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Is my boyfriend making no effort or am I being paranoid? Watch

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    (Original post by Katq)
    Maybe, but it shouldn't be FIFA > Girlfriend.
    ah but what if his girlfriend is being grumpy,

    if he's playing a game of FIFA and she demands he stop playing, and then they sit there while she moans about how he ignores her, i mean that's not going to be enjoyable for either of them.

    whereas If she asks to play and shows an interest then they can both have fun together, i mean it's not like she had something planned, she just came over to spend time with him, she could easily do that, she just wants to do it on her terms
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    He sounds extremely selfish and lazy. If he's got a car he should drive to see you more or pick you up! What kind of a man is that? He's not even a boy! It's ridiculous. Please don't put up with it. Like others have suggested it don't text him as often, don't go to see him etc. If he doesn't contact you then you'll know he wasn't bothered about it and you can move on. I mean whyyy?? can't he text he you while he's watching a movie? He sounds like bad news to me.
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    (Original post by Drumzilla)
    ah but what if his girlfriend is being grumpy,

    if he's playing a game of FIFA and she demands he stop playing, and then they sit there while she moans about how he ignores her, i mean that's not going to be enjoyable for either of them.

    whereas If she asks to play and shows an interest then they can both have fun together, i mean it's not like she had something planned, she just came over to spend time with him, she could easily do that, she just wants to do it on her terms
    Well.. He could play FIFA before she came, and do something else with her when she came around, not including FIFA? :P At least go to bed the same time as her, like couples do? And not sleep on the sofa when she spends the night?

    Although FIFA isn't the real issue here, it's just part of the problems she has with him.
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    (Original post by Katq)
    Well.. He could play FIFA before she came, and do something else with her when she came around, not including FIFA? :P At least go to bed the same time as her, like couples do? And not sleep on the sofa when she spends the night?

    Although FIFA isn't the real issue here, it's just part of the problems she has with him.
    i get you with the going to bed thing, sleeping on the sofa is a bit weird.

    its just everyone seems to be going "get rid of him" "he treats you like crap" blah blah blah and i feel like playing devils advocate lol, sticking up for my fellow man, it doesn't mean he doesn't like her or appreciate her but maybe he's just not as dependent on her as she is on him.

    Im only focusing on the FIFA because its an example of where she could try and get involved with him in an area where he is comfortable, instead of demanding that everything be done to accommodate her, i mean she could just drop her kecks and he'd probably turn off FIFA but i think she wants an alternate solution haha :P
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    (Original post by Drumzilla)
    i get you with the going to bed thing, sleeping on the sofa is a bit weird.

    its just everyone seems to be going "get rid of him" "he treats you like crap" blah blah blah and i feel like playing devils advocate lol, sticking up for my fellow man, it doesn't mean he doesn't like her or appreciate her but maybe he's just not as dependent on her as she is on him.

    Im only focusing on the FIFA because its an example of where she could try and get involved with him in an area where he is comfortable, instead of demanding that everything be done to accommodate her, i mean she could just drop her kecks and he'd probably turn off FIFA but i think she wants an alternate solution haha :P
    I see :P Well I'll stand up for my fellow girl. I know how frustrating it is to feel I am making the whole relationship work by myself, just because I like him too much to dump him because of these details (which he probably doesn't realise he's doing, untill she gives him less attention).
    Maybe he isn't as dependent on her, but he shouldn't assume she will stick around forever if he never contacts her or does small manly favours for her like pick her up. She makes the effort to come around, call him, text him etc, while he recieves it all and seems to expect her to make all the effort. Taking her for granted.

    To me, it just sounds like he is just taking more than giving.
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    (Original post by Katq)
    I see :P Well I'll stand up for my fellow girl. I know how frustrating it is to feel I am making the whole relationship work by myself, just because I like him too much to dump him because of these details (which he probably doesn't realise he's doing, untill she gives him less attention).
    Maybe he isn't as dependent on her, but he shouldn't assume she will stick around forever if he never contacts her or does small manly favours for her like pick her up. She makes the effort to come around, call him, text him etc, while he recieves it all and seems to expect her to make all the effort. Taking her for granted.

    To me, it just sounds like he is just taking more than giving.
    hmmm, well i agree he probably doesn't realise he's doing it, but if she doesn't voice these feelings to him then its not his fault, he won't think anythings wrong.

    If you just sit there in a strop, then it doesn't help anyone least of all her. She just needs to let him know, if he then continues then yes you can say he doesn't care. But just paying him less attention, from a guys perspective (or mine at least) i'd just assume she didn't like me anymore and not bother working for it. The best thing to do is really make it clear, not hint or suggest just tell him.
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    He's not making an effort and you're doing too much imo. Why walk to his house, seriously?!
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    (Original post by Drumzilla)
    well if you pay for petrol :dontknow: plus when its really snowy it'a just as dangerous for him to drive to get you
    Not when it's your pregnant girlfriend walking in the snow instead.

