it's your boyfriend, you know if you can get over this and trust him not to do it again.
    Completely agree!

    She may have invaded his privacy, but that doesn't mean that what she found should be ignored so everyone can tell her how bad she is for looking through his stuff. What he did is a lot worse than her being suspicious (and obviously rightly so!) and looking through his stuff.

    Op - i really hope you are not still with this guy. He may not have physically cheated (well for all you know) but i wouldn't put it past him, and he mustn't care about you very much to be able to say things like that to his ex. The fact that he wont admit to what he's done shows he is immature and isn't worth your time.
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    I can imagine curiosity getting the better of you and you finding some pictures whilst browsing through files, but I don't think "curiosity getting the better of you" really includes going through his chat logs with his ex - that's more "untrustworthiness getting the better of you".

    You going through his file, him going through your diary - you're both as bad as each other. It doesn't seem like you trust each other, doesn't seem like you respect each other's privacy, and coupled with the flirting and possible cheating, let's be honest, do you really think it's worth it?

    I think you both need to grow up and mature before carrying on with a relationship like this.
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    (Original post by LittleBill)
    I hope you die alone. Both your grammar and comments are insulting to be quite honest.
    Oh shurp!!! u ever herd of a typin error? I wouldve rote lyk dis buh den i thort sum ppl wouldnt like it or wouldve had problems understanding it. Geezzz sum ppl hav a problem wiv everythin. I fink u shuld get a lyf!!!
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    (Original post by PinkyPrincesss)
    Oh shurp!!! u ever herd of a typin error? I wouldve rote lyk dis buh den i thort sum ppl wouldve like it. Geezzz sum ppl hav a problem wiv everythin. I fink u shuld get a lyf!!!
    OHHH btw, is it my comment u dont like or the fact dat was advice was perfect???...ur probs a man nd felt offended by my comment. buh no worries my loveeeee
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    I don't get the whole 'you shouldnt be snooping' thing. Yeah fair enough she should've trusted him etc etc but at the end of the day she had a reason to feel suspicious and surprise surprise her bf is writing really flirtatious messages with his ex. Sometimes it's better to be reassured than let it affect your relationship. I wouldn't mind if my bf looked through my stuff, honestly. I don't have anything to hide. Anyways, moving on.

    Personally I wouldn't be able to trust him as his messages are really suggestive. I don't know if I could be with someone who puts a lock on their computer and 'hides' everytime they are on msn (presumably flirting away with his ex). Who dumped who? If it was his ex that dumped him then it's bad news. But even if it was him that dumped her, it's still bad news and frankly I wouldn't stick around - trust is so so so important.
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    What would you have achieved by reading his messages without his permission? You're an eejit. You can't just leave it as if you haven't read them now either, as you obviously did not trust him in the first place

    Good that you've confronted him, but seeing as you still don't trust him, I don't really see the point of you two being together
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    #1

    He shouldn't have been messing around with his ex.
    You shouldn't have been spying!

    My ex's loser gf poked around on his laptop and found dodgy mails that he had sent to me, just as well she didn't find the dodgy vid we made!:o:

    Ask him if she is still important to him?
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    if you look hard enough for something, you'll find it.
    go snooping, on anyones computer, you're gonna find something that upsets you.
    i'm speaking from experience.
 
 
 
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