Best way to break up with someone

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I love him, but it's not working and that's clear, I can't do this anymore.

Would the best way to slowly ease away from him? So rather than delivering one cold blow, begin to retreat, see him less, text him less, be less chatty and so on. So it feels more like a natural breakdown rather than something I forced?

For around a month he's been horrible to me really really nasty, but I can't force myself to say "it's ended", because I know how bad he will take it.

I am being selfish?
Would this be the right way to end it?

No, it wouldn't. As I had to explain to my ex, generally when you break up with someone, the standard protocol is to tell them. Although, having said that, I hadn't been nasty to him at all.

Original post by Davezk

Explain to him why it isn't working out and just be honest.

I'd go with this. Honesty's the best policy :smile:

Reply 21

laut_biru

Original post by Anonymous

Because otherwise, i'd be:

"You've treated me like **** for four weeks, i've tried to tell you, i've given you space and time and yet you're still doing it".

I'd be blaming him, he'd be the one who hates himself, he's very sensitive, and emotional.

Maybe he needs to hate himself for a while, so he realises what he did wrong, and doesn't treat anyone else like ****?

In the meantime, you get to stop being treated like ****.

Win win.

You're not the guardian of other people's feelings, and why do you care more about his than he does about yours?

Reply 22

Sam89

Don't kill him slowly, just sit him down and tell him, there's no easy or painless way to break up with someone unfortunately.

Reply 23

Anonymous #1

Original post by laut_biru

Because I do care about him, I do "love" him, he is so special :/
Arghhhh

Reply 24

Anonymous #1

Original post by Sam89

Don't kill him slowly, just sit him down and tell him, there's no easy or painless way to break up with someone unfortunately.

I guess so :/
To his face, a phone call, a block and delete? :frown:

Reply 25

laut_biru

Original post by Anonymous

Because I do care about him, I do "love" him, he is so special :/
Arghhhh

It just doesn't sound like he cares anywhere near so much about you.

Don't value other people more than you value yourself. That's just a good way to get yourself hurt. It's nice that you want to spare him some pain, but you shouldn't do so at cost to yourself, and there's no way to make a break up nice, or non-painful.

Reply 26

Sam89

Original post by Anonymous

I guess so :/
To his face, a phone call, a block and delete? :frown:

ALWAYS face-to-face. And decide what you want to do together, do you guys want to have a break and when you're ready you'll be friends, or never talk again? Make it all clear, or he'll be really confused. Also, explain to him fully why you want to break up, don't lie to him, that's the worst cause' sooner or later when he finds out the truth he will begin to hate you.

Reply 27

username47781

Original post by Anonymous

The only way to get out of this is go and see him and tell him it's over, no point carrying on if you don't love him.

Reply 28

username47781

Original post by sparkjolt

Dragging it out is probably the worst thing you can do. It's a horrible feeling, and if anything, it makes him feel as if he'd be doing something wrong more, as he'd be thinking "why is she going off of me? what am I doing wrong?" Dump him outright. You don't have to give him a reason, just say "I don't think this is working" or something along those lines. It may hurt more in the short run, but in the long run, he's far better off.

THIS

Reply 29

Zap Brannigan

Dear baby, welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.

Reply 30

tinshed

call him, ask him to meet up with you somewhere where you both will feel comfortable and say it like it is. If you know it's over let him know too, don't drag it out just come out with. It will be so much easier on the whole. Tell him Everything don't leave anything out, let it all out in one go. Don't be stressing over how he is going to take it, it's not going to be easy no matter what you do so just go with it.
Good luck. x

Reply 31

jordanchase

Perhaps he wants to end things between you as well and that's the reason for his treating you like this, so you will be the one to end it. It might not be the case, but it's just a thought.

Either way, I would agree with what most of the others suggested. Be honest and crystal clear. Get it over and done with asap.