Turn on thread page Beta
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Almost every woman's perfect man has two features: Hes interesting, and must be able to take care of them. I know youve heard it before but the main ingredient in both is confidence - no girl wants a wimpy insecure weasel of a boy.

    The interesting part is easy - all you need to do is go out and live life. Go out a few nights a week, get a hobby, get an interesting job, do cool stuff whatever, you aren't afraid of rejection (or at least at like you don't), you look like youre happy being yourself and single (or at least maintain that image).

    The take care of them part is a little trickier, but still fairly easy - Not being afraid to ask things (from simple things like asking directions in person (if you can't find a the local mcdonalds and you whip out an iphone rather than asking a local she won't be impressed) to asking for her phone number.), taking her out places, ability to drive, have your own place (thats a massive fanny magnet), buying her things etc...


    Now getting a balance of both these things can be tricky, as it costs money to do either well, and as a result there arn't very many guys who can balance both.

    If you're in the interesting catagory - you're likely a c*** to be honest - the guy who women complain about all the time. Usually a guy in the interesting pile acts single even if hes in a relationship.

    If your the kind who likes to look after them then you're probably just a nice guy - and they can get what they want from you without having the burden of having to be in a relationship with you.
    Probably the truest reply you're going to get on this board. I would only add that often the traits women are attracted to, are commonly the traits they dislike the most in a relationship. "Oh he's so ambitious and extroverted. BUT WHY DOESN'T HE GIVE ME MORE ATTENTION?!".
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by strawberry)
    I've posted this before, but it's relevant to this discussion about nice guys
    Why Nice Guys are such LOSERS
    Note: I did not write the article.
    actually I am not sure I agree 100% with this article but it does make some good points
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by strawberry)
    I've posted this before, but it's relevant to this discussion about nice guys
    Why Nice Guys are such LOSERS
    Note: I did not write the article.
    I've read it. It's got a lot of inaccuracies. She talks of all the things she dislikes about men and assumes nice guys do all of it, even when it's a lot more common among bad boys.

    "Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life... "

    The women who are looking for a sucker to take advantage of normally like men who can fill them with passion. They normally go for bad boys. And try to manipulate them into giving them what they want. The article's idea- that it's hard to tell whether a nice guy is actually in love- it's absurd. Women are very skilled emotionally, and can read men. Nice guys are open with their emotions. Very open, and honest. They are not dysfunctional with love.

    "They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them."

    "They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him. "

    Not especially. Bad boys are very often highly controlling, willing to use violence if she associates with other men, and prefer sexual intimacy to emotional intimacy. Nice guys are much better at emotional intimacy, in my experience. And less controlling- they actually respect the woman and care about her needs. They are willing to compromise and let her do as she wishes

    "Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner. "

    This touches on the issue, but a woman doesn't want an equal, caring adult partner. She wants someone who makes her feel good. For a lot of women, especially the sort who pursue bad boys, that means a superior, arrogant one who takes what he wants and doesn't compromise or negotiate. The nice guy's problematic behaviour here- the issue with it is that she dislikes it, not that he's not being caring enough. They often negotiate and compromise.

    "Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here." "

    That is more a statement of the women's insecurities. The nice guy is very aware that lots of other people are attracted to his woman and can fall in love, as the woman repeatedly shows awareness of elsewhere in the article

    "The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?" "

    That's a much, much bigger problem for *******s. They do not like competition from other men. Nice guys tend to accept women's flaws, and compromise, and negotiate. The woman is projecting the worst traits of men on nice guys.

    "Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results. "

    Universal among guys. Crazy girls are the bad boys of the female world. The way they go up and down is exciting to most guys.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nepene)
    x
    I don't believe the article is completely accurate, but for you to say that what the "nice guys" in the article do are more common in "bad boys", I think you are incorrect.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nepene)
    I've read it. It's got a lot of inaccuracies. She talks of all the things she dislikes about men and assumes nice guys do all of it, even when it's a lot more common among bad boys.

    "Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life... "

    The women who are looking for a sucker to take advantage of normally like men who can fill them with passion. They normally go for bad boys. And try to manipulate them into giving them what they want. The article's idea- that it's hard to tell whether a nice guy is actually in love- it's absurd. Women are very skilled emotionally, and can read men. Nice guys are open with their emotions. Very open, and honest. They are not dysfunctional with love.

    holy **** i'm still by large a nice guy. oh *******s i'm doomed.



    "They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them."

