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Normal father-like behaviour? watch

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    (Original post by chocoholic_x)
    I'm not sure, he's not been to see a psychologist or anything, well not to my knowledge anyway.

    And aww thank you, I feel a little better now, virtual hugs are the best! :hugs:
    ah, well at least it hasnt had too much of an effect on you- you seem a good person

    and your welcome, haha arent they just
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    (Original post by chocoholic_x)
    Amazingly enough, we rent the house and me and my mum lived here first before he joined along. Its 'cos my mum and dad were separated for a few years and then got back together meaning my dad came to live with us about 4 years ago. Yeah if he did violently attack me, I would probably do something serious about it but I really don't want to talk to him or do anything to provoke him to possibly lash out.
    I've been in the position before where I didn't want to bring it up and cause an awkward situation but it eventually got to a point where I didn't care anymore and had to.

    Hopefully he'll be alright
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    Thank you for all the advice so far! I didn't watch last night's Doctor Who so I could enjoy it on another day. I might just go and watch it now to cheer myself up, there's nothing like a new episode of Doctor Who on a Sunday night in!
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    Hiya chocoholic,I hope you're ok! You sound so much like me a few years ago (I'm 21 now). The screaming,shouting, pushing and shoving makes you feel so shocked and bullied doesn't it? It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with your mum though and believe me,your mum could be your angel here as long as you're 100% honest and open with her about things. As for moving out... Personally i wouldn't reccomend it yet. Everything costs more than you think it will,it's hard work juggling keeping a home,working and/or studying and like you mentioned before, theres Mum to miss. I moved out at 19 and I'm coming back home this week!
    If you need a chat about things or just want to let off some steam, feel free to get in touch. Sometimes it's tough to deal with by yourself.
    Huggggggs for you. xx
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    Have you spoken to him (nicely ofc) when he's calmed down about it?

    He sounds like he has anger issues but if these attacks are frequent and he shows no remorse I would gtfo.

    I've been in these situations before with both parents so I can kind of relate, I didn't press charges but I left (to go to Uni) and since then one parent is calmer and acknowledged and learned how to handle his rage and the other is (kind of) starting to handle her drink problem (ish-quite a long way to go with that :erm:)

    EDIT:

    Also, which took me a few years to realise, I found out that I used to kind of spur the arguments on and encourage them-which is weird. But now I'm not living with them there is no pressure to act in such a destructive way and when they start misbehaving and acting weird I don't feel the need to respond in such a hostile way.
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    it's domestic violence or child abuse depending on how old the OP is ... both are taken seriously and a call to the police at the time would have almost certainly lead to the OP's father being arrested for common assault or ABH ( as many police forces will not accept BoP arrests from domestics )
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    (Original post by chocoholic_x)
    Hello all,

    I feel a bit shaken right now after having a fairly dramatic conflict with my father.

    It started with my mum coming into my room to tell me to hoover downstairs and she thought I had been asleep. Just to clarify I was NOT asleep, just contemplating... Anyway, I heard my father saying that I was always lying, this made me a l'il pissed so I got the hoover out in a fairly careless manner which provoked anger from my mum and lead my father to come storming downstairs shouting that he was fed up of me, couldn't stand me, I was lazy, "what was wrong with me?" and so on and so on. Apparently, my "look" that I gave him was rebellious and defiant (he didn't actually say that, he just said that it annoyed him ) so that, somehow, this "look" lead him to physically push me backwards, quite hard, so I knocked a glass over in my fall.

    My mum was there at the time and shouted his name, she was in rush to go out and left soon afterwards... I said, "You can't push me!"He again shouted how useless I was, how he couldn't stand me, he couldn't stand my face and I retorted that I couldn't stand him, the feeling was mutual. His reply was, "Get the **** out of this house then!" and then went on another rant about how I'm such a horrible human being and how I don't do this and that... He left, and I started hoovering, my anger quickly turning into tears.

    This wasn't the first time he'd used violence against me during a burst of anger. His short-temper seems really quite severe that I sometimes wonder if he has Intermittent Explosive Disorder but I daren't ask. Anyway, half an hour or so later and I'd just finished hoovering, and he came back for another go at me. I just said to him, "If you can't stand me, please don't talk to me". This seemed to anger him further... He said that he was my father and if something annoyed him he would tell me and that I've been ignoring him for years and if I keep ignoring him, he will have no qualms about hitting me just to shake me. As long as I'm in this house, he can act what way he likes towards me. This bit about him "hitting me" is making me a bit worried to say the least... I feel like I've totally lost what father and daughter bond I had, and at this moment, I really don't want to deal with him again.

