I gave up trying - Doing no contact Watch

Nowak
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#21
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#21
(Original post by Millie228)
But you do now. So no excuses.



No, you're not, otherwise you would have been in one.

I don't care what this girl says. Nobody stays in a relationship because of pity. She would have left her gf for you if she wanted ou enough. If she wanted you more than her gf. End of story. You're her f-buddy only, you're also "the other woman".

Things will not fade the way they are supposed to if you stay in touch with her. You're saying you are too weak to get out of it and I believe you, but you're not just doing thos for your own sake, you're doing it because what you're in is morally wrong and it's your duty to cut it off.
Sure, blame it all on me. But you don't know the whole situation. Morally wrong or not, it's not my decision only. And If she can have sex with me without comitting or develope stronger feelings for me, then I don't see whats wrong with it.
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Millie228
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#22
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#22
(Original post by Nowak)
Sure, blame it all on me. But you don't know the whole situation. Morally wrong or not, it's not my decision only. And If she can have sex with me without comitting or develope stronger feelings for me, then I don't see whats wrong with it.
You're not the only one who's in the wrong, but it doesn't matter, does it? Wrong is still wrong even if everybody's doing it. The fact that the girl you're cheating with is in the wrong as well does not "erase" your own fault in this pathetic arrangement.
Of course I don't know the whole situation, I know what you have written here - the info you have given us. And you started a thread about this.
If you can't see what's wrong, you have little to no grasp of romantic relationships, not to mention lacking moral. In which case giving advice is a lost cause. You are screwing over another person and getting screwed over yourself at the same time. You've said yourself you're too weak - I can't possibly understand why anyone would remain that way instead of trying to grow a spine.
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echeee
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#23
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#23
(Original post by Nowak)
Sure, blame it all on me. But you don't know the whole situation. Morally wrong or not, it's not my decision only. And If she can have sex with me without comitting or develope stronger feelings for me, then I don't see whats wrong with it.
You are both in the wrong, but you're also an enabler, if you will.

You're just hearing one side of the story. What if her girlfriend thinks they are in a happy monogamous relationship? How you feel if she was your girlfriend then going off to sleep with someone else? Not very nice I'd assume.

Even if you're being silly enough to stay in contact, at least you're breaking off (I hope...?) any sexual and romantic interactions.
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Nowak
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#24
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#24
(Original post by Millie228)
You're not the only one who's in the wrong, but it doesn't matter, does it? Wrong is still wrong even if everybody's doing it. The fact that the girl you're cheating with is in the wrong as well does not "erase" your own fault in this pathetic arrangement.
Of course I don't know the whole situation, I know what you have written here - the info you have given us. And you started a thread about this.
If you can't see what's wrong, you have little to no grasp of romantic relationships, not to mention lacking moral. In which case giving advice is a lost cause. You are screwing over another person and getting screwed over yourself at the same time. You've said yourself you're too weak - I can't possibly understand why anyone would remain that way instead of trying to grow a spine.
I have immense love for this girl. It doesn't feel wrong for neither of us. That's why we continue. I wish you could walk in my shoes for one day to understand, because it's impossible for me to describe the connection we have.

And I say I'm weak to let her go. I feel addicted to her, and direct withdrawal is hard. I was hurting - this is why I'm weak. Not weak like a person but it felt like half my heart was ripped away from me. I felt empty, because she's been such a large part of my life for almost 8 months now.
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Nowak
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#25
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#25
(Original post by echeee)
You are both in the wrong, but you're also an enabler, if you will.

You're just hearing one side of the story. What if her girlfriend thinks they are in a happy monogamous relationship? How you feel if she was your girlfriend then going off to sleep with someone else? Not very nice I'd assume.

Even if you're being silly enough to stay in contact, at least you're breaking off (I hope...?) any sexual and romantic interactions.
That's true. But if I want to be with her, and she wants to be with me - why should I let her go for the sake of her girlfriend? She's thought about letting me go because of it, we all have thought of cutting off loads of times, but decided to continue. We don't want to lose one another.

We started off with loads of sexual and romantic interactions, and that is going to continue when she get's an open relationship again. It's only natural for us. We still cuddle and are both sexual with each other, although we don't allow kissing/sex when she's in a closed relationship. But she will have an open relationship soon, if her partner agrees on it of course.
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Millie228
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#26
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#26
(Original post by Nowak)
I have immense love for this girl. It doesn't feel wrong for neither of us. That's why we continue. I wish you could walk in my shoes for one day to understand, because it's impossible for me to describe the connection we have.

And I say I'm weak to let her go. I feel addicted to her, and direct withdrawal is hard. I was hurting - this is why I'm weak. Not weak like a person but it felt like half my heart was ripped away from me. I felt empty, because she's been such a large part of my life for almost 8 months now.
Because everybody thinks they're the first to experience love and that nobody can ever understand how they feel. But we do. Most of us have been there.

If everything that didn't feel wrong was okay, the world would look completely different. But that's not the case. Things may very well be wrong even if they feel right. I suppose you just have to grow up to realize that. I don't know what you want from this thread - it's basically just hamster-wheeling and justifying your own behaviour no matter what people tell you.
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Nowak
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#27
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#27
(Original post by Millie228)
Because everybody thinks they're the first to experience love and that nobody can ever understand how they feel. But we do. Most of us have been there.

If everything that didn't feel wrong was okay, the world would look completely different. But that's not the case. Things may very well be wrong even if they feel right. I suppose you just have to grow up to realize that. I don't know what you want from this thread - it's basically just hamster-wheeling and justifying your own behaviour no matter what people tell you.
I've never been in a relationship before, nor have I ever been attracted to somebody on this level. I can't take the responsibility for everyone's happiness. I will only care for this girl I'm afraid. If her partner can't take it, then she should leave because I'm not going to. And what if she loves us both? I've learnt that I can't control my feelings, I just have to live them out, really. I get that you're all mad at me, and everybody advices me not to continue, but some day my feelings will subside right?

I know I know, the thread was a waste because I couldn't do it and changed my mind.
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Nowak
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#28
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#28
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=2058149

Backstory ^
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Imperial_Maniac
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#29
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#29
I got dumped a month ago, over that time I've called twice just to see how things were/chat for a bit, on the last call I asked her to call me if she wanted to chat (ie; I'm not going to call again)

I don't really know what I want with her, but what I do know is that stalking/begging her to come back is going to result in one of two things:

1) She'll reject me again.

Or

2) She'll take me back out of pity and I'd be in a ****ty dead end relationship anyway.

Retain your dignity sir, I know it's hard, but you have to stay in control of you don't want to be miserable.


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