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starting uni in sept but just discovered im pregnant.........help? watch

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    take a punch to the stomach from a strong man!
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    (Original post by Gemma :)!)
    Well you could defer, but once baby's born there's no guarantee you'd feel as though you wanted to/were able to get back into education. Don't underestimate OU; employers don't look down on it, just have a search around this forum for thoughts and opinions on it.

    You can continue your education, it's never too late. Certainly don't think all you'll be able to do is "push trolleys", you and your baby deserve much better!

    Oh, and congratulations by the way. A baby is a blessing no matter how badly timed! xxx

    I wish I had rep left, I'm glad OP is getting some good advice!
    I can't offer much advice tbh, but all I would say is do what you honestly feel is best, if you definitely want the baby then have it, you will regret it forever if you don't. Also, I would think that employers would respect you for continuing with education through OU when you have such a small child, I would think anyway. Good luck with everything no matter what you decide
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    I would terminate.
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    (Original post by SHL)
    Thanks everyone for replying. Its a difficult decision to make - life-changing either way. I personally don't know why i can't be successful at both being a mother and studying if i have support networks in place?? Its not as simple as saying its not the right time for me to have a baby - its a whole different ball game when you can actually feel the changes in your body. I have a supportive family and supportive boyfriend so im not alone but i know that it would be incredibly hard. Im well aware of the cons. Does anybody have any positive suggestions??? :confused: x
    If I was in your situation I would look at one thing at a time. Decide on your priority and if you can work everything round it, great. If you can't then what would be the next best thing for you? I'm not going to judge any decision you do make so a lot of what I will say is based on assumptions (you not minding leaving your baby with a relative for long days etc)

    What is most important to you? If education really is a high priority then find out if someone could take care of your child while you are at uni. A relative? Paid care? Could you afford it? Do you have/ could you get a part time job to subsidise your outgoings? Would the uni make exceptions/ help you catch up on missed work in your last trimester?

    If this is not possible, find out if you could defer for a year. If so, would you have someone to care for the child at this point?

    If you can't defer. Look at OU or possibly dropping out and reapplying in a year or two.

    If you don't fancy leaving your baby in someone elses hands almost as soon as it is born then consider dropping out and reapplying as and when your situation allows... ie, when the child starts nursery/ school.

    These are some of the options that a colleague of mine considered. Hope it all works out, whatever you decide.
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    (Original post by SHL)
    Thanks everyone for replying. Its a difficult decision to make - life-changing either way. I personally don't know why i can't be successful at both being a mother and studying if i have support networks in place?? Its not as simple as saying its not the right time for me to have a baby - its a whole different ball game when you can actually feel the changes in your body. I have a supportive family and supportive boyfriend so im not alone but i know that it would be incredibly hard. Im well aware of the cons. Does anybody have any positive suggestions??? :confused: x
    Think about the baby.

    You'll be away, and the baby won't see you, and get used to you. Yeah, you'll see the baby sometimes, but really in the childhood years, you wanna be looking after the baby.
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    (Original post by SHL)
    Im very driven and determined not to give up my education, so im wondering if i could defer for a year or two and then maybe go part-time if they'd let me? Im only 4 1/2 weeks gone so its a massive shock as id just accepted an offer from man uni and obviously my plans are now up in the air......OU doesn't really get you anywhere and im aiming for a psychology degree. I mean im 24 so its not like im at an age where children are a no go its just bad timing. Realistically is continuing my education after taking a year out doable or should i just commit myself to a life of trolley pushing???
    My friend did it. She found out at Uni, took the rest of the year to work and then another year to have the baby. You'll get mega help with childcare. It is totally doable. Uni will help. Talk to them. See if you can see or speak a student advisor (although as your not a student yet I don't know!).

    Is man Uni near home? That may be a factor worth considering...

    Good luck :-)
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    It is possible to be a student and a mother. My mum went back to uni when I was four (she dropped out the first time) and I'm sure it was extremely difficult but she did manage. She was a single parent and all of our family live a couple of counties away, so she really did do it on her own. I know it's quite different with a baby and you're much younger, but if you really want to make it work I'm sure you can
    Also make sure the father takes some responsibility, it's his child too.
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    (Original post by Kareir)
    Get an abortion. Seriously. When I thought my girlfriend might be pregnant, I was ****ing wishing it was legal here. Do it.

