Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

My boyfriend wants to photograph other girls? Watch

    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    he is kindof into photography.. a bit. he wants to do photoshoots. and he asked me if i'd like to pose. I'm not into posing and would feel too embarrassed to.
    before he knew me he did them. and he put up on facebook, looking for girls wo would pose for him. he had put two photos up onlne, one with a girl in her bikini, and another just a face shot.

    in the last 4 months we've been going out he never wanted to do anything like that. but he has bought a new lens. and wanted to know if i'd be comfortable taking photos of others? he texted me.
    i said "other girls? what are the picttures for?"
    he didnt reply, and i said "whatever you like."
    he said "i want u to be comfortable though."
    and so i said "what are the pictures for?"
    he didnt reply for ages. i got very suspicious.
    so i said, "do you just want to take half naked photos of girls and so you'll enjoy it??"
    he then said "that was insulting"
    i then got messages which hadnt been sent properly or i hadnt gotten them before explaining it's just a hobby and very generic etc. i told him i just got the messages.
    and he said "right. ok. careful because the way you are going on is very much like my ex went on, and the last time someone went on like that, i ended up tearing my hair out one night and having a nervous breakdown."
    he told me before that his ex girlfriend was psycho, and pretended to be pregnant several times just to keep in contact with him. i ended up crying cause i couldnt believe he had compared me to her.

    it doesnt help that i know that in his new job he is actually working with her. but he hasn't told me and doesn't know that i know. help. am i being unreasonable about the photography?
    i'm insecure i know. I'm 19, he's 21. i haven't had sex with him yet. i'm afraid he's just getting some sort of kicks out of taking photos of half naked beautiful girls. He put up on facebook a few hours before the texting, that he had got a new lens and "can't wait to see into the ladies changing room."
    ask him why he can't get guys to model and it sounds like he's threatening you by saying "careful..." cos it's a bit of an overreaction to what you said, manipulative behaviour
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    He sounds like a creep, if my boyfriend wanted to take pictures of half naked girls for fun then I would feel the same as you. "Be careful..." sounds slightly intimidating... Get rid and move on in my opinion! Good luck
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Has he even said he wants them to model half naked?!

    I really wouldn't worry about it, if you're that concerned about it then let him photograph you, but surely if he wanted to do it just to be around girls in bikinis then he could either google it, or go to the local swimming pool a bit more often!!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    he told me he already has semi nude photos and wants to do more. semi nude is worse than bikini shots.
    i asked him why he has no men. he says men aren't as willing. i asked him why he wants to do it so much. he said it's art. i asked him why he thinks it's art (i wanted to see if he'd say something about the angles can captures of human body or something) but he said he'd show me his previous pictures.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    so he is seeing every single body part of a girl, except she will be in her knickers/ or something will be covering there, and positioning her in various ways for his photography.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by didgeridoo12uk)
    how on earth is it degrading?
    and what do you mean you don't agree on what everyone else is saying about trust.

    you sound like you have really closed minded immature views
    Firstly, just because I don't agree doesn't make me closed minded and immature, I just have a different opinion.

    Secondly, in my opinion, having half-naked photos of yourself taken is degrading: not because I have a problem with people and their bodies, most people are beautiful, if not more so, with clothes on. It's just that in principle I think it cheapens the way sex and women generally are viewed (let's face it if you're having pictures taken without many clothes on it has certain connotations).

    With regard to my disagreements about what people have been saying about trust.. My interpretation of what has been said is that she should trust him and that you cannot have a relationship without that trust. That is true. Fair enough. However the first bit I would take issue with - that she should trust a boyfriend who wants to take (most likely) relatively indecent images of other girls and that it is fine, it's just her being insecure.
    I didn't like that, clearly. I don't think she should just blindly trust him and put her concerns about it down to insecurity because as far as I'm concerned, it should make you feel strange if your boyfriend wants to take pictures of other girls even if it is just a 'hobby'. I like to think most guys would realise that it won't go down well with most girls, simply because if you really care about your boyfriend the very thought of it will probably upset you and therefore I like to think that if a guy cares about you he wouldn't want that or at the very least could see why you have a problem with it.

    Surely he could just take pictures of people with their clothes on? or landscapes? Why does it have to be girls with minimal clothing? Why does it have to be that kind of hobby. The fact that he doesn't see a problem with it and was making her feel bad about taking issue with it is what made me think she should get rid.

