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Why does my gf keep doing this? It's getting on my nerves... Watch

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    I agree with you that your girlfriend's behaviour is over the top and that she sounds insecure, but one point about the conversation with the exchange student: why did you talk to her in German? Because your conversation flowed best in German, or because your girlfriend would not understand what you were saying? If it was the latter, and it sounds like it was, this would probably have been quite obvious to your girlfriend and exacerbated her insecurity. It also seems like you felt that you had something to hide by communicating to this exchange student in a language your girlfriend doesn't understand. Swapping numbers with this student was fine, but in the context of you talking in a different language and knowing of her insecurity, this was bound to make her feel uneasy.
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    (Original post by Iorek)
    Not really sure why my gf does this.. but it does get on my nerves at times and often a bit embarrassing.

    Some situations :-

    We were shopping at a Morrisons, I decided to go to the fishmonger area while she continued along the aisles, there were 2 Chinese girls trying to buy a salmon and the bloke behind the counter had trouble understanding them... so I tried to help them and also started talking a bit to those 2 girls, they got their salmon and started asking me why I spoke their language so well, then my gf sees me in conversation with them, she quickly pushes the trolley to stand by my side and starts telling them she is the gf.

    There was this time we were at a pub, I got on talking to 3 girls that I knew from a conference (they work for a competitor), we exchanged business cards and then we start talking..... my gf comes into the conversation and tells all the 3 she is the gf, then she tells me she wants to go home. I asked her what's wrong she said nothing.

    There was this time, I was walking the dog at a a park and one lady I knew her to be the owner of a certain business establishment and got talking to her because I wanted an appointment to see her. My gf was in the park as well and the moment she saw me talking to that lady she quickly comes over and starts telling that lady I am the bf. Then again she said we should go home.

    Then there was this time I had just returned from work, I saw this boy trying to paint a plastic model car... he is the son of a neighbour of mine who knows me well. I taught him a few tricks to do it better, and I got talking to my neighbour, she is a middle aged woman with 2 sons. My gf saw me talking to her, again she marches over and quickly tells the neighbour I am the bf and starts saying something to the fact that it was late and she wanted to eat.

    The first time it happened was also at a pub, we were still at uni at that time. She dragged me along when she was meeting up with some of her mates, seeing as the conversation was revolving around topics I did not enjoy and I saw one exchange student I knew, I excused myself to talk to her...... we bought a round of drinks and started talking, my gf came by she places her daughter on me and said she was going to the toilet, but before going to the toilet she tells that exchange student she is my gf. She goes to the toilet then she starts hovering around that exchange student and me, we decide to speak in German then since my gf does not understand it... and as soon as my gf realized we were exchanging numbers, she starts asking to go home.

    Just curious, why does she keep doing that? Sometimes I would rather she not do that... how could I tell her to not do that.
    I was quite sympathetic with you until I read the part I've highlighted in bold. I don't blame your girlfriend for being wary if you:
    a) leave your girlfriend to go and drink with another girl in a pub;
    b) speak in another language to said girl so your girlfriend can't understand what's being said (heck, in her mind, you could have been saying absolutely anything to each other and she wouldn't have known...);
    c) exchanged numbers with the girl in question.

    However, if I were your girlfriend, I'd have just given you a good telling off and have tried to have forgotten the incident. It seems like she's really taken that one incident to heart, and I think it'll take a lot of reassurance to regain her trust. Try not to be annoyed with her; once a girl starts to have trust issues, it's very easy for her to dwell on small things (e.g. your talking to the two Chinese girls in the supermarket), build them up and over-think a situation. I'm speaking from experience :rolleyes: although, as it happens, my boyfriend at the time was actually cheating on me with a particular girl, so I feel my lack of trust was justified.
    Perhaps you should just sit her down and gently explain that her constant worry has come to your attention, and you want to resolve the issue. From what I can gather, you never talk about this because she avoids the issue, says 'nothing' is wrong and asks to go home abruptly. Ask her what she worries about, reassure her that you are a trustworthy person and maybe you should make a bigger effort not to cause her so much worry... I know it's hard, when little things seem to upset her so much, but if you're determined to resolve this, you will work at it together.

    Good luck- I hope you sort this
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    She sounds incredibly annoying. Maybe she is just insecure but she sounds like she just pops up at the worst times do you act the same if she talks to a guy?
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    (Original post by christine18)
    I'd say leave her now. It's not worth it, because girls like that can't really change.