    My question is this, is my reaction to this event a bit over-reactive? I mean, do many parents threaten to hit then? Is this normal? Should I be worried? And also, any advice on what I should do?

    I tried to be as least bias as I can. And my quotes may be a little inaccurate by a few words or so but then, I don't have a perfect memory!

    Any help much appreciated! (I hoping the amount of smilies I put in will lighten the mood up a bit )
    Sounds to me as if you are lazy and you lie. Therefore, its quite possible you are lying in this thread to make him out worse than he is. You also provoked him and made the situation worse by getting the hoover out in such a manner. Its your own fault.

    :hmmm:
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    (Original post by Cybele)
    You could quite easily charge him with assault and threatening behaviour. He's out of order, and what he's doing is not normal. If it were me, I'd have no qualms telling him that any more behaviour like that, then I'll go to the police. You have a right to feel safe in your own home.

    I've never heard of Intermittent Explosive Disorder, I think my dad has it also! So thanks for that!

    @HaHaLOL care to elaborate why you disagree with this?
    ITS HIS HOME. LOOK AT THE NAME ON THE PAPERWORK, IT WILL BE EITHER IS NAME OR HER MOTHERS NAME. SHE DOES NOT HAVE ACTUAL LIVING RIGHTS TO BE THERE AND SHE COULD EASILY BE KICKED OUT BY THEM AND TOLD TO LIVE IN CARE. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by PapaShmurff)
    If it's his house you're pretty screwed, but it's still no excuse for him to threaten you and treat you like crap. If he is violent I can only say call the police or move out.
    not true actually he can actually be given an order to leave his own house
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    I think firstly you have to think about what way you could possibly be irritating him. Are you continuously messy? Do you sometimes act a bit moody, and perhaps unappreciative of the things your parents do for you? Do you ask them for money all the time, but then rarely see them when you are actually home? I'm not saying you do any of these things, but it is worth thinking about. People, most of the time, do not get that angry over nothing. There must be some kind of reason. It is possible that he is stressed about something not concerning you, and you are just the easy victim to unleash his anger towards.
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    (Original post by chocoholic_x)
    I was going to ask what merked meant but then I looked it up, so thanks, I feel a little more knowledgeable now!
    HAHAHA! you not knowing basic street words such as merked, shows that your not that disobedient afterall...i can't think of any reason why he will be acting like this. I guess your lucky that hes your biological dad and not dad no2.
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    Why have you written this like a really bad novel?
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    lol sounds like my dad for the past 5 years, except he wouldn't actually chuck me out of the house... he just has a very short fuse and can a total d*ckhead. but he is my dad.
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    (Original post by jb9191)
    Sounds to me as if you are lazy and you lie. Therefore, its quite possible you are lying in this thread to make him out worse than he is. You also provoked him and made the situation worse by getting the hoover out in such a manner. Its your own fault.

    :hmmm:
    With all due respect, handling a vaccum cleaner in a rough manner may provoke a bit of an argument but saying it's her 'own fault' when someone has/threatened to assult her is ridiculous. No one deserves that. She could have thrown the hoover across the room and destroyed it- why not just have a shouting match,get her to pay for a new one and then move on? why resort to violence?

    Even if the OP is lying about this,isn't that a sign that she needs a bit of help or support from someone? give her a chance!
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    (Original post by SleepySheep)
    Bloody hell, what a complete prick. I read through most of that thinking you were male. The fact that your father has no qualms about hitting women is scary. I would get the f*ck out of there to be honest.
    I couldn't give a crap about neg rep, but would whoever negged this like to explain why they think threatening people and violence against women is justified? Because I would really, really like to know.
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    (Original post by jb9191)
    ITS HIS HOME. LOOK AT THE NAME ON THE PAPERWORK, IT WILL BE EITHER IS NAME OR HER MOTHERS NAME. SHE DOES NOT HAVE ACTUAL LIVING RIGHTS TO BE THERE AND SHE COULD EASILY BE KICKED OUT BY THEM AND TOLD TO LIVE IN CARE. :rolleyes:
    1. is there any need to shout ?

