Mum and dad are wanting me to dump bf Watch

rosetinted
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#21
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#21
(Original post by need_money)
I've tried to tell my parents that its not my mates fault and pointed out that it isn't just coincidence that I still do the same daft things no matter who my mates are. But they just say that I am easily lead.
Well parents do have this strange quality of often trying to think the best of their kids, even when we certainly aren't making the best choices for ourselves!

(Original post by need_money)
But they know I drink and smoke dope but obviously they don't like the latter although they don't really mind me drinking as long as it's not til I'm out of control.
Smoking pot is always a bit of a dodgy area. It is illegal, but as we all know it's a very widely used drug despite that. However, the short term memory loss really goes down badly when you are at that GCSE & A level age. I very rarely smoked weed during my school years because I knew that I didn't want to let myself down and get worse results than I was capable of. Also if you bring it into your house or allow people to smoke it there then it is your parents who are held responsible if anyone were ever caught.

It sounds like your parents have a fairly easygoing attitude with allowing you to drink in moderation. So if it isn't the fact that you are drinking with your friends they object to, what is it exactly that they don't like about your behaviour with them?

Anyway..to the original issue of the boyfriend. I would say it's time for you seriously to evaluate the relationship and him. Throughout the thread you have managed to come up with a large number of negative points about him, which would be ringing a few alarm bells already in my head if I were you. Why don't you make a list of all the positive and negative points about him & dating him. If this relationship makes you feel bad more than you feel good that's a good indicator of a crappy relationship.

It sounds like your mates think you should keep dating him cos it pisses off your parents. Well that is a pretty poor reason. Your mom and dad are looking out for you, have your best interests at heart & want you to stop dating him. If you look at their reasons for wanting the split do they seem reasonable & rational to you? If they do and you somewhat agree with them (as you seem to do) then maybe the boyfriend should go.

Oh and last but not least..figure out why you are staying together. Is it because break-ups suck? or that you don't like not having a boyfriend? or because you have something really special going on?
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Angelil
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#22
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(Original post by need_money)
And as for the matter of my bf ... there's no chance on earth he will come to meet my parents. I know what he's like and the first mention would have him point blank refusing. If I'm being honest he's actually quite immature. He'll be 17 next month and he doesn't have a job, doesn't go to school and lives off his mums wages which is why my mum and dad are so against me going out with him. My mates are all telling me to stay with him since its not my parents who are going out with him but listening to your advice I'm really seriously seriously reconsidering .
Just out of curiosity - why are you with him?
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Sejanus
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#23
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Ok, this point needs making: Parents do not always know best. Many parents are going to have a better idea about some things, but adults are not perfect. Simply being older or being a parent does not necessarily mean one knows everything. There are going to be topics on which some adults have an irrational view on, or a skewed view on. Therefore, advocating always doing what ones parents wish is not a practical instruction that should always be followed.
Having said that: in this case, to the OP, your parents certainly have a legitimate basis for their concerns. You need to re-examine your situation and really think what you want. Is your boyfriend really worth all the hassle? Do you have to go smoke dope? Look at what you can do to keep your parents more happy, and try to come to a compromise with them. If you can't, it might be worth dumping your boyfriend.
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OMGWTF
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#24
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How old is your bf?
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need_money
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#25
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(Original post by rosetinted)
Smoking pot is always a bit of a dodgy area. It is illegal, but as we all know it's a very widely used drug despite that. However, the short term memory loss really goes down badly when you are at that GCSE & A level age. I very rarely smoked weed during my school years because I knew that I didn't want to let myself down and get worse results than I was capable of. Also if you bring it into your house or allow people to smoke it there then it is your parents who are held responsible if anyone were ever caught.

It sounds like your parents have a fairly easygoing attitude with allowing you to drink in moderation. So if it isn't the fact that you are drinking with your friends they object to, what is it exactly that they don't like about your behaviour with them?

