Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Parents are hurt and I’ve realised it’s all my fault?? am i the selfish one? Watch

    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by I-love-life)
    yh i do lyk drinking and clubbing but my parents are really hurt atm..I just think im being really selfish and I wana think about them before myslef for once the thing is i feel really sorry for them since im the only child aswell, its lyk they have lost every hope in me..
    I totally understand where you're coming from, but you're not being selfish. You're enjoying yourself, theres no harm in that. I know your parents are pissed off, but they need to accept that throughout time, things change.
    I know they'll probably never be understanding of what you want to do, so during your time at home just try to make peace with them. Then when you eventually go uni, party all you want, what your parents don't know, won't hurt them.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by I-love-life)
    omg this is such a goood idea thanks yh i need to teach myself first lol then once I know it i will ask him thank you I give a rep right now
    well let us no how it goes.

    Oh and to those saying they don't think its a big deal, I think the fact that she was lying to her parents about what she was doing is what may have made it worse.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Na it's just a way of them trying to brainwash you. That's typical religion.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by -Invidious-)
    In the grand scheme of things I wouldn't really call those problems, on the contrary, it may just show you're developing normally.
    She's muslim. They... are different.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Am I right in saying you're 19? (I think I read one of your other threads a couple of days ago)
    At that age you should not be made to feel as though you're in the wrong for having a boyfriend and going out with your friends.

    I know you're religious, so it might be hard for me to understand your situation, but you haven't done anything wrong.
    I think your parents are the selfish ones for sheltering you at the age of 19 the way they are.

    But good luck with whatever you decide to do, i'm sure you can work it out
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Aww sweatheart! Don't beat yourself up about it. You're not a *****, you're just living life like a british teenager in the 2010s and your parents just aren't used to it (hell, my parents aren't used to it and they were born and bred in britain!). Everyone has doubts about their past, EVERYONE, and most people feel guilty and ashamed about some pain that they've caused to those they love - you wouldn't be hurting if you didn't care. Don't go killing yourself over something stupid like this; trust me when I say talking DOES help! Even if it's just making some cup cakes and writing 'sorry' in the icing, anything to lighten the strain in your relationship.
    I've had some pretty **** times to, and have felt everything you have felt towards your parents (hatred, anger then ashamed as you think it's your fault you turned out an evil *****) but at the end of the day it is all relative, and it'll end up coming out sooner or later - so try and get it out in the open sooner. Honest to God, I never thought I could speak to my mum and dad after some of the things I did last year, but we had a massive family talk where all these issues came out in the open and we all got to say how we felt about them - there were lots of tears but at the end I was actually laughing just because I felt so 'light'. So trust me, it does help and sorry if none of that made sense - I have a habit of waffling!
    But yeah, if you wanna chat just PM me, I've not ever been in your situation but I've had similar experiences (including the wanna kill myself bit) and I've got through it... so can you!
    Much love xx
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Love how every thread you post includes you saying how you want to kill yourself.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by I-love-life)
    well just childhood photos and photos of my grandparents (R.I.P),, it made me realise where I come from..I shouldn't be behaving the way I do and should put my act together and be a better daughter
    Ignore everything you know about religion: you're now no different to any other atheist.
    You went out and enjoyed yourself, and now you've been punished for it.
    As I recall, your dad is a pretty strict muslim?
    So why does the way he think you should live your life affect you so much, religion aside?

    I have respect for my parents, and I although I feel as though I've disappointed them in the past, I ended up moving on and getting on with life. No point getting hung up about it, no parent has the perfect child just as no child has the perfect parent.
    You can strive for perfection, but you will always have faults in someone elses' eyes (I should put that in my sig, it's pretty cool for sentimental bs :awesome: ).
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ***Frann***)
    Aww sweatheart! Don't beat yourself up about it. You're not a *****, you're just living life like a british teenager in the 2010s and your parents just aren't used to it (hell, my parents aren't used to it and they were born and bred in britain!). Everyone has doubts about their past, EVERYONE, and most people feel guilty and ashamed about some pain that they've caused to those they love - you wouldn't be hurting if you didn't care. Don't go killing yourself over something stupid like this; trust me when I say talking DOES help! Even if it's just making some cup cakes and writing 'sorry' in the icing, anything to lighten the strain in your relationship.
    I've had some pretty **** times to, and have felt everything you have felt towards your parents (hatred, anger then ashamed as you think it's your fault you turned out an evil *****) but at the end of the day it is all relative, and it'll end up coming out sooner or later - so try and get it out in the open sooner. Honest to God, I never thought I could speak to my mum and dad after some of the things I did last year, but we had a massive family talk where all these issues came out in the open and we all got to say how we felt about them - there were lots of tears but at the end I was actually laughing just because I felt so 'light'. So trust me, it does help and sorry if none of that made sense - I have a habit of waffling!
    But yeah, if you wanna chat just PM me, I've not ever been in your situation but I've had similar experiences (including the wanna kill myself bit) and I've got through it... so can you!
    Much love xx
    thanks hun yh im gna try and talk to them, just waiting for the right moment. tbh i think i feel like this bcoz ive always lied to them and now all the lies have come out thanks for being so nice xx
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by I-love-life)
    Hey I’m sure some of u have seen the threads about me being a fcked up muslim and a bad daughter to my parents. Today I was at home since my dad didn’t let me leave the house due to the problems that we have had recently (found out about me drinking, clubbing and having a bf). So my mum sat me down and brought like 6 family albums, I spent hours looking at them and couldn’t help crying. It made me realise and appreciate what my parents have done for me and it also made me see where I come from and how i should behave. I am not going to lie but I am some messed up lil ***** and yes I can admit it today. I feel like **** and really regret all the things that i have done in my past..I want to go and tell my parents that im really sorry and beg for forgiveness I have broken their heart and trust. I fcking hate myself right now, I can’t believe how selfish i have become and how badly i have treated my parents. I want to make things right and i really don’t know how to start. I really need to get back on track and show my parents that I am really really sorry. Looking at those pictures has changed me so much I never thought that i would actually call myself a selfish *****! I feel really guilty and want to actually kill myself for all the times i caused my parents pain they are sososo disappointed in me and I think my dad hates me. don’t know what to do..

