I think a guy I've slept with might be autistic. Watch

ebduff
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#21
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#21
I've managed to have a relationship with an autistic guy and had sex with him and it was probably the most difficult relationship I've had, but looking past the illness, he was a great guy, autism just made him a little challenging to understand.
I don't think it matters in the slightest whether someone is autistic or not; that shouldn't make them be judged!
If you do ever sleep with him again, just guide him more, make him feel comfortable, because like you said, he's not a confident guy and awkwardness will only make him more scared!
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Anonymous #1
#22
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#22
(Original post by Anonymous)
This broke off contact with you after what you said to a friend, how do you think he'd feel if he knew you'd written about his sexual performance and social difficulties online? Autistic or not, it should make no difference. I really do not see why you needed to make a thread out of this.
I haven't named and shamed him, I just wanted to see what other people think. I find his bluntness and sexual comments he's made odd, and I wanted to see whether other people thought his behavior could be pinpointed to autism. By reading up on autism I felt like I've understood his different behavior more. Why are you so annoyed with me for posting this?
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Double Agent
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#23
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#23
Careful, you might catch it. :rolleyes:
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jeery83
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#24
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#24
(Original post by Anonymous)
I haven't named and shamed him, I just wanted to see what other people think. I find his bluntness and sexual comments he's made odd, and I wanted to see whether other people thought his behavior could be pinpointed to autism. By reading up on autism I felt like I've understood his different behavior more. Why are you so annoyed with me for posting this?
So what if he is autistic? Why does it matter?
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419
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#25
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#25
Still don't know what the OP is trying to get out of this. Is her ego hurt cos he called her 'tight'? OP that's generally a good thing
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Yaldaa
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#26
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey all,

Ok I'm 22 years old. In my sixth form there was a guy who I used to find quite attractive and he used to like me too. Nothing ever happened between us at school except for a bit of flirting. When we were 20 we met up, got drunk and did some sexual stuff. This summer we had sex once.

He's a good looking guy - half spanish, has nice dark exotic looks. Everyone used to comment on how good looking he was and wonder why he wasn't more confident or didn't talk much. He was always a bit of a strange guy who never really spoke much. Used to kind of just act strangely and hang with the quiet crowd.

I used to wonder about him too, why his personality was always a little bit odd. I did some reading up on autism a while back, and when I read some stuff, he came to mind suddenly. Especially when it came to how honest autistics can be. He's always been very honest, that even if he compliments you, he'll indirectly say something negative without even realising. He's just generally blunt with what he says.

Something that raised more suspicion was when I slept with him over the summer holidays. I remember before asking him how many people he had "slept with" and he replied with "seven". Then I asked him again the night we slept together and he said "three". When I said that before he had told me seven, he replied with "well, I've 'slept in a bed' with seven" - not seeing past literal meaning...

This is going to be a bit graphic... but he was a bit robotic when we had sex. We had some trouble getting it in... at the end, when it was over he commented "hmm, you have a small hole".

Ok I know this is an odd post. But I'm too embarrassed to talk about this with people I know. Do you guys think he's autistic, based on what I've told you?
To be honest, I dont really think so. But you really think Its going to make the difference if he was autistic
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Bouffe
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#27
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#27
Perhaps he's a unique individual. Perhaps he is just himself, with his own personality, his own view of things, and his own way of expressing himself. Just because he's different, doesn't necessarily mean he has any kind of mental or personality defect, he's just himself. Don't attribute him to being autistic as some sort of blanket explanation, some people are far more complex than that and don't deserve to be 'explained' through somebodies armchair diagnosis.

I have an older brother with autism. My mum for a time was convinced I had it as well. She tried to have me tested for it, but was told by the doctor that I was not. Regardless, she didn't stop believing that I was autistic until I was 19 :-/
It sucks to have people think of you as having a problem when you don't, being unable to accept you for who you are on an individual basis.
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xoxAngel_Kxox
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#28
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#28
My partner, who I've been with for 4 years, is autistic. I'd been with him for a couple of months before he told me, and it made no difference. I was with him because I liked his personality, and a label wasn't going to change the person I'd got to know.

There are millions of people who you could say have this or that, but the point is if you like who they are as a person, then whatever they may or may not have been diagnosed with REALLY doesn't matter.
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TurboCretin
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#29
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#29
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey all,

Ok I'm 22 years old. In my sixth form there was a guy who I used to find quite attractive and he used to like me too. Nothing ever happened between us at school except for a bit of flirting. When we were 20 we met up, got drunk and did some sexual stuff. This summer we had sex once.

He's a good looking guy - half spanish, has nice dark exotic looks. Everyone used to comment on how good looking he was and wonder why he wasn't more confident or didn't talk much. He was always a bit of a strange guy who never really spoke much. Used to kind of just act strangely and hang with the quiet crowd.

