marriage when young Watch

mt29
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#21
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#21
i dont think it is necessary to marry young just because you have found someone. i am 17 and have been with my boyfriend for a year and several months but am no way near ready for marriage as i dont feel old enough as a person - its like i would have gone from being a daughter to a wife without any time in between to grow and explore myself wholly independently. my boyfriend understands this and im pretty confident 1 day we will end up in marriage, but its unncessary to hurry it. to me, marriage is something you do when you are ready to take on a more maternal, in-charge, responsible role.
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ellewoods
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#22
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(Original post by Genna)
I'm 19 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend- same age for 2 years now but wouldn't contemplate marriage just yet despite the fact we've got such an incredible relationship and life together. We are going to university together and starting a new chapter in our lives, and we see it that if our relationship survives big new hurdles like uni then we'll marry after all that has occurred and we have some stability in our lives. Saying that if 2 people have the right motives and enough love for one another I don't see what the problem is in marrying young as long as it has been seriously considered. I think people at a young age who marry occasionally jump into it with some naivety- that everything will be the same. A marriage I think has to have equal input and 100% committment and a will to work hard for it too as well as unconditional love.
Absolutely Perfectly put.
My boyfriend and I are you just like you and your boyfriend, and we are still as happy 4 years on and hoping to stay as happy always!! :suith:
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shinytoy
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#23
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people i dont want to seem im against non - christian marriages, i m sure they can work too, i just dont know much about them or the basis of them

i mean when i talk about this with my friends, they think all young marriages are terrible and that when they wake up they'll feel mature one day when they are 28 or so. i dont think so. i thikn they'll just wake up and feel old, and bored of drinking beer every friday night. thats as bad a basis or marriage as randiness. however if the randy christian 16 yr olds understood what they were doing, and were devout enough to put God first rather than themselves or each other, then this would be a great marriage.

i think as long as you know what you want out of life, whether you are 29 or 19 then its ok
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amie
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#24
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(Original post by shinytoy)
people i dont want to seem im against non - christian marriages, i m sure they can work too, i just dont know much about them or the basis of them

i mean when i talk about this with my friends, they think all young marriages are terrible and that when they wake up they'll feel mature one day when they are 28 or so. i dont think so. i thikn they'll just wake up and feel old, and bored of drinking beer every friday night. thats as bad a basis or marriage as randiness. however if the randy christian 16 yr olds understood what they were doing, and were devout enough to put God first rather than themselves or each other, then this would be a great marriage.

i think as long as you know what you want out of life, whether you are 29 or 19 then its ok
I guess that all depends on what you mean by 'non-Christian'. I imagine the basis of most non-religious marriages is love and commitment to one another, I doubt they're much different to marriages between Christians! Same goes for a lot of other religions too, I suppose!

I don't understand how being devout enough to put God first means a marriage will be great though. I can't imagine that that can be the only factor in a great marriage, and surely being committed enough to put your partner first is partially how to make a marriage great?

I think I agree on your last point though.
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Helenia
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#25
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You really don't seem to understand that just because someone is Christian, does not mean their marriage will be an automatic success. Especially if they marry at 16 - Christian or not, they will change an awful lot in the next 10 years and may just end up not compatible. Not to mention the fact that most 16 year olds have not got the resources to fund a wedding, a house together...Also, your interpretation of statistics is completely screwed up. And the percentage of couples who marry before 20 who get divorced is even higher than usual - around 80-90, I believe.

If people want to marry young, that's their decision. However, I think it's an unwise one, especially before people have finished uni and established themselves in life.
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amie
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#26
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(Original post by Helenia)
You really don't seem to understand that just because someone is Christian, does not mean their marriage will be an automatic success. Especially if they marry at 16 - Christian or not, they will change an awful lot in the next 10 years and may just end up not compatible. Not to mention the fact that most 16 year olds have not got the resources to fund a wedding, a house together...Also, your interpretation of statistics is completely screwed up. And the percentage of couples who marry before 20 who get divorced is even higher than usual - around 80-90, I believe.

