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My lack of relationships and desire for a relationship. Watch

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    (Original post by py0alb)
    care to elaborate, buddy?

    (cue terence and philip)
    Absolutely.

    Sex isn't necessary in a relationship. Perhaps neither of the partners are interested in sex. A relationship is way more than sex.

    Is that enough?
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    (Original post by Victor-PP)
    Absolutely.

    Sex isn't necessary in a relationship. Perhaps neither of the partners are interested in sex. A relationship is way more than sex.

    Is that enough?
    Correct. 100%, A+, Big gold star ha
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    A relationship without sex has a specific term: its called "friendship".
    Well that's just not true is it?
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    Joining more societies or just generally talking to people in class. You learn about different people and how to interact with them. When you say that others act fun, think about what it is that they do, whether it's being sacastic or cracking a joke that's not funny, but everyone laughs at it because it's just stupid.

    Fun comes with not being uptight. So you need to just chillax and just try to enjoy life a little more, less about what people think, whether you look stupid, whether what you say was appropriate, etc. For example, in class, would you talk back if someone said something to you? Or would you pay attention and wait until afterwards to talk? It's little things like this, just take life and enjoy it, think of everything as an experience as opposed to something that has to be done.

    When this happens, people will automatically gravitate towards you. And girls you will find
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    (Original post by Victor-PP)
    Absolutely.

    Sex isn't necessary in a relationship. Perhaps neither of the partners are interested in sex. A relationship is way more than sex.

    Is that enough?
    Hmmm. You're 16 years old. I think you might be a little naive to the way the world actually works.

    By the time you're 18 you will be hard pressed to find a girl willing to subjugate herself to a sexless relationship (other than extremist religious nutters)


    (Original post by DiZZeeKiD)
    Not so. Some people don't have sex until they're married - doesn't mean they are not in a relationship, does it? Personally, I couldn't be in a relationship without the physical part but not all girls are looking for that either. I like this guy, leave him be man! lol
    That is very, very rare, and not a good example to follow at all.
    If the OP isn't mature enough to have a sensible, adult view about sex, then he's not mature enough to have an adult relationship, because like it or not, the vast proportion of adult relationships involve sex as a significant part.
    This isn't to say he needs to start going and having loads of one night stands and treating women poorly, but a little balance would go a long way; at the moment his stance is too far in the other direction. He should realise that women want and need sex as much as (if not more than) men.
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    Hmmm. You're 16 years old. I think you might be a little naive to the way the world actually works.

    By the time you're 18 you will be hard pressed to find a girl willing to subjugate herself to a sexless relationship (other than extremist religious nutters)




    That is very, very rare, and not a good example to follow at all.
    If the OP isn't mature enough to have a sensible, adult view about sex, then he's not mature enough to have an adult relationship, because like it or not, the vast proportion of adult relationships involve sex as a significant part.
    This isn't to say he needs to start going and having loads of one night stands and treating women poorly, but a little balance would go a long way; at the moment his stance is too far in the other direction. He should realise that women want and need sex as much as (if not more than) men.
    I know what you're saying, and for the most part you're right. But if there are guys looking for a relationship that doesn't necessarily involve sex, there will be girls looking for that too. Granted, they might be immature girls, but this guy doesn't strike me as a stud thats going to want to go sleeping about either so that might suit him down to the ground. Nuff said.
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    (Original post by Cybele)
    Well that's just not true is it?

    What makes a relationship different from a friendship? Intimacy

    What plays the major part in increasing intimacy between two people? Sex


    I'm not making this up, its in any basic psychology textbook.
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    (Original post by DiZZeeKiD)
    I know what you're saying, and for the most part you're right. But if there are guys looking for a relationship that doesn't necessarily involve sex, there will be girls looking for that too. Granted, they might be immature girls, but this guy doesn't strike me as a stud thats going to want to go sleeping about either so that might suit him down to the ground. Nuff said.
    Yes, but in the majority of cases, both parties may think that is what they are looking for, but they are mistaken, and at some point they will learn this lesson and approach the next relationship differently.

    A mistaken belief (even when shared by both parties) that they will be happier in a sexless partnership is not a good foundation for a relationship.

