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Gf slept with someone else after we broke up - help! Watch

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    I don't really think it's about whether she was right or wrong for doing it.

    if you don't think you can get over that she slept with someone else, you shouldn't get back with her. If you feel resentful, hurt, betrayed, distrustful (anything along those lines) it'll affect the relationship.

    Plus that way she might learn from her mistakes & maybe take a bit more time before getting with someone else next time
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    people who are hurt and in love do really stupid things, it's no excuse but at least it's a reason.

    I agree that sex and relationships are very different things but the problem is that both of them are extremely... emotional for some people and matter very little to others. If she doesn't think that sex really matters and you do, there's probably no future for you. If it does matter to her and she only slept with him because of how hurt she was she is no more to blame for her actions than if she had been drunk, or mad.

    Just remember to talk to her, she will have feelings too and if you are still feeling hurt by this she has the right to know that.
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    (Original post by maskofsanity)
    ...because?

    Because...

    Each girl is single so does not have to answer for her actions. Everyone deals with things differently. The girl who jumps into bed with someone else? Well she's single, so that's her lookout. The girl who is so upset she cant think about seeing someone else? That's fine too. Whatever helps you in your dark hour...

    Why should a girl be expected to sit there and cry as a result of a breakup? Why would it be wrong if a single girl goes and has consensual sex soon after a break up?
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    (Original post by SuperSam_Fantastiche)
    Because...

    Each girl is single so does not have to answer for her actions. Everyone deals with things differently. The girl who jumps into bed with someone else? Well she's single, so that's her lookout. The girl who is so upset she cant think about seeing someone else? That's fine too. Whatever helps you in your dark hour...

    Why should a girl be expected to sit there and cry as a result of a breakup? Why would it be wrong if a single girl goes and has consensual sex soon after a break up?
    Yes, and some people deal with things in the right way and others in the wrong way. I never said she should "sit there and cry" - what I did say was that having sex and being in a new relationship so soon after a breakup brings into question your integrity, loyalty and true feelings about your ex.

    It would be 'wrong' in the sense that if you were actually in love with someone - that is, you are in it for the long-term - then a new relationship would be the last thing on your mind after breaking up with said person.
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    (Original post by maskofsanity)
    Yes, and some people deal with things in the right way and others in the wrong way. I never said she should "sit there and cry" - what I did say was that having sex and being in a new relationship so soon after a breakup brings into question your integrity, loyalty and true feelings about your ex.

    It would be 'wrong' in the sense that if you were actually in love with someone - that is, you are in it for the long-term - then a new relationship would be the last thing on your mind after breaking up with said person.
    Some people need to make that mistake before realising their true feelings. It's not wrong because she didn't cheat (as far as we know), but if the OP is bothered by it, they shouldn't get back with her. I know plenty of couples that broke up then got back together after one (or sometimes both) parties slept with someone else. It would require an open an honest discussion to get everything out in the air but if you think you can deal with it then it's up to you.

    What is "wrong" (in my opinion) is the fact that the girl is still in this other relationship and still saying these things to her ex. That is what I would question, more than the fact that she got into the relationship.
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    (Original post by SuperSam_Fantastiche)
    Some people need to make that mistake before realising their true feelings. It's not wrong because she didn't cheat (as far as we know), but if the OP is bothered by it, they shouldn't get back with her. I know plenty of couples that broke up then got back together after one (or sometimes both) parties slept with someone else. It would require an open an honest discussion to get everything out in the air but if you think you can deal with it then it's up to you.

    What is "wrong" (in my opinion) is the fact that the girl is still in this other relationship and still saying these things to her ex. That is what I would question, more than the fact that she got into the relationship.
    I don't agree; people who make that mistake and then think they want the ex will, in my opinion, not last in the relationship. I do agree it's more down to how the OP feels rather than the right and wrong discussion we're having though. I also know of two couples... and they didn't last, unsurprisingly. Maybe that has helped shape our conflicting opinions on the matter.

