How the fudge do you remember doctor's appointments?!

Also, you're kind of an ass for not going to your appointments. It wastes the doctor's time.

You do those things every day. In the case of brushing your teeth, you even do them at the exact same time every day.

As you only go to the doctors once every few years, it never occurs to me when I wake up in the morning that today is going to be any different from any other day because I have to go the the surgery at 9:30, or whatever. I just go about doing the same things I do every day.

If I went to the doctor's every morning at 09:10 and every evening at 00:30, like brushing my teeth, I'd be fine.

Must be utterly boring living the same routine every day. Perhaps that is why you can't remember appointments, you expect every day to be exactly the same.

I say write it out using MS paint and set it as your laptop's wallpaper

Write them down on your calendar and get there in good time :/

This is sort of irrelevant, since I've made 3 doctor's appointments in the last 4 years at this surgery and missed them all, so they won't give me another appointment now. As I live in the sticks, they're the only surgery for miles, rendering me doctorless until such time as I move house to a different town. But I'll ask anyway.
How on Earth do you remember to turn up for appointments?
I've tried writing them in a diary (forgot to check the diary), setting an alarm on my phone (when it went off, I had no idea what it was for), writing it on a post-it note on my bedroom door (two days later it fell off and I didn't notice), asking someone to remind me (they refused, which I can't argue with), and now I'm running out of ideas. Same-day appointments are fine. Routine ones made 10 days in advance - no chance. By the time the appointment rolls around, I've forgotten I even made it in the first place.
Right now, like I said, it's irrelevant, and since the problems in question (hacking up a lung after mild exertion and an unrelated lump in my right breast) have been ongoing for 4 years I doubt they're going to kill me! But at some point in my life I presumably am going to have to register with another practice so I can see a doctor. And I'd rather not have to do that every 5 years for the rest of my life because I keep getting barred from surgeries...

Good plan. Maybe if I'm faced with it every time I boot the computer up, after a while it'll sink in.

This. OP is an idiot.

I have a solution for you!
Now when you make a new appointment, you can add a reminder "SMS" - google will text you for free whenever you want to be reminded of an appointment!

That's exactly it, but unfortunately knowing why doesn't stop me doing it. I don't find my life boring. Conversely, waking up in the morning and not knowing exactly what was going to happen that day would drive me insane. I don't understand how people can function WITHOUT a set routine. But now I'm getting off-topic.

I'm concerned.

Are you autistic? Serious question here.

Technically yes, but I've never paid much attention to that. I consider myself too high-functioning to be regarded as disabled. There is a diagnosis and a psychiatrist's report languishing in a medical file somewhere from when I was younger, but I don't mention it.

(Edited because originally I wrote 'never mention it', and then decided that was inaccurate.)

You sound like a troll.

Maybe tell your doctors that you're technically autistic (even if they know already if it isn't brought up often they may have forgotten), apologize about missing the appointments, and explain the poor memory and that you are going to use the google calendar thing to remember them and see if they will unbar you?

In that case, I pity you.