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My boyfriend won't talk about his past Watch

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    I think males in general aren't as open about their pasts. My boyfriend gets amusingly embarrassed when I ask him about his ex, even though he knows all about a previous crush I had on a mutual friend of ours a few years ago (although we didn't know each other then). But, at the same time, if your boyfriend is in his thirties - I'm not saying he's a b***ard, or anything - there are potentially more things that you should know about - whether that be secret love children or some hideous sexually transmitted disease. So, for both your sakes, even if he doesn't want to tell you about past relationships (although taking you to places he's been before and emphasising this repeatedly suggests to me that he possibly does), he should at least tell you the basics so that you know that you're safe and that you can trust him.
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    If it's just his ex, then the situation is more understandable - some people are just uncomfortable talking about their romantic past. However, from what you describe, your boyfriend doesn't share anything real with you; to the point you don't know him, and he doesn't know you.

    My best friend was recently in a relationship like this, and she dragged it out thinking he'll change or they'll eventually start talking and trust each other... it never materialised. They'd been together for almost 2 years before she cracked and broke up with him, and he didn't even seem bothered about it. OP, you've been with your boyfriend for one year, if nothing has happened now, it will unlikely to ever happen. Can you really be with someone who won't open up to or listen to your tears for the rest of your life?
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    I have a pretty ****ty past in terms of relationships and I find the more I talk about it the more is seems to haunt me, I prefer to think about what is happening now and what good things might come in the future. Of course, the past has shaped me as a person and it is important that I recognise that but at the same time I hate dwelling on it or speaking about it because it just brings it all up to the forefront of my thoughts again. Maybe your boyfriend is the same... I dunno, I can't really suggest anything, except just try and talk to him about how it makes you feel.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend won't talk to me about his past and I can't seem to get over it. We've been seeing each other for nearly a year, and he hasn't even shared his ex girlfriend's name with me.

    I am a sharer - to me it is the only basis of a close relationship where your partner is your best friend. Because he won't mention his past experiences with women at all, we never talk about his feelings or emotions or what he wants out of life, what he has learned from past relationships, what he wants from a relationship, what disappointments he has had in his life. He avoids those kind of conversations completely.

    He feels like a complete stranger to me still, after nearly a year - I don't feel he confides anything in me. As a result, I can't trust him at all. At first I tried to tell him about my past - for me, that is like giving myself to him and telling him who I am as a result of my experiences, but he didn't really want to know and didn't reciprocate. I ended up feeling rejected, and hated making myself vulnerable to him when he wouldn't tell me stuff, so I just don't talk to him about anything personal or that matters to me. I wanted him to open up to me so much, and all he said when I did ask about his past is that that was something you talked about with your male friends and then left behind you. Then he closed the subject. He even showed me a photo of him when he was 15, a group photo, where he covered one person up with his thumb so I couldn't see her. Like I'd be jealous of something so many years ago?
    This seems a bit weird that he won't tell you these things. Especially the photo-covering. Maybe he's had some bad experiences or maybe he just doesn't trust you.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't know any of his sexual history, how many partners, etc. He expects me to take him on trust. If he was 21, maybe, but he is in his thirties and it isn't like you can just expect to start again with a clean slate at that age.
    This, on the other hand, I completely understand. You have absolutely no right to know these things, and to be honest, I can understand why he haven't told you these intimate things.
    Women talk. They can't shut up. They tell their friends about their boyfriend's penis size/shape/look, his cumface, performance and so on. He probably knows that you will tell everybody about it. Why should he tell you these things if you're going to broadcast it to your friends?
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    I absolutely know how you feel. I was previously married for 14 years we were like best friends but things went bad... now we have been together now for a year and a half. Little things keep creeping up about his past that had he shared them I could have been here to understand and support his feelings about them. ( my example we were at the fertility clinic and I'm considering going through this procedure with someone who never even told me he had an std in the past, the doctor brought it up from a form he filled out, mind you it has been cleared but really to find out that way, I'm just like who is this person) you cannot feel really emotionally involved with someone you don't know it's not fair to either of us. I have only seen one picture of him from just before we met none from his younger years... He gets frustrated when I ask him to open, and will answer direct questions with frustration. He wants to have a child with me and marry me but I am unsure now as I don't want the father of my child and my husband to be someone whom I don't even know...it's scary very scary..but I love who he is today and I totally understand the past is the past but I don't think it's fair not to know and on top of that we can never really become best friends...I can't marry into that
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    K woman do not talk about their significant others penis size and such to there girlfriends I have never heard that. Mr. I. u sound very insecure about some things...
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    If he doesn't want to share whatever this thing is, leave him alone. If he wants to tell you, he will of his own accord- you can't force anything, it will push him away.

