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Is it polite/unnecessary to ask the bf if I can meet my ex for coffee? Watch

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    I was never going to go without telling the bf, I just meant should it be a kinda asking permission type scenario or not.

    I thought about role reversal and thought I'd be ok with like a one off meet up as long as it wasn't them meeting up all the time or talking constantly. SO I'm a little surprised with everyone's reaction that this must mean I'm not over the ex or taking the current bf for granted...!

    But as I say my bf is the most important thing to me and I wouldnt want to do anything to jeapardise that..
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    (Original post by T-Toe)
    You nicked my avatar :ashamed:
    Cute though!
    That's what we both get for being too lazy to create a custom one, lol.
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    (Original post by 4TSR)
    How the **** is it ok for her to go out with her ex for a coffee without asking her bf? I would really hate it if my gf did that, specially considering how most girls would be in tears if someone went with their partner/ex for a coffee...
    lolwut? Have you ever actually been in an adult relationship? :curious:
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    (Original post by 4TSR)
    The typical female response:

    "Yes do it, you are free no need to ask!"

    Well vickie89, if your bf met his ex for a coffee, you would be making an anon thread in the H&R about how your bf went out with his ex for a coffee behind your back...

    How the **** is it ok for her to go out with her ex for a coffee without asking her bf? I would really hate it if my gf did that, specially considering how most girls would be in tears if someone went with their partner/ex for a coffee...
    first of all my ex did meet his girlfriend for a drink on a couple of occasions. i had no problem with it as i was confident in my relationship and knew he didnt want to be with her anymore and at no point did i ever think about coming onto an internet forum to ***** about it. as i said she should tell him so he is aware of it and she isnt then doing it behind his back.

    secondly, if you are secure in your relationship it shouldnt really be a problem who they meet up with as there is a reason they are ex's. its no different to him meeting up with female friends imo, i hate that people feel they need permission in order to see someone, especially for something as innocent as a cup of coffee in a public place.
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    Seriously bad idea.

    For a start I doubt your current bf would like it very much.

    Secondly, that is CRUEL to your ex, seriously, the friendship zone is like a dark hellish pit for a guy that he can never escape from...

    That is if your ex still likes you, if he's clearly moved on and has found someone else, that's different.
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    I'm sorry but this is stupid, trust or not, it's a little bit different than meeting up with just a male friend, this is your ex, someone you were intimate, sexually and emotionally with. And what?, you expect him to be fine about it? even if he pretends hes fine about it, trusts you etc, he won't be too pleased, unless he doesn't really care about you that much.

    The whole idea is a bit silly and infantile really i guess. Focus on what you've got, don't rake up the past.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    lolwut? Have you ever actually been in an adult relationship? :curious:
    I guess we define relationships differently. You can see some of the responses in this thread are all comfortable with their partner seeing their ex for a coffee...
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    (Original post by imperial maniac)
    Seriously bad idea.

    For a start I doubt your current bf would like it very much.

    Secondly, that is CRUEL to your ex, seriously, the friendship zone is like a dark hellish pit for a guy that he can never escape from...

    That is if your ex still likes you, if he's clearly moved on and has found someone else, that's different.
    Yeah we're both with new people and happy.


    --
    But wow, infantile? Seriously being made to feel like it was an evil, evil idea here.
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    (Original post by vickie89)

    secondly, if you are secure in your relationship it shouldnt really be a problem who they meet up with as there is a reason they are ex's. its no different to him meeting up with female friends imo, i hate that people feel they need permission in order to see someone, especially for something as innocent as a cup of coffee in a public place.
    What about him meeting up with girls that hes had sex with/loved/emotionally involved with? It completely changes everything.
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    (Original post by vickie89)
    first of all my ex did meet his girlfriend for a drink on a couple of occasions. i had no problem with it as i was confident in my relationship and knew he didnt want to be with her anymore and at no point did i ever think about coming onto an internet forum to ***** about it. as i said she should tell him so he is aware of it and she isnt then doing it behind his back.

    secondly, if you are secure in your relationship it shouldnt really be a problem who they meet up with as there is a reason they are ex's. its no different to him meeting up with female friends imo, i hate that people feel they need permission in order to see someone, especially for something as innocent as a cup of coffee in a public place.
    There is a difference though... How on earth would you it is just an innocent cup of coffee? the ex could have other motives? Trust is beautiful, and I would like to be able to meet my ex, but I can't imagine my gf will be 100% comfortable with it. Which would be the reason I wouldn't... just for her sake.
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    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    Yeah we're both with new people and happy.
    But wow, infantile? Seriously being made to feel like it was an evil, evil idea here.
    so why do you still feel the need to meet up? It's very strange that if you were happy and with new people, why would you feel the need to rake up the past and see your past failed relationships?

    It's infantile, Yes. I wouldn't call it evil, i'd just say its a very stupid idea. And probably not very fair on your current partners.
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    If i was your ex i would never let you meet.
    if he's the more jealous type neither will he.
    not such a good idea.i dont think you should meet.
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    If it was the other way round and the guy met his ex for a coffee, the girls in here would be up in arms suspicious. Double standards and hypocrisy.
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    (Original post by 66CC99)
    If it was the other way round and the guy met his ex for a coffee, the girls in here would be up in arms suspicious. Double standards and hypocrisy.
    lolwat, the response to this girl's idea has been overwhelmingly negative, you can't read brah
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    (Original post by 4TSR)
    There is a difference though... How on earth would you it is just an innocent cup of coffee? the ex could have other motives? Trust is beautiful, and I would like to be able to meet my ex, but I can't imagine my gf will be 100% comfortable with it. Which would be the reason I wouldn't... just for her sake.
    but even if he has other motives, doesnt mean she does. at end of day theres a reason you dumped your ex so just cos she might have other ideas doesnt mean you do is what im getting at. its about trusting your partner to stay faithful to you regardless of how other people feel towards her otherwise people wouldnt trust them to go anywhere alone. thats just the way i see it and i know other people see it differently to me, but i cant really help that.
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    (Original post by vickie89)
    but even if he has other motives, doesnt mean she does. at end of day theres a reason you dumped your ex so just cos she might have other ideas doesnt mean you do is what im getting at. its about trusting your partner to stay faithful to you regardless of how other people feel towards her otherwise people wouldnt trust them to go anywhere alone. thats just the way i see it and i know other people see it differently to me, but i cant really help that.
    Oh well, I guess you're right in some ways. I personally would feel uneasy though. Maybe because I have been "cheated on".
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    Just dont let your ex talk you back (Y)
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    My informing (or not informing) my partner of me going to meet the ex for a cup of coffee would depend on what kind of relationship I have with the current partner and what I would want from it or what I believe would happen to that relationship in the near future.

    Let's just say, that the relationship shared with the person in question had the potential to be worth the time invested, I would definitely make them aware of this casual meeting with my ex.

    Bottom-line: the decision is yours. Choose wisely.
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    (Original post by Buxtons)
    so why do you still feel the need to meet up? It's very strange that if you were happy and with new people, why would you feel the need to rake up the past and see your past failed relationships?

    It's infantile, Yes. I wouldn't call it evil, i'd just say its a very stupid idea. And probably not very fair on your current partners.
    If you were in a relationship with them, then surely it's because you liked them as a person. Why would that suddenly change just because the romantic relationship didn't work out? And why would you not want to spend time with people you like?

    I'd be more worried if I was dating someone who avoided all their exes like the plague, quite frankly...
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    It's best (polite, I guess) to tell him. You don't need his permission though.
 
 
 
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