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Has anyone been travelling whilst in a relationship? watch

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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    Keep your relationship open instead of monogamous, then. Come on, let's get real here....you can't expect a guy not to have sex or do anything with anyone else for 8 months.

    Trying to keep this relationship as monogamous is the ****ing stupidest thing in the world. Monogamous relationships only work if you both live near each other....LDRs don't work, and it's ****ing unreaslistic to expect your bf not to see anyone else if you just buggar off for 8 months. You don't own him, and he doesn't own you.

    And what's to say you wont want sex etc with other guys while travelling?

    The very fact you're going travelling proves your relationship isn't your number 1 priority, so it's probably time to break up or at least take a break from each other for 8 months.....let your bf see who he wants during that period, and give yourself permission to see other guys during this period.

    People change and grow in life....maybe after the 8 months is up, you will have 'outgrown' your bf. Travelling really expands a person's perspective on life, and you probably won't want to go back to your stale relationship after having your experience of life expanded.

    To me, it just seems like you're trying to cling onto something that is past it's sell by date. Go out and live and experience life. Get some life experience, figure out who you are and what you want out of life. THEN worry about having serious relationships. It just cracks me up when people lock themselves into 'serious monogamous relationships' when they're so young and haven't even experienced life yet. It is just plain ridiculous.

    You have to choose which fork in the road you are going to take....a monogamous relationship OR the travelling. They are 2 different roads. They cannot work together. You cannot go down 2 roads simultaneously, which is basically what you're trying to do. But it's not reality.

    Well, to be honest i want both. Not my relationship or travelling. I'm going to try my hardest to make it work because our relationship is definitely not past it's sell by date- anything but! We're crazy about each other, very passionate and i see him as being the one, so i'm going to fight for it.
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    (Original post by doodle7)
    Yeah that's a very sweet idea
    Try not to let missing/ worrying about him ruin your experience travelling. After all, what's 8 months when you have the rest of your lives together?
    Thankyou... I really want to make it work, but am going to concentrate on this once in a lifetime opportunity also
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    I did it this year- for 6 months... then came back for 6 weeks... then another 2 months away.

    Yes, it was very tough. I don't know if he was faithful... but in reality i wouldn't expect him to have been.

    We emailed lots. And he phoned me every week.

    Once your out travelling, you'll find yourself busy with new things and time will move a lot faster than it will for him.

    This is a chance of a lifetime, and will give you so many memories. You can't cancel for someone. But think of ways around it. Can he meet you for a month or a couple of week holiday? Can you add a break and come back home for a couple of weeks?

    It's possible to work, but you will change when your travelling. Just see what happens x
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    I met a few girls travelling who had boyfriends back home, but ended up cheating on their travels. Usually it was because they were travelling with other girls, who were single, and the single girls would be getting with different guys etc while they were missing their boyfriend at home, and in the end they'd be on a beautiful beach, watching a sunset surrounded by a backdrop of mountains, and they'd be having a deep conversation with some hot guy they'd met in a hostel who would lean over and kiss them, and they wouldn't say no, and that's how it would happen. In the end some of them manage to compartmentalise their life into 'real life' and 'travels' ie what goes on tour, stays on tour. I know from keeping in touch through facebook with a girl I met on my travels, that as soon as she got back home she picked things back up with her boyfriend, he will probably never know the things I knew about her....
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    I met a few girls travelling who had boyfriends back home, but ended up cheating on their travels. Usually it was because they were travelling with other girls, who were single, and the single girls would be getting with different guys etc while they were missing their boyfriend at home, and in the end they'd be on a beautiful beach, watching a sunset surrounded by a backdrop of mountains, and they'd be having a deep conversation with some hot guy they'd met in a hostel who would lean over and kiss them, and they wouldn't say no, and that's how it would happen. In the end some of them manage to compartmentalise their life into 'real life' and 'travels' ie what goes on tour, stays on tour. I know from keeping in touch through facebook with a girl I met on my travels, that as soon as she got back home she picked things back up with her boyfriend, he will probably never know the things I knew about her....


    Thanks for your post So moral of the story is....?
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    Keep your relationship open instead of monogamous, then. Come on, let's get real here....you can't expect a guy not to have sex or do anything with anyone else for 8 months.

    Trying to keep this relationship as monogamous is the ****ing stupidest thing in the world. Monogamous relationships only work if you both live near each other....LDRs don't work, and it's ****ing unreaslistic to expect your bf not to see anyone else if you just buggar off for 8 months. You don't own him, and he doesn't own you.