    "They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him. "

    Not especially. Bad boys are very often highly controlling, willing to use violence if she associates with other men, and prefer sexual intimacy to emotional intimacy. Nice guys are much better at emotional intimacy, in my experience. And less controlling- they actually respect the woman and care about her needs. They are willing to compromise and let her do as she wishes

    "Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner. "

    This touches on the issue, but a woman doesn't want an equal, caring adult partner. She wants someone who makes her feel good. For a lot of women, especially the sort who pursue bad boys, that means a superior, arrogant one who takes what he wants and doesn't compromise or negotiate. The nice guy's problematic behaviour here- the issue with it is that she dislikes it, not that he's not being caring enough. They often negotiate and compromise.

    "Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here." "

    That is more a statement of the women's insecurities. The nice guy is very aware that lots of other people are attracted to his woman and can fall in love, as the woman repeatedly shows awareness of elsewhere in the article

    "The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?" "

    That's a much, much bigger problem for *******s. They do not like competition from other men. Nice guys tend to accept women's flaws, and compromise, and negotiate. The woman is projecting the worst traits of men on nice guys.

    "Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results. "

    Universal among guys. Crazy girls are the bad boys of the female world. The way they go up and down is exciting to most guys.
    thats so true it hurts me a little inside.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by strawberry)
    I don't believe the article is completely accurate, but for you to say that what the "nice guys" in the article do are more common in "bad boys", I think you are incorrect.
    You think the average bad boy would accept if he didn't "believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires" and if she talked of her ex boyfriends who she said was superior to them he would be without any "insecurities" which "will overrun him with jealousies and fear."?

    Bad boys very often isolate a woman from her family and friends who tell her he's bad news. This is because they are narcissists who believe they are the best person for the object of their desires. That is a well known feature in them. It's much more common in bad boys.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nepene)
    You think the average bad boy would accept if he didn't "believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires" and if she talked of her ex boyfriends who she said was superior to them he would be without any "insecurities" which "will overrun him with jealousies and fear."?

    Bad boys very often isolate a woman from her family and friends who tell her he's bad news. This is because they are narcissists who believe they are the best person for the object of their desires. That is a well known feature in them. It's much more common in bad boys.
    "bad boys" are more often players, that is NO emotional connection to the woman/women he is using for whatever purpose, than "nice boys" are. insecurity is not often associated with "bad boys", because if they were insecure, they wouldn't be able to do their player game. insecurity is mutually exclusive to narcissism. If you're so full of yourself and think the world of yourself, how can you be unsure of yourself at the same time?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I never say and never though about it! Also, i don't believe in the whole "nice guy" myth
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by strawberry)
    "bad boys" are more often players, that is NO emotional connection to the woman/women he is using for whatever purpose, than "nice boys" are. insecurity is not often associated with "bad boys", because if they were insecure, they wouldn't be able to do their player game. insecurity is mutually exclusive to narcissism. If you're so full of yourself and think the world of yourself, how can you be unsure of yourself at the same time?
    While insecurities are not associate with bad boys, revenge and violence is. While the nice guy will worry about it, if the bad boy isn't the first in his class he'll take it to the next level to prove he is. And bad boys do get emotional connections. As many conversations on TSR can attest to.

    If you're full of yourself, any woman who says you're not all that is a douche and has whatever you do to her coming to her. Jealousies and fear, which will quickly turn into rage, will still overrun him. The trait is in bad boys more than nice guys. A lot of nice guys are willing to compromise and will let you do your thing and won't feel jealous, because they are so nice.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Never said it. I had one 'not nice' boyfriend when I was 15-17, but that wasn't enough for me to bemoan my inability to attract decent partners. It was just one guy.

    Since then, I've been out with a series of really lovely people. Yes, two of them didn't suit me personality wise, but that wasn't to do with them being fundamentaly decent people. I find 'bad boys' a bit of a turn on, and have even fallen for a couple who were charming but had some darker and more toxic side to their character, but I'm not stupid enough to date them.

    My fiancé (so glad I can finally say that!) isn't perfect and he has seriously ****ed me around a few times, but he's never cruel, never nasty, never mean and always has a heart of gold even if he does screw up. Plus, he's sexy, wickedly funny and intelligent. 'Nice guy' doesn't mean a sap.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nepene)
    While insecurities are not associate with bad boys, revenge and violence is. While the nice guy will worry about it, if the bad boy isn't the first in his class he'll take it to the next level to prove he is. And bad boys do get emotional connections. As many conversations on TSR can attest to.

    If you're full of yourself, any woman who says you're not all that is a douche and has whatever you do to her coming to her. Jealousies and fear, which will quickly turn into rage, will still overrun him. The trait is in bad boys more than nice guys. A lot of nice guys are willing to compromise and will let you do your thing and won't feel jealous, because they are so nice.
    TSR is not a credible source so your argument is lacking evidence.