    True, I read it assuming she had stopped with the new relationship, but the OP doesn't actually say that, so it would be a bit disconcerting.
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    (Original post by maskofsanity)
    It's not the sex per se. Like I said earlier, it's also the fact that it was a relationship. There's a difference between meaningless sex and seeing someone.
    Yeah, but it wasn't a serious relationship. For someone who was in a relationship for 18 months, it would be really rough going from having someone at your beck and call, to nobody. And the relationship may have been more about a comfort zone than anything - in fact, it would've been because she made a point of saying that it was a rebound. That's the point of rebounds, having what you had before, but less serious and with someone brand new.
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    (Original post by maskofsanity)
    I don't agree; people who make that mistake and then think they want the ex will, in my opinion, not last in the relationship. I do agree it's more down to how the OP feels rather than the right and wrong discussion we're having though. I also know of two couples... and they didn't last, unsurprisingly. Maybe that has helped shape our conflicting opinions on the matter.

    True, I read it assuming she had stopped with the new relationship, but the OP doesn't actually say that, so it would be a bit disconcerting.
    Most relationships at our age don't last though, maybe we should have this conversation in 40 years or so, see where everyone got to :p:

    In my opinion, whilst we're young we should do what our heart tells us - if OP wants to take their ex back and see what happens, that's down to them and we'll see how it works out. We never know, they might get back together and be happy ever after, and me and my girlfriend who have been together for over two years without any problems like this might break up and stay split.

    TLDR version - do what you feel is right, who knows what is round the corner? xD
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    Out of curiosity - was she your first?
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    (Original post by C.M.182)
    I'd probably try and move on mate, or if you are still really into her, at least make her sweat about it and let her try and prove to you how much she actually wants to get back with you.
    Sorry, but I disagree. His ex has been completely honest about getting with someone else and about wanting to get back with him, why should he make her sweat? If he doesn't think he can get over it then tell her that, if he thinks he can and wants to get back with her then give it another shot. It's doing petty things like you said that causes so many relationships to fail.

    At the end of the day, everybody handles a break up differently. Some people like to try and get over their ex by rushing into a new relationship, and others cry in bed for a month. Everybody is different, and as long as she has been honest and open then she shouldn't be punished for it.
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    I'm going to go against what most of you are saying, and say, try and understand your ex-girlfriend.

    After a year and a half being with someone, to going to no one at all is quite abrupt. Indeed, she probably did miss you, and felt very lonely. People deal with lonely feelings and heartbreak in different ways. Some people stay inside and eat/don't eat and stay lonely - others try and fill in the 'gap' and make up for the loneliness by going off with other people (rebounds).

    If she has said she wants to get back with you, quite honestly I think what has happened is:
    She really liked you/still loves you, she went with this other guy to try and get the intimacy she misses from you (but obviously, intimacy from another person is not really a great replacement, but maybe better than nothing). She probably regrets it because it isn't what she wanted (you), and she is being honest and is telling you.

    If you want to get back with her and you like her, I would do it. Talk through whatever problems your relationship had and try to overcome them. Ok, so she slept with someone else while you broke up - well, she was within her own right to make mistakes etc. If you want a relationship to work, you will have to 'forgive' her, even though there is no forgiving to be done. Understand her point of view, get over it, and enjoy a nice relationship.
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    Don't buy into it mate...you didn't sleep with anyone did you? she has no excuses. I know if I was still in love with this person I wouldn't go sleep with someone else within weeks of breaking up from a 2 year relationship. It's up to you what you want to do if you want her back but I'd think twice to jump back with her. I'd look into getting over the break up permanently.
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    lol you better move on or just pretend to love her more. and use her as a pay back.
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    (Original post by dannyblackz)
    lol you better move on or just pretend to love her more. and use her as a pay back.
    payback?
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    Ha! move the **** on, you're young plenty of girls out there who are gagging for a D.

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    (Original post by dannyblackz)
    lol you better move on or just pretend to love her more. and use her as a pay back.
    yeah mate...friends of benefits
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    anyone else. I suppose technicially she has not done anything wrong
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    I think you both need to talk to each other and actually figure out what you both want
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    i think its going to be tough to move on - we were together for a year and a half
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    (Original post by mb1986)
    i think its going to be tough to move on - we were together for a year and a half
    It will be tough. But you WILL manage.
 
 
 
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