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Washing dishes is for suckers watch


    Didnt bother reading your post after you said Snorlax because I got all excited about the pokemon Snorlax and how awesome he is.

    I'm going through this situation right now where there's 2 retard flatmates who aren't doing their dishes properly and are just leaving them around so, before anyone asks, yes I am mad.

    ******s who go to university and live like a slob need to grow up and take responsibility for themselves. Just because your mother's not here to wipe your arse anymore doesn't mean that you can come back from shopping and leave all your groceries around on the floor, nor does it mean you can just leave empty boxes around the kitchen/living area. It also does not mean that you can use your own dishes, leave them in the sink for a few days and not wash them.

    If you don't wash your own dishes and you proceed to use mine, I will contemplate punching you. I might be lenient if I had more dishes and cutlery, but because I don't, you've shown a lack of respect for me and your selfishness. You'd therefore need to be checked.

    I know this thread isn't cereal but I'm mad.

    Also OP, you're a ******.


    bored of revising??

    (Original post by Pedrobear)
    [Preliminary: this only works when you live with other people, and is probably most effective if you are a university student with flatmates. It's possible with family, but the latest statistics place the success rate at just under 60%]

    Sup TSR? Your boy PB reporting in this evening to drop some life advice that'll hit your brain harder than a skydiving Snorlax.

    If you're anything like me, you ****ing hate washing dishes. The leftover food. The sterile smell. The rank way your hands go after 5 mins. Seriously, it's a proper Ming dynasty job to undertake. There are binmen in Uganda who would love to wash dishes rather than pick up 5 metre wide hippo turds.

    Yet we are expected to happily perform this task in the 21st century?
    Are you serial bro?

    With this in mind, I have for the past few weeks been experimenting with an innovative method which will leave you with absolutely no need to wash a dish ever again.

    I did not underline that for nothing. This is serious.

    At this point I've probably lost the more cynical amongst you. "Impossible!", they jeer from the peanut gallery. You know what else was impossible once?

    Going to the moon.

    Now, shall we?

    So intuitive is this method that it can be stated in but two steps.


    Step 1: don't wash your dishes. Like, ever. You know why?

    Because if you leave them for long enough, someone else eventually will.

    The logic is simple: people don't like having a messy kitchen. If you finish using a plate, don't be a sucker and wash it. ****ing leave it on the table, on the windowsill, on the floor. It really doesn't matter where -- just make sure it's in plain enough view to encourage someone else to wash it and clear it away. Ideally you want them to walk into the kitchen and spot it immediatedly.

    Now I know what you're thinking. That's great and you're the same bloody genius I remember, Pedro, but if we don't wash our dishes then what do we eat from?

    Your lack of faith disturbs me. You really think I came here without covering my bases?

    So let's move right on to Step 2: when you have no clean dishes left, use someone else's.

    Hopefully that size 3 font just switched on a few latent lightbulbs.

    See, whilst you're using someone else's dishes, that someone else will start to feel like they have no clean dishes. And then what will they do? They'll go straight to the kitchen, see your dirty dishes, and wash them! Then of course you simply wait for a quiet moment in the kitchen, slip in, and deposit whoever's plate you just stained with spaghetti bolognaise, you lovable rascal.

    And now we simply do the natural thing and combine these two steps. So in the end you have:

    --a period of time in which you use your dishes, but don't wash them
    --a period of time in which you use someone else's dishes, whilst they wash yours
    --absolutely no periods of time in which you either have 1) no dishes or 2) dishes you have to wash. Success!

    You'll surely agree the circular process at work here is almost beautiful. It gives me no small delight to share it with you guys, and I wish you well in all your future endeavours, so long as they do not involve washing dishes.

    Real talk
    Wear rubber gloves like loads of people?

    You deserve to be raped by a thousand goats.

    If I ever live with someone like you I know eventually I'll end up losing my cool then go on to strangle you!
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