    2. this is domestic violence and it's entirely concievable even if your name is on the mortgage / tenancy / licence to be excluded from those premises.

    3. 'told to live in care' novel concept , criminals do not dictate where they live, their victims have a right to be safe in their own homes.

    4. do you actually have any knowledge and understanding of safeguarding and /or domestic violence policy ?
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    (Original post by zippyRN)
    1. is there any need to shout ?
    1. Yes. :rolleyes:

    2. this is domestic violence and it's entirely concievable even if your name is on the mortgage / tenancy / licence to be excluded from those premises.
    Yes its violence but her father was provoked. If I smashed up your car, would you knock me out? I think you would or would you restrain yourself? Lets be serious, you'd want to fill me in good and proper.

    3. 'told to live in care' novel concept , criminals do not dictate where they live, their victims have a right to be safe in their own homes.
    She is living there on her parents terms, they can, at the age of 16+ legally kick her out without an issue, its up to them. Before then they can put her in care if thats what they feel, regardless.

    4. do you actually have any knowledge and understanding of safeguarding and /or domestic violence policy ?
    Yes I do and domestic violence is a hard area to talk about as 1 thing. There are a range of different factors that affect totally why it happened. However, in the OP's situation, if she reports the incident to the police, then she will get KICKED OUT! Thats a fact! She will therefore be shooting herself in the foot.
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    (Original post by jb9191)
    :
    Yes its violence but her father was provoked. If I smashed up your car, would you knock me out? I think you would or would you restrain yourself? Lets be serious, you'd want to fill me in good and proper.
    perhaps in your fantasy world , in the real world if there's evidence let's leave it to the police and the courts ... 'filling you in' might make someone feel better but it's ultimately pointless - attack me or someone i'm with and i'll happily use reasonable force to neutralise that threat and if that means doing a tap dance on your head then so be it ...

    She is living there on her parents terms, they can, at the age of 16+ legally kick her out without an issue, its up to them. Before then they can put her in care if thats what they feel, regardless.
    that's a very simpilistic view , one which ignores the Safeguarding and domestic violence agenda almost completely, almost viewing children as chattels to be discarded to be discard at will.

    Yes I do and domestic violence is a hard area to talk about as 1 thing. There are a range of different factors that affect totally why it happened. However, in the OP's situation, if she reports the incident to the police, then she will get KICKED OUT! Thats a fact! She will therefore be shooting herself in the foot.
    the OPs father used force without a reasonable defence this is domestic violence and /or child abuse - are you suggesting that domestic violence is justifed because someone 'looks at you funny ' or because your tea isn't on the table the moment you walk in the door ?

    do you view women,children and staff as Chattels ?

    do you long for the reintroduction of the rule of thumb and the defence of 'reasonable chastisement' to be permitted in domestic violence cases ?
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    OP how old are you??

    My dad used to be like this when I was about 15/16, up until I reached 18 I reckon, when he realised he couldn't do much about it anymore. I used to be really shy and quiet when I reached my early teens, but through a series of circumstances I changed, because I wasn't going to stand for any 'bullying' anymore. This meant my dad and I clashed. I used to get smacked as a kid, but once when I was 15 he actually hit me, and I broke my front tooth. A glass smashed because my brother accidentally elbowed it off the table, he thought we were fighting, that it was my fault and smacked my head off a table. I took the next day off school to get my tooth fixed.
    Now that I'm 21, I'm in 4th year of uni, my dad and I have a much better relationship. Don't get me wrong he will still shout about pointless, unnecessary thing and get irate for no reason but because I don't see him as much, it's not as bad. I lived at home for first year, then for second and 3rd year moved out, and I am planning on moving out again this year... I'm just a little apprehensive about telling him, because I have the opposite problem, my dad wants me to stay home and not go anywhere.
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    (Original post by jb9191)
    Sounds to me as if you are lazy and you lie. Therefore, its quite possible you are lying in this thread to make him out worse than he is. You also provoked him and made the situation worse by getting the hoover out in such a manner. Its your own fault.

    :hmmm:
    Sounds to me that you are desperate for neg rep? :rolleyes:
 
 
 
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