Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Asians, are you allowed to marry a girl/guy of your choice? Watch

    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Are you crazy marry who we want of course not. A gun gets pointed at our heads and we get told who we have to marry. THIS IS NOT A JOKE.
    But on a serious note you kind of do but your parents have to agree something about disgracing the family name or something along those lines.
    Me on the other hand I'll marry who I please if they don't approve they can get stuffed. Cause I'm just cool like that and that's how I roll. :cool:
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    If I find someone I like... then I can tell my parents... if I don't find anyone... they'll find someone for me... but it's still my choice... they can find loads of different girls.. but if I don't like any of them, then I can say no... then they'd accept my decision.

    But I can see myself eventually being 35 and single. Therefore, desperate to find someone, in which case, I'd say yes to the first person that comes along

    Oh she has to be Muslim and it seems like my mum doesn't want me to marry a non-Pakistani girl
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    I can aslong as he's the same caste and crap

    My gran wants me to always ask a boy his caste before getting serious with him :wtf:
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    Yes I can :smug:
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by effofex)
    Actually, if a South Asian person reproduced with a non-South Asian person surely there would be a statistically lower probability of genetic diseases caused by double recessivity being expressed?
    of course it would yes but I mean a cultural disapproved of mixing with different cultures. I mean mixing genes is always advantageous, but as an extreme example the Nazi's wanting to keep white Aryans separate as a superior race, in a similar light it seems some groups feel sticking to their own ethnicity is better.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I am not really sure. I always tell them that I will, but I don't think they believe me.

    They think I am joking.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Yes, but parents have to agree with the other person
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Deadly Lightshade)
    Yes.

    My parents are quite reasonable.

    I offered my mother a well-considered feminist critique of her dislike of premarital sex, and now she's not so awkward about me sleeping with my boyfriend anymore.

    Through mature debate comes truth.
    Wow, really? Wish i was you haha! I've done this numerous times but my mother's cutlural values are instilled in her, and she holds that for girls to have sex before marriage is a disgrace. Mostly because of the reaction of others if they found out and the shame it would bring on the family. It all seems to be about reputation tbh. She found out i gave head to my ex, was absolutely disgusted, made me break up with him, etc. However if my dad had found out, (he didn't even know i HAD a boyfriend of 3 years), he would have definitely kicked me to the streets.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Consilio Et Animis)
    I can aslong as he's the same caste and crap

    My gran wants me to always ask a boy his caste before getting serious with him :wtf:
    What if he doesn't have a caste, doesn't know what his caste is, is of multiple caste origin or simply lies to you about his caste? Caste is not quoted in any UK census and such details are not taken by any public body either so how could you verify it?
    • PS Helper
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    To me, they have no input on who I can marry, especially when I don't believe in their religion and especially because I don't follow their views. I'll marry who I damn well want.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    Wow, really? Wish i was you haha! I've done this numerous times but my mother's cutlural values are instilled in her, and she holds that for girls to have sex before marriage is a disgrace. Mostly because of the reaction of others if they found out and the shame it would bring on the family. It all seems to be about reputation tbh. She found out i gave head to my ex, was absolutely disgusted, made me break up with him, etc. However if my dad had found out, (he didn't even know i HAD a boyfriend of 3 years), he would have definitely kicked me to the streets.
    Is it also a disgrace for boys to have sex before marriage? Also, how would people be able to verify whether or not someone had intercourse before marriage - most people don't walk around displaying their hymens. In all likelihood it isn't really something that most people would really care about - they have far larger concerns in their lives.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ManAbout)
    Yeah, it's such a shame, cos Afghan and Persian girls are sooooo gorgeous. I think I just gotta find one who is willing to rebel against her family and run away with me.
    don't do it dude... they'll most probably hunt you down and you'll ends up in a suitcase in the river!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    My parents don't care what race i marry as long as he's muslim.
    However i know that most aunty jees out there want their daughters to marry an asian man ONLY as they think ( so i'm told) that it would make the marriage easier if both the people are the same culturally and less chance of it breaking up OH and to prevent shame of their daughter marrying out of culture/race ''GOD FORBID''.

