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How to get my idiot-genius girlfriend to wise up and go to university? Watch

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    (Original post by Atemukay)
    Grow up and stop acting like her boss, its a free world and she can do what she wants

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    It's actually not a free world. There is a tough economy, competition for jobs. The OP's girlfriend has clear work-ethic which they translated into grades. If it were my own family, I would encourage them to make use of their talent, rather than being undecided. However, the final choice is with his girlfriend to follow what she has rationally decided to pursue.
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    (Original post by bestofyou)
    She is such a idiot. She is smarter than anyone I know, she is basically a math genius compared to people in her school yet she has no intention of going to university. She sat Physics, Maths and Further Maths and got A*A*A*+a in History.

    I told her she would have a chance of getting into any university for maths, engineering, finance etc...basically any course she wanted to do. Yet she still decided on a gap year.

    Since she was a kid teachers never really gave her the time of day really due to behaviour issues and because of this she was convinced she was stupid. However clearly someone close to her noticed something in her and got her well tutored in maths and within a couple of years she had come further than everyone in her class has in 5. The funny thing is she never seemed to care, she never asked to sit GCSEs or A-levels early, she just sat in the class and pretended she was learning new content. She said she didn't want the rest of the class thinking she thought she was above them. All she seemed interested in was bloody cooking food.

    See, when she was 14 she wanted to become a chef and did that day release thing where you go to school 3-4 days a week and then work/go to college the other 1-2 to do a vocational trade (so she did catering). So on her gap year she worked as a full-time chef at a pretty good restaurant (nothing very fancy but well above the pay grade of a 19yr old so I guess she is somewhat decent).

    So when I asked her if she wanted a hand with her personal statement she said, 'don't think I'll bother tbh'.

    ****ing couldn't believe what I heard after I said what are you going to do? She plans on travelling around the world with her surf board to all the best places in the world for food and surf. She says she'll work in restaurants or food stands if visas are not possible. She started telling me she would go to South East Asia, then Mexico and Central America before on to South America and then to Africa...as if I care about her silly adventures. She could be sitting in an office earning 6 figure salaries in a few years, but she is throwing all of it away to go play chef and surf around the world over the next few years.

    I got really angry and left when I made her cry. So can anyone tell me what would be the best thing to say next time I see her that would convince her to go to university?

    I don't completely agree, it does sound poor tact, and you don't come across particularly well, but +rep anyway just because I think you've been neg'd more than you deserve.

    Many people here are and will be quick to say "oh you don't care about what she wants" - you clearly do care about her for wanting her to consider other options with her talent.


    But that needs to be your approach. You need to be suggesting an alternative, suggesting she thinks about the long-term (she could always graduate and then take time out to travel, surf, and eat afterwards if she still wanted to).

    But saying bluntly it's ****ing silly and frivolous behaviour isn't going to present your argument well, and it certainly won't persuade her. You mentioned behavioural issues in the past, obviously I don't know her at all, but is it possible she simply wants to 'rebel' for want of a better term? Do something different. If so, saying it's silly is only going to encourage her.


    Finally, when she talks about all this travel, surf, and food, where do you fit in?
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    if you love your girlfriend, you would let her enjoy her free time, doing the stuff she loves. taking a gap year before uni, is the best decision! wish her luck. stop being such a doofus op. i bet you're just jel
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    What you should say to her is 'I'm so proud that you are living your life how you want and doing the career what you want to do!' Just because she is intelligent, it doesn't mean that academic work is what she should enjoy or want to do.
    If this relationship is for keeps than even long distance, you can make it work! That is what skype was invented for!! Would you rather see her occasionally and with her being really happy because she is living her dream? Or would you rather see her all the time but have her with a glum look on her face because she if being forced to do something she doesn't want to do?
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    (Original post by bestofyou)
    I really like her and don't want to lose her. That isn't selfish
    Yes it is. You're thinking about your own interests and not considering what she wants. If she doesn't want to go to university, that's her choice. You put up her grades as a justification that she should go to university, but even if she got BBB, you'll probably still want her to go to university, i.e. for her to be close to you.
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    (Original post by bestofyou)
    It isn't that I don't support her, if she wanted to be a chef that would be fine with me. However I am going to uni and she wants to go around the world for who knows how long, I may never see her again this decade for all I know. It will be the end of the relationship and I really like her, that I my problem, that is why I got angry.

    It isn't a gap year though, it is the start of her career. She plans on being a full-time chef. What is wrong with it is I won't be going hence we will break up.
    It's her life. You're being very selfish. I wouldn't like it either, but in the end it's wrong to force/pressure someone into doing something they don't want to do.

