Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

A Basic Men's Guide to Success with Women Watch

    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    from a girls point of view the long hair thing is so right- in most cases its a cause for girls actively avoiding you- BUT if you must have it then use conditioner!! (and brush it!) and about the clothes- thats fine for a date or something but for lectures at uni youd just look like a ****- every guy in my year wears hoodies and it looks fine
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
    Edit: Oops, horrible grammar error in the title.
    "A Basic Mens' Guide to Success with Women"

    The most common dating advice is without doubt "be yourself". Whilst this, on a basic level, is fundamentally true (you shouldn't pretend to be something you are not), it also gives the horribly wrong implication that you should not modify your behaviour if there are things that you are doing that prevent meaningful romantic (and to a degree generally 'social') connections.

    It also is often apparant that some people simply don't realise some very basic elements to being attractive to the opposite sex.

    What I hope to set out below is a list of tips relating to appearance, attitude and the way you act that, to many people, will seem blindingly obvious, but to some may actually help a little. I will use a sarcastic tone become I'm a sarcastic **** in real life, bear with me.

    1. Appearance - personal
    Get a Haircut - Unless you are an Italian model or a porn star, Long hair is out. On most guys its unattractive, almost always greasy, and usually badly styled. Very few girls prefer long hair on guys (I'm sure many can tolerate it, but why risk it). You might be the exception to this rule, but strongly consider whether you in fact are - Many guys go through a long hair phase around age 17-19, very VERY few people in their mid 20s look back and think it looked good.

    Shave, or at least trim - Neckbeards are disgusting, as are unkempt chin whisps or a wavy moustache. Most people look best cleanshaven or with a few days stubble. Wild facial hair is an example of poor personal grooming, which is a big turn off for many. At the very least if you must have a beard, learn how to trim it properly and keep it short and neat.

    Wash, using soap! - This is so obvious I genuinely hope noone needs to be told. You should be showering daily, in the morning, at the very least. Overnight, in your bed, you sweat (more than half a litre!) and your skin secretes oils that collect in your pores.

    When you wash, most guys should use real soap rather than shower gel - it is vastly (vastly) better at cleaning / odour prevention / removing oil. Only use shower gel alone if you really do never smell/sweat or you have real issues with dry skin.

    Use anti-perspirant - After your shower you should ALWAYS apply anti-perspirant. Not Lynx, that is for pre-teens, but something designed for 24hrs anti-perspirant such as Sure for men. I still occasionally (early 20s) meet guys who dont believe in or use anti-perspirant. They may not be able to smell themselves, but I definitely can. You should use anti-perspirant even if you never normally feel sweaty - everyone sweats small amounts even if you dont feel damp, and the bacteria that feed on it WILL smell even if you cant smell yourself.

    Get fit - I cant stress this one enough. Not only is being fit great for your health and appearance, it hugely helps your confidence too. Find a form of exercise you enjoy and do it often. If you find the gym really boring (and expensive!) check out www.brit****it.com, which runs cheap fitness classes in parks all across the UK and is probably the quickest way possible to getting fit and toned, and of course awesome fun (and a great way to meet people)

    2. Appearance - clothing
    General - Generally, as a guy you should have some slightly smarter clothes for going on dates etc. An outfit that you know looks good also does masses for your confidence.


    Tops - First of all, black t-shirts or 'comedy' t-shirts (and even worse, t-shirts with dragons, fantasy scenes or wolves on them!) are horrible and mark you out as a basement-dweller. AVOID. Next, while hoodies are awesome to keep warm while doing exercise, or when slumming it after a massive night out, they aren't a top you should be wearing out socially (you wouldnt wear tracksuit bottoms out would you? Its the same concept). What you wear on your top half does depend on your personal style, but normal people will wear either a t-shirt with some kind of design on it, a polo shirt or a real shirt (NEVER SHORT SLEEVED SHIRT!). I personally advocate the last but its a matter of personal taste and how smart you need to be. For warmth go with a jumper, jacket or coat. Never wear waterproofs unless you are going hiking - people in North-face all-weather hiking jackets in the city look ridiclous. Use plain t-shirts underneath to layer up if needed for warmth.

