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Boyfriend doesn't seem to think my orgasm is important... Watch

    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My problem is that he can't last during intercourse, and if I don't orgasm during intercourse he doesn't bother to touch me afterwards or even ask if I'm satisfied.
    I haven't really looked into it, but there must be some kind of lubricant that could make him last longer?
    If not, you could try female orgasm enhancing gels (like durex play o) to make it easier for you to orgasm.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just wondering if I'm being unreasonable, or if this is my boyfriend's problem.

    I orgasm most easily through intercourse. Unfortunately, my boyfriend tends to orgasm very quickly during intercourse - about 3-6 mins I'd say and not more, sometimes less. I CAN orgasm in this time, by "helping myself" along and by only having sex in one position in which it is easy for me to achieve orgasm. It is rare he outlasts me by even seconds, he normally comes immediately I do, and about 1 time in 4, it is before me, in which case I don't orgasm at all.

    With my ex I had a fulfilling sex life, we'd have intercourse in various positions over a longer period of time, giving more build up for me, and he communicated with me a lot so he got the positioning exactly right. If I didn't orgasm, he'd offer to bring me off in other ways as many times as I liked.

    With my current boyfriend, it is just a rush for me to achieve orgasm as fast as possible, so that I actually manage to orgasm before or at the same time as him. I find this frustrating, because it puts a pressure on me, and means we can't experiment with positions etc.

    When he reaches orgasm before me, he never asks me if I am ok, if I am satisfied or if there is anything he can do for me. He just gives me a hug and gets out of bed, leaving me frustrated and feeling hurt, like he doesn't care about my pleasure.

    I was feeling unhappy and frustrated so I talked to him. I told him that sometimes, when we have sex, especially in other positions than my sure-fire one, I feel frustrated when I don't orgasm. I said that sometimes I am happy for it to be about him, but a lot of other times I'm left sexually frustrated. I let him off the hook by saying I knew it was sometimes before work, and he didn't have time to bring me off when I hadn't come, but that I'd like it if he asked me if I was satisfied because sometimes I was frustrated.

    He said to me that "sex is more about the journey than the destination" to which I replied that having an orgasm was very important to me. I said I would like chance to experiment with how other positions felt with him, but I'd need longer to orgasm in that case, and that I avoided them because having an orgasm is very important to me. I really stressed that point.

    We had sex the next two days after this conversation. The first time, he pulled me into a position he wanted, in which he knows I can't come. He came, I didn't, and even after all the talking we'd done, he never even asked if I was ok and if he could do anything more for me. The next time we had sex, again he came first and he didn't say a word to me, didn't comment on the fact that I'd got just to the edge before he'd come. He jsut gave me a hug and was affectionate. I made a joke about having to 'finish myself off' and he just laughed like I was being really funny.

    I can't understand why he doesn't see my orgasm as a priority - he always gets one - and would like some advice on what more I can do/say.

    BTW, don't suggest I just orgasm before intercourse. I hate this, and it makes intercourse uncomfortable for me and takes ALL the pleasure out of it.

    Plus, we've tried 'going again' after a while. Even 3-4 hours after sex, he often still can't get an erection. He just isn't one of those guys who is up for a (slightly desensitised) repeat performance.

    What can I do?
    Just before he is about to 'finish' do something that's a real turn off, then get up and walk away, then tell him 'it's the journey that counts' :rollseyes:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He's sounds like a boring **** in bed who doesn't give a crap about you.

    Next time you guys have sex, stop about 3-4 minutes, before he's come. If he complains you can tell him that's how you always feel. Then tell him to **** off.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Start very obviously faking early, about 2 minutes in. When you're done, tell him to get out, your done, and give him a hug.

    Guys learn quickest this way.
    These two are also very good.
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    Talk to him about it and get him to google ways to last longer.

    Also, foreplay.
    • #4
    #4

    Hello again everyone!
    I'm seeing my boyfriend tomorrow, but I'm not sure if we will get any alone time!
    I hope we do..and I hope things go well (if you know what I mean...)