    And what's to say you wont want sex etc with other guys while travelling?

    The very fact you're going travelling proves your relationship isn't your number 1 priority, so it's probably time to break up or at least take a break from each other for 8 months.....let your bf see who he wants during that period, and give yourself permission to see other guys during this period.

    People change and grow in life....maybe after the 8 months is up, you will have 'outgrown' your bf. Travelling really expands a person's perspective on life, and you probably won't want to go back to your stale relationship after having your experience of life expanded.

    To me, it just seems like you're trying to cling onto something that is past it's sell by date. Go out and live and experience life. Get some life experience, figure out who you are and what you want out of life. THEN worry about having serious relationships. It just cracks me up when people lock themselves into 'serious monogamous relationships' when they're so young and haven't even experienced life yet. It is just plain ridiculous.

    You have to choose which fork in the road you are going to take....a monogamous relationship OR the travelling. They are 2 different roads. They cannot work together. You cannot go down 2 roads simultaneously, which is basically what you're trying to do. But it's not reality.
    With all due respect, that's ridiculous. Long-distance relationships DO work - I'm an example of that, and I know at least two previously long-distance couples who have since moved in with each other and are now getting married. Yes, it's anecdotal evidence, but it's not like yours is anything more.

    You're right - a person doesn't own their partner, instead they have free will. And if they want to use that free will to stay with each other, then more power to them.

    And how exactly do you know that the poster's relationship is 'stale'? Boredom in a relationship is not the sole reason for wanting to go travelling, you know. And I don't get the impression that the poster is locking herself into anything. It just seems like someone loves their boyfriend and doesn't want to lose them just because they're going travelling for a while.

    I don't believe that travelling and monogamous relationships are mutually exclusive, either. My boyfriend and I stayed faithful to each other for a year.
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    (Original post by jeh_jeh)
    With all due respect, that's ridiculous. Long-distance relationships DO work - I'm an example of that, and I know at least two previously long-distance couples who have since moved in with each other and are now getting married. Yes, it's anecdotal evidence, but it's not like yours is anything more.

    You're right - a person doesn't own their partner, instead they have free will. And if they want to use that free will to stay with each other, then more power to them.

    And how exactly do you know that the poster's relationship is 'stale'? Boredom in a relationship is not the sole reason for wanting to go travelling, you know. And I don't get the impression that the poster is locking herself into anything. It just seems like someone loves their boyfriend and doesn't want to lose them just because they're going travelling for a while.

    I don't believe that travelling and monogamous relationships are mutually exclusive, either. My boyfriend and I stayed faithful to each other for a year.
    Thank heavens for someone else replying to his post! I don't know where he got the impression my relationship was 'stale' or the fact that i want to see the world means i don't love my boyfriend?

    I'm young, i've fallen in love but am not about to change my hopes and dreams of seeing what's out there change just because i have fallen in love... Surely it's possible to have both? :confused:
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    Yep, from my house to hers. Not that hard tbh.
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    (Original post by Crazy Paving)
    Yep, from my house to hers. Not that hard tbh.
    :yawn:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    :yawn:


    Seriously though, I'd still go, why waste the opportunity you have? Time apart may be good and at least you will have something to look forward to when you get back. Think of it as a test, to see how faithful you can both be. :yes:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank heavens for someone else replying to his post! I don't know where he got the impression my relationship was 'stale' or the fact that i want to see the world means i don't love my boyfriend?

    I'm young, i've fallen in love but am not about to change my hopes and dreams of seeing what's out there change just because i have fallen in love... Surely it's possible to have both? :confused:
    It definitely is!

    Narrow-minded people like that really annoy me...
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    The only person I know who went travelling for that amount of time with a boyfriend came home early because of him, then he dumped her within 2 months and she wasn't able to go away again. Sucks
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    With my ex I spent two summers abroad, one doing Camp America, one abroad with my family. Both times we survived but I missed him like crazy and just wanted to be at home with him (to the extent that I left America early) and it did ruin my trip. I now deeply regret letting him ruin my trips in such a way!

    With my current boyfriend, we were fooling around and not quite sure what we were doing when I went away travelling for 3 months over the summer. I think there was a bit of worrying on both sides about what was going to happen while I was away but when I returned we got together properly and all was fine.

