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Explaining asexuality to sexuals Watch

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    In contrast, i was licking the boobs of the page 3 girls at the age of 7.
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    That's like saying you have to have sex with another guy before you can say you're straight, though.
    Hmm no. I mean I get what you're trying to say, but that's different. Like I wouldn't really need to having already slept with a woman - and being active.

    I can understand some people having little or no interest in sex, I mean even I go through periods of it like I am now.

    But I can stand the use of asexuality - because in reality it doesn't exist in the human race. We aren't coded to function that way and it goes against evolution.

    And just anticipating that over used argument "yeah but many homosexuals claim to have been born with it".

    I don't believe that either, science hasn't denied or confirmed it.
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    I imagine it's like how you feel just after you've orgasmed, all the time.
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    Why are people so curious about this? :lol:

    I don't personally see the point and get nothing from it, but lots of asexuals do. It's not lack of a sex drive necessarily, just lack of sexual attraction.
    I'm curious about what I think I understand and what I'm sure I don't understand.
    I'm more curious about what I'm unsure I understand though, which is where asexuality comes in.

    What sexual attraction is, whether sexual attraction is part of our identity, seems important.

    People argue that we are straight, gay, bisexual.
    It used to be the case that people did straight or gay actions, instead of being those things.

    It all makes me wonder, why do we put so much important in sex. It seems to be a cultural thing more than anything, but why do we identify with sex, gender, sexuality more than with what degree, career, job, martial art, music we listen to.

    Do I listen to a few genres of music, or am I a listening of a few genres of music.
    It looks like there's no distinction between the two, but if part of who I am is say, an indie kid, is that part of my identity?

    Why is that any more or less important than say, choosing to abstain from the use of animal products where possible or who I am attracted to?

    Moreover why is it that we put important in sex when we look at sexuality.
    It may be the case instead that I am attracted to brunettes regardless of sex or gender, although dependent on height, weight, age, personality, and chemistry.

    It may be the case that I am attracted to women with almost no breasts, and men with large penises.

    It may be the case that I am attracted to anyone who I find intellectually stimulating.

    It may be the case that I am attracted to some people who I find intellectually stimulating.

    It may even be the case that my attraction to a person is dependent on many factors, yet we reduce sexuality down to perceived sex and gender. These universal categorisations we impose on ourselves and each other don't really seem to make sense. Asexuality almost looks to me to be one of those confusions.

    People want to put you into a box and say you are hetrosexual, homosexual, bisexual. But none of those apply to you. You are asexual and it confuses people, they don't know how to identify it and they can't impose their categorisation onto you. They have to make a new box as such.

    At the start of this post I didn't know I'd write all this, to be honest I wasn't even fully aware that these were my thoughts on all of it, but a lot of things seem to have pieced together for me.

    I'm left with a few questions:
    Is sexuality important?
    If so in what contexts?
    If it is subjective can we impose universal categorisations on it?
    And if we can, will the ones we're currently using actually work, and account for those?

    And the obvious one, what is sexuality? Well if it is subjective, then that question maybe answered in abstract, and answered in different ways for different people when applied.
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    (Original post by JohnC2211)
    I would say, "It's what you are before you grow up."


    I joke, of course. But asexualism is a genetic mutation as all women are supposed to be hard-coded to want to seek out and find a male to mate with, and this is where sexual attraction comes in. You're generally more attracted to people who possess desirable traits that you would like to pass on to your offspring. But humans have been around a while now and so there are bound to be the odd couple of people who have no interest in sex.


    And don't even get me STARTED on love...
    Sexual attraction is only one component of attraction. I am attracted to people, I can love people and I want to 'mate'.
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    One of my friends is asexual, and I kind of get it. She went out with a guy for a few months, because she knew that he was a good friend and thought there might be something more there, even though she knew she wasn't sexually attracted to them. It's just when non-asexuals look at people and don't find them physically attractive, whereas asexuals look at everyone and don't find them attractive. So a general lack of sexual desire?

    Apologies if I've offended OP
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    (Original post by SOA Vamp)
    One of my friends is asexual, and I kind of get it. She went out with a guy for a few months, because she knew that he was a good friend and thought there might be something more there, even though she knew she wasn't sexually attracted to them. It's just when non-asexuals look at people and don't find them physically attractive, whereas asexuals look at everyone and don't find them attractive. So a general lack of sexual desire?

    Apologies if I've offended OP
    No offence.

    As I said somewhere above, people can be familiar with lack of sexual attraction (physical is, in my mind, something slightly different) as far as watching a film and not finding them sexually attractive, but can't comprehend how you can love someone without feeling sexually attracted to them.
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    No offence.

    As I said somewhere above, people can be familiar with lack of sexual attraction (physical is, in my mind, something slightly different) as far as watching a film and not finding them sexually attractive, but can't comprehend how you can love someone without feeling sexually attracted to them.
    I guess, but then sexual attraction/lust is not everything in a relationship. Surely it can be likened to when two people are really good friends and then date each other, as there is obviously more than a physical attraction there? Can it not be compared to a kind of love you have for a friend, as for a number of sexuals you are not attracted to a friend, but you still love them nonetheless? I'm sure there's other people in the world who are in a relationship with someone who they love but aren't attracted to, not including asexuals.
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    (Original post by JohnC2211)
    I would say, "It's what you are before you grow up."