    Trousers - obviously tracksuits, sports trousers etc are not appropriate. Pretty much anything else is, though jeans are the easiest. I generally avoid Combats and other 'sloppy' styles though. Also never wear anything with a high waist. Personally I cant stand skinny jeans on guys (you look androgenous) but I understand this is a matter of taste and some girls do like that on a guy. Only use cords or chinos if you are going for a more preppy look (paired with a shirt or t-shirt and cashmere sweater or something).

    Shoes - Black smart shoes dont go with blue Jeans (though obviously they do go with black jeans). Hiking boots, Sandals, or running shoes dont go with anything. Wear smartish brown shoes, white trainers, high-tops, deck shoes or pretty much anything else depending on your personal style. Flipflops are fine in summer if your local bars etc allow it.

    Glasses, Hats, watches, jewelry etc - This is a matter of personal style of course, but most people in glasses would look better with contacts. If you think they are too expensive, have a look somewhere like www.daysoft.com (very VERY cheap daily lenses, you'll need to get an eye test at boots first to find out your prescription though). Most guys can't pull off jewellery and just look stupid, especially wearing chains, rings or earings or other face piercings, matter of taste though.

    3. Attitude

    If you've got sections one and two wrapped up, likely you are feeling a lot more confident about yourself. This is key. The single biggest factor in being attractive is being confident. Even if you aren't yet confident, you will get more confident in time through practice approaching girls and going on dates.

    Whenever you hear a guy saying "why dont girls like 'nice guys'" you can be 100% certain his key problem is one of three things - that he isn't, in fact, a nice guy, that he is not being forward enough in his approach to girls or else he is too keen.

    Points to remember:
    Make your intentions clear - Its really REALLY important to make your intentions clear early on in your relationship with a girl. I dont mean actually saying "I fancy you" (although some people can pull this off if they are cocky enough!), I mean flirting to the point that it is completely unambiguous. This should always be done on a first date to establish if there is chemistry! This point must be considered in light of the next one however

    Don't be too Keen - Desperate guys are a massive turn off. Coming on too strong likewise - both imply that finding a girl who likes your attention is rare so you are making a big deal out of it, this is NOT a good impression to give. To combine this with the point above, the attitude you are going for is "I want you, but If you aren't interested I'll go after another girl instead".

    Don't overthink - So you had your first date and it went quite well? now you start worrying about when to text her, what her texts or lack of them mean, analysing what she said during the date.... STOP. All of this is bull****. Some (generally broken) people like to play games, but you can win these games by refusing to play. Wait until you next want to see the girl, call her, and ask her out again. No need to have a strategy, no need to ignore her 2 days, just play it by ear (but always bear in mind the 2 points above, not too keen, upfront about intentions).

    4. Project Confidence
    Really all these tips are to help with this final point. Everything comes down to confidence. The best thing about confidence is, you cant fake it. Or rather, if you successfully fake it you aren't faking it, its real! There are lots of 'tricks' to help you appear confident (and therefore be confident), examples are to pick the bar or restaurant for your date without hesitation (knowing some cool, interesting places is extremely helpful), choosing wine for both of you with a meal, and eventually going for a goodnight kiss. Force yourself to be bold, and you will become bold!

    One last thing - don't worry about rejection, its no big deal and at the end of the day, its THEIR loss.

    Good luck
    Soap i hadn't thought of that.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Of course the idea of completely manufacturing what you look like and how you behave is totally healthy.

    I think the work that you put into this is great, but I am not sure ultimately it is great to make massive changes to your style in order to fulfill perceived female needs like this. You have to be true to yourself.

    People are fickle, if they do not like you the way you are, then they are not for you. Cosmetic changes like this will merely delay the inevitable.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I disagree with quite a lot of this.

    Long hair- Why should they change it just to suit girls? I know plenty of girls who prefer guys with long hair.

    Define comedy tshirts? As in cartoon ones? If so, I happen to love these ones.

    Glasses look good on the vast majority of guys and advising them to get contacts because it will help them with girls is a bit ridiculous to be honest.

