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Are my parents being unfair or is this normal? Watch

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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    Anon fail. :facepalm:
    yh realised i didnt need to go anon about this . im not bothered
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Basically, it was my really really good friends 18th today which was a meal at chiquitos from 6-9. I asked my dad if i could go and he said he wasnt happy with the idea and he'll think about it. So then eventually he said yes. I was really excited as im never allowed out. The last outing i went to was in march and every other one ive been invited to my parents wouldn't let me go.

    So my mum dropped me off at 7pm and i stayed there till 9pm then i went to get some nandos for my mum upon her request. Eventually i got home at 10pm. When i got home my dad started shouting at me saying im a disappointment of a child and why didnt i get home at 8pm. He said this is the last straw and he's never letting me out again. He even nearly slapped me !

    It's so hurtful that i get treated like this, im gonna be 18 soon and im not allowed out , everyday i have to be home at 5 or its a shouting fest, its like they dont trust me. The last time i went out was in MARCH! im forever making up stories and excuses of why i cant go out to my friends birthday, since i was 15 i wasnt even allowed to do anything for my birthday. i just stay at home all the time. The only time i go out is to college or to work. im sick and tired of this. How can i make them see reason and realise that i need a little bit of freedom and trust.
    Assuming you're Asian, you'll find this type of parental attitude to be both deeply unfair and perfectly normal. And rightly so: what is England, after all, but one giant, heaving, heathen mosh-pit?
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    (Original post by Ayostunner)
    No not really, its just the way they were brought up.
    There wasnt any time i was really allowed out.
    I wish I could explain something to your parents and get it fixed in their heads that is absolutely NORMAL for outings.
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    Tell him that you will slap him next time your not allowed out.
    If he says anything, pick a tool up, deal with the guy
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    you have the exact same problem as my friend, her parents are moving with her to london when she goes to uni so she doesnt have a reason to stay in a hall
    in a way its them trying to protect you from the evil of the world my parents do it to an extent but i think theyve eased a bit.
    have you tried talking to your mum about it? or whoever your close to in your family, oorrr an older sibling?
    are you going to uni?
    its such a hard problem and not solved reallyyy but you could just try being more open with them, or do like my friend - go to "sleepovers" everyweekend and also her parents believe we have baking sessions on a saturday night...
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    Your dad sounds like a tool.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It really, really gets on my nerves when people complain about parents that try to take care of them and to look out for them.

    Your parents are overprotective, they restrict you and you think it ruins your life. You know what? I'd have much rather had people looking out for me than parents who told me not to come home until late at night or who wouldn't give a **** whether I was shooting drugs, prostituting myself or lying dead in a gutter somewhwere.

    You say or think that you're nearly an adult, that you need more freedom and trust. Well, act like you ****ing deserve that respect and freedom.
    yeah but some parents take caring too far..
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    one of my best friends is in practically the same situation as you regarding her parents. I feel very sorry for her because it's important to be able to socialise and have fun and have a break from work, but she isn't allowed to.
    I think your parents are totally unfair, they really need to give you some breathing space.
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    (Original post by Ayostunner)
    No, i told him the party was from 6-9. the party was today. he's still in a mood and im scared to talk to him.
    Don't try and talk to him now, my parents took to me going to uni to relax, and even then took a while once back over xmas for them to stop complaining at me. Which really doesn't give you much hope. I also wasn't allowed a bf and no reasoning with them
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    At the age of 18 you are an adult, for better and for worse. However your character may change from what it is now, this will be the basis of your whole life. Your days of childhood are gone, and even though it may seem to you that your father is all-knowing or all-powerful, he is not. You ought to free yourself in order to become a healthy grown-up man. That situation you described is not healthy at all. Talk it over with your parents, they have no right to restrain you to this extent. If all fails, peacefully leave home - advantages of adulthood.
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    I kinda know where you're coming from here, I come from a strict black family where growing up my mum didn't let me get up to the other things that my friends were doing but that was for the best BUT when I got to sixth form and uni my mum changed a lot and now I'm just an adult to her so she's cool with me now.

