Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

am i unreasonable for not giving him sex? watch

    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    these arguments always result in him breaking up with me and coming back the day after and even when he says he cant wait for sex anymore he breaks up with me completely and comes back the next day.
    This is so wrong and he is so completely out of line its unreal. You shouldnt take him back.
    they dont know him like i do
    this is what victims of domestic abuse say when they keep taking their abusive boyfriend back after horrible acts.

    But then again he hasnt even explained it to me in great detail and this makes me not trust him. Part of me believes he's telling the truth but me having to lie to a lot of people including his relatives and sneak around and look at him every day without being able to acknowledge that he's my boyfriend puts a lot of strain on our relationship and makes me feel worthless and used because i only feel wanted by him when nobody else is around. This all just makes me not trust him... after giving him a bj/hj for the first time i just felt really used because i go into college the next day and just get blanked by him... and thats another reason why i dont feel right about giving myself up completely to him, because that'll make me feel even more used and worthless.
    This sounds like he is outrageously using you. This is so so so wrong it makes me angry. STOP BEING A DOORMAT
    He always says things like if you really loved me you'd do it, you're not loving towards me at all, you don't keep me happy etc...
    OMG this is so wrong. If he loved you he wouldnt say stuff like this. This is so ridiculous are you sure you aren't trolling?
    he always seems to be making some kind of threat about sex when hes angry and i constantly feel as if i owe him a lot because i don't give him sex and i feel under pressure and as if im in the wrong.
    OMG this is so wrong
    The truth is, when he asks why cant we do it i have nothing else to say in response except 'i'm just not ready', which isn't a good enough answer for him. He's asked me when i think i'll be ready, and i can't answer that either. Aside from this i genuinely think i'm really good to him and this is the thing that consistently brings up problems.
    "I'm not ready" is COMPLETELY legitimate. This guy sounds like an utter psycho who doesnt care about you or your feelings. NOONE should pressure you this way.
    I don't know what to do. I just dont want to have sex yet and he said that he doesnt think he can wait anymore and that this is becoming a joke. I never felt ready to do the majority of the sexual things we've done but only really did them because i felt like i had to, but they've left me feeling used and worthless , even though i know its just part of a relationship and i don't mind doing it for him. I'm only 17 but i really dont want to lose him, but then again i dont want my first time to be as a result of feeling under pressure.
    You should break up with him. I've never seen a more clear-cut case of someone being used and abused by a really REALLY bad person.
    He's nearly 19 and says he really can't wait and i just don't know what to do. i've told him we will do it (obviously) but when the time's right etc. Part of me thinks i'm just soo unreasonable and stupid for not giving a guy sex and what do i really expect? Another part of me feels so angry that someone would try threaten me into doing it, even if i know it was just him in a rage. This part of me feels that if he really loved me he would wait and never try to put me under pressure or make me feel like this. Hes been really good to me and don't get me wrong i do love him, but then its like he's either really angry at times or really nice and when he's nice i feel as if its only for one reason and because i haven't given him sex yet its a constant problem, a constant argument and constant pressure.
    You have every right to be angry - you should be FURIOUS. This guy sounds like the worst kind of *******

    He says we would be perfect if i would just do this for him because 'he cant describe how much he needs it'. However my mum has said take things slow and don't rush and if i did have sex with him it'd just feel so wrong because i'd know truly it was out of pressure and not because i felt ready, and i'd feel ashamed especially because my mum has warned me to take things slow and i just don't think she'd be too impressed. Someone please help?
    Thanks, Lacey x

    DO NOT, repeat DO NOT have sex with him. YOU NEED TO BREAK UP WITH HIM. Noone should EVER put that kind of pressure and emotional blackmail on you for ANY reason, let alone to lose your virginity.

    This is so disgusting, I'm feeling physically ill. I really REALLY hope this is a troll.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by boo28)
    Who gives a **** if it's been two years, two months, or two hours. If he wants sex, it's his choice; it's your choice whether or not you want sex.

    Clearly he wants a gf to enjoy sex with, you're probably not that gf.
    You are a retard.

    If you dont see anything wrong with emotionally blackmailing someone into losing their virginity to you then I feel sorry for every girl you ever meet.

    This guy is the worse kind of douchebag.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    tl;dr

    There is something seriously wrong with you if you stay in such a horribly wrong relationship. You will regret having sex with him for the rest of your life.

    Get out now, before its too late. Enpower yourself, and next time he is pressuring you, dump him.

    edit: And I say this as someone who thinks sex is an incredibly important part of a relationship, but its not the sex its his attitude which means you should leave.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Do you want to keep him? **** him.

    Do you love him? Dont let that kawk within over 9000 miles of your vagoo.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Tbh, from what I've read, this doesn't sound like a very good relationship, at all. You feel dirty and used when having sexual contact with him, he's pressuring you into full sex when you're not ready yet, plus the whole keeping it all secret from everybody. You just don't really sound right for each other. Sorry, but you can probably do so much better.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    To be honest the main issue in this 'relationship' is the fact that you are having to sneak around and not let anyone know that you are together. You are both adults and no-one can stop you from being together. You need to tell him that sex is off the menu until you can both acknowledge to family and friends that you are together. The blanking you at college is absolutely evil and completely unacceptable.