    I'm sorry OP, your boyfriend sounds like an absolute douche. Words are cheap, I can't see anything that says he cares about you, let alone, love you from what you've described.

    Talk to him, but be firm. Don't let his 'I'm sorry, I love you' begging sway you so easily.
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    (Original post by Meh.)
    Not when it's your pregnant girlfriend walking in the snow instead.
    .
    In fairness she didn't say how far along, and then i think she said she got an abortion shortly after, so it's not like full on preggers. jus' sayin.

    And it would be just as dangerous, it's a lot safer walking in the snow than driving. I don't know where she lives but in some areas they were advising no driving unless absolutely necessary.
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    lol can't believe you're letting this happen and you've only been together for a short period of time as well; you should still be in the honeymoon period! I'd take the advice of not contacting him for a while. See what happens. But to be honest, doesn't look good.
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    (Original post by Drumzilla)
    ah but what if his girlfriend is being grumpy,

    if he's playing a game of FIFA and she demands he stop playing, and then they sit there while she moans about how he ignores her, i mean that's not going to be enjoyable for either of them.

    whereas If she asks to play and shows an interest then they can both have fun together, i mean it's not like she had something planned, she just came over to spend time with him, she could easily do that, she just wants to do it on her terms
    Well I have tried to get involved in it... we had a master plan that he was going to train me up until I was amazing then we were going to trick all our friends out of loads of money when I beat them all.. but then they started playing a season and cups etc so I they dont want me to play anymore because I'll ruin it lol... obv I get it. I'm a girl so I was pretty awful. And if I just pop round after uni I won't make a fuss if they play because we don't have plans but I don't like it when he'll be like, baaabe please come over I wanna see you. Or if I have stayed over and he'll ask me to stay another night and then do that.. its a bit like, why did I bother, you know?

    I feel I may have portrayed myself as a bit of a whiney ***** here - I mean I am girly; I'm a cheerleader and practically live in topshop, but I also love cars, football and porn so I am interested in the things he likes, and will enjoy discussing them, but its kind of awkward when I can't be involved in something. I have a few times watched their fifa battles intently and got quite into it and vocalised my support but then if one of them misses they'll be like, 'oh you were distracting us' hence why now I just sort of sit there lol. I mean I completely understand the effect of fifa so I'd never make him stop playing (although I'm more of a COD girl myself), but if he asks to spend time with me I wish he would. Its just annoying when I could be at home studying or something else.. if you understand where I'm coming from?
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    (Original post by serena-xx)
    I feel I may have portrayed myself as a bit of a whiney ***** here
    I don't think you're whiny. I just think you have given him waaay too much attention and you respond to his every whim. Seriously why would you walk 2 hours IN THE SNOW pregnant to go and see him when he doesn't even bother to drive 10 minutes to see him.

    I'd suggest buying this book and follow up on my advice.

    See if your actions make him shape up before attempting to talk to him.
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    (Original post by serena-xx)
    Well I have tried to get involved in it... we had a master plan that he was going to train me up until I was amazing then we were going to trick all our friends out of loads of money when I beat them all.. but then they started playing a season and cups etc so I they dont want me to play anymore because I'll ruin it lol... obv I get it. I'm a girl so I was pretty awful. And if I just pop round after uni I won't make a fuss if they play because we don't have plans but I don't like it when he'll be like, baaabe please come over I wanna see you. Or if I have stayed over and he'll ask me to stay another night and then do that.. its a bit like, why did I bother, you know?

    I feel I may have portrayed myself as a bit of a whiney ***** here - I mean I am girly; I'm a cheerleader and practically live in topshop, but I also love cars, football and porn so I am interested in the things he likes, and will enjoy discussing them, but its kind of awkward when I can't be involved in something. I have a few times watched their fifa battles intently and got quite into it and vocalised my support but then if one of them misses they'll be like, 'oh you were distracting us' hence why now I just sort of sit there lol. I mean I completely understand the effect of fifa so I'd never make him stop playing (although I'm more of a COD girl myself), but if he asks to spend time with me I wish he would. Its just annoying when I could be at home studying or something else.. if you understand where I'm coming from?
    you>FIFA
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    (Original post by Drumzilla)
    In fairness she didn't say how far along, and then i think she said she got an abortion shortly after, so it's not like full on preggers. jus' sayin.

    And it would be just as dangerous, it's a lot safer walking in the snow than driving. I don't know where she lives but in some areas they were advising no driving unless absolutely necessary.
    My friends have picked me up in snow when all public transport stopped (same warning). It's not an impossible favour.

    And no matter how pregnant she was, 2 hours walk?! Why couldn't he have come over to hers instead?
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    Hun, he sounds like a complete and utter idiot who only cares about himself and his mates.
    Although it must have been hard you have done the right thing in continuing with your studies and not bring up a child with this moran.
    You need to either get rid of him hun or just play him at his own game, don't call, text etc. When he tries to get in touch be cold with him, don't actually think it will make a difference as he only cares about himself.
    Hope you sort something out and fast xx
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    I read half of it and thought, I'm sure I've seen this post before but anyways, maybe it's just the same situation done by someone else.