If people want to marry young, that's their decision. However, I think it's an unwise one, especially before people have finished uni and established themselves in life.
I totally agree
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#27
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#27
(Original post by shinytoy)
i didnt mean that. im sure some asians with their religions and customs may have a happy marriage, as might two 40 year olds that marry. but saying that generally two young people marrying will not work is the same generalisation that an older marrige willend in divorce
asians with their religions and customs?

what did u mean by that?
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c0co
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#28
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#28
I don't think it's a good thing to marry young, but not to wait too long either. When you get to a certain age (35-40) biological clock goes on haywire so some women just marry the nearest man.
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shinytoy
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#29
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#29
(Original post by Helenia)
You really don't seem to understand that just because someone is Christian, does not mean their marriage will be an automatic success. Especially if they marry at 16 - Christian or not, they will change an awful lot in the next 10 years and may just end up not compatible. Not to mention the fact that most 16 year olds have not got the resources to fund a wedding, a house together...Also, your interpretation of statistics is completely screwed up. And the percentage of couples who marry before 20 who get divorced is even higher than usual - around 80-90, I believe.

If people want to marry young, that's their decision. However, I think it's an unwise one, especially before people have finished uni and established themselves in life.
by christian i mean strictly so. this means the marriage is a sacrement in frount of God. if they are devout and trust in Him and try hard not to sin, this can overcome any problems.i think the main problem is people see it as a wedding not a marriage, regardless of age

it could be just at a registry office with a pastor, and im sure there are people age 16-20 who live with a bf/gf without BUYING a house. this includes sleeping in the same flat at uni.
and over 10 years we all change , whether we are 16 or 36.
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sandra
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#30
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#30
(Original post by Helenia)
You really don't seem to understand that just because someone is Christian, does not mean their marriage will be an automatic success. Especially if they marry at 16 - Christian or not, they will change an awful lot in the next 10 years and may just end up not compatible. Not to mention the fact that most 16 year olds have not got the resources to fund a wedding, a house together...Also, your interpretation of statistics is completely screwed up. And the percentage of couples who marry before 20 who get divorced is even higher than usual - around 80-90, I believe.

If people want to marry young, that's their decision. However, I think it's an unwise one, especially before people have finished uni and established themselves in life.
i agree with helenia
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Helenia
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#31
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#31
(Original post by shinytoy)
by christian i mean strictly so. this means the marriage is a sacrement in frount of God. if they are devout and trust in Him and try hard not to sin, this can overcome any problems.i think the main problem is people see it as a wedding not a marriage, regardless of age
I don't think it can. I think sometimes these things just don't work, regardless of how strong your faith is - and that itself can change over time. Sinning doesn't have to come into it, they just might not actually love each other long term as much as they did when they were young and full of hormones. I look back at the guy I was wildly in love with age 16 (though I wasn't going out with him) and now I just couldn't ever see me being with him, let alone forever.

(Original post by shinytoy)
it could be just at a registry office with a pastor, and im sure there are people age 16-20 who live with a bf/gf without BUYING a house. this includes sleeping in the same flat at uni.
and over 10 years we all change , whether we are 16 or 36.
Yes, we do. But as I've said to you endless times before and you've never listened, we change most through our teens-early 20s. Once you are out of uni and so on, things tend to settle down, adolescence is over, and you're finding your way in the real world. Sure, you get older, but the change isn't as pronounced as when you're still finishing school, moving around, going to uni...
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amie
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#32
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(Original post by shinytoy)
by christian i mean strictly so. this means the marriage is a sacrement in frount of God. if they are devout and trust in Him and try hard not to sin, this can overcome any problems.i think the main problem is people see it as a wedding not a marriage, regardless of age

it could be just at a registry office with a pastor, and im sure there are people age 16-20 who live with a bf/gf without BUYING a house. this includes sleeping in the same flat at uni.
and over 10 years we all change , whether we are 16 or 36.
Sometimes it doesn't matter how devout someone is, there are certain problems that simply cannot be overcome (if you want to be happy, anyway). And have you considered that some marriages get to a point where they're better off ending for everyone involved?

The changes you go through are much more drastic when you're a teenager I think, you're a child becoming an adult which can be quite a transition.