    _Kar.
    I find that a bit insensitive. That's a big decision to make and at the end of the day only she can make it. Of course I can't claim to know how someone would feel about making the decision to have an abortion, but it has it's own emotional repurcussions so just be a little more sensitive.
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    Online classes?

    Same lessons, without the fun.

    But at least you'll manage.
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    One of my friends started uni whilst pregnant and is doing a law degree as well as having a new born baby. However, you didn't mention your circumstances. In her case, she has a fiancé who is in full time work, a uni cresh and very supportive parents who live about 5 minutes away. I think this is something you and the father (if he is still around) need to sort out between yourselves. I mean, it is all well and good saying it is possible, but what if something like post-natal depression happens and will you get the childcare and finances you need? Have you thought about taking a deferred year? Yes you'll have to pay the rising fees, but you will get a loan to cover this, and in the mean time it will let you bond with your child and also let you get the worst out of the way and allow you to know how much time you get. By this time the baby will probably be sleeping all the way through (though if not, s/he won't be long off), so you'll be fit for school in the morning, and there are other benefits as well (especially if you decide that you wish to breastfeed).
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    Hello, for the best advice you may want to bring this up in the Pregnancy and Parenting Society (look us up, under the Groups bit on here).

    So your baby will be due when? December ish? If that's the case I would advise not starting uni in September because you're almost certainly going to have to take time off when the baby comes along, even if it's just a few weeks (I would recommend longer than that though). That time out of uni could have a pretty big impact on your grades because you'll really be struggling to catch up, whilst juggling a newborn.

    Take a year, perhaps even two, out of your studies, and go back when your child is older. I guarantee it'll be much easier.

    There's certainly no reason why you can't do both though, it's just a question of jiggling things a bit. Taking a year or two out of uni is nothing in the grand scale of things.

    edited to add :
    I started uni in september 2004,
    found out I was pregnant in january 2005,
    finished year 1 in July 2005,
    had my baby in September 2005,
    returned to uni (new course) in september 2006,
    found out I was pregnant in november 2006,
    finished year 1 of new course in july 2007,
    had my baby in august 2007,
    returned to uni (2nd year of new course) in september 2008,
    then ended up calling it quits for uni in november 2008 because baby number 2 was ridiculously clingy
    found out I was pregnant in january 2009
    had my baby in september 2009

    so here I am with 3 kids and no degree lol. If I had only had the ONE child though I would definitely have finished my course. I do wish I had my degree, but I love my children more I don't regret my decisions in the long run.

    There's no reason why you can't have your child and get your degree though. Like I said, it's only because I went on a child-bearing-spree that I ended up having to drop out lol. With one kid I'd have had no problems really.
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    (Original post by SpiritedAway)
    One of my friends started uni whilst pregnant and is doing a law degree as well as having a new born baby. However, you didn't mention your circumstances. In her case, she has a fiancé who is in full time work, a uni cresh and very supportive parents who live about 5 minutes away. I think this is something you and the father (if he is still around) need to sort out between yourselves. I mean, it is all well and good saying it is possible, but what if something like post-natal depression happens and will you get the childcare and finances you need? Have you thought about taking a deferred year? Yes you'll have to pay the rising fees, but you will get a loan to cover this, and in the mean time it will let you bond with your child and also let you get the worst out of the way and allow you to know how much time you get. By this time the baby will probably be sleeping all the way through (though if not, s/he won't be long off), so you'll be fit for school in the morning, and there are other benefits as well (especially if you decide that you wish to breastfeed).
    Thank you so much. Its so nice to hear a bit of support and sensible suggestions!! Iv spoke to the uni and i can defer for up to two years. Obviously there is no possibilty of me going to uni this september. That would mean i would return to education when baby is almost 2 (hopefully part-time). I discussed it with my boyfriend and we've decided the best option is to do it properly and set up home for when the baby arrives. He is financially secure, wants to be an active dad and is fully supportive of me carrying on my studies in a couple of years time. Thanks so much for the advice you really have helped
    x x x
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    Flush it out

    This is the only time in life when you can be free and have fun, and travel and do stupid things



    Awaiting lots of neg reps*
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    From what i've heard, from girls in your situation, it's manageable. It just takes a lot of motivation and organisation. Some people have even managed with 2 children.