    Maybe he doesn't like driving? Seems like the main focus of the post, or he could just be a terrible driver.

    Have you ever considered dumping him?
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    (Original post by serena-xx)
    Well I have tried to get involved in it... we had a master plan that he was going to train me up until I was amazing then we were going to trick all our friends out of loads of money when I beat them all.. but then they started playing a season and cups etc so I they dont want me to play anymore because I'll ruin it lol... obv I get it. I'm a girl so I was pretty awful. And if I just pop round after uni I won't make a fuss if they play because we don't have plans but I don't like it when he'll be like, baaabe please come over I wanna see you. Or if I have stayed over and he'll ask me to stay another night and then do that.. its a bit like, why did I bother, you know?

    I feel I may have portrayed myself as a bit of a whiney ***** here - I mean I am girly; I'm a cheerleader and practically live in topshop, but I also love cars, football and porn so I am interested in the things he likes, and will enjoy discussing them, but its kind of awkward when I can't be involved in something. I have a few times watched their fifa battles intently and got quite into it and vocalised my support but then if one of them misses they'll be like, 'oh you were distracting us' hence why now I just sort of sit there lol. I mean I completely understand the effect of fifa so I'd never make him stop playing (although I'm more of a COD girl myself), but if he asks to spend time with me I wish he would. Its just annoying when I could be at home studying or something else.. if you understand where I'm coming from?
    haha fair enough, i don't really think your in the wrong, especially if your making an effort to get involved.

    like i said, i'm just trying to play Devils Advocate.
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    (Original post by serena-xx)
    Hey guys,

    I have been with my boyfriend (officially) for 6 months having been seeing each other (without being with anyone else) for a year. We met in first year at uni and I wouldn't have pictured myself with someone like him but we really click and get on so well when we're together, however things have been getting on my nerves recently...

    He has his car at uni and I don't drive. It takes me an hour to get the bus to his and he will never drive to see me or ever offer to pick me up despite it being a ten minute drive on his part. In the last few weeks of uni when it was snowy, I discovered to my complete shock that I was pregnant (just one of those really unlucky things - missed pill etc). The entire time I was pregnant he still made me get the bus to his. On the worst snowy day all the buses were cancelled/postponed and he still let me walk to his (a two hour journey - although managed to see a bus in the end - but he was still willing to let me do this). I'm really not a lazy person at all. I'm really fit and healthy and do loads of sports so its not that that bothers me. He just never seems willing to do anything for me.

    At uni when I stay at his, he lives with one other boy who I'm also very good friends with. When I come over they'll play FIFA for hours straight and I'm just left to sit there with literally nothing to do. I'll say I'm going to bed (at like 2am) and many times he'll only come to bed at about 5am, or I'll wake up in the morning to find he's fallen asleep on the sofa in the living room.

    Over Christmas he said he would come to see me but still hasn't. He wants to get his work out of the way first which is fine with me because I'm in the same situation obviously and I understand he won't want to be stressed when he comes to visit, but once again its been put off. He said he would pay for me to get the train to visit him, but won't introduce me to his mum??? He says he is in love with me and I love him so I don't see why he wouldn't want me to meet his family. I don't want to turn up at his house and for his mum to think I'm just some random slut, I think I deserve some recognition??

    He's also been ignoring my texts recently too. He won't text me all day or won't text back for 8 hours (and I'll leave him to it because he has revision and gets stressed) but yesterday he said he would call me at 11pm as we've not spoken properly for days, then at 11.30pm I text him asking whether he was asleep or he'd forgotten we were going to chat. He replied that he was playing on FIFA which was why he hadn't called and then was going to watch a film after so couldn't text me. He then said he might call but will probs be too tired to do so.

    So what's the craic guys and girls? He tells me he loves me all the time and I really do believe him but a lot of the time I just want to give up. But then he'll say sorry and I'm drawn back in every time. I don't think I am clingy at all, I'm never the one to do the chasing in a relationship but the whole situation is making me so insecure I'm worried I'm becoming clingy!

    Is he being mean or am I paranoid?

    Thanks (sorry about the essay) x
    I don't know if this is helpful, but my cousin dumped her boyfriend because he wasn't making enough effort. He then took her to an expensive restaurant and they got back together.
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    You need to speak to him about this, if I chose FIFA all the time over the girlfriend, I think I would be single. I know what i'd chose between FIFA and girlfriend
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    wait for him to call you. ignore a text or two. start being busy with your life. if he wants you enough he will make an effort. if he doesn't, then he won't. and so make him realise you are wanted elsewhere, and realise what he had.

    i'm kindof in the same position, the xbox is prioritised higher than me. and all of a sudden i'm the one texing him and behaving all needy and embarrassingly clingy. but i love him grr.
 
 
 
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