How common are non-jealous girls? Watch

Anonymous #1
#21
Report 7 years ago
#21
(Original post by IndiaCaitlinn)
I'm not jealous/possessive at all. One of my friend's girlfriends is though, she wont talk to any of us (his female friends) even though we all have our own boyfriends.
If you or your friends are remotely attractive, believe me, it doesn't stop most girls being jealous. Blokes do find other women sexually attractive even if they are with someone, and that's what still threatens other women. Sad, i know, but true.

It's sad she won't make the effort or talk to any of you, but I see her point of view if any of you are remotely attractive - doesn't matter if anyone of you are in a relationship, people can still cheat.
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Anonymous #1
#22
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#22
(Original post by Millie228)
Depends.
A girl is likely to be possessive if:
- she is insecure
- she's been treated badly in the past
- she is self-destructive (goes for guys she knows isn't right for her and wait for something bad to happen)
- her boyfriend gives her reason to be
- her boyfriend is constantly placing himself in situations where he is likely/has the option to cheat and/or travels a lot, meets many people etc.

It's a combination of finding the right girl, behaving in such a way that she feels like she can trust you (rather than accusing her of being crazy, which is a sign of guilt).
It's also a matter of girls finding a guy that is right for them. I'm not a halfway-there girl, I don't want to be "kind of" seeing someone, it's either a fling or something serious. I've dated a guy who worked a LOT and met new people through work all the time. Even though I believed him to be a good guy, it puts your relationship at risk. I've also seen through friends, that guys who travel, have many connections and in particular female connections, leave girlfriends quicker, as they have a more direct experience of many girls there are out there. Some guys would never cheat, some guys will always cheat, some guys will cheat given the opportunity. The saying that "if he's a cheater, he'll always find a way" is not true. Not all guys have girls throwing themselves at them and not all guys have the opportunity to have an affair abroad - so having a guy with all those opportunities, it may happen. You can say relationships are based on trust - but as most women have experienced, guys can give Oscar-worthy performances in terms of affection and love and be out the door the next moment. You can't trust anyone but yourself. I also prefer "men's men" who often have mostly male friends - not because female friends put me off, but because their personalities are often more compatible with mine, being a "girl's girl". If girls are constantly writing on a guy's wall or contacting him, it doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating, but it says something about what kind of signs he's sending girls and how they are not concerned with whoever he's dating. Believe me, a lot of girls with male friends are very interested in keeping their male "friend" single (see: female dog whistle).
A lot of men are jealous too, but men hate feeling jealous so much that they'll take charge. A lot of guys won't stay in relationships where they feel jealous.
I'm not particularly jealous in relationships, simply because I steer clear of men with a behavior that can be interpreted as sketchy. The first phases of dating is the time where you should find out a person's pattern and how "open" they are with their lives. If I feel like a guy is hiding his phone/computer around me, has ambiguous facebook comments/posts or regularly goes out giving no message of what he's up to, I'll reconsider taking it further with him. Sure he might be ok, but there are 3 billion men on the planet so no reason why I should date a man who leaves me doubtful.

Most girls I know aren't "possessive". Perhaps you need to get to know a girl better before you choose whether to pursue a relationship with her.

Well said.
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Anonymous #1
#23
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#23
(Original post by Miss O.C.D)
My previous partner got pissed because I wasn't jealous enough :3

i.e I let him do pretty much whatever he wanted because I trusted him totally. Once he got drunk and kissed someone else. It tortured him to tell me but when he did I shrugged and said 'is that it?' and made jokes (not proud). He accused me of not caring about him and being too relaxed about it all etc. That's not why he left but it didn't help.

Sooo... which would you rather prefer? Someone who is possessive or someone who isn't at all?
Maybe your level of trust displayed was completely misinterpreted by your previous partner in that it actually wouldn't matter if he kissed someone else, and that's why he did. Healthy jealousy is good, it shows you actually give a ****. You can't use trust as a way of not showing your jealousy. People can sadly take advantage of people who trust way too much. The fact you weren't that bothered that he kissed someone else to me....shows that you didn't really care enough about him in the first place. Jealousy is an emotion to show that you would actually care if his lips were locked with someone elses.