    Some asians are pretty backwards!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by effofex)
    Is it also a disgrace for boys to have sex before marriage? Also, how would people be able to verify whether or not someone had intercourse before marriage - most people don't walk around displaying their hymens. In all likelihood it isn't really something that most people would really care about - they have far larger concerns in their lives.
    watched a documentary about muslims girls in parts of the ME getting hymenoplasties to make it appear they are still intact down there. Quite a trend in some parts.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ManAbout)
    Yeah, it's such a shame, cos Afghan and Persian girls are sooooo gorgeous. I think I just gotta find one who is willing to rebel against her family and run away with me.
    See. This is why Afghan and Iranian dads have such high blood pressure. Nothing to do with diet!


    Anyway like. I'm not Asian but I'm allowed to marry whatever as long as it's Muslim. Considering that my own culture is pretty xenophobic arranged marriages are seen as an Arab import so it rarely happens. In fact my mum and dad openly courted with the permission of my grandfather.

    It is quite funny - we don't even eat fish because only foreigners eat fish apparently.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by qwerty_mad)
    Question open to all, but mainly targeted at South-Asians. Are you allowed to marry a person of your choice, even if he/she doesn't originate from the same country as you?
    only if they are my religion
    also my parents say they can't be qhite or black
    they must be the same race pretty much
    and they must go to my tiny community
    my religion obviously allows me so much more freedon, it is silly backward culture
    my parents have told me i'd ruin their lives if i married a white girl
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by joey11223)
    of course it would yes but I mean a cultural disapproved of mixing with different cultures. I mean mixing genes is always advantageous, but as an extreme example the Nazi's wanting to keep white Aryans separate as a superior race, in a similar light it seems some groups feel sticking to their own ethnicity is better.
    In practise if you are South Asian and live outside South Asia you will most likely have colleagues and friends who are not of South Asian origin and will thus be exposed to their 'cultures' anyway, right?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by jazzy1234)
    My parents don't care what race i marry as long as he's muslim.
    However i know that most aunty jees out there want their daughters to marry an asian man ONLY as they think ( so i'm told) that it would make the marriage easier if both the people are the same culturally and less chance of it breaking up OH and to prevent shame of their daughter marrying out of culture/race ''GOD FORBID''.

    Some asians are pretty backwards!
    THIS, too right

    one mistake

    you said "some"

    It is "most"

    i am proof of it
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I'm Mixed White and Asian (Irish/Indian). Yes, I can marry whoever I want to . If my parents said no well it would be hypocritical considering social stigma against Irish people and Indians in Britain.

    If you neg me saying I'm not a proper Asian you are an idiot. Simple as.

    Well.. they were married in the 70s so the racism and unacceptability was inevitable. Even today there is a stigma against Mixed White and Asians.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by effofex)
    Is it also a disgrace for boys to have sex before marriage? Also, how would people be able to verify whether or not someone had intercourse before marriage - most people don't walk around displaying their hymens. In all likelihood it isn't really something that most people would really care about - they have far larger concerns in their lives.
    Actually in my culture it's only really seen as important for a girl to be a virgin before she's married. My brother is able to have a girlfriend and have sex, everyone knows it but nobody cares. This is the case in many other instances, and i'm told "that's just the way it is."

    Well i know that the majority of people don't really care about that nowadays, but those who are still grounded in their culture do. I keep saying that no one will know whether i'm a virgin or not but it doesn't seem to matter. Typically it comes down to what others say; if some old auntiya from the temple see me with a boy, they'll spread the news that i'm not a virgin, which in turn will bring shame on my family. I don't agree with it, don't like it, but i'm just explaining the way it is.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 1, 2011
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.