    Personally I've been through a bit in my time as well, and it is not something I'd share with just anyone.

    It doesn't make me any less of an honest person simply because I don't want to talk about it. The same applies to your bf.
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    Yes but your significant other should not just be considered as just anyone.
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    You guys are all about the necro-posts. December 2010 was a long time ago.
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    My boyfriend has had issues with his mum which has resulted in him never wanting to see her again. Our relationship was going really well until he told me that I have very similar personality as his mum nothing wrong with that as she had a good personality but what ever she has done means more time he spends with me he feels like it's bringing up the past with his mum so he said at moment can't see a future together. Please help as I'm in love with this man.
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    You may want to check the date of this thread!
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    he's probably dated someone really paranoid and might actually be trying to protect you, it's also okay for him to be private but to a limit I think, i.e. I don't think you need to know his ex's name but there's no reason for him to hide her face in a photo
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    I'd say you deserve to know everything about your partner but personally, there are some things I wouldn't tell a boyfriend because I just want to avoid thinking about it, let alone talk about it.
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    Honestly from reading your comments, you don't seem to happy with the relationship in general. Not just on this issue. You two are just completely different people and are clashing on things you find important, and so it is making you miserable in too many aspects for your relationship.

    I think you've already figured out it's time to let go, but you just don't want to take that step because it hurts. But don't stay in a relationship you are unhappy in and where compromises can't be made. He sounds like an immovable object to be honest.
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    (Original post by Mr.i)
    This seems a bit weird that he won't tell you these things. Especially the photo-covering. Maybe he's had some bad experiences or maybe he just doesn't trust you.



    This, on the other hand, I completely understand. You have absolutely no right to know these things, and to be honest, I can understand why he haven't told you these intimate things.
    Women talk. They can't shut up. They tell their friends about their boyfriend's penis size/shape/look, his cumface, performance and so on. He probably knows that you will tell everybody about it. Why should he tell you these things if you're going to broadcast it to your friends?
    Thanks.

    Actually no, we don't all talk and some of us can shut up. I've never shared that kind of information with anyone because I find it disrespectful and a breach of trust.

    Not all women are the same, just as not all men are the same. Stop being so damn sexist.
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    (Original post by OU Student)
    You may want to check the date of this thread!
    God damn it, I wish people wouldn't bring old threads out from the grave. I never bother to read the dates because if they're on the front page it's usually safe to assume it's relatively recent.
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    Intimacy is very important in a relationship and so ia honesty. I can't imagine spending my whole life with a stranger. If I'm choosing someone to spend my whole life with, it'd be someone who knows me better than I know myself and vice versa.

    Someone who isn't comfortable about his or her past never dealt with it in an emotionally mature manner. If they don't tell you about their past or little things in the present, it means they either have something to hide or they project their emotional immaturity onto you thinking you can't handle their truth or won't love them for what they did. That is also a form of lack of trust... In themselves and in you. No relationship lasts without trust.

    I've been with my husband for 15 years and some day, he may be making my life and death decisions. He needs to be someone I trust fully. Besides, everyone deserves someone in their lifetime who knows you through and through and loves you through and through and vice versa. Otherwise, you have a roommate with sex benefits. That's fine if that's what you are looking for to begin with.
 
 
 
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