    In all, my advice is-you're young. Go away and enjoy yourself and really try not worry about the bf. If he's going to stray, he's going to stray and no amount of worrying will change that. Perhaps, as others have said, a break from the relationship or an open relationship will help?
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    I went to China for a month on a summer school and also for some tourism. I had great fun and although I missed my boyfriend it wasn't too bad because until the last week I was constantly with the other summer school people who were lovely and we were always so busy, didn't have enough time to do everthing I wanted in the end! We E-mailed as much as we could and skyped every so often so weren't really in touch eveyday but as much as poss. I know this doesn't compare to 8 months but after the initial missingness it gets better and if you're busy it really isn't that bad.

    Also the previous summer my boyfriend went on camp America for 10 weeks ish. The second week of him being gone was horrible because I missed him so much but I started to get used to it and we wrote each other letters and skyped when we had chance, he was really busy with his camp duties though so it wasn't every day. I had a full time job at home so just kept busy with that and although I would never want to do be apart that long again it wasn't too bad once I got used to it and it was lovely when he came back.

    I know these time periods aren't as much as yours but I think if you both keep yourselves busy its not too bad and you get used to it

    Don't dread your trip though, its easier being the one going travelling rather than being the one at home!
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    (Original post by jeh_jeh)
    With all due respect, that's ridiculous. Long-distance relationships DO work - I'm an example of that, and I know at least two previously long-distance couples who have since moved in with each other and are now getting married. Yes, it's anecdotal evidence, but it's not like yours is anything more.

    You're right - a person doesn't own their partner, instead they have free will. And if they want to use that free will to stay with each other, then more power to them.

    And how exactly do you know that the poster's relationship is 'stale'? Boredom in a relationship is not the sole reason for wanting to go travelling, you know. And I don't get the impression that the poster is locking herself into anything. It just seems like someone loves their boyfriend and doesn't want to lose them just because they're going travelling for a while.

    I don't believe that travelling and monogamous relationships are mutually exclusive, either. My boyfriend and I stayed faithful to each other for a year.
    I stand by everything I said in my reply.

    Seriously, how badly deluded are people who think that they can be on one side of the world and their 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' can be be on other side of the world, yet you can still somehow 'maintain a relationship'?

    To have a relationship you have to actually be together in person, not just have some kind of 'internet based' relationship where you talk over Facebook/Skype/Msn/Email etc.

    Travelling and monogamous relationships aren't mutually exclusive? Yeah right. How can you be in different countries yet still maintain a relationship. That's bull****.

    If you're going to go travelling for an extended period of time, live in reality and don't try and hold onto a monogamous relationship while you're not together. Let each other do their own thing while you're apart, and then when you arrive back home then you can see if you still want to be together then.

    What's the point in going travelling (which is supposed to be about FREEDOM and experiencing more of life), if you constantly have to 'check in' with or 'check up' on someone back home in another country who you're not even together with. That's just silly. Leave each other be and to live your lives separately if you can't physically be together.

    All this LDR bull**** leads to jealousy, mistrust, constantly wondering if your partner is 'cheating' on you, etc etc. The way out of all that **** is to just let each other be to do what you want while you're not together. If you're not actually together, it's not a relationship anyway.

    It just amazes me how immature and deluded people are about this sort of thing!

    If I was in a monogamous relationship and my gf decided to go travelling for 8 months, I'd be happy for her to go and do what she needs to do....and I'd keep the relationship open. She'd be free to do what she wanted and free to see whoever she wanted during those 8 months, and so would I. It would be pointless trying to 'maintain a monogamous relationship' with someone who isn't there.

    And after the 8 months, if we still felt the same way about each other, we'd reconnect; if not then fair enough we'd go our separate ways.
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    I stand by everything I said in my reply.

    Seriously, how badly deluded are people who think that they can be on one side of the world and their 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' can be be on other side of the world, yet you can still somehow 'maintain a relationship'?

    To have a relationship you have to actually be together in person, not just have some kind of 'internet based' relationship where you talk over Facebook/Skype/Msn/Email etc.

    Travelling and monogamous relationships aren't mutually exclusive? Yeah right. How can you be in different countries yet still maintain a relationship. That's bull****.

    If you're going to go travelling for an extended period of time, live in reality and don't try and hold onto a monogamous relationship while you're not together. Let each other do their own thing while you're apart, and then when you arrive back home then you can see if you still want to be together then.