    Don't be too keen? The attitude you are going for is "I want you, but If you aren't interested I'll go after another girl instead". Wrong, wrong, wrong. That gives the impression that the girl isn't anything special. Also gives the impression the guy is a player.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I'm sorry but telling me how to dress was just obscene. I wear skinnies, hoddies and black t-shirts the majority of the time.. It fits in with the kinda places i hang out and suits the kinda girls i wanna meet. emo chicks <3
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Keep the long hair - it makes guys look way better, think Ben Barnes.
    I think that the comedy shirts are sweet.
    But get rid of the board shirts, flip flops and polo shirt combo, it is so boring!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    OP, I assume you're talking POST-Uni here, which it is all good advice. However I disagree with you about black shoes and blue jeans... dependant on colour of belt

    Also, I like my boyfriends glasses, but he looks good with contacts too... but glasses wouldn't necessarily put me OFF a guy.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    thats a basic guide...can we demand a more advance guide :/
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Right, let's see...

    I wear black DM's, blue combat trousers every now and then (black jeans when I'm not wearing my combats or bondage trousers), I have no expensive jewellery nor do I really wear any of the necklaces I have. I have a foot and a half long mohawk (which naturally means long hair when I don't put it up).
    My cupboard is almost exclusively full of black t-shirts, all with bands logos on them. I have a few white t-shirts with band logos on them.
    The hoodie I wear the most is torn to **** at the bottom of the sleeves.
    I have a partially noticeable beer belly dependant on what t-shirt I'm wearing.
    I don't use soap, I prefer to use shower gel.
    I've had my lip pierced for 3 years I think.
    I lack confidence when it comes to dealing with women as a matter of choice; I'm hella indecisive and I like being that way. As you said, I'm being myself.

    Total girlfriend count: 10.
    Total potential girlfriends (ones that something almost happened with but didn't because of mitigating factors): 2 or 3, I forget.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is... good job, but you're wrong :fyi:
    You can't make anyone into someone they're not, and although you deserve a round of applause for posting all of that ( :clap2: ) near enough none of it applies to me aside from the standard stuff (shower daily, use anti-perspirant, etc etc ).
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    "A Basic Men's Guide to Success with Women
    Edit: Oops, horrible grammar error in the title.
    "A Basic Mens' Guide to Success with Women""

    You were right the first time: the apostrophe goes before the s in a plural noun not ending in s.

    Judging by the neg reps, you've probably upset some of the teashirt-with-a-dragon=and funny weird slogans on them people.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    You must be such a hit with the ladies, History.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
    Are you an 80s Rockstar? Well then.

    Theres a reason very very few 'adults' (post student) have long hair. I promise you at some stage in your life you will look back and cringe at your hair now.
    Im 29 and my hair was long for about 7 years.

    I cut it six weeks ago

    best thing i ever did, i can attest i get a lot more attention with short hair than with long. It made me feel much more attractive in myself as well.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Actually not bad overall, basic stuff but it bears repeating sometimes for **** like me. Some specific comments:

    (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
    "A Basic Mens' Guide to Success with Women"

    The most common dating advice is without doubt "be yourself". Whilst this, on a basic level, is fundamentally true (you shouldn't pretend to be something you are not), it also gives the horribly wrong implication that you should not modify your behaviour if there are things that you are doing that prevent meaningful romantic (and to a degree generally 'social') connections.
    Yea, everyone acts differently in different situations and there's nothing "dishonest" about it. After all in the end you're trying to behave in a way that pleases the girl, which is a good thing for everyone.

    It also is often apparant that some people simply don't realise some very basic elements to being attractive to the opposite sex.



    1. Appearance - personal
    Get a Haircut - Unless you are an Italian model or a porn star, Long hair is out. On most guys its unattractive, almost always greasy, and usually badly styled. Very few girls prefer long hair on guys (I'm sure many can tolerate it, but why risk it). You might be the exception to this rule, but strongly consider whether you in fact are - Many guys go through a long hair phase around age 17-19, very VERY few people in their mid 20s look back and think it looked good.
    Yea, haha. I had long hair from age 17 to 23/24. I have quite a strong facial structure and very good quality hair, so it actually looked pretty handsome on me. But, only a minority of girls ever really like it. Some were hot, some were not - I didn't notice any trend. To be appealing to the vast majority of people, short hair is definitely the way.