    Also, depending on how long you've been together, and how serious your relationship is... perhaps you should contemplate couples counseling?
    Not sure how she would react to me asking us to go for couples counselling, tbh I think I would be rather embarrassed to speak to a counsellor about this and am pretty sure she will be very combative to the idea of seeing one.

    As for leaving her... she has stuck around for me through thick and thin, overall it is a good relationship and good relationships are hard to form.

    (Original post by Persephone9)
    As the girlfriend she can stop you forming friendships with other girls? :wtf:

    Ask her how she'd feel if you did the same to her? Or, more likely to get the message across, do the same to her. (Unfortunately if this doesn't annoy her you may just have to put up with it, or find a better argument than 'you don't like it being done to you, so don't do it to me')
    She genuinely believes as a gf she has every right to stop me from being friends with any other girls she does not want me to. Her exact words.

    Asking her how she feels if I did the same......... Actually I did ask her to stop hanging out with a group of 'chav' type friends she had, largely because I did not want her to get influenced by them to do drugs or be on the wrong side of the law. I told her once, she stopped seeing them all together.

    Now she is expecting the same.

    (Original post by AP1989)
    Stop flirting.
    I wasn't...

    (Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
    I agree with you that your girlfriend's behaviour is over the top and that she sounds insecure, but one point about the conversation with the exchange student: why did you talk to her in German? Because your conversation flowed best in German, or because your girlfriend would not understand what you were saying? If it was the latter, and it sounds like it was, this would probably have been quite obvious to your girlfriend and exacerbated her insecurity. It also seems like you felt that you had something to hide by communicating to this exchange student in a language your girlfriend doesn't understand. Swapping numbers with this student was fine, but in the context of you talking in a different language and knowing of her insecurity, this was bound to make her feel uneasy.
    The conversation revolved around how she liked her semester in Wales, and when my gf started to hover around, she was starting to complain about how she hated anything and everything about Wales and Britain as a whole, I somewhat knew that German was going to start swearing, I had the conversation switch to be in German because I did not want her to swear in front of the child that was in my care and my gf is part Welsh so I was worried that German might say something that could have been offensive.

    That was the first time it happened, and I didn't really know about her insecurity at that time.

    (Original post by Beth Angharad)
    I was quite sympathetic with you until I read the part I've highlighted in bold. I don't blame your girlfriend for being wary if you:
    a) leave your girlfriend to go and drink with another girl in a pub;
    b) speak in another language to said girl so your girlfriend can't understand what's being said (heck, in her mind, you could have been saying absolutely anything to each other and she wouldn't have known...);
    c) exchanged numbers with the girl in question.

    However, if I were your girlfriend, I'd have just given you a good telling off and have tried to have forgotten the incident. It seems like she's really taken that one incident to heart, and I think it'll take a lot of reassurance to regain her trust. Try not to be annoyed with her; once a girl starts to have trust issues, it's very easy for her to dwell on small things (e.g. your talking to the two Chinese girls in the supermarket), build them up and over-think a situation. I'm speaking from experience :rolleyes: although, as it happens, my boyfriend at the time was actually cheating on me with a particular girl, so I feel my lack of trust was justified.
    Perhaps you should just sit her down and gently explain that her constant worry has come to your attention, and you want to resolve the issue. From what I can gather, you never talk about this because she avoids the issue, says 'nothing' is wrong and asks to go home abruptly. Ask her what she worries about, reassure her that you are a trustworthy person and maybe you should make a bigger effort not to cause her so much worry... I know it's hard, when little things seem to upset her so much, but if you're determined to resolve this, you will work at it together.

    Good luck- I hope you sort this
    Thanks for the insight, wasn't really thinking she would react that way.

    (Original post by mel0n)
    She sounds incredibly annoying. Maybe she is just insecure but she sounds like she just pops up at the worst times do you act the same if she talks to a guy?
    I don't do the same when she talks to a guy.... though she rarely ever talks to guys unless she already knows them fairly well. She isn't all that sociable.
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    Yes, she does seem a little insecure.
    But maybe you should think about reassuring her every now and again rather than repeating the same pattern that seems to keep happening?

    I would be annoyed if you went to talk to someone else (regardless of gender), then spoke in another language which excludes the other person completely - all because you were bored in the event that you went to with her!

    I agree with Beth Angharad.


    Best of luck, and yes, try to see it from her perspective too.
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    (Original post by Iorek)
    Not really sure why my gf does this.. but it does get on my nerves at times and often a bit embarrassing.