What exactly would you get jealous by?

Hope no offence caused, just rare to hear from a girl who doesn't get jealous of her partner kissing other women.
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Anonymous #1
#24
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#24
(Original post by nod)

The case with my current boyfriend: he's actually so in love with me he wouldn't think of anyone else, I truly believe that. Because I know him and the things he's gone through with/for me (not that I put any of those obstacles intentionally). In fact, tomorrow he's going out of town for 3 days to see a gig and apparently will share a room with 3 girls (that is all they could find in the last minute). Call it whatever you want, but I just can't get myself to be mad or jealous about it. Especially when he's been so open about it from the very beginning.
No offense, but you sound quite arrogant for a girl. You'll get an almighty shock one day when he does cheat on you, then you'll be knocked from that pedestal you've put yourself on.
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For The Love Of Giraffe
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#25
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#25
It depends on the girl really and what kind of relationship she has with her boyfriend and tbh, if a guy is going to cheat, there's nothing you can do to stop it. I just think that wouldn't you rather that the thing stoppping him is his love for you rather than the fact that he can't cheat as you won't let him out of your sight?

I trust my boyfriend completely and he has a few female friends, but I'm completely okay with that. Even one of his best friends is a girl but tbh, I just see them more like siblings. But yeah, I think my reaction does depend on the situation - if he decided to spend the day hanging out with a close girl friend, I'd just hope he has a nice time and really wouldn't care as I don't think it's any different to hanging out with a guy friend or a sister. If he wanted to spend a whole day just one-on-one with a girl he barely knows (like met once on a night out), then I may feel a tad more uncomfortable but I would still trust him and would happily not say anything. It's not my place to decide who he spends time with and I know that he grants me the same courtesy. It's just about trusting one another.

But yeah, if I girl came onto him, I know I'd be jealous but that's different from being possessive. That would just make me angry at the girl as I trust that my boyfriend wouldn't respond to whoever or initiate it.

Honestly I know more possessive boyfriends than girlfriends funnily enough and I just feel like if they're being possessive, that relationship obviously isn't trusting enough.

So yeah, there are non-possessive girls and I doubt they have any undesirable traits as a result.
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nod
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#26
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#26
(Original post by Anonymous)
No offense, but you sound quite arrogant for a girl. You'll get an almighty shock one day when he does cheat on you, then you'll be knocked from that pedestal you've put yourself on.
I haven't put myself on a pedestal. He has. I was just stating an objective fact.
And I am not offended. I understand how my previous comment must read to people.

And anyway, I don't really need to be put on a pedestal. I think it's clear I know well enough what I'm worth (whatever it be) to require a royal tiara.
I just know that it's best to let go when someone doesn't reciprocate your feelings/cheats on you instead of being dramatic about it and trying to get them to stay. I do not believe in 'fighting' for someone as well as 'belonging' to someone - if there's a fight you have to 'fight', then you surely have already lost it.
Because if it hurts when they cheat/do not reciprocate, it's going to be a million times harder if you were to force them to stay and be yourself forced to watch them struggle to fake enthusiasm about being with you.
So when real enthusiasm is there, I see it, appreciate it and reward it with freedom. (Although apparently I reward with freedom every single non-enthusiast, too.) When enthusiasm begins to die out, whenever it happens, I'll make my peace with it and move on. What is so arrogant about this?

P.S. And why in heaven's name the anonymity? Do people not dare be arrogant anymore?
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username447608
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#27
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#27
I think we all have that green eyed monster although my ex use to do stuff purposefully to make me jealous as he said I didnt seem bothered!. He use to go stay round girls houses, go to parites with girls all his friends were female he'd have movie nights with his best girl friend and I couldnt care less becuase surely if your with somebody you should trust them? if you dont whats the point in beong with thme. That said he cheated on me and Ive found since then ive got a bit more touchy about girls with my current boyfriend, he has female friends who he goes out with for dinner/ weekends away (in groups) which I dont care about, but for instance when he went clubbing and there were girls over him I did make a bit of a sarky comment and made it obvious i wasnt over the moon although I never started an arguement.