    Shave, or at least trim - Neckbeards are disgusting, as are unkempt chin whisps or a wavy moustache. Most people look best cleanshaven or with a few days stubble. Wild facial hair is an example of poor personal grooming, which is a big turn off for many. At the very least if you must have a beard, learn how to trim it properly and keep it short and neat.
    Absolutely. Facial hair seems pretty acceptable these days so experiment - some/many girls do like it - but keep it neat and not too extreme.

    [B] Wash, using soap!
    I support using plain soap because it's absurdly cheap, lasts ages, and doesn't perfume you like a fairy.

    Use anti-perspirant - After your shower you should ALWAYS apply anti-perspirant. Not Lynx, that is for pre-teens, but something designed for 24hrs anti-perspirant such as Sure for men. I still occasionally (early 20s) meet guys who dont believe in or use anti-perspirant. They may not be able to smell themselves, but I definitely can. You should use anti-perspirant even if you never normally feel sweaty - everyone sweats small amounts even if you dont feel damp, and the bacteria that feed on it WILL smell even if you cant smell yourself.
    I'm not sure about this - I don't want to block my pores to prevent sweat escaping when it needs to, it doesn't seem very wise. Also I have health concerns about most kinds of antiperspirant. You're right that people often can't tell if they themselves are smelly, but until someone tells me (close friends even, after asking them) that I smell bad, I'll not bother.

    Get fit - I cant stress this one enough.
    innit

    2. Appearance - clothing

    Tops

    Trousers

    Shoes

    Glasses, Hats, watches, jewelry etc
    While generally ok advice, this seems to guide the reader towards quite a particular style which might not be right for his circumstances or place of residence. I'd say that just be aware of what you wear and take a moment to think about how it's going to come across. What you actually wear in the end will depend on many factors.

    3. Attitude

    If you've got sections one and two wrapped up, likely you are feeling a lot more confident about yourself. This is key. The single biggest factor in being attractive is being confident. Even if you aren't yet confident, you will get more confident in time through practice approaching girls and going on dates.

    Whenever you hear a guy saying "why dont girls like 'nice guys'" you can be 100% certain his key problem is one of three things - that he isn't, in fact, a nice guy, that he is not being forward enough in his approach to girls or else he is too keen.

    Points to remember:
    Make your intentions clear - Its really REALLY important to make your intentions clear early on in your relationship with a girl. I dont mean actually saying "I fancy you" (although some people can pull this off if they are cocky enough!), I mean flirting to the point that it is completely unambiguous. This should always be done on a first date to establish if there is chemistry! This point must be considered in light of the next one however

    Don't be too Keen - Desperate guys are a massive turn off. Coming on too strong likewise - both imply that finding a girl who likes your attention is rare so you are making a big deal out of it, this is NOT a good impression to give. To combine this with the point above, the attitude you are going for is "I want you, but If you aren't interested I'll go after another girl instead".

    Don't overthink - So you had your first date and it went quite well? now you start worrying about when to text her, what her texts or lack of them mean, analysing what she said during the date.... STOP. All of this is bull****. Some (generally broken) people like to play games, but you can win these games by refusing to play. Wait until you next want to see the girl, call her, and ask her out again. No need to have a strategy, no need to ignore her 2 days, just play it by ear (but always bear in mind the 2 points above, not too keen, upfront about intentions).

    4. Project Confidence
    Really all these tips are to help with this final point. Everything comes down to confidence. The best thing about confidence is, you cant fake it. Or rather, if you successfully fake it you aren't faking it, its real! There are lots of 'tricks' to help you appear confident (and therefore be confident), examples are to pick the bar or restaurant for your date without hesitation (knowing some cool, interesting places is extremely helpful), choosing wine for both of you with a meal, and eventually going for a goodnight kiss. Force yourself to be bold, and you will become bold!
    All good advice. If you show weakness, you're OUT. For people just learning how to appear bold and confident, take care not to overstep the mark, though. A bit of playful banter and "negging" is ok but don't go too far.