    Some situations :-

    We were shopping at a Morrisons, I decided to go to the fishmonger area while she continued along the aisles, there were 2 Chinese girls trying to buy a salmon and the bloke behind the counter had trouble understanding them... so I tried to help them and also started talking a bit to those 2 girls, they got their salmon and started asking me why I spoke their language so well, then my gf sees me in conversation with them, she quickly pushes the trolley to stand by my side and starts telling them she is the gf.

    There was this time we were at a pub, I got on talking to 3 girls that I knew from a conference (they work for a competitor), we exchanged business cards and then we start talking..... my gf comes into the conversation and tells all the 3 she is the gf, then she tells me she wants to go home. I asked her what's wrong she said nothing.

    There was this time, I was walking the dog at a a park and one lady I knew her to be the owner of a certain business establishment and got talking to her because I wanted an appointment to see her. My gf was in the park as well and the moment she saw me talking to that lady she quickly comes over and starts telling that lady I am the bf. Then again she said we should go home.

    Then there was this time I had just returned from work, I saw this boy trying to paint a plastic model car... he is the son of a neighbour of mine who knows me well. I taught him a few tricks to do it better, and I got talking to my neighbour, she is a middle aged woman with 2 sons. My gf saw me talking to her, again she marches over and quickly tells the neighbour I am the bf and starts saying something to the fact that it was late and she wanted to eat.

    The first time it happened was also at a pub, we were still at uni at that time. She dragged me along when she was meeting up with some of her mates, seeing as the conversation was revolving around topics I did not enjoy and I saw one exchange student I knew, I excused myself to talk to her...... we bought a round of drinks and started talking, my gf came by she places her daughter on me and said she was going to the toilet, but before going to the toilet she tells that exchange student she is my gf. She goes to the toilet then she starts hovering around that exchange student and me, we decide to speak in German then since my gf does not understand it... and as soon as my gf realized we were exchanging numbers, she starts asking to go home.

    Just curious, why does she keep doing that? Sometimes I would rather she not do that... how could I tell her to not do that.
    Insecure ***** - dump her.
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    There seems to be a common theme in the "there was this one time" stories! It seems to me that she is insecure & jealous! & the reason that she is is because she probably thinks that because you seem to talk to a lot of girls & are able to talk to them easily, that this somehow means that you are going to leave her for someone else! Just let her know that you love her & that she needs to relax & that you aren't going to leave her! Next time, why don't you call her over & introduce her to your friends as your gf, that way she will know that you want her to know that the girls you are talking to are just friends!
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    I thought it would be obvious that she's jealous about you talking to other girls.

    You seem to talk to random girls in other languages and swap numbers a lot, no wonder she's jealous.
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    (Original post by Iorek)
    Just curious, why does she keep doing that? Sometimes I would rather she not do that... how could I tell her to not do that.
    I have a suggestion that might help her to ease off a bit. Since your girlfriend is clearly a bit insecure, she seems to be worried that other women are her rivals and that you might find them more interesting than her. What could be good is if when you are out and about with her - especially in a pub or club environment - you give her some serious attention every now and then. I'm not saying stop having fun and talking to other girls, or that you need to be watching out for your girlfriend the whole time. But just the odd phrase or longing look at your girlfriend will help her to relax. If she feels more confident, she's more likely to just let you get on with your life.

    Example - once when my boyfriend seemed to be feeling insecure because I'm talking to lots of guys I knew when we were out, I stopped my conversation for a moment to send him a text. It simply said, 'I want you. Can't wait to have you later'. I could see across the room him getting the text and this big smile coming on his face. He didn't bother me again until I was ready to leave because he felt good and sure that I was thinking of him.

    Trust me, this often works.

    Also, a quick point: if you expect your girlfriend to ditch friends because you ask her to then I'm afraid you can't be surprised if she does the same. After all, I assume you want a fair relationship. If you want her to back off from the issue of you having female friends, I'd advise that you also reassure her that you will not have a problem with anyone that she chooses to be friends with personally.
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    (Original post by Roloqueen)

    Example - once when my boyfriend seemed to be feeling insecure because I'm talking to lots of guys I knew when we were out, I stopped my conversation for a moment to send him a text. It simply said, 'I want you. Can't wait to have you later'. I could see across the room him getting the text and this big smile coming on his face. He didn't bother me again until I was ready to leave because he felt good and sure that I was thinking of him.

    Trust me, this often works.

