my mother is the nastiest person I know Watch

BeritV
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#21
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#21
(Original post by Anonymous)
I wouldn't regard violence as "nasty" really. She did used to hit me a lot if it makes you feel better, only now I'm a hell of a lot bigger than her so I don't think she'd dare.

I know clearly her nasty comments are not as bad as the kid who gets beaten up by his parents everyday, I never said they were, I asked for advice on how to deal with her. I did not make a thread saying boo hoo my problems are so much worse than anyone else's. I don't know anyone who deliberately goes out of their way in order to hurt people on a daily basis, so yes she is the nastiest person I know. I guess no one should make a thread in h&r asking for advice because there are people with worse problems. :rolleyes: FYI I have depression and social anxiety, her constant putdowns make it even harder for me to feel ok with social situations and myself, I know she's making me feel a lot worse and I want advice on dealing with her so I can feel better. Sorry to have so harshly offended you.

You haven't harshly offended me, it's just that I expected something else.

Fair enough time for me to apologise, couldn't have known. But if this is what your ma makes you feel like, honestly, you shouldn't really get in touch with her, try to avoid her. She has no right to do it anyways
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H.JJJ
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#22
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#22
(Original post by Anonymous)
No, if you read my post I chose option 2 before option 1. I don't want to be aggressive towards her because I don't think aggression should really be involved in family relations.
Ok fair point on going option 2 then 1

But as for the aggression? Bull****. You're being pushed around here. Don't be a doormat. I know it's your mother but if you don't start standing up for yourself she'll keep on doing it and you'll keep on feeling sorry.

When I say aggression I don't mean like throwing **** around the room and screaming "**** you", I mean holding your ground and telling this lady that "I'm a god damn grown woman, If you don't ****ing like me, tell me to **** off and I'll do just that - I'll get out of your life". Clearly you're already considering "distancing" yourself, so if she decides to call your bluff, then leave for a couple of weeks and wait for her call...

Failing that, just shrug it off I guess. She is your mother after all and leaving her may be harder than you think.

EDIT: Quite a lot of asterisk in this post - I should clean my mouth out..
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Kaykiie
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#23
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#23
(Original post by H.JJJ)
3 options:-

1) Tell random strangers on the internets about your problem and feelings
2) Going directly to the source of the problem and telling it your problems and feelings
3) As step 2, but with a **** load more aggression and dominance

You chose option 1. Do you see why that was a bad choice?
As someone who's been through what the OP has and much, much worse (regarding mothers) I can honestly say that you're speaking a load of ********.

"a **** load more aggression and dominance"... :facepalm:

Because that'll help :rolleyes:
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H.JJJ
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#24
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#24
(Original post by Kaykiie)
As someone who's been through what the OP has and much, much worse (regarding mothers) I can honestly say that you're speaking a load of ********.

"a **** load more aggression and dominance"... :facepalm:

Because that'll help :rolleyes:
As someone who has also been through a similar situation with his father, I can say that standing up for yourself is by far the best way to go.

I don't want to pry but you're telling me after going through something similar with your mother she just suddenly decided to come to the table and be diplomatic? comon, some aggression and dominance was involved to make her understand that you are a human being with feelings and that what she was doing was negatively affecting your life...
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Kaykiie
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#25
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#25
(Original post by H.JJJ)
As someone who has also been through a similar situation with his father, I can say that standing up for yourself is by far the best way to go.

I don't want to pry but you're telling me after going through something similar with your mother she just suddenly decided to come to the table and be diplomatic? comon, some aggression and dominance was involved to make her understand that you are a human being with feelings and that what she was doing was negatively affecting your life...
I'm not telling you that no, aggression and dominance made the situation worse and as a result I haven't seen my mother for almost 4 years and was forced to live in a domestic violence refuge by myself for a year.

So aggression and dominance is not the best option.
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H.JJJ
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#26
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#26
(Original post by Kaykiie)
I'm not telling you that no, aggression and dominance made the situation worse and as a result I haven't seen my mother for almost 4 years and was forced to live in a domestic violence refuge by myself for a year.

So aggression and dominance is not the best option.
I guess everyone's just different. What worked for one person won't work for another...
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Kaykiie
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#27
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#27
(Original post by H.JJJ)
I guess everyone's just different. What worked for one person won't work for another...
I'm sure aggression works for a lot of people, doesn't make it right.
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greengrapes
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#28
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#28
(Original post by Anonymous)
I was wondering if there's anything I can do to change her or if I should just keep my distance?

I'm at university, every time, without fail, that I stay at her house (she invites me constantly) she will insult me.

I'm not talking just oh your hair looks a bit untidy I'm talking "wtf is wrong with your hair, your hair looks like a tramp's, you look disgusting, you look like a freak. wtf are you wearing, why haven't you lost more weight, what's that you haven't finished that essay due in 5 months time? what's wrong with you why are you even bothering with university if you can't get the work done".

We went into a shop last time I saw her a few weeks ago and the door person didn't say anything to me but asked her something about the store, so my mum catches up to me and says "you see that? you look like a freak that's why he didn't say anything to you" .

She's always done this, I was constantly attacked by her when I lived with her, everything about me and everything I did would get belittled and put-down.

I can't understand this constant nastiness. I never insult her, if she asks for my opinion on her new clothes I'll be nice, I would never go out of my way to so blatantly insult someone for absolutely no reason. I don't think it's that she doesn't realise it hurts either because I've told her to stop, I haven't shouted and lost my temper, I've told her that it hurts and can she please stop in a mature adult way. I just don't understand what I've done to warrant this constant nastiness.

Is there anything I can do to change her or should I just accept it and keep my distance?
the truth hurts babes its a cruel world out there..
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