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What if you are an awful person? Watch

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    (Original post by Onge)
    I'm not an idiot, i get the whole concept and stages that lead to it. Just seems to impractical to hate ourselves, when really we should be hating the people who make us feel that way..
    And what if EVERYONE makes you feel that way?
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    (Original post by electriic_ink)
    And what if EVERYONE makes you feel that way?
    Why even bother with people that make you feel like that?
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    (Original post by Onge)
    Maybe because i never had to deal with any myself or known anyone to do so. Of course evryone feels crap sometimes, and in the case of this person i dont think it's really depression or anything serious, its just a stage their going through that everyone goes through at one time or another. It just depends how seriously we take it and how long it goes on for.
    I think neither you nor I know the OP well enough to say whether it's serious or not.
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    (Original post by Onge)
    i understand the concept of people hating themselves and that it's possible. I just dont understand how they can get to that stage, I could never imagine hating myself for the actions of others. (in this case people not liking this person). For example i'm always told that i'm vein and an arrogant twt, but i never take it personally, i just laugh it off because it's not in me to take anything seriously. Obviously everyone is upset at one stage or another, but i'v never known anyone to constantly hate themselves for a long period of time, of course it could just be something that this person is going through for a short period of time and will probably go away..
    Onge, one thing I've learned through mentoring is you'll be quite alarmed at how many people with low self esteem there are out there. It goes deeper , so a guy who constantly feels the need to wear designer clothes to feel better might be suffering from deep insecurities of not feeling good enough which goes back to childhood etc, it often goes deep hence why I know OP need to sort out how they feel about them-self

    I personally am just like you, however I've learnt to be like this, if the whole world turned against me and I didn't think I was a bad person I could really care less, I have a mind of my own and will never try and suit people's opinions, it's just not me. One thing I've learnt is if your too nice people take the piss, if you believe in yourself your branded arrogant so I just don't bother to be honest.

    I know that makes me sound like a bad person but people like OP need to stop caring about whether people like them or not and just LIVE.

    I recommend OP takes a long look in the mirror identify things they like about themselves physically then do the same thing for their personality, constantly remind them self of how good they really are and learn to love them self, if they don't no one else will!
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    (Original post by PortiaLovesMcqueen)
    Onge, one thing I've learned through mentoring is you'll be quite alarmed at how many people with low self esteem there are out there. It goes deeper , so a guy who constantly feels the need to wear designer clothes to feel better might be suffering from deep insecurities of not feeling good enough which goes back to childhood etc, it often goes deep hence why I know OP need to sort out how they feel about them-self

    I personally am just like you, however I've learnt to be like this, if the whole world turned against me and I didn't think I was a bad person I could really care less, I have a mind of my own and will never try and suit people's opinions, it's just not me. One thing I've learnt is if your too nice people take the piss, if you believe in yourself your branded arrogant so I just don't bother to be honest.

    I know that makes me sound like a bad person but people like OP need to stop caring about whether people like them or not and just LIVE.

    I recommend OP takes a long look in the mirror identify things they like about themselves physically then do the same thing for their personality, constantly remind them self of how good they really are and learn to love them self, if they don't no one else will!
    aha, love this.

    Everything you said is true.
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    (Original post by Onge)
    Why even bother with people that make you feel like that?
    Because it's not as a simple as that. I'm not claiming to be an expert (and I'm also not trying to be sarcastic) but let's say something you really trusted started telling you that you were a **** and everyone hated you - you would believe him. He wouldn't lie to you after all. So you question all your friendships and almost try and seek out ways for him to be right (did your friend just roll their eyes at you?, why weren't you invited to the pub last Thursday etc...).

    Of course you can break contact with this person at any time -- but you can't get rid of their idea; once it's there, it stays implanted in your mind. And so long as you find ways of confirming this idea the more you think it's right so you give it more of your time.

    edit: Perhaps what I said just made no sense but what I'm trying to say is you can stop contact with people who make you feel like **** but the ideas they threw at you will remain with you long after and some people will still take them seriously.
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    (Original post by Cuckoo91)
    I think neither you nor I know the OP well enough to say whether it's serious or not.
    Hey man i'm not disagreeing with you.
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    (Original post by electriic_ink)
    And what if EVERYONE makes you feel that way?
    This will be hard for anyone and after a person being constantly told over and over that they are a bad person it takes a strong person not to believe it.

    It ALL leads back to self esteem, I for one have once been public enemy number one before in my secondary school I was one of the 'pretty' girls (NO conceitedness here, that's what they thought, I didn't care tbh) and got off with a boy who this girl apparently had a crush on and ALL the girls in my year went all 'your such a ****, you KNEW she fancied him and couldn't get him and you went there'. I genuinely didn't I hardly knew the girl how was I to know she fancied him. I had about 30 girls surround me in the toilets calling me EVERY NAME on earth, pushing me shoving me etc.