    .
    Good idea, I'll use it next time I want to mess around. "Love you babes xx" then bring a skank to the toilets to shag.
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    You speak German and Chinese? Nice. :borat:

    About your gf - you said she had a daughter. What were her past relationships like? If they weren't so good it would explain why she is insecure now, I think all that's needed here is communication, let her know it bothers you, nicely of course, and that she really has nothing to worry about.
    Hope it works out
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    (Original post by Charlottelisabeth)
    There seems to be a common theme in the "there was this one time" stories! It seems to me that she is insecure & jealous! & the reason that she is is because she probably thinks that because you seem to talk to a lot of girls & are able to talk to them easily, that this somehow means that you are going to leave her for someone else! Just let her know that you love her & that she needs to relax & that you aren't going to leave her! Next time, why don't you call her over & introduce her to your friends as your gf, that way she will know that you want her to know that the girls you are talking to are just friends!
    I will try this the next time. Sounds like something fairly simple I could do.

    (Original post by lizlaz350)
    I thought it would be obvious that she's jealous about you talking to other girls.

    You seem to talk to random girls in other languages and swap numbers a lot, no wonder she's jealous.
    I was an overseas student in UK, therefore it is not uncommon that many people I know converse in languages other than English.

    (Original post by Roloqueen)
    I have a suggestion that might help her to ease off a bit. Since your girlfriend is clearly a bit insecure, she seems to be worried that other women are her rivals and that you might find them more interesting than her. What could be good is if when you are out and about with her - especially in a pub or club environment - you give her some serious attention every now and then. I'm not saying stop having fun and talking to other girls, or that you need to be watching out for your girlfriend the whole time. But just the odd phrase or longing look at your girlfriend will help her to relax. If she feels more confident, she's more likely to just let you get on with your life.

    Example - once when my boyfriend seemed to be feeling insecure because I'm talking to lots of guys I knew when we were out, I stopped my conversation for a moment to send him a text. It simply said, 'I want you. Can't wait to have you later'. I could see across the room him getting the text and this big smile coming on his face. He didn't bother me again until I was ready to leave because he felt good and sure that I was thinking of him.

    Trust me, this often works.

    Also, a quick point: if you expect your girlfriend to ditch friends because you ask her to then I'm afraid you can't be surprised if she does the same. After all, I assume you want a fair relationship. If you want her to back off from the issue of you having female friends, I'd advise that you also reassure her that you will not have a problem with anyone that she chooses to be friends with personally.
    Thank you for the suggestion, have already keyed it into my mobile

    As for me telling her to ditch her friends.... I didn't do it out of jealousy but more for her own good.... but fair point.
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    (Original post by CharlieBee_90)
    You speak German and Chinese? Nice. :borat:

    About your gf - you said she had a daughter. What were her past relationships like? If they weren't so good it would explain why she is insecure now, I think all that's needed here is communication, let her know it bothers you, nicely of course, and that she really has nothing to worry about.
    Hope it works out
    German and Chinese yes.

    Yes she does have a daughter. Previous relationships she only had 1 relationship before meeting me, it didn't go well because of the child and some infidelity issues. Family relationships weren't good either......or so I've gathered.

    (Original post by ilovemykitten)
    I thought your gf was being unreasonable up to the point where you mentioned speaking in German with another girl, just so your girlfriend could not understand what you're saying - sounds like something a rude obnoxious person would do, if I am to be frank.

    Next time you decide to bestow your attentions on another female, make sure you introduce your girlfriend FIRST, not ignore her, and generally make it clear you're being friendly, not flirty.
    I explained it in #24 why the conversation switched to German.

    In all the situations I was always being friendly and not flirty. But thanks for the suggestion.
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    It's obvious...
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    I, personally, would go mad if my bf started speaking in another language to another woman. She might have started swearing, but she could have just said the swear words in German? That was totally unfair.

    Have you ever thought that YOU might be the reason she is so insecure? Maybe you cheated on her before and that's why she's acting like that? Maybe you haven't done anything wrong at all, I'm just giving you an example.

    Most girls would be paranoid /jealous if their bf was leaving them to go and speak to random women. And especially exchanging numbers. Be careful how you act around her, make sure she knows that you love her and care about her.

    EDIT: and if you are speaking to others, it's best to include your gf in the conversation, YOU should introduce her as the gf first and then there won't be any need for hostility and she'll ease up
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    (Original post by Iorek)
    Not really sure why my gf does this.. but it does get on my nerves at times and often a bit embarrassing.