    EDIT:soz just changed the title lol the old one was dry and too long, only reason for this was to get more replies coz im really upset and i need some wise words from wise pppl
    that parents do! emotional blackmail! fight back! rebel!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by big-boss-91)
    that parents do! emotional blackmail! fight back! rebel!
    NOOOO! Don't do that! You're more mature than this, that sort of behaviour is that of a 15 year old girl who is not allowed to go to the park and drink till the early hours of the morning!!
    And no worries chick I lied to my parents all of last year (and longer to be fair) and it all came out over the summer when I asked to move back in with them. It will get better
    It helps if your parents are already relaxed, say watching TV and you are alone with them, then try and pick something out in the TV programme which relates to your family life and then just let the conversation/ tears/ truth flow - you will feel one million times better afterwards I promise! Just be forewarned, because my parents didn't know how to cope with knowing everything so acted a bit wierd for a couple of days!
    Chin up, and I've got waterproof sleeves if you ever need a shoulder to cry on...
    xx
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ***Frann***)
    NOOOO! Don't do that! You're more mature than this, that sort of behaviour is that of a 15 year old girl who is not allowed to go to the park and drink till the early hours of the morning!!
    And no worries chick I lied to my parents all of last year (and longer to be fair) and it all came out over the summer when I asked to move back in with them. It will get better
    It helps if your parents are already relaxed, say watching TV and you are alone with them, then try and pick something out in the TV programme which relates to your family life and then just let the conversation/ tears/ truth flow - you will feel one million times better afterwards I promise! Just be forewarned, because my parents didn't know how to cope with knowing everything so acted a bit wierd for a couple of days!
    Chin up, and I've got waterproof sleeves if you ever need a shoulder to cry on...
    xx
    I get on well with my parents thank you very much.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Don't let them impose your moral values on yourself unless you objectively agree with them. Basically put, don't let yourself become boxed into a set of beliefs because of the way your parents brought you up. You were born with a brain, time to damn well use it and think things through for yourself. You're not selfish or ****ed up if you want to enjoy yourself, that's your perogative, it's your choice whether that means more to you than your parents evidently not-unconditional love.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by big-boss-91)
    I get on well with my parents thank you very much.
    Where did I say you didn't? I just said that given her situation I don't think that she should rebel...
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by I-love-life)
    well just childhood photos and photos of my grandparents (R.I.P),, it made me realise where I come from..I shouldn't be behaving the way I do and should put my act together and be a better daughter
    ah the most letal weapon of the parents - the guilt trip, more effective than a broom handle beating and lasts longer,

    OP you are your own person with the ability to make your own choices, thier life is not your life and you probably going to outlive them. By all means respect thier rules but remember that you are you not them.

    Or you can live your life in your parents shadow and never be who you are
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ***Frann***)
    Where did I say you didn't? I just said that given her situation I don't think that she should rebel...
    i think she should, she have the right to chose how she live her life, not being emotionally blackmailed into living life their way
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Everday I come onto TSR to see people crying about how they want to kill themselves because they don't have a life and don't have any friends to go clubbing with, so you can imagine my surprise on seeing this thread. Wouldn't it be great if swapsies existed? Optimal happiness for all...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lollypop*)
    This!
    This.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by n1r4v)
    Everday I come onto TSR to see people crying about how they want to kill themselves because they don't have a life and don't have any friends to go clubbing with, so you can imagine my surprise on seeing this thread. Wouldn't it be great if swapsies existed? Optimal happiness for all...
    It would be a contradiction if everyone was optimally happy. We need sad people to have a realisation of what happiness truly is.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cybele)
    It's called 'having a life', calm down.
    This. I really don't understand why you suddenly feel like you are somehow bad or something.

    Perspective tbh.

    Nothing wrong or immoral in having a boyfriend, no God has struck you down for having a drink or even so much as given any proof of their existence which means if they do exist they obviously care not for what human beings do or don't do.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: December 1, 2010
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Will you be richer or poorer than your parents?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.