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How are we NOT in a relationship? Watch

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    I used to have this with a guy - it's the benefits of a relationship without the serious stuff. But really, it isn't a relationship. You're a sex buddy and you have to keep telling yourself that. Don't fall for him.
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    Oh, wow! I just realised you had a seven year age gap... are you ME a few months ago? But yes, it's still not a relationship. And you can keep trying and trying to persuade him otherwise, but you're young (I presume) so I would enjoy it while you can
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    He sounds like the kinda person who won't start a relationship with someone unless he's totally head over heels - which is good, you don't want a half-assed relationship. It just sounds like he doesn't like you enough... I've tried the whole trying to be the cool, non-clingy girl thing and it worked but I sort of ended up not that happy in the relationship because I was trying to be someone I wasn't.
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    (Original post by Arielle)
    I used to have this with a guy - it's the benefits of a relationship without the serious stuff. But really, it isn't a relationship. You're a sex buddy and you have to keep telling yourself that. Don't fall for him.
    How did that end up, if you don't mind me asking? Were you guys constantly in touch? We do stuff like go to the movies and go shopping... Were you exclusive and was he possessive?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How did that end up, if you don't mind me asking? Were you guys constantly in touch? We do stuff like go to the movies and go shopping... Were you exclusive and was he possessive?
    Yep - we texted all the time. I didn't have Skype then so we didn't do that, but we were on Facebook chat constantly, sending photos to each other all the time, he called me a lot, I went out with him and his friends, he got really annoyed if another guy looked at me, etc. and was jealous about my male friends.

    We went shopping a few times and went out for meals and drinks, he cooked me meals at his house, but it always ended up with sex. Never met up without it. But we didn't **** anyone else.

    It went on for about a year and in the end I got tired of him just "not wanting a relationship right now" and realised I couldn't change his mind. I stopped texting and calling him and eventually it fizzled out and I found a proper boyfriend.

    However, I put my relationship status on Facebook last week and he obviously saw it and started talking to me again whilst we were both at work. We decided to go to Selfridges and do our Christmas shopping together after work and I went back to his house. We got on so well, but he was obviously after sex and I denied it.

    He hasn't stopped texting me and drunk calling me since saying he "wants me."

    TOO LATE, SUCKER.
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    (Original post by Arielle)
    Yep - we texted all the time. I didn't have Skype then so we didn't do that, but we were on Facebook chat constantly, sending photos to each other all the time, he called me a lot, I went out with him and his friends, he got really annoyed if another guy looked at me, etc. and was jealous about my male friends.

    We went shopping a few times and went out for meals and drinks, he cooked me meals at his house, but it always ended up with sex. Never met up without it. But we didn't **** anyone else.

    It went on for about a year and in the end I got tired of him just "not wanting a relationship right now" and realised I couldn't change his mind. I stopped texting and calling him and eventually it fizzled out and I found a proper boyfriend.

    However, I put my relationship status on Facebook last week and he obviously saw it and started talking to me again whilst we were both at work. We decided to go to Selfridges and do our Christmas shopping together after work and I went back to his house. We got on so well, but he was obviously after sex and I denied it.

    He hasn't stopped texting me and drunk calling me since saying he "wants me."

    TOO LATE, SUCKER.
    How old was he? Mine is 27... He has not had a gf for 7 years. Having said that he left his hometown because some girl screwed him over. So clearly he is capable of feelings... Your situation sounds EXACTLY like what I was in.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I recently met this guy and slept with him having met him just a few times. He made it clear that we were not together and that he just wanted 'hot and passionate' sex. However, he certainly does not treat me as a "sex buddy". When I come over he cooks me dinner, we are monogamous, now that I have gone to see my friends up North for xmas and New Year's we are on skype every day whenever he's home.

    When we go out to bars and stuff he pays for my drink and does not let me pay. We are in touch every day when we're in the same city, and he calls me on skype after work if we are both online. Sounds like a relationship to me! We cuddle and hold hands in public.

    Yet recently he said he doesn't want to 'break my heart' and that I shouldn't get attached, but has carried on in the same way. However, I should mention that the age difference between us of seven years is the ONLY thing which he has mentioned as stopping him from being in a relationship with me.

    I need advice because I don't want my heart broken yet at the same time I think he's in denial! Any opinions from lads are appreciated. Do men who want you as a sex buddy behave like this?! Even friends don't call each other up every day.
    ****.
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    (Original post by Arielle)
    Yep - we texted all the time. I didn't have Skype then so we didn't do that, but we were on Facebook chat constantly, sending photos to each other all the time, he called me a lot, I went out with him and his friends, he got really annoyed if another guy looked at me, etc. and was jealous about my male friends.

    We went shopping a few times and went out for meals and drinks, he cooked me meals at his house, but it always ended up with sex. Never met up without it. But we didn't **** anyone else.

    It went on for about a year and in the end I got tired of him just "not wanting a relationship right now" and realised I couldn't change his mind. I stopped texting and calling him and eventually it fizzled out and I found a proper boyfriend.

    However, I put my relationship status on Facebook last week and he obviously saw it and started talking to me again whilst we were both at work. We decided to go to Selfridges and do our Christmas shopping together after work and I went back to his house. We got on so well, but he was obviously after sex and I denied it.

    He hasn't stopped texting me and drunk calling me since saying he "wants me."

    TOO LATE, SUCKER.
    Oh and we don't always have sex... sometimes he just cooks me dinner and we cuddle and watch a film. I once said "Oh it's that time of the month no point coming over cuz we can't have sex" and he said "Hey you're not booty call! I just wanted to cook you dinner..."
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    Nice guys are allowed **** buddies too, you know.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How old was he? Mine is 27... He has not had a gf for 7 years. Having said that he left his hometown because some girl screwed him over. So clearly he is capable of feelings... Your situation sounds EXACTLY like what I was in.
    20 and 27 is perfectly acceptable for a relationship and at 20 you should be old enough to decide what you want. From what you've said in this post it sounds like he's been really badly hurt in the past! That would explain why he's in denial of his feelings. You should try and talk to him, and if that doesn't work give him time to work out what he wants.
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    (Original post by Silver fern)
    If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, then he would be. I have been in a similar situation before - he's telling you he doesn't want to hurt you and for you not to get attached - listen to him. I don't think it's responsible for him to be treating you as though you're in a relationship without calling it such, but for whatever reason, that's his issue, you need to put yourself first, take control of the situation and call it a day; it won't end well for you otherwise.
    I'm sorry but I just wanted to say that I TOTALLY agree with what you just said there! Good advice! I couldn't have put it better myself!-& I'm dam good at giving advice if I do say so myself! Don't wanna seem like I'm bragging but....it's a gift!
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    Can I just say i was, until yesterday, in an extremely similar situation as you, only differences were he is the same age as me, and didnt want a relationship because his last one had put him under too much pressure and stress.

    He told me yesterday that its not fair to me anymore, because although we're LIKE a couple, we arent, and cant be. My heart is totally broken, but its better than being strung along if its going nowhere.
    Look at it in this way- Eventhough im broken hearted, I'm so so glad that i know for sure, the uncertainty drove me crazy as im sure it is for you too. Talk to him, be direct, say you need to know that truth.
    Even if he does end up hurting you, life goes on...
 
 
 
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