I cry myself to sleep every night Watch

KNOB-head
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#21
can someone tell me what he said in a sentence or two
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HelpMeI
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#22
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#22
What I wrote is 100% true, I'm not trolling, it took a lot of courage for me to post this.

Also, I have asked them multiple amount of times to why they do this, but they never gave me an answer instead they just argued with me.

My father works from early hours to late hours so he's never really around and my mother has a job too so I'm mainly in the house alone with them most of the time.

I don't know how to fight back, I try to do good in college but I don't believe in myself, so I'm failing.

Also, that video was really inspirational, I cried whilst watching it. Thanks for uploading it.

What can I do to help myself become motivated and strive for the best, I've always wanted to be a teacher but right now I feel like I am just stupid...
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big-boss-91
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(Original post by HelpMeI)
SORRY THIS IS LONG, BUT I HAD TO LET IT OUT

I was going to make this post anonymous but it took too long to be moderated so I'm just going to post it.

I have been writing many similar things in my diary but it doesn't help get the load off my chest so I want to post it here too, to see if it helps me.

Right now I am 16 and I am female and I cry myself to sleep all the time, the reason for this is my two eldest sisters. Who currently are 19 and 22. The one who is 22 has recently moved out to become room-mates with another girl for university but the other one still lives at home. And I am not lying nor do I have any doubt in what I say when I say I purely hate them from the bottom of my heart, I hate them and I cannot love them at all. I hate, hate, hate, hate them and I am aware that this is a strong word.

The reason to this is that in the earlier years and still now (although I am trying to ignore them and stop talking to them), they have always been abusing me in many ways. When I was a little girl, probably around the age of 8/9/10 the one who is currently 19 has beaten me up many times scarring me emotionally and physically, she has slapped me, threw me off couches and kicked me. I never said anything because I was scared. And as I got older she always called me names like; whore, sket, slut and many things similar to this. Both of them are overweight and I am very skinny and the reason they call me names like this because I wore shorts, dresses and skirts usually just above the knee. But I never ever had a boyfriend like the two of them have but yet they still swear at me and call me those names.

Furthermore, the one who is currently 22 has always told me that I am stupid and can't achieve anything in life and that I won't be successful and I have come to believe what she has said. In my GCSE's when I would be revising she'd tell me that I was stupid and couldn't achieve anything; my highest result was A for History and lowest D for Spanish and everything else was at B grade. When she saw my grades she laughed at me and said I'd go to a crap college. I am now at college and it's my first year and I am failing because I know I am a failure and I have now come to believe that I will fail everything I do... everyone says I am smart and can achieve the grades I want but I laugh it off and tell them that I don't think I will.

At night I always sleep with my dolly which I have come to love more then my eldest two sisters. My little sister tells me that she doesn't even sleep with a toy and that I shouldn't but if I don't have my dolly I can't sleep because I feel scared and lonely. I always cry myself to sleep because I always think of how crappy my life has been and I just want to run away from home and go start my own family and do everything I can to be happy.

I don't know what's wrong with me... Will I ever be happy and successful? Well, I don't think so.

The thing is I wan't to do good in life, but I have to motivation or strength to do anything.

Sorry for it's length...
well.... i doubt TSR can fix it for you, but its obvious that your sisters are *****es, sounds like they're jealous of you. the only reason they're jealous of you is because YOU are BETTER than them! and show them that you are way better.
A in history and a D in spanish and the rest Bs are actually good grades, you should learn to be proud of yourself and ignore your sisters.
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HelpMeI
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(Original post by I'm.Just.Me)
It sounds like your sisters are jealous of you, OP.

First of all, they constantly hurl abuse at you for being the slim one. Blatantly obvious sign of jealously. Don't listen to what they say. Just because you wear dresses and skirts does not make you a slut/whore etc. Thats just ridiculous. Also, like you said, they come to ''just above the knee''.

Secondly, what are your sisters' academic achievements like? There is nothing wrong with the grades that you got. You're just being silly if you genuinely believe them when the say you're a failure. You say that everyone says you are smart, yet you believe your sisters over everyone else?

One other thing: have your parents been completely oblivious all this time to the physical and emotional abuse that these girls have inflicted upon you? I think its about time that you said something to them about it. Perhaps you are reluctant to do this in case it might land you in more trouble with your sisters, but when you think about it, you'll still have to put up with this abuse from them if you dont say anything.

