Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Wtf my dad is really pissing me off now :S Watch

    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Do you honestly think that "My house, My rules" is something that your dad just came up with? Most parents have the same thing.

    Its quite reasonable. Now that i've moved out, i make my own decisions. When i was at home, my parents made the rules. That's how it is.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by WildBerrySpirit)
    Try finding a job, or at least some volunteer work. He should eventually calm down if you show you're being responsible and working hard.

    Btw are you on a gap year?
    i have a part time job..no im still doing my A2..he is against clubbing and drinking, this is why he is acting like this, otherwise before all of this i was allowed to stay out quite late and go to "sleepovers" whenever i wanted to go clubbing
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by I-love-life)
    im a girl.. I have a part time job but the money isn't enough to pay rent, bills and food. it is enough for going out though
    Lol, well I know this will sound like double standards but it's slightly more expected that they will, as traditional, religious parents, be more restrictive over what their daughters can do than what their sons can do. Maybe you should try to be more understanding of the fact that they have been brought up in such a way, and in such a society, where it's normal for them to pose these restrictions and expect their children to listen to them - if their religion is what they base their day to day life on, or at least some of their practices, then maybe try to consider it from their viewpoint that they are only doing what they know to be the 'way of doing things', so to say. And seeing as you're going uni in September anyway then just bare it out for a couple more months - time will fly.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Whatever parents do, while it might seem mad at the time, is only because they love you and are trying to protect you.

    Try and chat to him about it, then he might be able to see it from your point of view- but if not, you have to remember that you only have to live with it until September.. which is hardly anything in the grand scheme of things :-)
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    I bet all these people saying 'he's your dad, do what he says' would hardly be happy to follow such stupid rules. Just do as the above poster said, and tell your dad he's going to lose his son/daughter if he doesn't stop being such a creep.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by I-love-life)
    So basically the new rule is as long as you live under my roof, you have to follow my rules: the rules are no more going out
    Be home before 6
    Not allowed on the phone after 9 pm wtf!!!
    Forget about friends and going out and everything else
    So why is he doing this? His friend’s son saw me at a night club and the D*** told his dad and his dad told my dad...my dad hates me. btw he is muslim i’ve had enough of this and have no money to move out. Im waiting till September to go to uni!! Any advice please..i wana die right now. I have to be home before 6 everyday
    I really wana move out right now, i just have no money and don't know what to do, ffk im 19
    To get respect from your father you need to show both maturity and respect for him. If a teen brat screams and shouts at him; you're just validating his own opinion of you as having 'gone astray'. The only way to fix your relationship is to live perfectly by his rules for perhaps a week. After this time, ask him if he would have a private conversation with you. When engaged in conversation, you must not plead, beg, or show any sign of being the lesser member of the relationship. You must stay completely calm, and allow him to have his say on every single issue and try to really understand why he's doing this if previously he was allowing you to go out etcetera. You need to show him that you respect his authority yet you wish him to respect your maturity and your reaching of the age of adulthood.

    It is often hard for parents to let go of a child. You must tell him what points you understand and agree with, yet convince him that as a young adult these new 'rules' will cause you to miss out on vital life experiences, social interaction, and will severely damage friendships. Explain to him that it will make you unhappy. You need to push across your feelings first, without suggesting any changes to the rules. This has to come from him. You said you have no money - it's time to get a job, or at least try very, very hard to - something that the breadwinner for your family will respect.

    In my opinion, it appears to me that he would not do this kind of thing without reason. He must be deeply, deeply worried about you. Perhaps this is a contemplative time for you - a time to evaluate your own life. If you are still at college, perhaps it is time to work a bit harder. Find a job. Are you constantly asking him for money to go out with?

    If at any point during this you get angry at him, shout, act like anything but an adult engaged in discussion with another adult that they respect, his fears will be re-affirmed, negotiations will break down and your relationship will become much worse.

    I took a long time writing this. Please heed what I have to say, I have experience in this sort of issue.

    Any other questions, feel free to PM me.

    AskMeAnything
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Retrodiction)
    I bet all these people saying 'he's your dad, do what he says' would hardly be happy to follow such stupid rules. Just do as the above poster said, and tell your dad he's going to lose his son/daughter if he doesn't stop being such a creep.
    I don't think the main focus of it all is to be happy. Even those saying 'he's your dad, do what he says', including myself, would probably not be happy with the rules imposed but nonetheless the fact still remains that he IS her dad and it IS his house, whether she likes it or not, unfortunately. :dontknow:
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Retrodiction)
    I bet all these people saying 'he's your dad, do what he says' would hardly be happy to follow such stupid rules. Just do as the above poster said, and tell your dad he's going to lose his son/daughter if he doesn't stop being such a creep.

