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Boyfriend cheated in past relationship Watch

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    (Original post by Hopple)
    Lol, I'm not saying he's doing the right thing, just it can appear to be a sensible option for some people in that situation so isn't surprising he's gone for it.
    Keeping a secret that big, in my eyes, isn't exactly sensible.
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    (Original post by Hopple)
    So why are you surprised? Whether it's right or not to keep such a (or any) secret is nothing to do with whether it's a surprising thing for him to do.
    (Original post by Quilt)
    Because OP stated that she's "very happy" with her boyfriend, and I also got the impression that they'd been together a while, and it surprised me that he'd not yet admitted to her about his past. It seems like purposely missing out the negatives in yourself to somebody you're with is just hiding your flaws and is not a honest way of entering or continuing a relationship. You're not suppose to hide things like that from your partner, especially when they could essentially have impact on your life and your relationship with them.

    I don't really think this needs much more justification, if you think it's morally acceptable to not tell a current partner that you've previously been deceitful regardless of whether you've changed or not then that's totally up to you :rolleyes:.
    To throw my 2 cents in about my case specifically; purely because of his reaction to another event (mentioned above) I'm not surprised he hasn't told me. If it wasn't for that, I'd have expected it to come up at some point. He knows that i'm easy going and that I value honesty even if the truth's a hard one, I've even said many times that I'd rather know about something and work through it then to be in the dark. So for that reason, I'm also surprised because he hasn't told me before.

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To throw my 2 cents in about my case specifically; purely because of his reaction to another event (mentioned above) I'm not surprised he hasn't told me. If it wasn't for that, I'd have expected it to come up at some point. He knows that i'm easy going and that I value honesty even if the truth's a hard one, I've even said many times that I'd rather know about something and work through it then to be in the dark. So for that reason, I'm also surprised because he hasn't told me before.

    Although you should be wary that he hasn't yet told you, I guess there is the possibility that he's just worried about how you'll react. You obviously think he's changed and wouldn't do that to you otherwise you wouldn't be with him, so maybe you should sit him down, tell him that you know and would like it if he could admit it so that you can both move on together from it putting it as just a mistake in the past that won't happen again.
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    (Original post by Quilt)
    Although you should be wary that he hasn't yet told you, I guess there is the possibility that he's just worried about how you'll react. You obviously think he's changed and wouldn't do that to you otherwise you wouldn't be with him, so maybe you should sit him down, tell him that you know and would like it if he could admit it so that you can both move on together from it putting it as just a mistake in the past that won't happen again.
    That sounds like really good advice

    I do think he's changed, circumstances for him have changed too which I think has helped him

    I've asked if we could meet for coffee this week- i'll take it from there
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That sounds like really good advice

    I do think he's changed, circumstances for him have changed too which I think has helped him

    I've asked if we could meet for coffee this week- i'll take it from there
    Good for you, I hope it goes well, I do sympathise for your situation but I'm sure it'll be alright .
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    First and foremost, I am very happy with my boyfriend. However, I know that he cheated on his ex girlfriend with a friend of mine, quite frequently, during their relationship and it’s a niggle that won’t go away.

    He doesn't know that I know he's cheated on his past girlfriend. I really, really want to talk about it but if I bring it up, I’m fairly sure that he will completely deny it (perhaps this is what annoys me most; I’ve made it clear that above all else I value honesty)

    If he denies it, we can’t even talk about it and then I don’t know what I’d do... How do I approach this with him? What happens if he does deny it? How do I trust him then?!?

    I don’t believe it’s “once a cheater, always a cheater” but then again, I never thought I’d end up in a relationship with a guy who has a cheating past. Gahhhh, help!
    If you don't speak to your boyfriend about this then it will probably eat away at you until you end up lashing out about it in an argument or something in the future.

    You are best to speak to regarding this, perhaps if you know why he cheated in his previous relationship then it'll give you a clearer understanding?
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    If it was with another woman before you got together then leave it alone as its nothing to do with you. How would you feel if someone told him things about your previous sex life and he asked you about it saying its changed how he feels and now he doesn't know if he can trust you because his friend told him something you did.

    Also by asking him your basically saying that what other people have said about him to you has changed how you feel about him.

    If a woman i was with was getting this wound up about what happened in the past id end it.
    What would she be getting upset about next? Something i did when i was a teenager? Or maybe 21 or when i went that strip club on my 23rd lol.

    Its in the past, leave it there.



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    (Original post by formanmark)
    If it was with another woman before you got together then leave it alone as its nothing to do with you. How would you feel if someone told him things about your previous sex life and he asked you about it saying its changed how he feels and now he doesn't know if he can trust you because his friend told him something you did.

    Also by asking him your basically saying that what other people have said about him to you has changed how you feel about him.

    If a woman i was with was getting this wound up about what happened in the past id end it.
    What would she be getting upset about next? Something i did when i was a teenager? Or maybe 21 or when i went that strip club on my 23rd lol.

    Its in the past, leave it there.



    Posted from TSR Mobile
    He was cheating on his ex just a year ago and she never found out. Why should I be any different and if I'm not, why should I be taken for a fool?

    If it had changed how I feel about him, I wouldn't be with him.

    I'm not wound up, i'm very patient towards it but I've realised that if our relationship is going to develop or progress any further, this is something that I need to talk to him about. I don't care if it's a hard conversation to have, I know that out the other end of it we'll be much better for it.
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    You never know. It doesn't necessarily mean he'd cheat on you but you are always going to be a tad worried.

    That would be my problem: if they cheated they COULD do it again. Obviously anyone could cheat on you - even if they'd been completely faithful before. It would just make me anxious
 
 
 
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