Terrified of having sex? Watch

Darkphilosopher
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#21
Report 7 years ago
#21
(Original post by SweetReality)
Hi guys.

Please don't judge me, but for a long time, I've been wary, if not scared, of the idea concerning sex.

I've been with my boyfriend for five years, and we're both eighteen years of age respectively.

Now, ever since the beginning of the year, my boyfriend's been dropping unsubtle hints that perhaps we should "go all the way", but I'm just too scared about it. We had an argument about it yesterday, and he screamed out that having sex is the only way I can prove my love for him.

He keeps on pushing the idea forwad and out into the open whenever we're together, which is tainting our relationship, but he's blaming it on the fact that I'm too "frigid".

I'm too scared to tell him about the fact that I'm terrified of having sex. I feel so stupid and abnormal having this fear, but I can't help it.

Can anyone else relate to this, or is it just me?
Sounds like a rather dickish thing to say...
0
reply
Darkphilosopher
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#22
Report 7 years ago
#22
(Original post by FrostyLemon)
Five years... FIVE YEARS.

I can understand why everyone is supporting the OP because her bf is pressuring her, but no one is really considering his point of view. After FIVE YEARS with no sex he should have ended it with her because he isn't getting a perfectly normal part of a relationship. You can both break up and be mates and nothing will have changed.
They're both 18...

If they were in their mid 20's however I would agree with you.
--------

Take your time OP.
0
reply
SweetReality
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#23
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#23
(Original post by Darkphilosopher)
Sounds like a rather dickish thing to say...
Yeah, it was a pretty horrible thing to say.

And I agree with the point you've made; it seems too soon.
0
reply
FrostyLemon
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#24
Report 7 years ago
#24
(Original post by SweetReality)
Idon't understand. We've been together since we were thirteen; are you telling me that he's wanted sex ever since then? I don't want to break up with him, but he's leaving me no choice; I'm not ready.
Ah ok well that's a bit different then, sorry I didn't look at the ages. Not since thirteen, but probably the last two or three years. It's normal to want to have sex, your hormones start telling you to and you just get horny. He obviously wants to do it with you because he cares for you after all this time, but I can totally understand why he feels like it isn't going anywhere.

I also get why you would be nervous about having sex. I can only really do it if I'm comfortable with the girl and it's not forced, so I get you. But after all this time you should be in that position with him. If you aren't then it isn't working for either of you.
0
reply
ildaf123
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#25
Report 7 years ago
#25
(Original post by SweetReality)
I'm scared because I'm not ready. I'm scared because I have this feeling that as soon as I have sex with him,he'll become disinterested. I'm scared because my friend had sex and told me how painful it is. I guess, as childish as it sounds, I feel terrified of the pain.

But thank you for your advice; that got me thinking about what he might be feeling.
I think if you are scared of him leaving you afterwards you have to take a look at your relationship, is there anything that he does to suggest that he would be the type of guy to do that? Thats a perfectly reasonable fear but after a 5 year relationship you should of built up trust and no him well enough. If you are actually sincerely doubting him and its not just a case of getting yourself worked up, paranoid and over thinking things then it might not be the right move to have sex with him, but really question what it actually is thats making you think these things as it could on some level be your fear of sex making you come up with excuses as to why you arent emotionally ready.

The fear of pain is understandable, it didn't exactly hurt for me at first but it was slightly uncomfortable, I worked myself up thinking it was going to be unbareable but it really wasn't.

Btw, I think what your bf said is a bit wrong but I just think that he should be cut some slack as he is probably just very sexually fustrated.

Don't want this to be coming accross as me saying "you should be having sex, get over it" thats really not my intention and I do unsderstand and appreicate the fact that when you have a fear its not as simple as just getting over it, but I think the main issue is that you have just let the issue grow and grow in your head, making sex into a scary and unpleasent thing and its something you will probably feel a bit silly about once you have actually done it, that kind of happened to me anyway.
0
reply
hollywoodbudgie
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#26
Report 7 years ago
#26
Er what's 5 years got anything to do with it? You've only been legal for 2 years, if you waited only 1 year you'd have been only 13. :lolwut:

If you're not ready, you're not ready, end of. He's a guy, probably been watching porn since he was 12 and hears all the banter from his mates. If he's ready, that's his thing, but if he's not a decent enough guy to be patient for you then it sounds like you may have wasted 5 years on him.

Also, (although you wouldn't think it in this modern society :rolleyes:) you're still young at 18. If you're nervous as most young women are, I'd say you need to first learn a bit more about your own body, perhaps a bit more about the male body as well so that you can reassure yourself that it's all just basic biology and natural instincts. So yeah, good luck
0
reply
Phil2008
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#27
Report 7 years ago
#27
(Original post by SweetReality)
I have this feeling that as soon as I have sex with him,he'll become disinterested.
So that's the level of trust you have for a guy you've been with for 5 years?
0
reply
SweetReality
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#28
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#28
(Original post by Phil2008)
So that's the level of trust you have for a guy you've been with for 5 years?
I trust him, definitely, but due to the fact that he can't stop pressurizing me to go all the way with him, I just have this little feeling that that's all he wants. He cheated on me a year ago, too, so that's probably leading to my doubts.
0
reply
SweetReality
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#29
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#29
(Original post by FrostyLemon)
Ah ok well that's a bit different then, sorry I didn't look at the ages. Not since thirteen, but probably the last two or three years. It's normal to want to have sex, your hormones start telling you to and you just get horny. He obviously wants to do it with you because he cares for you after all this time, but I can totally understand why he feels like it isn't going anywhere.

I also get why you would be nervous about having sex. I can only really do it if I'm comfortable with the girl and it's not forced, so I get you. But after all this time you should be in that position with him. If you aren't then it isn't working for either of you.
It's alright. I'm not completely ignoring his feelings, I do try to see the situation from his point of view. But you're right; seems like five years is a long time, too long.




(Original post by ildaf123)
I think if you are scared of him leaving you afterwards you have to take a look at your relationship, is there anything that he does to suggest that he would be the type of guy to do that? Thats a perfectly reasonable fear but after a 5 year relationship you should of built up trust and no him well enough. If you are actually sincerely doubting him and its not just a case of getting yourself worked up, paranoid and over thinking things then it might not be the right move to have sex with him, but really question what it actually is thats making you think these things as it could on some level be your fear of sex making you come up with excuses as to why you arent emotionally ready.

The fear of pain is understandable, it didn't exactly hurt for me at first but it was slightly uncomfortable, I worked myself up thinking it was going to be unbareable but it really wasn't.

Btw, I think what your bf said is a bit wrong but I just think that he should be cut some slack as he is probably just very sexually fustrated.

Don't want this to be coming accross as me saying "you should be having sex, get over it" thats really not my intention and I do unsderstand and appreicate the fact that when you have a fear its not as simple as just getting over it, but I think the main issue is that you have just let the issue grow and grow in your head, making sex into a scary and unpleasent thing and its something you will probably feel a bit silly about once you have actually done it, that kind of happened to me anyway.
Yes, he cheated on me a year ago with one of his lady friends. I think that's what's causing these doubts.

Thank you so much for that; I always feel as if it's a sort of unpleasant thing, but then I feel ashamed of it because females are supposed to enjoy it, you know? I just feel weird, because I'm not ready and I should be.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Would you turn to a teacher if you were being bullied?

Yes (65)
23.3%
No (214)
76.7%

Watched Threads

View All