    What's the point in going travelling (which is supposed to be about FREEDOM and experiencing more of life), if you constantly have to 'check in' with or 'check up' on someone back home in another country who you're not even together with. That's just silly. Leave each other be and to live your lives separately if you can't physically be together.

    All this LDR bull**** leads to jealousy, mistrust, constantly wondering if your partner is 'cheating' on you, etc etc. The way out of all that **** is to just let each other be to do what you want while you're not together. If you're not actually together, it's not a relationship anyway.

    It just amazes me how immature and deluded people are about this sort of thing!

    If I was in a monogamous relationship and my gf decided to go travelling for 8 months, I'd be happy for her to go and do what she needs to do....and I'd keep the relationship open. She'd be free to do what she wanted and free to see whoever she wanted during those 8 months, and so would I. It would be pointless trying to 'maintain a monogamous relationship' with someone who isn't there.

    And after the 8 months, if we still felt the same way about each other, we'd reconnect; if not then fair enough we'd go our separate ways.

    But surely, if you really really love each other, throwing it all away and letting distance come between you is stupid. In my case, the trip was planned before we got together and certainly bears no reflection to my feelings (or lack of) for him.

    I've taken what you've said and respected it - is it not possible you see what i'm saying?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But surely, if you really really love each other, throwing it all away and letting distance come between you is stupid. In my case, the trip was planned before we got together and certainly bears no reflection to my feelings (or lack of) for him.

    I've taken what you've said and respected it - is it not possible you see what i'm saying?
    You need to sit down with your bf and talk to him openly and honestly about all the points I mentioned (if you can't talk to him openly and honestly, then your relationship isn't a strong relationship).

    REALITY is that either of you could meet someone else and have sex with them during this period apart....

    REALITY is that you're going to get sick of having 'check in with' and 'check up on' each other during this period apart....

    REALITY is that you're both going to have feelings of jealousy and insecurity because you will NEVER be 100% certain if either of you have cheated....

    REALITY is that instead of 100% being in the moment and enjoying the experiences on your travels, you are going to be thinking what's going on with your partner back home....

    If you can handle these realities, then by all means go ahead. But unless you can talk to your bf openly about these things and how you and him are going to deal with them, then you're going to run into problems. So my advice is to sit down with your bf and discuss these things and the solutions. How would you deal with it if he had sex with another girl while you were away, for example? Would you forgive him? Or would you prefer not to know? You need to talk about these things....

    I personally couldn't be bothered with keeping a relationship going while I (or my gf) went travelling for a 8 months. To me, it'd be too much hassle and wouldn't work for me. I'd just keep it open.
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    You need to sit down with your bf and talk to him openly and honestly about all the points I mentioned (if you can't talk to him openly and honestly, then your relationship isn't a strong relationship).

    REALITY is that either of you could meet someone else and have sex with them during this period apart....

    REALITY is that you're going to get sick of having 'check in with' and 'check up on' each other during this period apart....

    REALITY is that you're both going to have feelings of jealousy and insecurity because you will NEVER be 100% certain if either of you have cheated....

    REALITY is that instead of 100% being in the moment and enjoying the experiences on your travels, you are going to be thinking what's going on with your partner back home....

    If you can handle these realities, then by all means go ahead. But unless you can talk to your bf openly about these things and how you and him are going to deal with them, then you're going to run into problems. So my advice is to sit down with your bf and discuss these things and the solutions. How would you deal with it if he had sex with another girl while you were away, for example? Would you forgive him? Or would you prefer not to know? You need to talk about these things....

    I personally couldn't be bothered with keeping a relationship going while I (or my gf) went travelling for a 8 months. To me, it'd be too much hassle and wouldn't work for me. I'd just keep it open.
    THAT is because you have never found anyone who you have loved enough to want to. Period.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    THAT is because you have never found anyone who you have loved enough to want to. Period.
    You didn't answer my questions...

    And if I loved someone that much I wouldn't just buggar off for 8 months. But I'm not a fan of monogamous relationships anyway, I prefer non-monogamous relationships.
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    You didn't answer my questions...

    And if I loved someone that much I wouldn't just buggar off for 8 months. But I'm not a fan of monogamous relationships anyway, I prefer non-monogamous relationships.


    What questions? We have already discussed the above of what you said.

    Wouldn't 'bugger off' for 8 months if it's something you had wanted to do your whole life?

    Prefer non-monogamous relationships?! NOW it's making more sense. I think this conversation is over now - we have very different views clearly.
 
 
 
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