    Anyone have any advice on how I can talk to him about spending more time on foreplay?
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    Ask for more? It's not that difficult.
    • #4
    #4

    I will try to talk to him about it...but I know that he won't be happy! (Which could cause the opposite effect of what I want!)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I will try to talk to him about it...but I know that he won't be happy! (Which could cause the opposite effect of what I want!)
    Well at the moment you aren't happy, he has to listen to you or he's too selfish to be worth bothering with?
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    I can't think of any guy who wouldn't make some serious changes if his girlfriend told him she wasn't enjoying sex.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Clumsy_Chemist)
    Well at the moment you aren't happy, he has to listen to you or he's too selfish to be worth bothering with?
    I know, I know...But he really isn't selfish in other aspects of our relationship! I will definitely talk to him tomorrow, if we get alone time!
    I'm sure I'll end up being horny at some point tomorrow so I'll see if I get the opportunity to bring up the conversation!
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    Change boyfriends
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    You need to ditch him. Get a guy who is bothered if you enjoy sex or not.
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    Stop before he's about to ***, and say 'sex is more about the journey than the destination.'
    • #4
    #4

    Hi again,
    I didn't get to talk to my bf about my problem the other day
    He came over yesterday afternoon and then slept over at my house last night...but still no orgasms for me
    Instead of coming onto him like I usually do, I decided to play it cool by just being friendly and kind. I hoped that he would eventually get horny and start coming onto me, but he didn't. We didn't have sex or even kiss a lot, which has made me feel rubbish and unattractive!

    So we have now gone from having unsatisfying sex (for me!)...to no sex at all.

    I think he tried to make a funny dig at me this morning. We were talking about drinking hot tea...and he said that I don't swallow and raised his eyebrows. So I gave him a little hint by replying 'well you never let me get close enough to you for that.'

    Now I don't know if I'm just over-reacting because my pill is making me hormonal!

    I'm going out with him and a few mates tonights for some drinks. Shall I try to tackle the conversation tonight (after a few drinks) or do I just grin and bare it?!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi again,
    I didn't get to talk to my bf about my problem the other day
    He came over yesterday afternoon and then slept over at my house last night...but still no orgasms for me
    Instead of coming onto him like I usually do, I decided to play it cool by just being friendly and kind. I hoped that he would eventually get horny and start coming onto me, but he didn't. We didn't have sex or even kiss a lot, which has made me feel rubbish and unattractive!

    So we have now gone from having unsatisfying sex (for me!)...to no sex at all.

    I think he tried to make a funny dig at me this morning. We were talking about drinking hot tea...and he said that I don't swallow and raised his eyebrows. So I gave him a little hint by replying 'well you never let me get close enough to you for that.'

    Now I don't know if I'm just over-reacting because my pill is making me hormonal!

    I'm going out with him and a few mates tonights for some drinks. Shall I try to tackle the conversation tonight (after a few drinks) or do I just grin and bare it?!
    Next time you want him to come on to you act more flirty and be more direct with your intentions.

    Talk to him about after a few drinks in private. You should not put up with it at all. Sex is about giving not just taking. He should be concerned that you don't orgasm.

    Good luck x
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by KJ_the_crazy_chick)
    Next time you want him to come on to you act more flirty and be more direct with your intentions.

    Talk to him about after a few drinks in private. You should not put up with it at all. Sex is about giving not just taking. He should be concerned that you don't orgasm.

    Good luck x :)
    Thanks a lot for the advice! x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks a lot for the advice! x
    It is okay. I hope it works out for you and he realises how selfish he is being. x
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    Look, when you have sex with someone, whether it's a one night stand or a long-term relationship, you need to take the other person's wellbeing into consideration - hell, that's what makes sex so nice, it's two (or more) people having a good time together - otherwise you're just using their body, and it's not on, you may as well use your hand if the only person's orgasm you care about is your own. I've had one boyfriend who didn't give a toss about my needs during sex - he didn't stay a boyfriend for long.
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    hi,

    try positions where he is standing...that usually helps..

    or ask him to tell you when he is about to come..then stop..take a breather..

    or shag once..get it out of your system..wait a few hours and do it again..an average young man should be able to 'recharge' within 2 to 3 hours..

    tell him in no uncertain terms your sexual fulfillment is impt too..

    but if he if good to you in many other was..sexual happiness is achievable..just be open with him..but not patronising, spiteful or mean...

    men are usually always conscious of their performance in bed and it will hit him hard and consequently worsen your sex life..all the best!!
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    I think from a practical perspective you need to help him learn to last longer, 6 minutes or whatever is frankly pathetic and any guy can do a lot better than that. I'm sure you know the tips and techniques a guy can use to delay orgasm (it's not that difficult with practice) so maybe go through these with him in a positive way.

    If he really won't fulfill you even after you explain things to him carefully, and it just isn't important to him, you'll have to weigh up whether the rest of the relationship makes it worth staying with him, and if not, move on!

    By not talking to him about it that's kind of unfair - he should have the chance to know clearly how you feel, what he can do about it and have the chance to change.
 
 
 
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