    Rant over.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by atadsuperfluous)
    Firstly, just because I don't agree doesn't make me closed minded and immature, I just have a different opinion.

    Secondly, in my opinion, having half-naked photos of yourself taken is degrading: not because I have a problem with people and their bodies, most people are beautiful, if not more so, with clothes on. It's just that in principle I think it cheapens the way sex and women generally are viewed (let's face it if you're having pictures taken without many clothes on it has certain connotations).

    With regard to my disagreements about what people have been saying about trust.. My interpretation of what has been said is that she should trust him and that you cannot have a relationship without that trust. That is true. Fair enough. However the first bit I would take issue with - that she should trust a boyfriend who wants to take (most likely) relatively indecent images of other girls and that it is fine, it's just her being insecure.
    I didn't like that, clearly. I don't think she should just blindly trust him and put her concerns about it down to insecurity because as far as I'm concerned, it should make you feel strange if your boyfriend wants to take pictures of other girls even if it is just a 'hobby'. I like to think most guys would realise that it won't go down well with most girls, simply because if you really care about your boyfriend the very thought of it will probably upset you and therefore I like to think that if a guy cares about you he wouldn't want that or at the very least could see why you have a problem with it.

    Surely he could just take pictures of people with their clothes on? or landscapes? Why does it have to be girls with minimal clothing? Why does it have to be that kind of hobby. The fact that he doesn't see a problem with it and was making her feel bad about taking issue with it is what made me think she should get rid.

    Rant over.
    i stand by what i originally said

    its a very immature view to always relate nudity to sex. nudity doesn't have to have anything to do with sex. I see naked people all the time in life drawing classes, as do thousands of artists across the country. thousands more have nude paintings / photos hanging up on their walls at home. it has NOTHING to do with sex.

    again with the whole indecent thing. why is nudity (in respect to art) indecent? nude art is widely accepted, if the photos are taken in good taste and for the purpose of art really what is the issue? if he gets the girls to pull orgasm faces, or hold dildos and other stuff like that, then yeh its turning into porn. but simply because the subjects of the photos are naked doesn't make it indecent at all.

    yeh the guy shouldn't want to upset his girlfriend, but he also shouldn't be giving up his hobbies and things he likes to do because of his girlfriend. expecting each other to give stuff up in relationship always leads to disappointments and arguments. for the little things yeh thats ok. but otherwise if you dont like what or how somebody is, you shouldn't expect them to change it just for you, people need freedom to do what they want and what makes them happy. as i mentioned in another post, yes people do need to make sacrifices and changes, but theres limits to all these things.

    because he wants to take pictures of people with their clothes off, thats the area of photography he's obviously interested in. with nude photography you get much clearer lines and can do lots of interesting things that you cant do when the models are clothed.

    why do YOU have such an issue with nudity? go along to some life drawing classes, visit some nudist beaches, actually look up legitimate nude art.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by didgeridoo12uk)
    why do YOU have such an issue with nudity? go along to some life drawing classes, visit some nudist beaches, actually look up legitimate nude art.
    FYI, I'm an A Level art student, and as part of our coursework we had to do life drawing. Just because I don't approve doesn't mean I don't know anything and just because I don't automatically think you are right doesn't mean I need further exposure to it so that by some miracle I'll see the light and think it's okay.

    A lot of nude art is commenting on objectification, vulnerability and isolation. I think that says a lot.

    I don't agree that nudity is completely divorced from sex, sorry. It can be separate depending on the other variables but in this particular context I would say it isn't, especially having read more of the thread. As far as I was aware we weren't having a philosophical debate about nudity's greater role in the artistic world. Let's cut the corners because you probably won't like my opinion.

    I think you're missing the point, or rather, my point. The key part of my advice wasn't for her to change him - my advice was to ditch him. Clearly your point is that this is something which is important to him and as it has an artistic purpose it is above board so therefore she should deal with it.

    Maybe that's true. But this guy also sounds quite manipulative and if you read some of what was added later is very 'sexual' therefore she has reason to believe it's more than just a hobby, that this is a symptom of something more menacing. That concerned me, hence my advice.

    I personally don't like nude art, big deal. Some people don't like onions. I don't see why that makes me 'immature'. To be honest I wasn't crediting this guy as an 'artist' with a legitimate hobby in a room full of other people, it seems to me to be far more exploitative than that and this girl has serious concerns about it. I think it's wrong to belittle that.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: December 15, 2010
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.