Turn on thread page Beta

was this (sexual) abuse? watch

Announcements
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Clairehayz)
    Erm, as far as if it was sexual abuse, I'd say yes but I'm not a lawyer so don't know the ins and outs.
    As to whether it has affected you psychologically, that is totally subjective but from what you say about when flinching when touched, I'd say yes, my dad used to abuse me and for years after and a little even now, I flinched everytime someone raised their arm near me or generally did any action fast and I especially flinch now when my dad comes near me, even if he is only going to hug me :-s
    You still speak to him? wow I wouldn't be able to.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    i was not implying you were frigid. i was merely naming the condition for you
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Am I the only who thinks this is odd that he asked you to stroke his penis? OMG....
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    question is has he done anything like this since.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    i hope for her sake that he has not

    and im questioning that warning i just got for being offensive
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You still speak to him? wow I wouldn't be able to.
    He didn't sexually abuse me, he just used to beat me up and yeah I still speak to him, I have to I live with him.

    But trust me I can't wait to move out!!!
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    yes, that's sexual abuse. did it happen more than those few times? and have you ever thought of telling anyone? Or confronting him? There are some good helplines/resources on the net for people who have been through sexual abuse, and i'd urge you to seek some support whilst trying to come to terms withwhat happened in your past.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    Stroking his penis for 10 minutes...Jesus Christ.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    it is prob abuse, but only you know if its affected you. Anyway, do you think you will gain much from dragging this all up again? it happened a long time ago and you're only just begining to think about it. I'm not saying forget about it, but you have to think about what you will emotionally gain if you go down the route of confronting your brother etc. if the answer is nothing, and that you feel you would cause other people a lot of pain, then perhaps it is best not to start recriminations that you may not be able to stop.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Only you can really decide whether being abused has affected you or not; it's a tricky question to answer cos you were so young when it happened, it's hard to tell if the way you are now is down to abuse or just your general upbringing, if that makes sense. Seeing a counsellor may help you work things out in your mind, or may just drag up things that happened in the past, only you can decide what's best for you. I can't find anything very good on the internet, but it's worth a look anyway. Maybe talking to a good friend would be a starting point here, then you can decide if you'd like a counsellor or someone to chat to.

    Hope it all works out for you
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I don't think I'd call it sexual abuse, the aged 6/7 part may just have been his curiosity about his body, because at 12 he wouldn't have hit puberty and probably didn't see it as a 'sex act' if you get what I mean. It does sound weird that he touched your breasts when he was 17 though, although I still don't think it's *abuse* as such. Does he have any 'problems' or anything? I think brothers generally think it's a big joke when their sisters hit puberty and might make boob jokes but I don't know about touching!
    • #5
    #5

    i think it was abuse
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    It was massively inappropriate, but I would say that it wasn't sexual abuse unless you felt it was- it's a subjective term.

    If you feel that it has affected you in a bad way, then yes it was sexual abuse. otherwise, if you can forcgive him, put it down to nerves, momentary craziness, massive sexual desires etc. then it wasn't.

    It depends on your feelings, not the opinions of admitedly nice and well meaning people on a forum.
    Offline

    10
    tell his girlfriend ~ payback.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    If it was only 2 isolated incidents then really think you should give him benefit of the doubt. If more than there are problems.

    1st one, he may well of been unaware of what he was asking you. He may have thought it was stroking his hair for example.

    The last one, was it over the clothes touching? If it was quite purposeful whatever he was doing, then this is more unforgiveable considering he was 17.

    Hope things sort itself out, as would be shame to lose touch of a brother for life.

    all the best
    Offline

    3
    (Original post by Clairehayz)
    Erm, as far as if it was sexual abuse, I'd say yes but I'm not a lawyer so don't know the ins and outs.
    As to whether it has affected you psychologically, that is totally subjective but from what you say about when flinching when touched, I'd say yes, my dad used to abuse me and for years after and a little even now, I flinched everytime someone raised their arm near me or generally did any action fast and I especially flinch now when my dad comes near me, even if he is only going to hug me :-s
    I agree- you would know if it affected you and possibly the flinching and fear of close contact is an indication. Have you noticed any other aspects of your character which could be indicative of being affected by it?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Don't dig it up because you feel you should. Only if you want/need to.

    If it didn't affect you hugely, and if you don't think there's any risk to anyone else (like, if your brother had kids and you had cause to be concerned about them) then I'm not sure what it's going to gain.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    when i was about 6 or 7,my older brother made me stroke his penis for about 10 minutes

    OMG!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Yes it's sexual abuse and its obviously a problem for you if you feel the need to think about it.
    It may of effected you emotionally, depends if you or your head has chosen to hide this fact, plus do you feel your brother should get away with this???
    • #6
    #6

    Maybe you are just a flinchy people. Not everyone who is like that has been "abused". And if he was "touching you" and not getting any gratification (maybe he was taking the piss, like someone said, about you going through puberty), then it's hardly sexual abuse. He is your brother after all, not a stranger touching your boobs. It's family... Of course depends HOW he was doing it.
 
 
 
Poll
Brexit: Given the chance now, would you vote leave or remain?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.