    I joke, of course. But asexualism is a genetic mutation as all women are supposed to be hard-coded to want to seek out and find a male to mate with, and this is where sexual attraction comes in. You're generally more attracted to people who possess desirable traits that you would like to pass on to your offspring. But humans have been around a while now and so there are bound to be the odd couple of people who have no interest in sex.


    And don't even get me STARTED on love...
    Do you have any authority for this half-arsed conjecture?
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    Out of curiosity, have you ever tried taking an aphrodisiac? If you did, and it worked, surely then you would know how to explain the difference?
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    (Original post by Profesh)
    Do you have any authority for this half-arsed conjecture?
    I don't often do this but what do you think of what I posted before (post #24)?
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    I could also be in a relationship with someone for years, love them, and still not find them sexually attractive, people can't comprehend that.
    I understand that, completely That's how I felt with my ex. Asexuality is a fascinating topic for me, but never really looked into it for myself, as I've always enjoyed the idea of sex, for as long as I can remember. I don't think I really understand what it means to be asexual.
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    (Original post by Lemons)
    Out of curiosity, have you ever tried taking an aphrodisiac? If you did, and it worked, surely then you would know how to explain the difference?
    Things that people report are aphrodisiacs don't have any noticeable effect one me (in fact, one gives me migraines) ... but never taken one specifically.
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    I think what you need is

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    Are you aromantic as well, BTW?
    From my knowledge, it's basically a lack of sexual attraction. Whislt some are capable of romantic attraction and others are not, a sexual attraction is not there, thus they have no interest in sex soley for pleasure. Though, it must be noted some do engage in sex, but for different reasons than if they were sexual. The AVEN website has a lot of info on there, and it'll be a lot more helpful than us lot.

    I've been thinking I may be asexual myself, because I never see people and feel like I want to have sex with them. When my peers talk about attractive men I can't relate whatsoever, and the prospect of sex for pleasure doesn't interest me one bit.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Out of curiosity, do you never masturbate, touch yourself, etc.?
    Personally I'm not sure when a touch starts becoming sexual, I mean there isn't always a clear boundary.
    I believe asexuals, or at least some, can and do self pleasure, it's that they feel no sexual attraction towards anyone or during the act with anyone.

    I suppose you could compare it to being a young child OP? Although that sounds demeaning you could suggest they think back to when the lustful/sexual feelings they now experience didn't exist as pre-pubescent children
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    (Original post by toasteh)
    Are you aromantic as well, BTW?
    From why knowledge, it's basically a lack of sexual attraction. Whislt some are capable of romantic attraction and others are not, a sexual attraction is not there, thus they have no interest in sex soley for pleasure. Though, it must be noted some do engage in sex, but for different reasons than if they were sexual. The AVEN website has a lot of info on there, and it'll be a lot more helpful than us lot.

    I've been thinking I may be asexual myself, because I never see people and feel like I want to have sex with them. When my peers talk about attractive men I can't relate whatsoever, and the prospect of sex for pleasure doesn't interest me one bit.
    No, I'm not - I feel very strong attraction and can romantically love people, and want to as well.
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    I believe asexuals, or at least some, can and do self pleasure, it's that they feel no sexual attraction towards anyone or during the act with anyone.

    I suppose you could compare it to being a young child OP? Although that sounds demeaning you could suggest they think back to when the lustful/sexual feelings they now experience didn't exist as pre-pubescent children
    I'm inclined to agree with you to be honest. Being able to be touched sexually whilst not directing that at a being or object, but instead the sensation.

    Personally I've not found I can do that myself. I don't desire to, nor am I against it.

    I wonder how it fits in with sexuality, because surely a touch like that holds some attraction, which would mean there is more to sexuality then what most people perceive (which goes hand in hand with my post before).
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    I'm inclined to agree with you to be honest. Being able to be touched sexually whilst not directing that at a being or object, but instead the sensation.

    Personally I've not found I can do that myself. I don't desire to, nor am I against it.

    I wonder how it fits in with sexuality, because surely a touch like that holds some attraction, which would mean there is more to sexuality then what most people perceive (which goes hand in hand with my post before).
    the touch only holds attraction because it literally feels good, since you're involved very erogenous zones. When you do it yourself you're not attracted to yourself, it's just a positive sensation. I imagine an asexual wouldn't fantasise though and so although I cannot imagine what that's like it must make it feel rather different, as no thought is connected to the feeling...but it explains why they may pleasure themselves, but find no interested in pleasuring a partner yet some will just lay there and let their partner engage, they just have no emotional feelings behind it, though they may care for their partner and so feel positive because they're partner is enjoying it...

    Anyway for those doubting the ability for an asexual to love. Do you not love your family, your close friends? I can't see why people cannot fathom affection without a sexual aspect, it's not all that hard to grasp...
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    the touch only holds attraction because it literally feels good, since you're involved very erogenous zones. When you do it yourself you're not attracted to yourself, it's just a positive sensation. I imagine an asexual wouldn't fantasise though and so although I cannot imagine what that's like it must make it feel rather different, as no thought is connected to the feeling...but it explains why they may pleasure themselves, but find no interested in pleasuring a partner yet some will just lay there and let their partner engage, they just have no emotional feelings behind it, though they may care for their partner and so feel positive because they're partner is enjoying it...

    Anyway for those doubting the ability for an asexual to love. Do you not love your family, your close friends? I can't see why people cannot fathom affection without a sexual aspect, it's not all that hard to grasp...
    From the way you've phrased it I think I should point out a lot of that is what I was trying to say.
 
 
 
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