    If you're THAT bothered, why don't YOU change, instead of trying to make her change? Get a job, earn some money, go with her! Don't expect her to change her dreams for you just because you asked. And definitely don't take the "I know what's best for her" attitude (i.e the "she will regret not going so I am doing her a favour"), because nobody likes to be told what to do, and why do you think she'll regret it? If she's wanted to become a chef since she's 14, I'd say it's hardly just a phase - it's something that's clearly a long term aspiration for her. What makes you think YOU know what's best for her? Does this come out of concern for her or your own selfishness?

    (Original post by bestofyou)
    as if I care about her silly adventures. She could be sitting in an office earning 6 figure salaries in a few years, but she is throwing all of it away to go play chef and surf around the world over the next few years.


    Really now...what she's doing sounds AMAZING and you sound like a terribly unsupportive boyfriend here, saying you don't care. Money isn't everything, as long as you have enough to be financially stable when you settle down it's okay, you don't need to be rolling in it. Why don't you let her ENJOY her life for now instead of pushing her into a crappy job she might hate? She's clearly excited about this, and I fail to see how it could hurt her. Whereas you trying to force her into going to uni, because it's what YOU want her to do, is an ******** thing to do. Even if you think it's the wrong decision, that's HER mistake to make. Incidentally, everyone who I've spoken to who went travelling round the world has said it's FANTASTIC and they'd love to keep doing it so...

    You don't sound like you respect her dreams very much "play chef"...

    You go from being like "she should go to university for her own good!" to "she'll leave me if she does this".:confused:

    She can always go to university as a mature student. She doesn't have to go right now; she can live her life to the fullest and enjoy her youth before diving into boring work!

    Edit: It's probably better for her to travel for a couple of years now, before uni, than go after uni.
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    (Original post by FO12DY)
    Finally, when she talks about all this travel, surf, and food, where do you fit in?
    I don't. That simple, I'm going to uni.

    (Original post by Amelia-Babe)
    if you love your girlfriend, you would let her enjoy her free time, doing the stuff she loves. taking a gap year before uni, is the best decision! wish her luck. stop being such a doofus op. i bet you're just jel
    it isn't 'free time'. She is doing this to advance a catering career. It isn't a gap year, she is going around the world working as a chef for the next 3 years at least I am sure and then will come home and work as a chef here likey. I am not 'jel' because I can go right know if I want to, I could book a flight to Rio tonight to prove you wrong.
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    (Original post by bestofyou)
    .

    it isn't 'free time'. She is doing this to advance a catering career. It isn't a gap year, she is going around the world working as a chef for the next 3 years at least I am sure and then will come home and work as a chef here likey. I am not 'jel' because I can go right know if I want to, I could book a flight to Rio tonight to prove you wrong.
    I don't really care. All I'm saying is that, if you care for her, you would surely let her do this, as you stated she is a talented chef. She can always go uni afterwards. Everyone has different dreams and ambitions, this is hers, and you should respect her and support her.
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    (Original post by vaguity)
    It's her life. You're being very selfish. I wouldn't like it either, but in the end it's wrong to force/pressure someone into doing something they don't want to do.
    Exactly what I said.
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    (Original post by bestofyou)
    I don't. That simple, I'm going to uni.



    it isn't 'free time'. She is doing this to advance a catering career. It isn't a gap year, she is going around the world working as a chef for the next 3 years at least I am sure and then will come home and work as a chef here likey. I am not 'jel' because I can go right know if I want to, I could book a flight to Rio tonight to prove you wrong.
    That's even better! You should be supporting her choices as she's making the most of her gap year.

    ... Are you scared she might find someone else whilst she's halfway round the world?
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    that's even better! You should be supporting her choices as she's making the most of her gap year.

    ... Are you scared she might find someone else whilst she's halfway round the world?
    it isn't a gap year!
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    (Original post by bestofyou)
    She is such a idiot. She is smarter than anyone I know, she is basically a math genius compared to people in her school yet she has no intention of going to university. She sat Physics, Maths and Further Maths and got A*A*A*+a in History.

    I told her she would have a chance of getting into any university for maths, engineering, finance etc...basically any course she wanted to do. Yet she still decided on a gap year.

    Since she was a kid teachers never really gave her the time of day really due to behaviour issues and because of this she was convinced she was stupid. However clearly someone close to her noticed something in her and got her well tutored in maths and within a couple of years she had come further than everyone in her class has in 5. The funny thing is she never seemed to care, she never asked to sit GCSEs or A-levels early, she just sat in the class and pretended she was learning new content. She said she didn't want the rest of the class thinking she thought she was above them. All she seemed interested in was bloody cooking food.