Personally, I wouldn't want to get married whilst still at uni, I just don't understand it.
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BirchyGreen
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#33
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#33
(Original post by shinytoy)
personally i want to marry soon after i graduate. ANYONE. for the following reasons : 1)i want to have children without the risks of later in life preganncy 2) i want to marry a virgin 3) i want to mature WITH my husband 4)if you love someone surely you want to spend as much of your life with them as possible 4)i dont want to become used to the single life/develping a business management career only to have to adapt to the change of being a mother with no job
You want to marry anyone?! :confused:
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randdom
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#34
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I don't think that there is anything wronge with getting married young providing you think it through. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years and live together, i am in no rush to get married but we have discussed the idea. I don't want to get married until I graduate so providing I am still with my boyfriend then we would be looking at being 23 maybe 24 which I don't think is particually younge but then some people think it is.
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saoirse
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#35
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#35
(Original post by shinytoy)
by christian i mean strictly so. this means the marriage is a sacrement in frount of God. if they are devout and trust in Him and try hard not to sin, this can overcome any problems.i think the main problem is people see it as a wedding not a marriage, regardless of age
Shinytoy, i must admit you come across as incredibly naive. I am a spiritual person, but I dont think you can use religion as a weapon to modify an evolving personality.

I have to laugh rather at the idea of "trying hard not to sin" and "overcoming any problems" because good, decent people can still ***** up, and life is not a Disney movie, sometimes relationships end and people must move on

The most disturbing thing about your attitude is that you seem to think that you can only have one deeply meaningful relationship in a lifetime, with a "perfect" person, and that you must marry young to squeeze every last minute out of that partnership. :rolleyes:

Most people who have had loving boyfriends/girlfriends before marriage still cherish the good experiences they had with their exes- both sexual and nonsexual elements.

As long as there is respect and genuine affection as well as lust you can learn many things and have wonderful memories- even if you fall out of love, maybe decide it was not true love after all, and start again- and one day, get married
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SketchyCanvas~
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#36
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(Original post by shinytoy)
what do you think about marriage young?

for example a christian girl and guy are 16 and randy. they want to marry because they do not want to sin, 'it is better to marry than to burn with passion'

or a 15 year old girl in arranged marriage which she agrees to

or a 21 year old wanting to marry at the final year of uni

why is everyone waiting to marry so late in life?

Imo, age can just be a number and it depends on their mentality. But with the examples you just gave...

"randy" :rolleyes: they are still hormonal at that age lol

like i said above, its the mentality. She could be 15 but a mind of an older person and IF she agrees, and understands the concept of marriage and all the reponsibility..etc, then shouldn't see a problem.

And 21, i think its a good age to get married.
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SketchyCanvas~
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#37
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(Original post by shinytoy)
personally i want to marry soon after i graduate. ANYONE. for the following reasons : 1)i want to have children without the risks of later in life preganncy 2) i want to marry a virgin 3) i want to mature WITH my husband 4)if you love someone surely you want to spend as much of your life with them as possible 4)i dont want to become used to the single life/develping a business management career only to have to adapt to the change of being a mother with no job

agree. But not just anyone :rolleyes: :p:
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matchu
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#38
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#38
(Original post by shinytoy)
i think in the UK the average age of marriage is about 27 and the average divorce is about 40-50%. if 10% population goes in church and half of them are very religious, this means the chrisitan marriage is 2.5% at most likely to divorce. they do not have poblems with premaritial relations causing jealousy, nor adultery, nor pornography, nor ignoring the partner after an argument as they really value marriage and want it to work
Ahh so naive


Personally - marriage young can work for the right sort of person - I don't mean to generalise blindly, but they often seem to be the 'less exciting' types.

I'd much rather experiance life first, before becoming tied down by marriage and all its constraints - around 30 seems Ok
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Apricot Fairy
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#39
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Shinytoy, I don't think you realise how few practising Christians there actually are in the UK as a percentage of the population. Most UK marriages ARE non-Christian ones. The current divorce rate is about 30-40%, which actually means that 60-70% of marriages DO work, and most of them are non-Christian marriages.
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strawberry
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#40
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#40
(Original post by HagerVor)
marry later in life because you have had alllll hoswe years to become wise to the world.. not rushing into a marriage blinkered..

a stupidly high percentage of young marriages end in divorce.. (higher than the overall 30%) !

What a commitment that shows if its that easy to get out of.. pff
it's (more than?) 50% of all marriages end in divorce
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