So, in my opinion, I think you should just do it. It has to make things significantly better than what they are right now.

Good luck!
The eldest one who is 22 is studying to become a dietician and has already landed herself in hospitals to shadow other dieticians.
The one who is 19 is a drop-out and has failed almost everything.

I will talk to my parents about this but my eldest two sisters don't really listen to anything they say so I am not sure what help that would be.

Thank you so much.
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christina077
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(Original post by HelpMeI)
SORRY THIS IS LONG, BUT I HAD TO LET IT OUT

I was going to make this post anonymous but it took too long to be moderated so I'm just going to post it.

I have been writing many similar things in my diary but it doesn't help get the load off my chest so I want to post it here too, to see if it helps me.

Right now I am 16 and I am female and I cry myself to sleep all the time, the reason for this is my two eldest sisters. Who currently are 19 and 22. The one who is 22 has recently moved out to become room-mates with another girl for university but the other one still lives at home. And I am not lying nor do I have any doubt in what I say when I say I purely hate them from the bottom of my heart, I hate them and I cannot love them at all. I hate, hate, hate, hate them and I am aware that this is a strong word.

The reason to this is that in the earlier years and still now (although I am trying to ignore them and stop talking to them), they have always been abusing me in many ways. When I was a little girl, probably around the age of 8/9/10 the one who is currently 19 has beaten me up many times scarring me emotionally and physically, she has slapped me, threw me off couches and kicked me. I never said anything because I was scared. And as I got older she always called me names like; whore, sket, slut and many things similar to this. Both of them are overweight and I am very skinny and the reason they call me names like this because I wore shorts, dresses and skirts usually just above the knee. But I never ever had a boyfriend like the two of them have but yet they still swear at me and call me those names.

Furthermore, the one who is currently 22 has always told me that I am stupid and can't achieve anything in life and that I won't be successful and I have come to believe what she has said. In my GCSE's when I would be revising she'd tell me that I was stupid and couldn't achieve anything; my highest result was A for History and lowest D for Spanish and everything else was at B grade. When she saw my grades she laughed at me and said I'd go to a crap college. I am now at college and it's my first year and I am failing because I know I am a failure and I have now come to believe that I will fail everything I do... everyone says I am smart and can achieve the grades I want but I laugh it off and tell them that I don't think I will.

At night I always sleep with my dolly which I have come to love more then my eldest two sisters. My little sister tells me that she doesn't even sleep with a toy and that I shouldn't but if I don't have my dolly I can't sleep because I feel scared and lonely. I always cry myself to sleep because I always think of how crappy my life has been and I just want to run away from home and go start my own family and do everything I can to be happy.

I don't know what's wrong with me... Will I ever be happy and successful? Well, I don't think so.

The thing is I wan't to do good in life, but I have to motivation or strength to do anything.

Sorry for it's length...
Sisters are like that, they're total *****es and you must be the brute of it all being the youngest but dont forget youre thinner than them and you get good grades...prove them wrong and make something of your life!
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Endi
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It is alright. We all need emotional support and I can imagine not having especially at 16 (i am not judging you personally but confidence can be very fragile at this point) and going through a tough time at college it could really get you down. Do you have any close friends that you can confide in? Just remember that any problems you have are fixable and there are lots of people out there who want to make things better for you if you just reach out and ask them.
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Moody Rabbi
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#27
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#27
(Original post by HelpMeI)
SORRY THIS IS LONG, BUT I HAD TO LET IT OUT

I was going to make this post anonymous but it took too long to be moderated so I'm just going to post it.

I have been writing many similar things in my diary but it doesn't help get the load off my chest so I want to post it here too, to see if it helps me.

Right now I am 16 and I am female and I cry myself to sleep all the time, the reason for this is my two eldest sisters. Who currently are 19 and 22. The one who is 22 has recently moved out to become room-mates with another girl for university but the other one still lives at home. And I am not lying nor do I have any doubt in what I say when I say I purely hate them from the bottom of my heart, I hate them and I cannot love them at all. I hate, hate, hate, hate them and I am aware that this is a strong word.

