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No Sex So Cheated watch

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    Ok, so you've been with him for 2 and half years, which is quite a long time, for nearly half that time you've not been happy with the relationship, have taken steps to try and improve it and it hasn't worked. Doesn't sound to me like the relationship is going to last forever or anywhere close. At such a young age I don't think it's worth investing anymore time into a relationship which has been unsatisfying for so long. You'd be doing him and yourself a huge favour by cutting your losses now and giving you both a chance to find something, and someone more satisfying.

    I know that's easier said than done but I think it's the rational, sensible thing to do. He won't try and improve the relationship, you've cheated on the poor guy- I'd say continuing things would only lead to more problems and ultimately more upset for you both. The sooner you sorted things out and made a clean break, the better.

    (of course that's the way I see it... I wouldn't want to tell you explicitly to dump him!)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)



    Ok, so i'm going to write this down and probably regret it. I have been with my boyfriend now for 2 and a half years (I'm 19) and have been livng with him and his family for a year.
    When we first got together, he wanted to have sex so much I thought he was using me! Nowadays he doesn't care about sex and when i've spoken to him he says 'we don't have to do it all the time' like i'm some kind of nymph
    You know, i mean we live together and it's like once a week half assed wham bam thank you maam type thing to satisfy himself only.
    I already have a confidence problem and this just makes it tonnes worse, plus the fact he never complimnts me.
    I never would have cheated on him before, but since the sex thing has been going on (about a year) I am so frustrated.
    I was really bad and cheated on him with a guy from school (I slept with him) 3 times (although i was drunk but that's no excuse). He got a girlfriend anyway so nothing further happened (not that i wanted it to either really it was just me being frustrated and fancying him and being such good friends anywy it just happened).
    Then, I went to stay with anothre male friend and the same thing jst happened. I know it's bcause i'm frustrated and there's no point in trying to talk to my bf about it again cos he says he feels pressurised now. Was i COMPLETELY wrong to do what i've done? I mean I know i'm in the wrong but surely it happened for a reason?
    I wouldn't dare tell him i never plan on it. I do love him i'm just confused because i don't feel satisfied.
    How can people say sex isn't important? It really is. I don't know what to do, and by the way i'm not a sex maniac or anything :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:
    Sex *is* a big issue, I completely agree with you. But cheating on him isn't the answer, that's still completely wrong. The issue is mismatched sex drives - you want it a lot more than he does. Since he's feeling pressurised, that's not about to change, which means either you live with having that little sex, or you break up. You can't say "I love him and want to stay with him but also sleep with other people", that's not on offer. I understand it's frustrating - I could never stay with someone with whom the sex wasn't amazing - but that shows that you're mismatched, not that you have any justification of cheating on him.

    Cheating did happen for a reason, but that reason means either something needs to change in your relationship, or it needs to end. Considering you've already cheated repeatedly, I think with any honesty it would be the latter. Pressuring someone to have sex is not nice, nor is cheating on them because they don't put out enough. Either you accept your boyfriend for who he is - someone who doesn't want sex as often as you do - or you break up with him. I can't see there being any other option that wouldn't be soul destroying (having a long term affair) or cause resentment (forcing him to have sex more).
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    You need to talk to him, communication is key in any relationship.

    But then again you keep cheating on him, why would you want to sleep with someone who keeps cheating on you?
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    youre unfaithful and dont deserve anything.
    its sickening, and its not even the first time its happened.
    I dont get how you can justify this in any possible way.
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    Well maybe you just don;t see things from my perspective. I didn't say my behaviour was justifiable if you had read properly, I just said it may have been an indicator of something wrong. I don't deserve anything? Hmm ok then But i don't see how you worked that one out seeing as I too condemn myself for cheating. xx
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    But you have done it more than once, obviously you have no respect for your boyfriend and wouldn't cheat on him because you are unhappy you would actually try and talk to sort everything out not just go and make the situation worse by sleeping with someone.
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    Ok, yeah I phrased that wrong, I meant emphasis on "in any possible way".

    Just because there is no excuse for doing this rather than talking to him about it (a million times better), I dont think you can even say "there must have been a reason"

    but yeah sorry, dont get me wrong, I definately believe you know you did wrong. its just.. talking is so much better.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well maybe you just don;t see things from my perspective. I didn't say my behaviour was justifiable if you had read properly, I just said it may have been an indicator of something wrong.
    That's *exactly* it. Talk to him and find out what, and see if it's solvable. However having done what you have, I'd imagine it isn't, whether or not it was before.
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    something just occured to me - How differently would we be approaching this topic and answering these issues if it was a guy asking?? a lot harsher, i think. its weird..
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    You need to confront the problem. Infidelity is just running away from it.
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    I think you have to choose between stopping the cheating and finding a way yourselves to work around the sex problem or braking up with him and carrying on pleasuring yourself.
    If you tell him that you have
    (Original post by Anonymous)



    Cheated on him with a guy from school (I slept with him) 3 times + I went to stay with another male friend and the same thing just happened:
    I would say that it would probably be over between you guys.

    You need to make an effort to change his idea of sex. TBH though i am not sure you really want to and are quite happy in what you are doing.

    This thread seems to me like a feel good thread for you and i think you should think that if you really loved someone you would not of done what u did.
    Sexual frustration can be controlled only very weak non-motivated people can't manage this.

    Have you thought that maybe you bf is not just trying to pleasure him and that maybe your just not enjoying it?

    Also its not your right to have sex you both have to want to otherwise its a bit pointless unless you love the person and want to satisfy the other.

    I would personally end this relationship, as your morals as regard to the relationship have been very misled.

    Sorry if this sounds harsh but i think you need somebody to kick you into gear.
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    something just occured to me - How differently would we be approaching this topic and answering these issues if it was a guy asking?? a lot harsher, i think. its weird..
    Because girls are meant to have been a victim of something (in this case lack of sex) whilst guys are just "evil *******s" or something. Ah well, can't be helped.

    I agree with the people who argued that since it has been multiple chating and not a one off, it shows that the respect and trust is not there. As sex is very important in a relationship and the sex drives are a part of the compatability, so I guess you should make a clean break. Otherwise this frustration will continue, probably until you get caught and it'll all end in tears.

    As puppy said before, you're young, don't emotionally invest in someone who you aren't compatible with. Belive me, you'll both be thankful for it in the long run.
 
 
 
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