    It would serve the OP well, and save him much heartache in the future, if he thought more deeply about this, and developed a more mature and balanced attitude towards sex before attempting to start a relationship.
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    What makes a relationship different from a friendship? Intimacy

    What plays the major part in increasing intimacy between two people? Sex


    I'm not making this up, its in any basic psychology textbook.
    A relationship isn't just what you define it to be. People can have very strong relationships without sex - like couples who don't believe in sex before marriage but who still share the same feelings of romantic love, sexual attraction and attachment to each other as any couple. Do you have this with your friends?
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    Hmmm. You're 16 years old. I think you might be a little naive to the way the world actually works.

    By the time you're 18 you will be hard pressed to find a girl willing to subjugate herself to a sexless relationship (other than extremist religious nutters)
    Wow, you guys are making a few wrong assumptions...

    I'm 17. However, I understand your point of view. I'm not saying I don't enjoy sex myself. I absolutely do. But have you thought about the possibility that there are people who are not interested in it? It's rare, that's true. But nonetheless, there are. Plus, sex can come later. It's not like you need to start having sex from day or week 1 once you get into a relationship, right? Some people have different priorities.

    And my age hasn't necessarily got to do anything with how mature I am and how I understand the way the world works.
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    (Original post by Cybele)
    A relationship isn't just what you define it to be. People can have very strong relationships without sex - like couples who don't believe in sex before marriage but who still share the same feelings of romantic love, sexual attraction and attachment to each other as any couple. Do you have this with your friends?
    Me personally? Of course not. I'm explaining the definition of the word "relationship" as understood by academics who study the field.

    In the case of the Christians who rush into an ill-thought out marriage just so they can have sex (talk about all time ****ed up priorities), it is the anticipation of sex that brings some level of intimacy - and most of them still indulge in some sexual activity, like oral sex.

    In the case of an elderly couple who no longer have sex, they may still have intimacy in their relationship, but it was their sexual relationship that brought this intimacy in the first place.

    Either way, the main feature that distinguishes a relationship from a close friendship is the addition of sex to the mix. Geez, some close friends live together, cook together, do almost everything together, but they're not in a relationship because they're not having sex.
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    (Original post by Victor-PP)
    Wow, you guys are making a few wrong assumptions...

    I'm 17. However, I understand your point of view. I'm not saying I don't enjoy sex myself. I absolutely do. But have you thought about the possibility that there are people who are not interested in it? It's rare, that's true. But nonetheless, there are. Plus, sex can come later. It's not like you need to start having sex from day or week 1 once you get into a relationship, right? Some people have different priorities.

    And my age hasn't necessarily got to do anything with how mature I am and how I understand the way the world works.

    You may well be extremely mature for your age, but you're still never going to understand how relationships work as well as someone who has been through several.
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    Yes, but in the majority of cases, both parties may think that is what they are looking for, but they are mistaken, and at some point they will learn this lesson and approach the next relationship differently.

    A mistaken belief (even when shared by both parties) that they will be happier in a sexless partnership is not a good foundation for a relationship.

    It would serve the OP well, and save him much heartache in the future, if he thought more deeply about this, and developed a more mature and balanced attitude towards sex before attempting to start a relationship.
    How are you suppose to develop a balanced opinion of something you have no experience of? I doubt very much if the first "relationship" you had, or most people had, involved sex. Thats how you learn and mature in terms of relationships. The absolute wrong thing for this guy to do, as he is obviously quite sensitive, is to jump into an intimate relationship with no prior knowledge of how this will or might affect him.
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    You may well be extremely mature for your age, but you're still never going to understand how relationships work as well as someone who has been through several.
    Fair enough.
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    You may well be extremely mature for your age, but you're still never going to understand how relationships work as well as someone who has been through several.
    To be honest, I'm 17, and I just want a caring relationship, as I stated in the OP. Although I think I have a mature view on sex, ie I'm nowhere ready for it, the irony is that I'm mature enough to realise that I'm not mature enough for sex. If you can understand that

    Anyway, this thread wasn't for debating the ins and outs of sex within relationships, I primarily started it so I could hear some advice from people who have felt the same as I do, ie wanting a loving, caring relationship even though I'm only 17, and people who have felt the same as I currently do in times past.
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    (Original post by DiZZeeKiD)
    How are you suppose to develop a balanced opinion of something you have no experience of? I doubt very much if the first "relationship" you had, or most people had, involved sex. Thats how you learn and mature in terms of relationships. The absolute wrong thing for this guy to do, as he is obviously quite sensitive, is to jump into an intimate relationship with no prior knowledge of how this will or might affect him.
    I may be jumping to conclusions, but it strikes me that his stance on sex probably isn't how he actually feels, but what he thinks girls want to hear. If that is the case, then he's actually mistaken. Most girls want to have sex with their boyfriends, and even if not, they will definitely want to know that their boyfriend wants to have sex with them.