The reason to this is that in the earlier years and still now (although I am trying to ignore them and stop talking to them), they have always been abusing me in many ways. When I was a little girl, probably around the age of 8/9/10 the one who is currently 19 has beaten me up many times scarring me emotionally and physically, she has slapped me, threw me off couches and kicked me. I never said anything because I was scared. And as I got older she always called me names like; whore, sket, slut and many things similar to this. Both of them are overweight and I am very skinny and the reason they call me names like this because I wore shorts, dresses and skirts usually just above the knee. But I never ever had a boyfriend like the two of them have but yet they still swear at me and call me those names.

Furthermore, the one who is currently 22 has always told me that I am stupid and can't achieve anything in life and that I won't be successful and I have come to believe what she has said. In my GCSE's when I would be revising she'd tell me that I was stupid and couldn't achieve anything; my highest result was A for History and lowest D for Spanish and everything else was at B grade. When she saw my grades she laughed at me and said I'd go to a crap college. I am now at college and it's my first year and I am failing because I know I am a failure and I have now come to believe that I will fail everything I do... everyone says I am smart and can achieve the grades I want but I laugh it off and tell them that I don't think I will.

At night I always sleep with my dolly which I have come to love more then my eldest two sisters. My little sister tells me that she doesn't even sleep with a toy and that I shouldn't but if I don't have my dolly I can't sleep because I feel scared and lonely. I always cry myself to sleep because I always think of how crappy my life has been and I just want to run away from home and go start my own family and do everything I can to be happy.

I don't know what's wrong with me... Will I ever be happy and successful? Well, I don't think so.

The thing is I wan't to do good in life, but I have to motivation or strength to do anything.

Sorry for it's length...
Don't beg it.
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Pn94
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#28
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And I am a hormonal youth.

I believe we is compatible.
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HelpMeI
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#29
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(Original post by Endi)
It is alright. We all need emotional support and I can imagine not having especially at 16 (i am not judging you personally but confidence can be very fragile at this point) and going through a tough time at college it could really get you down. Do you have any close friends that you can confide in? Just remember that any problems you have are fixable and there are lots of people out there who want to make things better for you if you just reach out and ask them.
At college I do have friends but I am not very close with them.
But out-of-college I have one friend I am close with but I'm a bit too embarrassed to tell her about all these things.
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Zionic
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Prove your sisters wrong.

Your grades at GCSE are very good, As and Bs. Congratulations on them. I know loads of people who'd kill for those grades.

And you can make something of yourself, you can becomes successful and you can have a great and happy life.

Just work hard in college and find a career path doing something which you'd love.

Ignore your sisters who seem like horrible excuse for human beings, they just seem jealous of you. Don't worry about them, just worry about yourself.

Chin up.
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NickiMinaj
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<3
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CameraGirl
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#32
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i just want to give you a massive hug and a shoulder to cry on

i know how you feel, in a way, though i don't think my situation sounds that bad, as it wasn't all the time. i won't go into it as this isn't about me, but trust me when i say things DO get better, and you need to work hard and prove them wrong, but not so much it effects you adversely. you'll move out when you go to university, and you'll enjoy yourself, and you'll meet people who will support you through anything.

trust me when i say things have away of nearly always working out alright in the end :hug:
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NickiMinaj
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(Original post by Moody Rabbi)
Don't beg it.
lololol
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HelpMeI
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#34
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(Original post by CameraGirl)
i just want to give you a massive hug and a shoulder to cry on

i know how you feel, in a way, though i don't think my situation sounds that bad, as it wasn't all the time. i won't go into it as this isn't about me, but trust me when i say things DO get better, and you need to work hard and prove them wrong, but not so much it effects you adversely. you'll move out when you go to university, and you'll enjoy yourself, and you'll meet people who will support you through anything.

trust me when i say things have away of nearly always working out alright in the end :hug:
I hope they do get better. Thank you
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I'm.Just.Me
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(Original post by HelpMeI)
The eldest one who is 22 is studying to become a dietician and has already landed herself in hospitals to shadow other dieticians.
The one who is 19 is a drop-out and has failed almost everything.

I will talk to my parents about this but my eldest two sisters don't really listen to anything they say so I am not sure what help that would be.

Thank you so much.
Well there you go then. One of them is a drop-out, and as for the other being a dietitian, well, you are only 16! You still have so much ahead of you left to achieve. Just ignore them both and focus on doing well in your studies.