    I actually can't even look at him he looks so angry. what makes it worse is that his friend's son saw me at the club with my bf (who dad doesn't know about) and now the whole muslim community in london know about it..I really don't think i can go near my dad he wants to kill me
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by AskMeAnything)
    To get respect from your father you need to show both maturity and respect for him. If a teen brat screams and shouts at him; you're just validating his own opinion of you as having 'gone astray'. The only way to fix your relationship is to live perfectly by his rules for perhaps a week. After this time, ask him if he would have a private conversation with you. When engaged in conversation, you must not plead, beg, or show any sign of being the lesser member of the relationship. You must stay completely calm, and allow him to have his say on every single issue and try to really understand why he's doing this if previously he was allowing you to go out etcetera. You need to show him that you respect his authority yet you wish him to respect your maturity and your reaching of the age of adulthood.

    It is often hard for parents to let go of a child. You must tell him what points you understand and agree with, yet convince him that as a young adult these new 'rules' will cause you to miss out on vital life experiences, social interaction, and will severely damage friendships. Explain to him that it will make you unhappy. You need to push across your feelings first, without suggesting any changes to the rules. This has to come from him. You said you have no money - it's time to get a job, or at least try very, very hard to - something that the breadwinner for your family will respect.

    In my opinion, it appears to me that he would not do this kind of thing without reason. He must be deeply, deeply worried about you. Perhaps this is a contemplative time for you - a time to evaluate your own life. If you are still at college, perhaps it is time to work a bit harder. Find a job. Are you constantly asking him for money to go out with?

    If at any point during this you get angry at him, shout, act like anything but an adult engaged in discussion with another adult that they respect, his fears will be re-affirmed, negotiations will break down and your relationship will become much worse.

    I took a long time writing this. Please heed what I have to say, I have experience in this sort of issue.

    Any other questions, feel free to PM me.

    AskMeAnything
    hey thanks a lot i do have a job btw and I hardly ever ask him for money to go out, but i'm gonna do what u've said and im giving u a rep x
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    well, you are living in his home.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mel0n)
    I don't think the main focus of it all is to be happy. Even those saying 'he's your dad, do what he says', including myself, would probably not be happy with the rules imposed but nonetheless the fact still remains that he IS her dad and it IS his house, whether she likes it or not, unfortunately. :dontknow:
    Yes, and my advice would allow her to give her dad a conundrum: stop being a creep, or lose his only daughter.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by I-love-life)
    I actually can't even look at him he looks so angry. what makes it worse is that his friend's son saw me at the club with my bf (who dad doesn't know about) and now the whole muslim community in london know about it..I really don't think i can go near my dad he wants to kill me
    Well you need to face up to it eventually. You're not his prisoner, you're a free adult.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Retrodiction)
    Yes, and my advice would allow her to give her dad a conundrum: stop being a creep, or lose his only daughter.
    Not sure if OP said anywhere that she is an only daughter. And also I personally really doubt that that conundrum would work, but advice is advice and I suppose it's up to the OP whose she wants to utilise.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Broderss)
    well, you are living in his home.
    If his daughter living in his home is such an inconvenience then he shouldn't mind her staying out of the house for longer.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mel0n)
    Not sure if OP said anywhere that she is an only daughter. And also I personally really doubt that that conundrum would work, but advice is advice and I suppose it's up to the OP whose she wants to utilise.
    She said she has no siblings, so I would assume she's his only daughter.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Retrodiction)
    She said she has no siblings, so I would assume she's his only daughter.
    Ohhhh, sorry my bad then!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Retrodiction)
    If his daughter living in his home is such an inconvenience then he shouldn't mind her staying out of the house for longer.
    he probably doesn't want her going in and out of the house all night nor does he want her to come back in the early hours of the morn drunk, making noise and leaving a mess in the house.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by I-love-life)
    i have a part time job..no im still doing my A2..he is against clubbing and drinking, this is why he is acting like this, otherwise before all of this i was allowed to stay out quite late and go to "sleepovers" whenever i wanted to go clubbing
    Oh okay.

    As much as the situation may suck at the moment, just do what your father says for the time being, well for about a month or so. Don't argue with him, but make sure he knows that you're annoyed with his restrictions; don't try and avoid him, but don't talk to him as you usually would. He should eventually get the message that you're pissed off and he's being too harsh.

    Also, have a word with said guy who told his father. I honestly can't stand people who snitch for their own personal gain/amusement.
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    Follow the rules for a while. And try to act good and well behaved. After a while he may even loosen up the rules?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Broderss)
    he probably doesn't want her going in and out of the house all night nor does he want her to come back in the early hours of the morn drunk, making noise and leaving a mess in the house.
    i never go home drunk, always go back to my bf's or a friend's house
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 30, 2010
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.