    I remember that day running home crying thinking 'Am I that bad? ' 'Are they right?' then as years went on I had much better self esteem and could NEVER let a person's opinion taint mine. The girls in my year didn't like me after that did I care? no I realised anyone who thought low of me didn't deserve to be around me, I've had that same attitude ever since.

    Life is too short to play 'people pleaser' or 'sad person' or the 'victim'.
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    (Original post by electriic_ink)
    Because it's not as a simple as that. I'm not claiming to be an expert (and I'm also not trying to be sarcastic) but let's say something you really trusted started telling you that you were a **** and everyone hated you - you would believe him. He wouldn't lie to you after all. So you question all your friendships and almost try and seek out ways for him to be right (did your friend just roll their eyes at you?, why weren't you invited to the pub last Thursday etc...).

    Of course you can break contact with this person at any time -- but you can't get rid of their idea; once it's there, it stays implanted in your mind. And so long as you find ways of confirming this idea the more you think it's right so you give it more of your time.
    Yes i understand, but speaking for myself, i am a bit of a ****. And i dont see that as a bad thing, i could never stand there and agree with people just to seem nice and sit on the fence. It all differs on people, and i cant speak for everyone, im only saying how i am, but we could never know how bad the case for the OP, as we will never trully know the person or the full story.
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    (Original post by PortiaLovesMcqueen)
    This will be hard for anyone and after a person being constantly told over and over that they are a bad person it takes a strong person not to believe it.

    It ALL leads back to self esteem, I for one have once been public enemy number one before in my secondary school I was one of the 'pretty' girls (NO conceitedness here, that's what they thought, I didn't care tbh) and got off with a boy who this girl apparently had a crush on and ALL the girls in my year went all 'your such a ****, you KNEW she fancied him and couldn't get him and you went there'. I genuinely didn't I hardly knew the girl how was I to know she fancied him. I had about 30 girls surround me in the toilets calling me EVERY NAME on earth, pushing me shoving me etc.

    I remember that day running home crying thinking 'Am I that bad? ' 'Are they right?' then as years went on I had much better self esteem and could NEVER let a person's opinion taint mine. The girls in my year didn't like me after that did I care? no I realised anyone who thought low of me didn't deserve to be around me, I've had that same attitude ever since.

    Life is too short to play 'people pleaser' or 'sad person' or the 'victim'.
    The thing is people even hate you for being good looking and actually using that to your advantage. I can't tell you how many times i'v been called vein/arrogant/loving myself bla bla bla, although it never bothered me, hell, i'll take it as a compliment
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    Honestly just accept it and get used to the idea then it won't even bother you.
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    (Original post by electriic_ink)
    Because it's not as a simple as that. I'm not claiming to be an expert (and I'm also not trying to be sarcastic) but let's say something you really trusted started telling you that you were a **** and everyone hated you - you would believe him. He wouldn't lie to you after all. So you question all your friendships and almost try and seek out ways for him to be right (did your friend just roll their eyes at you?, why weren't you invited to the pub last Thursday etc...).

    Of course you can break contact with this person at any time -- but you can't get rid of their idea; once it's there, it stays implanted in your mind. And so long as you find ways of confirming this idea the more you think it's right so you give it more of your time.

    edit: Perhaps what I said just made no sense but what I'm trying to say is you can stop contact with people who make you feel like **** but the ideas they threw at you will remain with you long after and some people will still take them seriously.
    What you said makes a lot of sense hence why you meet people in their 40's still remembering the people in primary school who called them ugly and they never ever think they are not ugly through out their whole lives.

    It's affirmation when the repetition of the same thing over and over sticks in a person's mind.

    People vary, people like myself and Onge for example already have clear realistic and healthy amount of self esteem and confidence meaning our opinions of ourselves can't be easily changed even it's a million people saying it over and over.
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    (Original post by Onge)
    The thing is people even hate you for being good looking and actually using that to your advantage. I can't tell you how many times i'v been called vein/arrogant/loving myself bla bla bla, although it never bothered me, hell, i'll take it as a compliment
    I really don't know what someone would have to tell me to make me REALLY sad, I seem to turn EVERYTHING into a compliment these days , you either do that or sit at home sobbing 'why do they hate me '

    Also one thing I've realised is some people are actually MEAN so they realise someone has low confidence and say things to make it worse, hence why I never take some people seriously. OP probably gives the vibe of someone with not much self esteem and people play on that.
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    Cheer up OP
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    (Original post by PortiaLovesMcqueen)
    I really don't know what someone would have to tell me to make me REALLY sad, I seem to turn EVERYTHING into a compliment these days , you either do that or sit at home sobbing 'why do they hate me '

    Also one thing I've realised is some people are actually MEAN so they realise someone has low confidence and say things to make it worse, hence why I never take some people seriously. OP probably gives the vibe of someone with not much self esteem and people play on that.
    I'm exactly the same .