    With you, I reckon you really need to speak to someone in your family who your father would listen to and respect. Your mum maybe? No matter how old you are, your dad will most probably see you as still a 'kid' so I think that his being strict albeit very strict is to protect you although he may not realise that he's going OTT with the slapping you and whatnot. Someone who is arguably on the same level as him such as your mother could possibly help him see that what he's doing is wrong and that he should loosen the reigns.

    I really don't think you should rebel because overprotective parents really live on trust, you break it once it becomes very hard for them to trust you again. Trust me. The only way I got the freedom I have now is because I showed my mum that I was trustworthy. You just need to develop a better relationship with your father and hopefully he'll understand where you're coming from.


    Hope I helped you.
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    (Original post by Ayostunner)
    Nope, no clubs, I've been to some birthdays mostly family ones because my parents are there but friends birthdays i dont go often.
    This is SERIOUS bad. Why dont you talk to an aunt or an uncle ( that you can trust ) and tell them to talk to your parents ? Maybe can help !
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    Thanks for the replies guys. I guess i'll just have to wait till uni. I just feel sorry for my younger sister as well
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    Shoe him this thread.
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    (Original post by Ayostunner)
    Nope, no clubs, I've been to some birthdays mostly family ones because my parents are there but friends birthdays i dont go often.
    You know you've stopped being anonymous?? and it sounds like a pretty **** thing, you could try reasoning with your parents as going out develops you as a person. Meeting people is key to building you as a person as well. It's good to interact with all types of personalities. If they want you to be successful they need to let you breathe!

    If not, then just try your best till you get to uni. I do hope you've applied for places where you're away from home - though make sure you don't become reckless! I've heard stories of people like you that get to uni and go absolutely CRAZY and just **** themselves.
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    (Original post by HornAfrican)
    I kinda know where you're coming from here, I come from a strict black family where growing up my mum didn't let me get up to the other things that my friends were doing but that was for the best BUT when I got to sixth form and uni my mum changed a lot and now I'm just an adult to her so she's cool with me now.

    With you, I reckon you really need to speak to someone in your family who your father would listen to and respect. Your mum maybe? No matter how old you are, your dad will most probably see you as still a 'kid' so I think that his being strict albeit very strict is to protect you although he may not realise that he's going OTT with the slapping you and whatnot. Someone who is arguably on the same level as him such as your mother could possibly help him see that what he's doing is wrong and that he should loosen the reigns.

    I really don't think you should rebel because overprotective parents really live on trust, you break it once it becomes very hard for them to trust you again. Trust me. The only way I got the freedom I have now is because I showed my mum that I was trustworthy. You just need to develop a better relationship with your father and hopefully he'll understand where you're coming from.


    Hope I helped you.
    Thanks i've tried talking to my mum but shes my dad's puppet. What he says goes as he's the head of the family im too scared to rebel so thats out of the question lol but hopefully things might get better.



    (Original post by Insiya)
    This is SERIOUS bad. Why dont you talk to an aunt or an uncle ( that you can trust ) and tell them to talk to your parents ? Maybe can help !

    I've tried doing this once about another issue when i didnt want to do medicine , It turned out badly, my dad got upset that im making him out to be a bad parent
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    (Original post by Miyavi)
    You know you've stopped being anonymous?? and it sounds like a pretty **** thing, you could try reasoning with your parents as going out develops you as a person. Meeting people is key to building you as a person as well. It's good to interact with all types of personalities. If they want you to be successful they need to let you breathe!

    If not, then just try your best till you get to uni. I do hope you've applied for places where you're away from home - though make sure you don't become reckless! I've heard stories of people like you that get to uni and go absolutely CRAZY and just **** themselves.
    Yea i'll wait till uni and no im not one that likes outings much , its just that sometimes i go crazy from being stuck in the house too much. I hope i dont go wild though . lol

    P.s - yea i know im not anon
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    University, far away, do it, then cant stop it.
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    That is actually ridiculous! I wouldn't even know how to react to that as I've always been allowed to do what I want.
    • TSR Support Team
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    Sounds like your Dad has serious issues, is there not anyone else you can stay with?
 
 
 
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