    See, when she was 14 she wanted to become a chef and did that day release thing where you go to school 3-4 days a week and then work/go to college the other 1-2 to do a vocational trade (so she did catering). So on her gap year she worked as a full-time chef at a pretty good restaurant (nothing very fancy but well above the pay grade of a 19yr old so I guess she is somewhat decent).

    So when I asked her if she wanted a hand with her personal statement she said, 'don't think I'll bother tbh'.

    ****ing couldn't believe what I heard after I said what are you going to do? She plans on travelling around the world with her surf board to all the best places in the world for food and surf. She says she'll work in restaurants or food stands if visas are not possible. She started telling me she would go to South East Asia, then Mexico and Central America before on to South America and then to Africa...as if I care about her silly adventures. She could be sitting in an office earning 6 figure salaries in a few years, but she is throwing all of it away to go play chef and surf around the world over the next few years.

    I got really angry and left when I made her cry. So can anyone tell me what would be the best thing to say next time I see her that would convince her to go to university?
    I don't understand this at all. Why would you want to force her back into education when she appears to know exactly what she wants to do? If I had to pick sitting in an office all day every day to earn a six figure salary, versus surfing and eating around the world, there'd be no comparison. People are too focused on money rather than happiness. Maybe she won't be rich for the rest of her life but if she loves food and wants to travel why would you stop her? As someone leaving university in the next few months it frustrates me that people think that their approach to life is the only right way. Plus, eating and surfing sounds amazing fun for a few years, she could always try Uni afterwards if that's what she wanted.
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    (Original post by bestofyou)
    it isn't a gap year!
    You said it yourself it's a gap year?
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    Your last thread you said you were gay and your girlfriend had dumped you for the kid you bullied... Bad troll!
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    You said it yourself it's a gap year?

    actually, if you read it carefully you'll see I did not say that. I said he took a gap year.
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    I hope she ends it with you during her gap yah!

    It is harsh, but there is some truth behind it. Has it ever dawned on you that your genius girlfriend might have enough talent and passion to master her dream vocation and become a top chief? You must think very little of her. And plus, it's pretty closed minded to think that a degree is the ticket to happiness for everyone.
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    (Original post by bestofyou)
    She is such a idiot. She is smarter than anyone I know, she is basically a math genius compared to people in her school yet she has no intention of going to university. She sat Physics, Maths and Further Maths and got A*A*A*+a in History.

    I told her she would have a chance of getting into any university for maths, engineering, finance etc...basically any course she wanted to do. Yet she still decided on a gap year.

    Since she was a kid teachers never really gave her the time of day really due to behaviour issues and because of this she was convinced she was stupid. However clearly someone close to her noticed something in her and got her well tutored in maths and within a couple of years she had come further than everyone in her class has in 5. The funny thing is she never seemed to care, she never asked to sit GCSEs or A-levels early, she just sat in the class and pretended she was learning new content. She said she didn't want the rest of the class thinking she thought she was above them. All she seemed interested in was bloody cooking food.

    See, when she was 14 she wanted to become a chef and did that day release thing where you go to school 3-4 days a week and then work/go to college the other 1-2 to do a vocational trade (so she did catering). So on her gap year she worked as a full-time chef at a pretty good restaurant (nothing very fancy but well above the pay grade of a 19yr old so I guess she is somewhat decent).

    So when I asked her if she wanted a hand with her personal statement she said, 'don't think I'll bother tbh'.

    ****ing couldn't believe what I heard after I said what are you going to do? She plans on travelling around the world with her surf board to all the best places in the world for food and surf. She says she'll work in restaurants or food stands if visas are not possible. She started telling me she would go to South East Asia, then Mexico and Central America before on to South America and then to Africa...as if I care about her silly adventures. She could be sitting in an office earning 6 figure salaries in a few years, but she is throwing all of it away to go play chef and surf around the world over the next few years.

    I got really angry and left when I made her cry. So can anyone tell me what would be the best thing to say next time I see her that would convince her to go to university?
    I'd say sort yourself out and stop being a control freak. She is her own person and you should be happy with whatever decision she makes.

    Obviously she has different dreams compared to you, why can't you just come to terms with your girlfriend not wanting to go university and living her own life?
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    (Original post by cl_steele)
    Your last thread you said you were gay and your girlfriend had dumped you for the kid you bullied... Bad troll!
    That's what I was thinking. But then I gave him the benefit and thought maybe he's bi...doubt it though.
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    The fact that you care that much for her is so cute!!

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    (Original post by pandabird)
    That's what I was thinking. But then I gave him the benefit and thought maybe he's bi...doubt it though.
    Mmm judging by all those pretty red gems and his track record of threads I still smell troll but who knows.
 
 
 
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