What girl is going to be happy with another girl trying it on with their boyfrined? I think you would be very hardpushed to find a girl who doesnt get jealous
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Miss O.C.D
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#28
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#28
(Original post by Anonymous)
The fact you weren't that bothered that he kissed someone else to me....shows that you didn't really care enough about him in the first place.
I did care about him actually... alot. I'm just not particularly good at showing my emotions.

Jealousy is an emotion to show that you would actually care if his lips were locked with someone elses.
I didn't say I didn't feel any jealousy, I just choose not to show it outwardly. I don't really see.. the point? It happened, it was in the past, okay he's sorry - let it go and move on.

What exactly would you get jealous by?
Enough to scream about it? Sleeping with someone else, making out with someone with intent?

Hope no offence caused, just rare to hear from a girl who doesn't get jealous of her partner kissing other women.
Nah you're fine I don't offend easily. I agree with you - I'm not built for this. My example was meant as a 'what not to do' kind of thing. Showing the other extreme of the argument. I'm not saying my way is the right way because it certainly isn't. I'm never going to win 'Best Girlfriend of the Year' award.

You really don't need to point out my faults to me - I'm fully aware of them
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kunoichi
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#29
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#29
(Original post by sloanegirl)
Tbh I think it just shows that we care and that we are just keeping you in line. I have all my boyfriends passwords and regularly check his emails and facebook and block girls who I think are trying to distract him from me. It is all in the interest of protecting our love life and not jealousy.
Wow, what is wrong with you? You actually block people for him? I feel so sorry for your boyfriend.
The bit ive put in bold is jealously, you've just tried to make it sound better to justify it to yourself.

To the OP
I think the if a girl becomes jealous is dependant on how she is treated by her boyfriends. If a girl goes out with two guys who have cheated on her she is going to be far more jealous than someone who has only had lovely, considerate boyfriends.

For me, my ex tried to make me jealous by flirting with other girls (he admitted this to me after we broke up) and it made me quite insecure and jealous during that relationship. He said he was convinced that i was going to leave him and that i had cheated on him (both wrong, i never looked at anyone else during our relationship).

Had he not told me that he was flirting intentionally to make me jealous and told me his motives for doing so, i probably would have still carried on being a jealous gf to other guys. However being told that it was him and wasnt me being jealous for no reason meant i could then move on and trust that not everyone would do that.

Currently i couldnt care which females my new bf meets up with and talks to, i dont feel the need to look at every female which posts on his fb page or texts him and since he has never given me a reason to not trust him then i dont go looking for one and we are both happy.
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kunoichi
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#30
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#30
(Original post by Anonymous)
No offense, but you sound quite arrogant for a girl. You'll get an almighty shock one day when he does cheat on you, then you'll be knocked from that pedestal you've put yourself on.
lol at guys on this forum

You all moan when girls dont trust you and then BAM as soon as a gf trusts her bf then its 'you shouldnt trust him, hes going to cheat on you'

Ever occured to you that some people trust their patners, some people are in love and that some people simply wouldnt cheat?
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strawberry
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#31
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#31
(Original post by kunoichi)
lol at guys on this forum

You all moan when girls dont trust you and then BAM as soon as a gf trusts her bf then its 'you shouldnt trust him, hes going to cheat on you'

Ever occured to you that some people trust their patners, some people are in love and that some people simply wouldnt cheat?
that's always what happens. first they want girls who trust guys, and then when they find one, they're like "he's gonna cheat on you!" *eyeroll*
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kunoichi
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#32
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#32
(Original post by strawberry)
that's always what happens. first they want girls who trust guys, and then when they find one, they're like "he's gonna cheat on you!" *eyeroll*
They always seem to think they know our boyfriends better than we do too
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sloanegirl
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#33
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#33
(Original post by kunoichi)
Wow, what is wrong with you? You actually block people for him? I feel so sorry for your boyfriend.
The bit ive put in bold is jealously, you've just tried to make it sound better to justify it to yourself.

To the OP
I think the if a girl becomes jealous is dependant on how she is treated by her boyfriends. If a girl goes out with two guys who have cheated on her she is going to be far more jealous than someone who has only had lovely, considerate boyfriends.