    Yeh i agree thats why the same people always get abuse. Usually for their low self esteem and a lot of the times for their physical attributes.
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    (Original post by PortiaLovesMcqueen)
    I really don't know what someone would have to tell me to make me REALLY sad, I seem to turn EVERYTHING into a compliment these days , you either do that or sit at home sobbing 'why do they hate me '

    Also one thing I've realised is some people are actually MEAN so they realise someone has low confidence and say things to make it worse, hence why I never take some people seriously. OP probably gives the vibe of someone with not much self esteem and people play on that.
    Really? The OP didn't mention anything about other people playing on them..

    It sounds more along the lines that the OP has a massive problem with his/her sense of identity. Perhaps then causing them to adopt different 'nicer' personas to help please family and friends (and themselves) whilst suppressing their natural real character which would then come out in bursts. As each burst came out they'd suffer great feelings of regret and insecurity as it doesn't compute with the 'nicer' persona which they've been trying to falsely potray themselves as, which ultimately leads them to a very deluded reality and lack of self-esteem.

    DID NO ONE ELSE SEE THE COMMENT ABOUT THE CAT!

    I'm probably completely wrong but it's fun to guess.
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    (Original post by Cuckoo91)
    Really? The OP didn't mention anything about other people playing on them..

    It sounds more along the lines of problems that the OP has a massive problem with sense of identity. Perhaps then causing them to adopt different 'nicer' personas to help please family and friends (and themselves) whilst suppressing their natural real character which would then come out in bursts. As each burst came out they'd suffer great feelings of regret and insecurity as it doesn't compute with the 'nicer' persona which they've been trying to falsely potray themselves as, which ultimately leads them to a very deluded reality and lack of self-esteem.

    DID NO ONE ELSE SEE THE COMMENT ABOUT THE CAT!

    I'm probably completely wrong but it's fun to guess.
    SPOT ON

    Cuckoo are you a psychology junkie like me? I agree with all you have said I definitely believe OP has definitely has low self esteem and a distorted self image also I feel OP has been having identity conflicts, the need to be passive and people please is often a 'mask' worn by people who haven't learnt to love themselves or have been taught not to love themselves so they assume they can fill that gap by making other people like themselves however once thing they fail to realise is this can only be gotten from within.

    When I was mentoring I remember sitting with someone and wanting to shake some self esteem into them and to allow them to realise that the world is much bigger and has alot more to offer them than the mental battle they are in, however it's never that easy is it? Because some of these ideas have been implanted so deep and so long in the individual's sub concious mind they aren't even aware it exists.

    I don't know OP but I recommend self esteem/ assertive group classes and therapy and a lot of new positive affirmations and self exploration.
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    (Original post by PortiaLovesMcqueen)
    SPOT ON

    Cuckoo are you a psychology junkie like me? I agree with all you have said I definitely believe OP has definitely has low self esteem and a distorted self image also I feel OP has been having identity conflicts, the need to be passive and people please is often a 'mask' worn by people who haven't learnt to love themselves or have been taught not to love themselves so they assume they can fill that gap by making other people like themselves however once thing they fail to realise is this can only be gotten from within.

    When I was mentoring I remember sitting with someone and wanting to shake some self esteem into them and to allow them to realise that the world is much bigger and has alot more to offer them than the mental battle they are in, however it's never that easy is it? Because some of these ideas have been implanted so deep and so long in the individual's sub concious mind they aren't even aware it exists.

    I don't know OP but I recommend self esteem/ assertive group classes and therapy and a lot of new positive affirmations and self exploration.
    I think the OP has given up on the thread since the start..

    anyways work in 4 hours so i need the much needed 3 hours sleep
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    (Original post by Onge)
    Just chill out. Does it make me a bad person that im sexy? NO.
    :bird::bird:
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    (Original post by Cuckoo91)
    Really? The OP didn't mention anything about other people playing on them..

    It sounds more along the lines that the OP has a massive problem with his/her sense of identity. Perhaps then causing them to adopt different 'nicer' personas to help please family and friends (and themselves) whilst suppressing their natural real character which would then come out in bursts. As each burst came out they'd suffer great feelings of regret and insecurity as it doesn't compute with the 'nicer' persona which they've been trying to falsely potray themselves as, which ultimately leads them to a very deluded reality and lack of self-esteem.
    This is almost exactly how I feel sometimes actually.

    I have a very strong personality. I think if you asked someone whether I was passive or tried hard to please they would definately say no.

    The problem is like.. some aspects of my personality make me feel really bad. I don't think I am imagining them, or that it is how other people make me feel. I just am.. there is something bad.
    I don't mind being eccentric (which I am), but I don't want to be annoying. I don't want other people to have to put up with me.
    And I don't want to be rude, or cruel. The worst thing is that I am cruel. The things I think of that I could say to people. I can make people laugh, it's the best thing about me. I'm always trying to be funny, making people laugh makes me feel good, but then I'll say something at the expense of someone.. and I just feel so guilty.
    I'm a manipulative kind of person as well. Sometimes I think even my feelings are just part of some grand narcissistic manipulation.

    My friends seem like angels compared to me.

    I can't find the right balance between being a pleasant person, and being myself and kind of interesting. I don't want to just abandon being nice.. god knows what I'd be like.
 
 
 
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