Anyway..to the original issue of the boyfriend. I would say it's time for you seriously to evaluate the relationship and him. Throughout the thread you have managed to come up with a large number of negative points about him, which would be ringing a few alarm bells already in my head if I were you. Why don't you make a list of all the positive and negative points about him & dating him. If this relationship makes you feel bad more than you feel good that's a good indicator of a crappy relationship.

It sounds like your mates think you should keep dating him cos it pisses off your parents. Well that is a pretty poor reason. Your mom and dad are looking out for you, have your best interests at heart & want you to stop dating him. If you look at their reasons for wanting the split do they seem reasonable & rational to you? If they do and you somewhat agree with them (as you seem to do) then maybe the boyfriend should go.

Oh and last but not least..figure out why you are staying together. Is it because break-ups suck? or that you don't like not having a boyfriend? or because you have something really special going on?
1) I'm actually thinking of stopping cos I'm starting to get that way and my mum and dad keep saying that I'm "getting stupider" by the day.

2) I never ever bring it near or into the house so they can't complain about that.

3) I think its more the fact that they know I'm really really bad for not knowing when to stop and I usually end up getting so drunk that I don't have a clue whats happening and that puts me in danger of something bad happening.

4)I think I actually will do that cos it seems the only way I'm going to be able to help work this one out logically.

5) Yeah they do but then I think I must get a sort of burst of irrational-Jenna coming through and it makes me just want to totally defy them just because they're telling me what to do . It sometimes just feels like they're trying to brainwash me and its like its 2 against 1 so they think they'll always win.

6) I still have to work that one out I think. I thought we did but I'm not so sure anymore.
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need_money
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#26
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(Original post by Angelil)
Just out of curiosity - why are you with him?
I don't actually know. I just feel something towards him that I can't let go of.

(Original post by OMGWTF)
How old is your bf?
He'll be 17 next month.
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OMGWTF
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#27
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How old is your bf?
Just curious
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Purple
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#28
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My parents made me choose between them and my boyfriend, and although my boyfriend did say that he would still be there for me if I chose them I chose him and they threw me out that night and I have lived with him ever since that day. Just over 6 months ago. I have only seen my parents once since then and spoken to them on Christmas Eve and my birthday.

My relationship had been kept a secret from them but between the 2 weeks they found out and I moved out they tried to make me stay inside, take my phone off me, stop me going to college, and to top it ALL off they got some random guy to come and see me and try to scare me to death and then lie to me but it didn't work, I knew the truth.

Also when they found out they said that if he really loved me he would come to where I lived and tell them that - which he was going to do straight away, but then they told him not to come :/ So they haven't even met him :rolleyes:
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Angelil
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#29
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How did you meet him?
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need_money
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#30
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(Original post by kirstinx)
My parents made me choose between them and my boyfriend, and although my boyfriend did say that he would still be there for me if I chose them I chose him and they threw me out that night and I have lived with him ever since that day. Just over 6 months ago. I have only seen my parents once since then and spoken to them on Christmas Eve and my birthday.

My relationship had been kept a secret from them but between the 2 weeks they found out and I moved out they tried to make me stay inside, take my phone off me, stop me going to college, and to top it ALL off they got some random guy to come and see me and try to scare me to death and then lie to me but it didn't work, I knew the truth.

Also when they found out they said that if he really loved me he would come to where I lived and tell them that - which he was going to do straight away, but then they told him not to come :/ So they haven't even met him :rolleyes:
Omg thats terrible! :eek: Proud of you for sticking with what you believed in though.
I don't think my parents would go that far to stop me seeing him!

(Original post by Angelil)
How did you meet him?
My mate's going out with his mate and he came out with us one night and we started seeing each other from then on.
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Anonymous #1
#31
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Well I'm pretty much in the same boat, except im 18, nearly 19. Ive got a bf who ive been seeing for nearly 3months and I just recently told my parents. My mums ok about it now, but she was a bit wary at first, but my dad is totally against it.

He wont speak to me about it and i think he thinks that if we dont discuss it, then il forget about him. He wont let me see him while im at home, even though he knows i'l see him everyday at uni!:bird:
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