    1. I do not agree with the mentality of males who think that like - she's a douche because she said I'm not what I think I am! That, is childish, and the male in question should be told to grow up.
    2. I think you are very confused with what "bad boys" actually mean to women. They are most generally jerks, who do what they want, when they want, with whom they want. If they are jealous and fearful and full of rage when another male so much as looks at their girl, they are not "bad boys". They are pathetic "nice guys" hiding behind a facade.
    3. That last sentence is called a pushover, and is characteristic of why so many "so nice" guys are friend-zoned almost permanently.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by strawberry)
    TSR is not a credible source so your argument is lacking evidence.

    1. I do not agree with the mentality of males who think that like - she's a douche because she said I'm not what I think I am! That, is childish, and the male in question should be told to grow up.
    2. I think you are very confused with what "bad boys" actually mean to women. They are most generally jerks, who do what they want, when they want, with whom they want. If they are jealous and fearful and full of rage when another male so much as looks at their girl, they are not "bad boys". They are pathetic "nice guys" hiding behind a facade.
    3. That last sentence is called a pushover, and is characteristic of why so many "so nice" guys are friend-zoned almost permanently.
    1. I don't agree with it either. That's a characteristic of many bad boys.

    2. Bad boys are jerks, who do what they want, when they want, with whom they want. And that means if while they are doing what they want with who they want they feel free to be a jerk to someone who tries to flirt with their girl because they are human and feel the normal emotions when someone flirts with a girl they like. What you are doing is conflating bad boys and nice guys again. If a bad boy does something you dislike, he must be a nice guy. That is the problem with the article.

    3. Yes, and the article should have said what you said, rather than describing negative characteristics of a bad boy and saying they must be nice guys.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Arturo Bandini)
    No, they friend zone boring/unattractive guys who think that they get friend zoned because they're "nice".
    I disagree. And anyways, the unattractive ones are usually the interesting ones, the pretty boys have mainly lost their braincells and thus there sense of humour and personality. Not all men obviously but most.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by AidanKD)
    I disagree. And anyways, the unattractive ones are usually the interesting ones, the pretty boys have mainly lost their braincells and thus there sense of humour and personality. Not all men obviously but most.
    Bitterness isn't an attractive trait either.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Arturo Bandini)
    Bitterness isn't an attractive trait either.
    Might sound weird but I have no recollection of writing that post O,o Ignore all of it may have to change password grr not really sure who would hack my TSR account lol.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by strawberry)
    I've posted this before, but it's relevant to this discussion about nice guys
    Why Nice Guys are such LOSERS
    Note: I did not write the article.
    This article presents a straw man arguement. Some "nice guys" are like that but many aren't and are still rejected by women while quite horrible men have no problem attracting women.

    Also why so many go for abusive/violent/controlling/cheating/selfish/bullying/criminal males has never been explained. I think many women must like to be treated badly, and that just doesn't make sense.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    It would be funnier without that last panel, but whatever, here you go:
    http://dudelol.com/DO-NOT-HOTLINK-IM...lost-panel.png
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FrigidSymphony)
    It would be funnier without that last panel, but whatever, here you go:
    http://dudelol.com/DO-NOT-HOTLINK-IM...lost-panel.png
    Absolutely true lol! Saving that to my PC for future reference when another nice guy thread pops up!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FrigidSymphony)
    It would be funnier without that last panel, but whatever, here you go:
    http://dudelol.com/DO-NOT-HOTLINK-IM...lost-panel.png
    Comment on that from Reddit:

    I see a lot of people saying that the added panel ruins this comic. I think it makes it much better since it seems to me to be an appropriate response to an overly brutal critique of her friends character. In her diatribe, she literally demands empathy, attention and entertainment from her prospective boyfriends. She critiques her friend for not providing any of these things and seemingly to be a selfish idiot, even though he claims to have actually been there for her and cared for her in the past. It seems the selfishness is grossly weighted on her end of the scale.

    The last panel (aside from her reaction) is much more powerful message of not wasting your time on someone who gives you little to no regard. While without it it has a relatively simple message: Girls like badboys because they are exciting while nice guys finish last.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by strawberry)
    I've posted this before, but it's relevant to this discussion about nice guys
    Why Nice Guys are such LOSERS
    Note: I did not write the article.
    Insecurity is a turnoff, that's obvious. What isn't said, though, is that there's no rule against confident girls helping a guy with potential get some self-confidence himself. Relationships can be mutually constructive, you know.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: September 28, 2011
Poll
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.