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I need to be in a relationship to feel complete. And I'm okay with it. Watch

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    (Original post by wolfspirit)
    When I was 17, this is exactly what I thought. Then I fell in love :love:
    On the contrary, I'm in a relationship now, and I believe to be in love with him. However, we still have a long way to go yet; I'm in uni next year, and he's already in second year. Whether or not it's real love will depend on if we can stay together in the next few years. And although I will be very upset if it doesn't, I'll pick myself and move on, and be alone until I meet someone else. But that doesn't scare me.
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    I agree, pretty much. I think the whole thing of saying you don't need someone is kind of to cheer people up.

    I mean, there's nothing wrong with feeling like you don't need a relationship, but if I had to estimate I'd say more people want someone than don't.

    Also it's not just relationship or none. People might not want a relationship so be single, but they still have sexual partners or other people that are more than friends, so still seek that even though they want to be single.
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    I agree. I can't explain it but it's just how I feel. I can't explain how happy I am when in a relationship, I just am.
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    (Original post by bethanyglowe)
    On the contrary, I'm in a relationship now, and I believe to be in love with him. However, we still have a long way to go yet; I'm in uni next year, and he's already in second year. Whether or not it's real love will depend on if we can stay together in the next few years. And although I will be very upset if it doesn't, I'll pick myself and move on, and be alone until I meet someone else. But that doesn't scare me.
    If you're not scared about what will happen if you break up, then you're probably not in love My bf and I started uni this year and when I think of us breaking up, my heart practically stops! So I'd say give it time
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    (Original post by wolfspirit)
    If you're not scared about what will happen if you break up, then you're probably not in love My bf and I started uni this year and when I think of us breaking up, my heart practically stops! So I'd say give it time
    What I meant is, I'm not scared of being alone. Does that mean I'm not in love? I don't know ...
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    The key is to WANT someone, but not NEED someone. Big difference.
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    Perfectly natural to want that someone to hold hands with etc but usually it happens when you least expect it or when you ain't looking for it.
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    I completly agree with you, OP! And it certainly doesn't mean that I care about my boyfriend any less. I think I love him more because of feeling like that.
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    I think the best relationship you can have is when there's a great mutual friendship between the both of you.

    I don't think there's any point in having a relationship just for the sake of having one. Yes you might feel lonely when all your mates have bfs and whatever, but at the same time, I personally feel it just makes it even better when you meet the right person
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    I was single until I was around 17, and perfectly happy, but then out of the blue, fell madly in love and they were without doubt they were the happiest days of my life. It was just absolutely beyond words, and have had nothing like it ever before. Yet, two years later, and she didn't feel the same, and its totally destroyed me. Its been nearly half a year and things are still no where near back to normal, but very slowly getting better.

    Point being, before, I always felt fine being single, but when something like that comes in and changes your whole outlook on life, I feel like I've become dependent on her. Its just horrible to try and wean yourself off, but I think doable. It just takes getting used to, and lots of support. There is no point being with someone, just to become dependent on them. If you're going to be dependent, make sure its on the right person.
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    (Original post by bethanyglowe)
    What I meant is, I'm not scared of being alone. Does that mean I'm not in love? I don't know ...
    Obviously I don't know anything about your relationship, so I don't know if you're in love but it's the best feeling in the world :love:
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    This is a good post. Self acceptance. However I find that loving yourself will make your relationships less potentially damaging, more fulfilling for you and your partner and just generally lead you to have a better life.

    Look at exploring your shadow side or working on limiting beliefs about yourself or emotional work. Some may think Im trying to suggest you have a mental problem. I believe all of us have issues with this and unless we work on our self love, we will be more likely to hate ourselves.
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    Sigh...I admire your admittance but I ask you this:

    How will you cope with someone else if you can't even cope on your own? You'll be just as clingy to the person you're with.

    Learn to be yourself on your own before you try it with someone else. Or, you'll end up like one of my best mates who is an emotional maelstrom at age 19.
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    Agree with someone else over the idea of want vs need. When I 'needed' to be in a relationship, I ended up in some fairly unhealthy situations because I valued being in a relationship as more important than what was happening between us - it spectacularly fell apart 3 times. My need was based on my self-esteem or lack of it, because I had always believed it would fill a void.