    One last thing - don't worry about rejection, its no big deal and at the end of the day, its THEIR loss.
    BOOM

    Good luck
    And also to you.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Many good points. I'm surprised a man has so much insight however, the fashion thing.. brown boots with blue jeans are NOT good.. and black shiny shoes don't really go that nicely with black jeans.. in my personal opinion.

    I'd like to add another thing - why do so many guys in their earlier twenties think so much hair gel looks good? IT DOESN'T. I've yet to meet a woman who appreciates this look, as most guys don't have the hair or technique for it.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Dumdedoobie)
    Long hair- Why should they change it just to suit girls? I know plenty of girls who prefer guys with long hair.
    It's a small minority.

    (Original post by Dumdedoobie)
    Don't be too keen? The attitude you are going for is "I want you, but If you aren't interested I'll go after another girl instead". Wrong, wrong, wrong. That gives the impression that the girl isn't anything special. Also gives the impression the guy is a player.
    Girls LOVE to think you're a player, I'm sick of it actually - girls I meet basically tell me I AM a player and a massive stud, before I even mention anything to do with it, and keep insisting that I am and that they're different, not like the other girls, etc etc. They love it. The alternative, and the reality of the situation in my case, is that I get girls about once a year if I'm lucky and can't hang onto them for more than two weeks. What girl will be impressed with that?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Drunk Punx)
    Total girlfriend count: 10.
    Total potential girlfriends (ones that something almost happened with but didn't because of mitigating factors): 2 or 3, I forget.
    So how did you get those girls then?
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cttp_ngaf)
    So how did you get those girls then?
    *shrugs* :awesome:

    Right place right time?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cttp_ngaf)
    It's a small minority.
    It's really not.

    Girls LOVE to think you're a player, I'm sick of it actually - girls I meet basically tell me I AM a player and a massive stud, before I even mention anything to do with it, and keep insisting that I am and that they're different, not like the other girls, etc etc. They love it. The alternative, and the reality of the situation in my case, is that I get girls about once a year if I'm lucky and can't hang onto them for more than two weeks. What girl will be impressed with that?
    That is completely ridiculous. A guy being a player is such a turn off it's ridiculous. Why would any girl want a guy that had slept with a hundred other girls and was inevitably sleep with her and dump her? That's the impression a player gives.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Drunk Punx)
    Right, let's see...

    I wear black DM's, blue combat trousers every now and then (black jeans when I'm not wearing my combats or bondage trousers), I have no expensive jewellery nor do I really wear any of the necklaces I have. I have a foot and a half long mohawk (which naturally means long hair when I don't put it up).
    My cupboard is almost exclusively full of black t-shirts, all with bands logos on them. I have a few white t-shirts with band logos on them.
    The hoodie I wear the most is torn to **** at the bottom of the sleeves.
    I have a partially noticeable beer belly dependant on what t-shirt I'm wearing.
    I don't use soap, I prefer to use shower gel.
    I've had my lip pierced for 3 years I think.
    I lack confidence when it comes to dealing with women as a matter of choice; I'm hella indecisive and I like being that way. As you said, I'm being myself.

    Total girlfriend count: 10.
    Total potential girlfriends (ones that something almost happened with but didn't because of mitigating factors): 2 or 3, I forget.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is... good job, but you're wrong :fyi:
    You can't make anyone into someone they're not, and although you deserve a round of applause for posting all of that ( :clap2: ) near enough none of it applies to me aside from the standard stuff (shower daily, use anti-perspirant, etc etc ).
    what the OP has completely negated to mention is social attraction, Im guessing you dont go at with clubbing with rah rah girls or things like that, you stick to rock pubs. In that social aspect your outer appearence would be more attractive to those within that social group.

    Years ago when i was goth, i wore clothes that wouldnt get me laid by a "normal" woman in a million years. Yet i had no shortage myself, but appearance only gets you so far, You can have the looks of Brad Pitt if you come off like a cave man your getting nowhere.

    Nowadays i avoid the rock scene so my old image (thankfully dead and gone) would avail me nothing for the majority
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    how about dreadlocks?
 
 
 
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: December 4, 2012
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What's your favourite Christmas sweets?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.