    Find out if your uni provides childcare. If you would want to wait, you could defer for a year or two until you get your feet on the ground.

    Take no notice of people on here who scream abortion at every opportunity, abortion isn't for everyone (though if that's what you want then thats ok), but people on here are highly stuck up and think its the answer to everything - when that in itself often brings other problems - eg depression etc.

    To be honest, if you're after serious advice, i'd recommend joining a pregnancy forum. I'm sure there will be other people in the same boat as you who can offer advice and support.

    Good luck!
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    didn't read whole thread...OP has sensible head on shoulders, no need for further comments!
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    (Original post by matt10101)
    Flush it out

    This is the only time in life when you can be free and have fun, and travel and do stupid things



    Awaiting lots of neg reps*
    And you think people with children don't have fun? How narrow minded. Maybe some people feel that family is more important than a degree.

    There is more to life for some people besides being a carefree student. Not everyone cares about staying out until 5 in the morning in a drunken state. Not everyone wants to travel - and if they do, theres no time limit. And there is also may ways to have fun, that doesn't mean you have to be a free student. Fair enough if that is what you want, but not everyones like that.

    I think saying flush it out is a little insensitive. It's not just as simple as that. Easy for you to say.
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    (Original post by llamalad200)
    take a punch to the stomach from a strong man!
    This is absolutely sick.

    (Original post by mehhh.....hi.)
    I wish I had rep left, I'm glad OP is getting some good advice!
    I can't offer much advice tbh, but all I would say is do what you honestly feel is best, if you definitely want the baby then have it, you will regret it forever if you don't. Also, I would think that employers would respect you for continuing with education through OU when you have such a small child, I would think anyway. Good luck with everything no matter what you decide
    Well it's better advice than "get an abortion" coming from people who've never had one and never had to make that decision haha. I just REALLY want people to understand that abortion is NOT just a wave of a magic wand and everything's fine.. it's painful, both emotionally and physically, and nobody prepares you for that before you have one

    (Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
    so here I am with 3 kids and no degree lol.

    There's no reason why you can't have your child and get your degree though. Like I said, it's only because I went on a child-bearing-spree that I ended up having to drop out lol. With one kid I'd have had no problems really.
    Bit in bold really made me laugh!! And as for the bit in italics, the pic of your kids in your sig is like the cutest thing ever, much better than ANY degree xxx
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    (Original post by SHL)
    Thanks everyone for replying. Its a difficult decision to make - life-changing either way. I personally don't know why i can't be successful at both being a mother and studying if i have support networks in place?? Its not as simple as saying its not the right time for me to have a baby - its a whole different ball game when you can actually feel the changes in your body. I have a supportive family and supportive boyfriend so im not alone but i know that it would be incredibly hard. Im well aware of the cons. Does anybody have any positive suggestions??? :confused: x
    If you want any advice about the help you can get with childcare etc whilst in education just pm me, there's so much out there - I have an 18 month old and put off going to uni for 2 years because of her, I'm going this september! Of course it's hard but really not as stupidly difficult as everyone makes out, you CAN have a child and still achieve a good education/career. Personally, I do better academically now that I have her because I feel like I have something (or someone!) to work for, not just myself - I feel like the whole point of me working hard and getting a good career is to give her a nice life. She motivates me to do well
    Hopefully things will work out ok for you, like you said you have a supportive bf and family which is fab

    Best of luck x
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    (Original post by SHL)
    Thank you so much. Its so nice to hear a bit of support and sensible suggestions!! Iv spoke to the uni and i can defer for up to two years. Obviously there is no possibilty of me going to uni this september. That would mean i would return to education when baby is almost 2 (hopefully part-time). I discussed it with my boyfriend and we've decided the best option is to do it properly and set up home for when the baby arrives. He is financially secure, wants to be an active dad and is fully supportive of me carrying on my studies in a couple of years time. Thanks so much for the advice you really have helped
    x x x
    This sounds like a sensible solution, and it's nice to hear that your boyfriend is so supportive about it all. I wish you the best of luck with it all
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    (Original post by Gemma :)!)
    This is absolutely sick.
    i see no problem here
 
 
 
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