    Relationships changed so much for me once I was in a healthier place in my head and valued the most important relationship of all - the one with myself. Once I started putting myself first, I was amazed at the kind of people I was attracting and felt attracted to - confident, self-assured, nice people. It didn't always work out with them, but to this day, they're the people I've remained friends with and think of fondly.

    So I guess I don't need a relationship to feel complete; I can do a good job of fulfilling those needs and I'm not afraid of being alone (my last relationship was abusive and I can safely say I'd take a life of being a crazy cat lady than ever go through something like that again).

    And I don't want a relationship if the contentment is the return on the investment - I want to bring that to the table as a given, so I can show the other person that my life has already been positive without them - and work on building something just as awesome with them in it.
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    (Original post by xx glitterpixie xx)
    I know teens growing up nowadays (especially girls) get told a LOT that "you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy." But I do. I have a great time when I'm out with friends, but no matter how happy I feel, when I see a couple holding hands or hear about my friends' relationships, I feel like there's something missing. But the thing is, I don't care that I shouldn't be feeling this way!
    Has the media's portrayal of "Empowered single women" actually back-fired so that when women, and teens in particular, DO want relationships, they are made to feel as though they weaker than women who are happy to be single?
    I do appreciate that some poeple believe that love and relationships aren't the most important things in the world, but people weren't created to live alone. WE GET LONELY.
    I'm getting fed up of feeling needy or weak when I think about wanting a relationship. It's NATURAL to want companionship. Isn't it??
    Discuss
    I like that you can admit it!

    I'm generally a lone wolf, everyone who meets me seems generally surprised when I tell them that I prefer to be by myself (this is why I really want a job with as little people-contact as possible, I hate the buggers!). I'm a terrible friend... I get back to people like... weeks after they ask me something (not proud, just lazy and indifferent to the situation despite the fact that I do love my friends).

    HOWEVER, one person that I could not go a day without talking to is my boyfriend! Everyone always asks me how I don't get sick of him, and tells me that we're both too clingy... and they're also always like OMG HOW U STAY SO LONG 2GEVA, which is funny because they don't realise that it's themselves that are getting in the way of commitment. People think 3 years is long, but back in THE OLD DAYS it was nothing, people just have crappy attitudes to commitment these days is all. I'm not asking for marriage (though to us that's a piece of paper, we're closer than many married couples I know), just companionship and monogamy! I live with him too, and everyone thinks that's awful cause I'm 19 and 'chained down' but honestly, it's the best!