I used to wonder about him too, why his personality was always a little bit odd. I did some reading up on autism a while back, and when I read some stuff, he came to mind suddenly. Especially when it came to how honest autistics can be. He's always been very honest, that even if he compliments you, he'll indirectly say something negative without even realising. He's just generally blunt with what he says.

Something that raised more suspicion was when I slept with him over the summer holidays. I remember before asking him how many people he had "slept with" and he replied with "seven". Then I asked him again the night we slept together and he said "three". When I said that before he had told me seven, he replied with "well, I've 'slept in a bed' with seven" - not seeing past literal meaning...

This is going to be a bit graphic... but he was a bit robotic when we had sex. We had some trouble getting it in... at the end, when it was over he commented "hmm, you have a small hole".

Ok I know this is an odd post. But I'm too embarrassed to talk about this with people I know. Do you guys think he's autistic, based on what I've told you?
There's a difference between being autistic and being on the autistic spectrum. It's confusing terminology which they would do well to sort out. Anyway, if he were autistic per se then you probably would not have got as far as bed with him before noticing something was fundamentally different about him. My brother is a high-functioning autistic guy and you know it within ten seconds of meeting him.

There is a characteristic triad of impairments in autism: social interaction/development, communication problems and obsessive/repetitive behaviour. He will dislike change intensely, and tend to have a comfort zone within which he performs repetitive (and often extremely trivial) rituals.

From what you say, he may have social difficulties characterising Asperger's Syndrome, or he may just be a slightly strange person with limited social awareness. It's a bit of a blurred line.
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hannahchan
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#30
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#30
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey all,

Ok I'm 22 years old. In my sixth form there was a guy who I used to find quite attractive and he used to like me too. Nothing ever happened between us at school except for a bit of flirting. When we were 20 we met up, got drunk and did some sexual stuff. This summer we had sex once.

He's a good looking guy - half spanish, has nice dark exotic looks. Everyone used to comment on how good looking he was and wonder why he wasn't more confident or didn't talk much. He was always a bit of a strange guy who never really spoke much. Used to kind of just act strangely and hang with the quiet crowd.

I used to wonder about him too, why his personality was always a little bit odd. I did some reading up on autism a while back, and when I read some stuff, he came to mind suddenly. Especially when it came to how honest autistics can be. He's always been very honest, that even if he compliments you, he'll indirectly say something negative without even realising. He's just generally blunt with what he says.

Something that raised more suspicion was when I slept with him over the summer holidays. I remember before asking him how many people he had "slept with" and he replied with "seven". Then I asked him again the night we slept together and he said "three". When I said that before he had told me seven, he replied with "well, I've 'slept in a bed' with seven" - not seeing past literal meaning...

This is going to be a bit graphic... but he was a bit robotic when we had sex. We had some trouble getting it in... at the end, when it was over he commented "hmm, you have a small hole".

Ok I know this is an odd post. But I'm too embarrassed to talk about this with people I know. Do you guys think he's autistic, based on what I've told you?
so? why should you be embarrased? if you dont mind the bluntness..then who cares. Why do you have to have your sneaky suspicions just get over it. not like its a disease or anything
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hannahchan
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#31
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#31
(Original post by ExWunderkind)
So what even if he has?

I mean seriously, you liked him and he liked you. Should he wear a badge informing you of any conditions he might have?

If it matters that much to you maybe you should have potential applicants to a liaison fill out a disclaimer.

Sarcasm aside, if he is indeed anywhere on the ASD he maybe quite high functioning, so much that he probably tries to blend in as much as he can, he doesn't feel the need to inform people of any condition he has. Let him, don't label him and draw attention to it.
EXACTLY.
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Tiger Rag
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#32
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(Original post by TurboCretin)
There's a difference between being autistic and being on the autistic spectrum.
eh?:confused: It's the same thing surely?
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Tiger Rag
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(Original post by TurboCretin)
ASD is an umbrella term for a variety of disorders which can be difficult to tease apart, including Asperger's syndrome, autism and childhood disintegrative disorder to name a few.
I am aware of that and it doesn't answer my question.
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TurboCretin
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#34
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(Original post by OU Student)
I am aware of that and it doesn't answer my question.
Sorry, I deleted my answer because I was about to clarify. They don't necessarily mean the same thing; I thought that was what your query was about. Perhaps you'd like to rephrase your question, because I'm obviously getting the wrong end of the stick.
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Tiger Rag
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#35
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(Original post by TurboCretin)
Sorry, I deleted my answer because I was about to clarify. They don't necessarily mean the same thing; I thought that was what your query was about. Perhaps you'd like to rephrase your question, because I'm obviously getting the wrong end of the stick.
You claimed that being Autistic and being on the Autistic spectrum aren't the same thing. They are. I don't understand why you think they're not?:confused:
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TurboCretin
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(Original post by OU Student)
You claimed that being Autistic and being on the Autistic spectrum aren't the same thing. They are. I don't understand why you think they're not?:confused:
They are the same in the sense that being autistic entails being on the spectrum. Otherwise, this is a semantic argument. If that's the case, the usage of the terms is inconsistent across different authorities. For example, my usage is reflected here:

