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    (Original post by Creative Username)
    i may gain emotional freedom and a fresh perspective but id also be losing the closest person to me...i dont see how i could keep her as a friend, it would be impossible to just shove all the other feelings to one side, so id just end up feeling the same way about her. the only way i could possibly avoid that is by finding another girl, which would prove difficult and i think even then, a part of me would still want her! so yeah, if she just turned round and said, she couldnt leave her BF when i provided the ultimatum, it would end up with us not talking anymore because the heartache would still be there
    This is all assumption, you don't know if you will not be friends, neither do you not know that you will not find another girl, and still feel the same about her. The point is, you need to do 'something', as you can't carry on feeling this way, being an angular point in a love triangle.
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    (Original post by Roo Bix)
    This is all assumption, you don't know if you will not be friends, neither do you not know that you will not find another girl, and still feel the same about her. The point is, you need to do 'something', as you can't carry on feeling this way, being an angular point in a love triangle.
    how could i possibly still be friends with her? At the moment, technically, we're just friends (even though we both know its more than that) and look how that is. Removing all the flirty stuff we talk about and the sexual undertones and so on, to make us, actually just friends isnt going to change the heartache i feel when i know shes with her BF, or when i think about them together.

    I agree though...i dont think it can go on like this much longer, it hurts too much, ugh, but then i think about not having her there and its like a black hole in my life, a void >.< this sucks, it really, really sucks. Guess ill just have to find the right time to tell her and try and hope for the best...or something...
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    (Original post by Creative Username)
    how could i possibly still be friends with her? At the moment, technically, we're just friends (even though we both know its more than that) and look how that is. Removing all the flirty stuff we talk about and the sexual undertones and so on, to make us, actually just friends isnt going to change the heartache i feel when i know shes with her BF, or when i think about them together
    Yes, yes it will.

    'Removing all the flirty stuff' as it were will bring your friendship back to basics - was your friendship built upon a heartache for each other? Scratch the surface and get back to how you were. Of course, it will take time, the lightbulb of love doesn't have a switch, it has a dimmer. :cookie:

    You are making the assumption that you will find it hard to be friends based upon the position you're in now, which is a typical mistake lots of people make, as they are scared to make new, logical decisions because their perspective remains confined to the rules the situation they reside in, set.

    The argument against this, I'm making an assumption that things will change. But the difference between my perspective and your perspective is that mine is neutral, because I am on the outside, unattached, where as yours is heated, bound by the rules of being inside the situation.
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    I'm really sorry for your situation; it breaks my heart. But you need to stop things with her. She may care about you deeply, but you don't deserve to be someone's 2nd pick. You WILL find someone who you click with and you'll look back at this and think "Why did I even waste my time to begin with?" She also needs you to let go so that she can properly move ahead in her relationship. What you two have going is not good for either of you.

    She may be your best friend now, but you'll find someone else who makes your heart beat like that. Someone who will come home to YOU, not someone else. Someone who will give you the attention and love someone as sweet and kind as you deserves. <big hugs> Good luck
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    (Original post by Creative Username)
    Hm, knowing her like i do, i just can't see this being the case, i think she does genuinely like me, i know if she wasn't in a relationship that she would definitely be with me and i know, it makes her sad that we're not together. Obviously though, it doesn't make her so sad that shes willing to give up her BF for me but i just cant imagine that she'd just use me. Its more than that.
    You said it yourself that while she has feelings for you they're obviously not strong enough for her to break up with her boyfriend. It may make her "sad" that you're not together but ultimately she's the one with the power to change it and the fact she isn't willing to speaks volumes. You shouldn't be left dangling as someone's second choice no matter how emotionally tortured they claim to be.

    The thing is even if she did choose you could you ever truly trust that she was committed to you seeing as she seems to be in "love" with two different people? You sound like far too nice a person to have to put up with this, you deserve much better.
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    (Original post by Azayki)
    I'm really sorry for your situation; it breaks my heart. But you need to stop things with her. She may care about you deeply, but you don't deserve to be someone's 2nd pick. You WILL find someone who you click with and you'll look back at this and think &quot;Why did I even waste my time to begin with?&quot; She also needs you to let go so that she can properly move ahead in her relationship. What you two have going is not good for either of you.

    She may be your best friend now, but you'll find someone else who makes your heart beat like that. Someone who will come home to YOU, not someone else. Someone who will give you the attention and love someone as sweet and kind as you deserves. &lt;big hugs&gt; Good luck
    Thanks, i appreciate it, i cant imagine ever looking back and thinking 'why did i waste my time with that' though, it may be something that hurts now, it may not be a good situation to be in, one that i may have to leave but it is still a very special thing to me, id hate to think id ever just think it was a waste of time, we have a lot of good memories, fun times and laughs, being happy with each other! I hope youre right in saying that ill find someone else though, i really do. The thing is though, its taken me this long to find someone like her, how long could it be before i find someone else?


    (Original post by JenKat)
    You said it yourself that while she has feelings for you they're obviously not strong enough for her to break up with her boyfriend. It may make her &quot;sad&quot; that you're not together but ultimately she's the one with the power to change it and the fact she isn't willing to speaks volumes. You shouldn't be left dangling as someone's second choice no matter how emotionally tortured they claim to be.

    The thing is even if she did choose you could you ever truly trust that she was committed to you seeing as she seems to be in &quot;love&quot; with two different people? You sound like far too nice a person to have to put up with this, you deserve much better.
    Hmm, im not sure if youre right in saying i deserve better, i think probably, shes too good for me. The guy shes with, as much as i dislike him (for reasons other than him being her BF) is just generally...a better person than me, confident, good-looking, takes control and doesnt let other people mess him around...all things im not. Its not nice to be 2nd best though, its possible that she does love me more than him at the moment but since shed have to give up so much to be with me, then shes settling for him. Either way, it still makes me feel 2nd best and thats a horrible feeling...I think im just going to have to go for all or nothing, tell her how i feel and see if things will change or if im going to have to just move on, as much as it pains me to say that.
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    (Original post by Creative Username)
    Hmm, im not sure if youre right in saying i deserve better, i think probably, shes too good for me.
    There's no such thing as someone being too good for you especially not when that person treats you the way she has. I get that you really like her so are willing to justify her behaviour but to (admittedly emotionally uninvolved) outsiders it looks very much like she is currently having her cake and eating it while you're left miserable.

    It wouldn't be easy for her to leave her boyfriend granted but frankly if she wanted to do it then she could and if she isn't willing to free herself from her supposed unhappiness then she really ought to let you know where you stand. I apologise if I seem to be hammering home the point here and I understand it's a lot more complicated than what I've outlined I just think you really need to stop putting this girl on a pedestal for your own sake because it doesn't sound like she has your best interests in mind.
 
 
 
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