    Clearly its a benefit to be aware that there are more things to a relationship than sex, but saying "Oh no, I'm not interested in sex at all" just comes across as childish (and kinda creepy).


    (Original post by Victor-PP)
    Fair enough
    Sorry, I didn't mean to come across as condescending. Have some rep.
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    (Original post by Bananas01)
    So basically I'm a 17 year old guy in my last year of school who has never been in a relationship, or even gone out on a date with a girl. I know many of you will sat "that's not too bad you have plenty of time" etc and I totally understand and get what you're saying, but it doesn't really change how I feel

    I see nice girls about the place who are really nice to me and stuff but I never seem to get to know them outside of school or anything. I see lots of nice girls on Facebook, having fun in the pictures and generally just having fun, recently people being stupid and having fun in the snow. But I'm not really like that, I've never been invited anywhere with a group of friends and I don't think I'm a terribly "fun" person, I always seem to be perceived as the serious one, and I do realise I can come across that way.

    This seems to stop me getting to know any girls properly, to the point that if I'm sitting next to a girl in class and she's nice to me I start thinking about her in "that" way. I can't help it, I think I must be desperate or something, but I just really want a relationship.

    I know a lot of you will see this as "guy wants some girl action" but it really isn't. I don't want a relationship for anything like that yet, I just want to have a girl who really cares about me, who I can go out and have fun with and have a great time. I'm not really interested in sex and stuff yet, I just want to be able to have someone to be really nice to me and who I can go out, have fun, maybe hold hands and share some hugs with, but it doesn't seem to be happening for me. I'm thinking maybe I should just wait until I start university next year so I can get a fresh start, but I'm applying for Maths which I know is a very male dominated field so I don't know.

    Well so basically I want to be able to join in the silly fun people can have, and get a girlfriend in which to share my life, and to be honest I don't know why I'm making this thread, maybe you guys are in the same position and can share your experiences and give advice?

    Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read that and reply
    I think you sound adorable, and the girl that gets you in the end will be very lucky beacause you'll no doubt treat her like a princess

    However dont wait around expecting to find some girl right away and fall deeply in love because it might not happen like that, you still need to get out a enjoy yourself, but that doesnt mean you have to sleep with lots of or anyone girl at all, you can still have fun chatting them up, taking them out and stuff.

    And some girls will love it that your not trying it on early and happy to take things slow and just cuddle and hold hands. If their not then you'll just have to explain your feelings
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    I may be jumping to conclusions, but it strikes me that his stance on sex probably isn't how he actually feels, but what he thinks girls want to hear. If that is the case, then he's actually mistaken. Most girls want to have sex with their boyfriends, and even if not, they will definitely want to know that their boyfriend wants to have sex with them.

    Clearly its a benefit to be aware that there are more things to a relationship than sex, but saying "Oh no, I'm not interested in sex at all" just comes across as childish (and kinda creepy).




    Sorry, I didn't mean to come across as condescending. Have some rep.
    Very true, particuarly the fact about even if the girl doesn't want sex, they want to know that you want sex. Ha, you are wise.
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    (Original post by Bananas01)
    To be honest, I'm 17, and I just want a caring relationship, as I stated in the OP. Although I think I have a mature view on sex, ie I'm nowhere ready for it, the irony is that I'm mature enough to realise that I'm not mature enough for sex. If you can understand that

    Anyway, this thread wasn't for debating the ins and outs of sex within relationships, I primarily started it so I could hear some advice from people who have felt the same as I do, ie wanting a loving, caring relationship even though I'm only 17, and people who have felt the same as I currently do in times past.
    Sounds like an Oedipus complex. /just kidding/

    As far as I can remember, all I wanted to do when I was 17 was have sex with three girls at once.
    It didn't happen :moon:
    You kind of fall into the lovey dovey relationship stuff once you get your libido under control.
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    Me personally? Of course not. I'm explaining the definition of the word "relationship" as understood by academics who study the field.

    Either way, the main feature that distinguishes a relationship from a close friendship is the addition of sex to the mix. Geez, some close friends live together, cook together, do almost everything together, but they're not in a relationship because they're not having sex.
    Tell me of any academic who deems sex necessary in any true 'relationship'. You won't find any.

    There are many, many factors which differentiate a friendship from a relationship. Sex is only one factor, an optional factor at that.
 
 
 
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