Anyways, OP, I hope it all works out for you! :hugs:
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CameraGirl
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(Original post by HelpMeI)
I hope they do get better. Thank you
they will good luck, just think the next couple of years will fly by, one of your sisters has already gone, and it sounds like you could be close to your younger sister. be there for her too, if you can. i found that helped with me and my sister too good luck x

PS. nothing wrong with sleeping with a doll at nighteither i'm 19, nearly 20, and some nights when i'm along i'll have a pillow or a toy to cuddle haha. i get lonely cos i live withmy bf now so not usually alone at night. if it helps, then it's a good thing never be ashamed of yourself! try and get your confidence up
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Endi
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(Original post by HelpMeI)
At college I do have friends but I am not very close with them.
But out-of-college I have one friend I am close with but I'm a bit too embarrassed to tell her about all these things.
Yeah embarrassment or the fear of it can be a real sickener. Perhaps if you think about the way you speak to her about it then you can reduce the chance of it happening. For instance I wouldn't start with "I cry myself to sleep" but rather talk to her about how your sisters are impairing your self confidence and esteem. Hopefully once she understands the situation she may be forthcoming with advice and just be there as someone to talk to about it. You will want to balance this with positive discussion and in the long term it could strengthen your friendship.

Get some rest and maybe some other people will have provided pearls of wisdom by the time you get up tomorrow.

:hugs:
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jonnyboy1993
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http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lj...55edo1_400.jpg
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pamgrace7
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#39
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(Original post by HelpMeI)
SORRY THIS IS LONG, BUT I HAD TO LET IT OUT

I was going to make this post anonymous but it took too long to be moderated so I'm just going to post it.

I have been writing many similar things in my diary but it doesn't help get the load off my chest so I want to post it here too, to see if it helps me.

Right now I am 16 and I am female and I cry myself to sleep all the time, the reason for this is my two eldest sisters. Who currently are 19 and 22. The one who is 22 has recently moved out to become room-mates with another girl for university but the other one still lives at home. And I am not lying nor do I have any doubt in what I say when I say I purely hate them from the bottom of my heart, I hate them and I cannot love them at all. I hate, hate, hate, hate them and I am aware that this is a strong word.

The reason to this is that in the earlier years and still now (although I am trying to ignore them and stop talking to them), they have always been abusing me in many ways. When I was a little girl, probably around the age of 8/9/10 the one who is currently 19 has beaten me up many times scarring me emotionally and physically, she has slapped me, threw me off couches and kicked me. I never said anything because I was scared. And as I got older she always called me names like; whore, sket, slut and many things similar to this. Both of them are overweight and I am very skinny and the reason they call me names like this because I wore shorts, dresses and skirts usually just above the knee. But I never ever had a boyfriend like the two of them have but yet they still swear at me and call me those names.

Furthermore, the one who is currently 22 has always told me that I am stupid and can't achieve anything in life and that I won't be successful and I have come to believe what she has said. In my GCSE's when I would be revising she'd tell me that I was stupid and couldn't achieve anything; my highest result was A for History and lowest D for Spanish and everything else was at B grade. When she saw my grades she laughed at me and said I'd go to a crap college. I am now at college and it's my first year and I am failing because I know I am a failure and I have now come to believe that I will fail everything I do... everyone says I am smart and can achieve the grades I want but I laugh it off and tell them that I don't think I will.

At night I always sleep with my dolly which I have come to love more then my eldest two sisters. My little sister tells me that she doesn't even sleep with a toy and that I shouldn't but if I don't have my dolly I can't sleep because I feel scared and lonely. I always cry myself to sleep because I always think of how crappy my life has been and I just want to run away from home and go start my own family and do everything I can to be happy.

I don't know what's wrong with me... Will I ever be happy and successful? Well, I don't think so.

The thing is I wan't to do good in life, but I have to motivation or strength to do anything.

Sorry for it's length...


God collects all your tears in a bottle he will give you beauty for ashes please feel free to reply
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maya_01
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With all that said, I'd like you to see this video in the link below, for inspiration, just so u'd know that ur not the only one who has people in their life who de-motivate them and bug them.. It all has 2 do wd what u decide to do abt it!!! I, myself had my moments and personally relate to what u must feel now... So check it out, the video.. And if u need any help we'r all here for u sweetie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noDbA...eature=related
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