    If he doesn't let everyone know about the relationship then dump him, because it seems that he is just using you for sexual relief until a more acceptable to his family and friends girl comes along. You don't need to be a part of his games and sneakieness. If he's that desperate for sex there are hundreds of prostitutes who would be only too willing to take his money and give him what he wants. And I would also stop the bjs and hjs as well.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    you should never have sex if you're not ready to. however, if it's primarily because of what your mum said then imo she'd most likely be disappointed that you're already giving a guy bj's (etc.) already. your bf is just a little lost because of your actions - he's being led by his penis in his first real relationship too and feels like he's getting mixed signals from you by getting to 3rd base so soon, but not being allowed to go all the way.
    Even if you've known the guy for a while, you guys seem to have only been close for a few months at most. Therefore, it's best that you either set him a clear ultimatum or gtfo.
    Besides, any guy who breaks up with you repeatedly because you deny him sex and because he therefore feels that you don't love him enough is egocentric and doesn't really care for you - hell, he's probably in it just for the sex. So ask yourself whether you think he's worth your first time before you just give it to him out of obligation - otherwise at best it will ruin your relationship with him and at worst you'll end up truly hating yourself for having been so stupid for the rest of your life.
    Just a guy's opinion though.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I can't believe all this has happened to you within 2 months of going out, and I can't believe he already has you so wrapped after only 2 months! Next time you see him tell him to **** off.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    he says its not enough for him and these arguments always result in him breaking up with me and coming back the day after and even when he says he cant wait for sex anymore he breaks up with me completely and comes back the next day.

    He always says things like if you really loved me you'd do it, you're not loving towards me at all, you don't keep me happy etc... he always seems to be making some kind of threat about sex when hes angry

    he doesnt think he can wait anymore and that this is becoming a joke. says he really can't wait
    Jesus, how old is he?! Certainly doesn't sound like any mature 18 year old I know. Seriously, just get rid of him, he's playing mind games.

    How does he know he can't wait any longer if he's still a virgin. Sounds like a complete twit, when will people realise relationships aren't just about sex? I don't think he really cares about you tbh, he can clearly only think about one little thing.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He always says things like if you really loved me you'd do it, you're not loving towards me at all, you don't keep me happy etc...
    Finish with him. That is emotional blackmail.
    Noone should be pressuring you into having sex when you don't want it, and if he cared about you he would not want you to feel in any way forced into having sex with him. He should want you to want it and feel ready.
    It sounds to me that the reason that he keeps coming back is that he thinks if he keeps nagging you about it you'll give in, and he doesn't want to have to put the effort in of starting again with someone else.
    This guy sounds like a complete fool, to be honest. If he genuinely loved you he would not be behaving like this. Chuck him, you could do much better than a pressurising, using, manipulating loser like him.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Two months in and he's making demands like this says he's not prepared to give proper consideration to the future of your relationship and where it's really heading.
    With my last girlfriend, whom I was with for almost 3 years, it took us three months and as much as it was probably the right time, i still felt it was a little early, as we were only 18/16.

    He sounds like he's living in a world where people in a relationship are "contracted" to have sex all the time, but if that's not the kinda contract you were initially signing up to he's being very unreasonable.

    Two months is a very short time, and although you may want this guy, I wouldn't waste time trying to change him - cut your losses, the sooner and quicker the better for your sake, and move on. Finding someone else may take a while, but you'll learn from the tell tale signs next time round.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    I thought this thing only happened in Grange Hill?

    If someone's pressuring you to have sex and you don't want to, then don't. Also he is a tool. Dump him. Find someone you do want to have sex with.

    Winner
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    hmm uses emotional blackmail after only two months to try and force you into having sex...wonder what else he'll force you to do in the long term..and will it stay being only emotional threats?..

    I'd suggest you break up with him, I doubt it work long term, at least where your happiness is concerned.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    He sounds like an immature idiot. Breaking up one day and back the next? That's secondary school stuff. Get rid of this joker.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    **** his brains out
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by emarosa)
    **** his brains out
    Erin, I like your style
    And make him bleed
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    So he blanks you at college because he doesn't want people there to tell his family that he's with you.
    When you're together in the street do you have to walk separately in case someone he knows sees you together?
    If you go somewhere together do you have to scout around to make sure no-one he knows is looking?
    TBH, it sounds like hell even without the emotional blackmail, tantrums and giving bj's when you don't enjoy it.
    Find someone you can walk around with and who isn't worried about being seen with you.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Stuff like this makes me happy being single
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Is your boyfriend a Muslim? The whole keeping it secretive from everyone and blanking you out thing...
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
    This is so wrong and he is so completely out of line its unreal. You shouldnt take him back.

    this is what victims of domestic abuse say when they keep taking their abusive boyfriend back after horrible acts.



    This sounds like he is outrageously using you. This is so so so wrong it makes me angry. STOP BEING A DOORMAT

    OMG this is so wrong. If he loved you he wouldnt say stuff like this. This is so ridiculous are you sure you aren't trolling?

    OMG this is so wrong

    "I'm not ready" is COMPLETELY legitimate. This guy sounds like an utter psycho who doesnt care about you or your feelings. NOONE should pressure you this way.

    You should break up with him. I've never seen a more clear-cut case of someone being used and abused by a really REALLY bad person.

    You have every right to be angry - you should be FURIOUS. This guy sounds like the worst kind of *******




    DO NOT, repeat DO NOT have sex with him. YOU NEED TO BREAK UP WITH HIM. Noone should EVER put that kind of pressure and emotional blackmail on you for ANY reason, let alone to lose your virginity.

    This is so disgusting, I'm feeling physically ill. I really REALLY hope this is a troll.
    I'm sorry to say, this isn't a troll
 
 
 
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 23, 2014
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.