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/autisti...roduction.aspx

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/a...ail_autism.htm

The NAS usage differs, on the other hand. They say, for example, that Asperger's is a type of autism, and that autism is itself a spectrum disorder:

http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autis...ifference.aspx

I use the term 'autism' to reflect a condition with the triad of impairments, and the ASD as a wider term covering the entire spectrum including autism. Someone who says "autism is different from ASD" must be adhering to that usage by implication.
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consumed by stuff
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#37
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thats like almost/maybe rape. im not a lawyer.
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hannahchan
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#38
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey all,

Ok I'm 22 years old. In my sixth form there was a guy who I used to find quite attractive and he used to like me too. Nothing ever happened between us at school except for a bit of flirting. When we were 20 we met up, got drunk and did some sexual stuff. This summer we had sex once.

He's a good looking guy - half spanish, has nice dark exotic looks. Everyone used to comment on how good looking he was and wonder why he wasn't more confident or didn't talk much. He was always a bit of a strange guy who never really spoke much. Used to kind of just act strangely and hang with the quiet crowd.

I used to wonder about him too, why his personality was always a little bit odd. I did some reading up on autism a while back, and when I read some stuff, he came to mind suddenly. Especially when it came to how honest autistics can be. He's always been very honest, that even if he compliments you, he'll indirectly say something negative without even realising. He's just generally blunt with what he says.

Something that raised more suspicion was when I slept with him over the summer holidays. I remember before asking him how many people he had "slept with" and he replied with "seven". Then I asked him again the night we slept together and he said "three". When I said that before he had told me seven, he replied with "well, I've 'slept in a bed' with seven" - not seeing past literal meaning...

This is going to be a bit graphic... but he was a bit robotic when we had sex. We had some trouble getting it in... at the end, when it was over he commented "hmm, you have a small hole".

Ok I know this is an odd post. But I'm too embarrassed to talk about this with people I know. Do you guys think he's autistic, based on what I've told you?
(Original post by ExWunderkind)
So what even if he has?

I mean seriously, you liked him and he liked you. Should he wear a badge informing you of any conditions he might have?

If it matters that much to you maybe you should have potential applicants to a liaison fill out a disclaimer.

Sarcasm aside, if he is indeed anywhere on the ASD he maybe quite high functioning, so much that he probably tries to blend in as much as he can, he doesn't feel the need to inform people of any condition he has. Let him, don't label him and draw attention to it.
.. i wanted to make another post.. but again.. I agree.

Why should someone with a disability have to proclaim to the world that they have a certain condition. If the world wants to know.. why not just ASK said person DIRECTLY? - we all know why people don't though.. because their chickens and are scared.

Also don't just assume.. or label someone before you know! Why is it that people expect disabled people to come forward about their conditions.. I'm sure the majority of those who are disabled are fine with telling people what condition they have.. but the fact that non-disabled people think that the disabled person has to say what they have just shows that some people actually have no respect.

Do you tell others (before they've asked) your personal traumas.. your personal fears or problems even if your not disabled? No. So why do disabled people have to about their condition.. just because it may be obvious socially or physically.. doesn't mean we have to parade round shouting.. "I have this condition, accept me now because I told you".

acceptance is about accepting without condition or questioning. It just proves how shallow, ignorant and twisted some people are.

However I do think that people who are at hazard to others and themselves such as those with epilisy or someone with brittle bones.. should have a tag which says what condition they have.. but for they're own safety.. so people in public are aware of what to do in an emergency.
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tufc
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#39
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You've just been told that you're tight by a guy with a psychotic obsession with the truth. Why are you asking questions right now?
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SleepySheep
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#40
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(Original post by ebduff)
I've managed to have a relationship with an autistic guy and had sex with him and it was probably the most difficult relationship I've had, but looking past the illness, he was a great guy, autism just made him a little challenging to understand.
I don't think it matters in the slightest whether someone is autistic or not; that shouldn't make them be judged!
If you do ever sleep with him again, just guide him more, make him feel comfortable, because like you said, he's not a confident guy and awkwardness will only make him more scared!
Lol maybe you shouldn't refer to their condition as an 'illness' then.
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