    Some situations :-

    We were shopping at a Morrisons, I decided to go to the fishmonger area while she continued along the aisles, there were 2 Chinese girls trying to buy a salmon and the bloke behind the counter had trouble understanding them... so I tried to help them and also started talking a bit to those 2 girls, they got their salmon and started asking me why I spoke their language so well, then my gf sees me in conversation with them, she quickly pushes the trolley to stand by my side and starts telling them she is the gf.

    There was this time we were at a pub, I got on talking to 3 girls that I knew from a conference (they work for a competitor), we exchanged business cards and then we start talking..... my gf comes into the conversation and tells all the 3 she is the gf, then she tells me she wants to go home. I asked her what's wrong she said nothing.

    There was this time, I was walking the dog at a a park and one lady I knew her to be the owner of a certain business establishment and got talking to her because I wanted an appointment to see her. My gf was in the park as well and the moment she saw me talking to that lady she quickly comes over and starts telling that lady I am the bf. Then again she said we should go home.

    Then there was this time I had just returned from work, I saw this boy trying to paint a plastic model car... he is the son of a neighbour of mine who knows me well. I taught him a few tricks to do it better, and I got talking to my neighbour, she is a middle aged woman with 2 sons. My gf saw me talking to her, again she marches over and quickly tells the neighbour I am the bf and starts saying something to the fact that it was late and she wanted to eat.

    The first time it happened was also at a pub, we were still at uni at that time. She dragged me along when she was meeting up with some of her mates, seeing as the conversation was revolving around topics I did not enjoy and I saw one exchange student I knew, I excused myself to talk to her...... we bought a round of drinks and started talking, my gf came by she places her daughter on me and said she was going to the toilet, but before going to the toilet she tells that exchange student she is my gf. She goes to the toilet then she starts hovering around that exchange student and me, we decide to speak in German then since my gf does not understand it... and as soon as my gf realized we were exchanging numbers, she starts asking to go home.

    Just curious, why does she keep doing that? Sometimes I would rather she not do that... how could I tell her to not do that.
    She took her child on a night out to the pub (at a young age I assume)?
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    (Original post by ilovemykitten)
    This paragraph sums up your mistake very well - while your girlfriend was 'hovering' the best thing to do would have been to include her in the conversation to prevent hostility, and if the German did offend your girlfriend you should have set her straight - not offended your girlfriend yourself by isolating her completely by speaking in German.
    I will keep this in mind if there is a next time.

    (Original post by Agony Aunt)
    I, personally, would go mad if my bf started speaking in another language to another woman. She might have started swearing, but she could have just said the swear words in German? That was totally unfair.

    Have you ever thought that YOU might be the reason she is so insecure? Maybe you cheated on her before and that's why she's acting like that? Maybe you haven't done anything wrong at all, I'm just giving you an example.

    Most girls would be paranoid /jealous if their bf was leaving them to go and speak to random women. And especially exchanging numbers. Be careful how you act around her, make sure she knows that you love her and care about her.

    EDIT: and if you are speaking to others, it's best to include your gf in the conversation, YOU should introduce her as the gf first and then there won't be any need for hostility and she'll ease up
    I have never cheated on her.. I do keep some secrets from her, but this is only a recent thing.

    As for including her in the conversations, sometimes it is not easy to include her in as she makes the approach with such look on her face that it is obvious to the other girl I am speaking to that she doesn't approve of the conversation going on.

    A few times I tried telling her I was going to speak to a certain lady and would tell her who that lady is and why I'm trying to be in contact (usually some work related reason), my gf will just say 'fine' in a disgruntled way.... I get her to follow she wouldn't, but the moment she sees the conversation going on, that's when she will make her approach and do what she does.

    (Original post by AnyoneOutThere)
    She took her child on a night out to the pub (at a young age I assume)?
    Saturday lunch......
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    (Original post by Iorek)



    Saturday lunch......
    Ah ok.
    In that case, seeing as though the three of you were there together, that would make it a family lunch wouldn't it? If that was the case, I would not have gone to chat with someone else.
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    (Original post by AnyoneOutThere)
    Ah ok.
    In that case, seeing as though the three of you were there together, that would make it a family lunch wouldn't it? If that was the case, I would not have gone to chat with someone else.
    It was a meet up with some of her mates from home... the conversations going on weren't really to my interest....... so I decided to leave them to it.
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    This one time, at band camp..
 
 
 
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