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Boyriend rarely wants to have sex anymore watch

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    (Original post by tibbles209)
    Tried to post this earlier but it didn't seem to work so sorry if this is a duplicate!

    My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years and until about 6 months ago he wanted sex very often. However in the last 6 months his interest in having sex seems to have started decreasing. I havent put weight on or let go of myself in any other way, and he is still really affectionate and loving and every other aspect of our relationship is fantastic. I tried to talk to him about it but he just shrugs or says he didn't realise there was a problem. We have sex about once a week now but it is always me who initiates and i sort of feel as if he only does it for my benefit rather than because he actually wants to. The only thing I can think of is that he might be starting to get bored of me? I've tried sexy lingerie and new positions etc but hes just not really interested. It's really hitting my self esteem because I feel so undesired by him Anyone have any suggestions as to what i should do that don't involve just dumping him? Thanks!
    imagine your parents read this
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    This doesn't sound like fun, but I sort of know what you mean. My boyfriend and I used to have sex nearly everyday, but then he started full time work, and so we didn't see each other as much, and sex went to about twice a week. When I started to feel like you, I spoke to him about it, and he basically said it's because he's tired, (he does commute at least an hour each way) and he hated the fact that he's not 'satisfying' me as much as I want him too, but likewise, we have to compromise and I have to realise how he feels working.
    So I guess, you need to really discuss it with him again. Check that there's no stress, or tiredness or whatever that he's feeling. You both need to compromise I suppose? Tell him that you feel like you always initiate it. you really need to have a full conversation. If not - write him a letter? and then you get all your feelings out or something?
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    (Original post by tibbles209)
    It's a nice idea but I get the feeling that if i didn't initiate it then our sex life would be practically non existant
    Well first of all I'd talk to him. Just be honest and tell him you feel that something's changed and ask him if there's anything that's bothering him at the moment. If it's simply that he's got too used to it, then try what I said. I'm pretty sure it'll work because he is a guy after all. Do make sure he knows you're not playing mind games or anything, just a fun way to spice things up a bit. Have you tried any mild bondage, role play etc? Just change what you usually do a bit and he'll become interested again I'm sure. Sad that he seems not to be making any effort though!
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    My ex and I were like that towards the end *doom gloom*. Two years later he gave me the reason for it. You will not guess it. You can try. In fact give it a try before reading the spoiler.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    He was afraid to get me pregnant and thus ruin my 'bright future'. Yep. We did use birth control, btw. It was just one of those irrational fears.

    Did you guess it?
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    yo fat
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    (Original post by tibbles209)
    I have tried to do different things but he just isn't interested and wants to do missionary every time. The only sort of glimmer of hope is that he does sometimes get off on me dressing up (as in mini skirt/ low cut shirt type thing) which makes me wonder if he is bored of just looking at the same thing all the time? They do say guys get more turned on by visual stuff so maybe i could try some more stuff like that.
    That's a good sign I suppose. Maybe try dressing up gear aswel, or a strip tease?! :p:
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    (Original post by tibbles209)
    I didn't guess no, but actually i think that very possibly could be something that is worrying him. I am kinda paranoid about getting pregnant so as well as having the implant i use the contraceptive diaphragm too. He's kinda paranoid about it too but surely the fact that we are using both a hormonal and a barrier method should be enough to put his mind at rest? Although he used to want sex all the time 6 months + ago and there was the same risk of getting pregnant back then
    Yeah, but it's sort of hard to control irrational feelings. He might not even know what's bothering him, like I said my ex took 2 years to verbalise it. It might not be the problem, it might be, it might be he isn't even sure what the problem is.
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    (Original post by tibbles209)
    I didn't want 'dump him' replies because other than the sex part, the rest of our relationship is pretty much perfect and he makes me so happy. The relationship is otherwise so good that if i had to choose between him and a good sex life he would win hands down. What I was hoping for was advice about why this might be and what i could do to try and improve the situation.
    he has a low sex drive.

    sorry.
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    In the closet gay?
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    (Original post by tibbles209)
    But it has only been in the last 6 months or so that he has lost interest. Before that he was horny all the time!
    perhaps he's losing interest, i mean the sex. You're just going to have to deal with it.
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    anal
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    send him to a doctor or dump him and find someone sexually compatible
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    I think you ought to embrace what you have, to be honest. It could be a hell of a lot worse. He could be demanding sex all the time and be completely inconsiderate towards you, but he's still loving and affectionate as you say, so make the most of that. Don't overlook and forget those things just because he doesn't want sex as often as usual. There could be a reason for it as well, like stress or problems at home/work, so don't just assume it's because of you. Talk to him about it and try to find out if anything's up.
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    (Original post by tibbles209)
    I'm not too worried about the state of our relationship because i can tell that every other aspect is going well, it just bothers me a bit to think that he doesnt want me in the same way as he used to. Thanks for the reassurance though, i just need to get myhead round the idea of him no longer desiring me so much anymore.
    Love and want go hand in hand though, and from the other things that you say it's very clear that he's very fond of you. When someone first gets with someone they tend tov put all their energy into it at the expense of other things (friends, social life, etc) and that just can't be sustained healthily so it's completely normal for one or both of you to, at times, want less sex than usual.

    Also this can be fuelled by other things going on... like if someone's busy or has a lot on their mind. They're going to want to invest in that stuff and sex is rarely going to cross their mind.
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    Dump him.
 
 
 
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