For me, my ex tried to make me jealous by flirting with other girls (he admitted this to me after we broke up) and it made me quite insecure and jealous during that relationship. He said he was convinced that i was going to leave him and that i had cheated on him (both wrong, i never looked at anyone else during our relationship).

Had he not told me that he was flirting intentionally to make me jealous and told me his motives for doing so, i probably would have still carried on being a jealous gf to other guys. However being told that it was him and wasnt me being jealous for no reason meant i could then move on and trust that not everyone would do that.

Currently i couldnt care which females my new bf meets up with and talks to, i dont feel the need to look at every female which posts on his fb page or texts him and since he has never given me a reason to not trust him then i dont go looking for one and we are both happy.

I think I am worth it and if he wants he can leave me, afterall If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure don't deserve me at my best .
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SweetsAndSugar
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#34
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#34
(Original post by Millie228)
x
Possibly one of the best replies in the relationship section here on tsr I've come across. It's pretty refreshing to see a change from the generic, bog-standard "if you trust them, xyz shouldn't matter" or the overly-paranoid responses of "I wouldn't date someone if they even spoke to a member of the opposite sex".

What I would like to add also is that I would also go on gut instinct, as to whether I thought a guy I was dating was really just good friends with a girl he texts and sees regularly. A man's man (James Bond type personality) for example is not going to be friends with a girl whose interests revolve around shopping, clubbing and partying.
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omegaSQU4RED
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#35
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#35
(Original post by sloanegirl)
I think I am worth it and if he wants he can leave me, afterall If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure don't deserve me at my best .
Well how would you feel if he left you BECAUSE of your paranoia about him, and therefore he ran out of patience?
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kunoichi
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#36
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#36
(Original post by sloanegirl)
I think I am worth it and if he wants he can leave me, afterall If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure don't deserve me at my best .
No one deserves you at your worst.

Stop kidding yourself, you must be a nightmare of a girlfriend.
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lilabs
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#37
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#37
I used to be an insane jealous *****, and Id ask questions that would make me jealous about his past.
now, it does not bother me what so ever. I suppose at some point you click that the person your with loves you and in my case my boyfriend flipped his life upside down to be with me. Id trust him naked in a room with a woman, or a man.
so yes, non jealous girls are out there, com people just take time.
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Laurah5498
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#38
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#38
I'm really not that jealous at all, me and my boyfriend have always had separate lives and we don't interfere with the others. He knows that I'm busy, I know that he'a busy. If we're suspicious about something, we talk it out, sort it and move on.

We trust eachother implicitly do there's no need for either of us to be jealous of other people. If a girl flirts with him, I take the mick and he does it likewise! I think we're a bit odd xD


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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Miss O.C.D
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#39
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#39
(Original post by Laurah5498)
I'm really not that jealous at all, me and my boyfriend have always had separate lives and we don't interfere with the others. He knows that I'm busy, I know that he'a busy. If we're suspicious about something, we talk it out, sort it and move on.

We trust eachother implicitly do there's no need for either of us to be jealous of other people. If a girl flirts with him, I take the mick and he does it likewise! I think we're a bit odd xD


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Sounds brilliant! Congrats
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Vohamanah
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#40
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#40
My friend and her boyfriend are the two most insanely jealous people I've ever met. They started sleeping together when they were both with other people, so I can kind of see why. Neither of them have the best past record of fidelity. She gets angry when he speaks to women, he gets angry when she speaks to men, they both read all of each other's text messages etc. He even stopped her from going out with a mutual friend of ours because he considered her to be "a bad influence". They got engaged after a little less than a year and are now planning their wedding. I wish them the best, of course I do, she's a good friend of mine. But I don't consider that its a healthy relationship for either of them, and I can see it all ending in tears. Hopefully before marriage and children, because then it'll get an awful lot more complicated and messy.

I've never been a very jealous person. My boyfriend has lots of female friends, and he's naturally quite a flirty person. But I trust him and I want him to be happy, I don't see the point of banning him from talking to people who he is friends with, nor is it my place to do so. He's not jealous of me either. I have my own flat, and I have had male workmates stay over (on the sofa of course) and he hasn't minded in the slightest.
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