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Don't know how to speak to people :/ Watch



    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yh thats true..i agree.if i do or say something i'm invisible.5 mins later somebody else does the EXACT same thing and it's all major for others..

    i guess it's a combination of all what i do and how i do it :/

    care going in to more detail? on HOW i should do stuff..
    Well, I suppose it is actually a combination of both what you do/say and how you do it. But I think the majority is how you do it. Being able to understand the psychology of humans basically allows you to manipulate people. For example, if you say something in an obvious attempt to make people laugh, and then look at people and wait for them to laugh, they are less likely to laugh. If people can see that you are trying to be cool and funny, they will generally think otherwise. It can be very subtle things that can make the difference such as not looking at someone after you say something funny, because if you do they will see that you are seeking a response from them, and for some reason humans instinctively don't like giving this response. The people who are louder generally get noticed more, and obviously the quiet guy sat in the corner isn't going to get noticed. When talking to people, if you just agree with everything people say without sharing opinions and be a pushover people will always see you like that. Don't be afraid to say what you think out of fear of it sounding stupid. If you can show that you don't care what people think, even if you do, people will pick up on this and consequently not think negatively of you. If you have enough confidence, you can pretty much say anything you want and make people laugh, which is why I think the main factor is how you say and do things. There are many different approaches you can take; I know someone who just chats complete ****, and talks random nonsense, but is so confident that it works. It's obviously hard to give advice specific to one person, as I don't really know a whole lot about you, so I have been generalising a whole lot, but I hope it was helpful.

    (Original post by Menakshelatte)
    yh thnx Thats gr8 advice..open ended question true best way to avoid awkwardness.can you give any examples?? PLEEEEEEASE

    i try the same tactic of asking questions but it doesnt go on much and then this tense atmosphere sinks in
    sounds like a good book where can i buy it from?

    3rd paragraph soooo true.the thing is i give away that i want them to like so much.yh they getr the idea i'm desperate and then on its horror story
    and just dissappointment sinks in.
    i dont know how to cope with it..cos ebing myself is that i'm VERY quiet and can say nothing UNTIL i get used to someone and we have like a firm friendship..
    but to make friendship i need to make them interested.it's like a nightmare cycle

    what makes me boring?? erm.. i dont have anything interesting to say?
    i'm not the crazy type..dont make much difference to alife UNTIL we are good friends..erm..not miss world beauty..
    i'm a bit dull
    whats your opinion of boring?
    Examples of open ended questions are 'what did you do at the weekend?', 'what do you do in your spare time?' Basically just any question that requires the other person to give an answer longer than 'yes' or 'no' and then ask further questions as you elicit more information from them.

    If you suspect that the conversation is drawing to an end or things are getting tense, make your excuses and leave; ideally before it gets that far. No point in flogging a dead horse.

    You can buy 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie from Amazon:


    It's a very famous book which has sold millions of copies and inspired a lot of very influential and successful people including the billionaire Warren Buffett:


    The book costs less than a fiver and if you have difficulty communicating with people, it will be the best money you have ever spent.

    You need to stop labelling yourself and identifying yourself as a quiet and boring person because it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm a quiet person by nature but I can still interact with people. I never use to be able to, I was extremely shy when I was younger and would physically shake in a room full of strangers. The only way to gain confidence though is to confront your fears and to practice, practice, practice.

    I started volunteering in a charity shop when I was 16 years old and that helped me to develop my confidence and to break out of my shell because I was interacting with customers on a daily basis. I started volunteering at the Citizens Advice Bureau last year and that really took me out of my comfort zone and developed my confidence as I started working on reception and giving telephone advice, and then I progressed to interviewing and advising people in person.

    It's like riding a bike. It's difficult at first because you've never done it before and okay, you might fall off a few times and look a bit stupid but eventually you will learn how to ride it and then it just becomes second nature.

    You don't have to be crazy to be interesting or good looking. I suspect you aren't bad looking, it's probably just your lack of self-esteem. I use to think I was ugly, not because I was ugly but because other people had told me I was ugly so I believed it. At the end of the day it doesn't matter what you look like as there is someone out there for everyone.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    its a GREAT idea which i thought of too however having no family or friends it's retarded to go out always byyourself
    i've tried activities bymyself in order to gain experience and maybe meet new peple but it didnt work and i ended up lonely.
    If you have no friends, you don't really have a choice-you have to go out on your own and that is the only way to meet new people-by getting yourself out there.

    I've done quite a few things on my own but it didn't matter that I was alone because I soon made friends. For example, I worked at Walt Disney World in America for 3 months in 2007. I signed up by myself and didn't know anyone else who was going. I arranged to fly out by myself but as luck would have it, I happened to be sat next to two lads on the plane who actually became my flat mates over there and we became good friends.

    I've been to gigs, football matches and the cinema alone. It's not retarded, that's just your perception of it or the perception that some people in society have conditioned you to believe. It's that sort of perception and way of thinking that will hold you back in life. Imagine what you could achieve if you did not worry what others thought about you. That would remove a LOT of barriers.

    Follow Dr Daniel G Amen's 18-40-60 rule:

    At 18 we worry about what everyone else is thinking about us, at 40 we don't care what everyone thinks of us and at 60 we realise no one has been thinking about us at all.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i think give away a lot with my body language or they just get the hint i'm desperate and very weak and naiv inside..
    Read 'What every BODY is saying' by Joe Navarro, it's the best book on body language I have ever read and has taught me a lot. Something like 90% of our communication is done non verbally, only a very small percentage is contributed to words so whilst it's important that you learn how to converse, it's equally important to become aware of your own body language and that of others.

    Once you know the signals to look for, you will see it EVERYWHERE-on the news, on television interviews, in clubs and bars, in waiting rooms. More importantly, you will become aware of your own body language and how others could perceive you based on your body language. The drama 'Lie to me' on Sky One is also a great show to watch. It's fictional but one of the world's leading body language experts, Dr Paul Ekman, advises on the show. You do pick up a few tips from watching it.
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