    EDIT: But then again we're so much alike... it's like being alone... but with someone else? My God I worded that terribly xD, that sounds awful.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i'm going through a similar problem or situation. i fear i'm only with someone cause i love feeling wanted and needed. and hate the loneliness single life brings. a few months ago. i was happy single, and with my friends and my life. so i was seeing this guy. and i wasn't so attached to him, but i enjoyed spending time with him. then things changed. he wanted to get serious. i went to uni. my life chaned. lack of friends. old friends busy with lives. new environment. all i had to count on was him. now i'm overly attached. scared of being on my own. i'm an insecure wreck, and i'm unsure this relationship is perfectly right for me. but i will be so unhappy without him, and may fall into some sort of depression. i don't think i can handle it. probably not the same as OP who seems confident and secure. i'm hopeless.
    Hi, this isn't the OP. I'm anonymous coz I don't want people knowing my username on here and reading about my personal problems. I just read your post and I went through the EXACT same thing in 2008-2009. things were good with friends and life in general, then i started sixth form and things were unusual, coincidentally i got with my then-boyfriend at the time. prior to this i was happy being single. and yeah when i first started seeing the guy, i wasn't really attached, i saw us more as friends. but then feelings developed coz we spent so much time together, and he asked me out. i thought, why not! and i got with him. it became serious, an coz all my friends i just drifted away from them, and some got other friends n just didn't bother anymore... so he was pretty much all i had. i miss him still, now. it was great when we were together, i just didn't realise how much at a dangerous rate i was becoming too attached for him, like the saying 'Dont put all your eggs in one basket' well I did..
    I suppose it was the 'honeymoon stage' and things were great. but then in the summer, he unexpectedly dumped me - guess why? - for being too clingy. see the pattern? you're not hopeless. you still have a chance, don't worry. I've learnt from my mistakes. sadly after he dumped me, we got back together numerous times on/off for months - the most miserable months i've ever had. and then after the final break up things just got worse. after being so attached i just couldnt let go... i suppose i am moving on now. just don't let it get as messy as that. no guy is worth that amount of trouble... just make sure you have the right balance... meet new friends or get in touch with old ones, you'll be glad you did when they have your back eventually. enjoy life to the full... have different hobbies, mix, socialize! you won't become depressed without him, you're just relying on him too much, like a safety blanket. "Those who aren't living life on the edge are taking up too much space." live your life for YOU, life is for living, live it like your greatest dream, coz your only here once. and don't let him, or any future boyfriend, take that away from you.
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    (Original post by xx glitterpixie xx)
    I know teens growing up nowadays (especially girls) get told a LOT that "you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy." But I do. I have a great time when I'm out with friends, but no matter how happy I feel, when I see a couple holding hands or hear about my friends' relationships, I feel like there's something missing. But the thing is, I don't care that I shouldn't be feeling this way!
    Has the media's portrayal of "Empowered single women" actually back-fired so that when women, and teens in particular, DO want relationships, they are made to feel as though they weaker than women who are happy to be single?
    I do appreciate that some poeple believe that love and relationships aren't the most important things in the world, but people weren't created to live alone. WE GET LONELY.
    I'm getting fed up of feeling needy or weak when I think about wanting a relationship. It's NATURAL to want companionship. Isn't it??
    Discuss
    It is really all dependent upon what your meaning of a relationship is.

    I have actually been involved in relationships with the following;

    Home town friends
    Church members
    Uni friends
    Work associates
    Club members
    Acquaintances
    Neighbors
    Relatives
    Bartenders
    Salesmen
    GF’s
    FWB
    FB
    Booty calls

    There are lots of folks you already have a relationship with right now.

    Yes, I think it’s natural to want companionship and I consider that most in the above list as friends that can satisfy those needs.

    If you are looking for companionship for casual sex then there are many possibilities available in the aforementioned list.

    If on the other hand if you are looking for marriage then things do get a lot tougher as many understand that divorce rates ~50% cannot bode well for the long term.

    (Original post by alibobs)
    I'm happy to be alone. I don't personally believe you can have a healthy relationship unless you are happy and feel ok with being alone. IMO if you feel like you need someone to complete you, you're going to end up relying on the person to make you feel ok and that's not a healthy relationship. A relationship should be something which adds something to your life, not makes it. Don't get me wrong, relationships are great and we are social creatures who seek out companionship and a mate but I really do believe unless you are truly happy outside a relationship you can't be happy inside one, not properly so anyway
    I couldn't have said it better.
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by WhuTom)
    Sigh...I admire your admittance but I ask you this:

    How will you cope with someone else if you can't even cope on your own? You'll be just as clingy to the person you're with.

    Learn to be yourself on your own before you try it with someone else. Or, you'll end up like one of my best mates who is an emotional maelstrom at age 19.
    That's not necessarily what will happen. I was suffering from depression because I wanted a relationship so desperately. And then I did meet someone, but I don't think I was particularly clingy. I didn't feel the need to be around her all the time and I liked having some time to myself.

    I still felt pretty good about myself for a while after the relationship ended, but after a while I did start feeling a bit sorry for myself. Still nowhere near as bad as it was before though.
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    I used to be like that & get depressed.
    But now I don't need anyone at all, which is just the way I like it.
    No more heartbreak everrrr
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    I don't think it's really normal to be unhappy without a relationship. When I came out of my last one I was completely at peace with the idea of the single life, enthusiastic even, but then I met somebody who turned all that around and I'm in an amazing relationship, but no way would I have done that if it weren't somebody exceptional

    Relationships shouldn't be something you look for, you'll just end up settling for the first thing that comes along. It's not necessarily about being strong or empowered, and therefore weak if you seek companionship; it's more the advantages of being content alone that ultimately make you a happier person, and any relationship you get into more rewarding :yep:
 
 
 
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