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Feedback on my poem - trynna make it in da hood, ya feel me? watch

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    (Original post by Dilan97)
    omg yeee bro dats so siiiik yeeee!! Tupac biggie illuminati rap yeeeeeee west side yeee
    Biggie is east side...

    This is what happens when you decide to go to sleep late. You're 15 kid, should've slept at 9pm.

    :cool:

    I appreciate your commitment to my bars though. Make sure you cop my album when it's out.
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    Yo mic check 2 1 2 1
    My name is anonymouse zero 1
    I don't like u I don't like where ya from
    Suck it off me? Na I sucked it off ur mom

    As you can see my bars are the bomb,
    Would you like to hire me my lines r long
    Check my song on YouTube nom nom nom
    Nuttin wrong with mouses don't hate anonymouse01


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    Pretty dayum good
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    (Original post by anonymouse01)
    Yo mic check 2 1 2 1
    My name is anonymouse zero 1
    I don't like u I don't like where ya from
    Suck it off me? Na I sucked it off ur mom

    As you can see my bars are the bomb,
    Would you like to hire me my lines r long
    Check my song on YouTube nom nom nom
    Nuttin wrong with mouses don't hate anonymouse01


    Posted from TSR iPad
    Woahh dere man went harddd.

    Alright I'll use the same start as you:

    Yo mic check 2 1 2 1,
    My name be ZRO, I can be your superhero,
    Like Robert in the movies, I be chasin' that Denero,
    Its clear tho, my lines real scary like a scarecrow,
    I can bury you, dump ya body in the damm snow.

    Inb4recorddeal.
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    It's ****, but then most rap nowadays is :indiff:
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    (Original post by Mycroft Holmes)
    It's ****, but then most rap nowadays is :indiff:
    Playa hater.
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    (Original post by This Honest)
    De monies* :pierre:
    Beat me to it
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    (Original post by Reform)
    Biggie is east side...

    This is what happens when you decide to go to sleep late. You're 15 kid, should've slept at 9pm.

    :cool:

    I appreciate your commitment to my bars though. Make sure you cop my album when it's out.
    Michael Jackson is a better rapper then Biggie and tupac and he isn't even a rapper.
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    (Original post by Reform)
    Playa hater.
    "Nobody can beat us"
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    Section Leader
    Well... There's inconsistent rhythm, which is ok depending on the poem, but there's also no imagery and no metaphor, or at least, if there is I can't see it.
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    (Original post by ZRO)
    "Nobody can beat us"
    No doubt, we'll soon be global!
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    (Original post by miser)
    Well... There's inconsistent rhythm, which is ok depending on the poem, but there's also no imagery and no metaphor, or at least, if there is I can't see it.
    Check mine out post 24. It was just thought up in a few seconds >.<
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    (Original post by ZRO)
    Check mine out post 24. It was just thought up in a few seconds >.<
    Preferred it to OP's, but I know next to nothing about rap so I'm not really fit to offer a critique.
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    My name is reform
    you can't murder me, I'll just respawn
    After the calm it's the storm
    After the dark comes the dawn
    cause me and ZRO got this
    you better cop this
    5.99
    I should be among your top list.

    YA FEEL ME?!

    JEEEZ, BARS. GOT THAT

    MOVING UP.

    SAY NADA.
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    (Original post by zro)
    check mine out post 24. It was just thought up in a few seconds >.<
    fam man made another one for the haters.

    It's all good in the hood.
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    Im feeling them bars still .

    Ite drop a beat , bum bum chick bum bum chick TSR Crew , you know what it is !

    Life on a struggle is tough for man
    Be hitting up the poundshop buying tin spam
    Grindining on the daily , trying to hustle what I can
    Rationing these ice land meals gram by gram
    Dont get rude our il uppercut your nan!
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    (Original post by Reform)
    My name is reform
    you can't murder me, I'll just respawn
    After the calm it's the storm
    After the dark comes the dawn
    cause me and ZRO got this
    you better cop this
    5.99
    I should be among your top list.


    JEEEZ, BARS. GOT THAT

    MOVING UP.

    SAY NADA.

    Oh godd he just went H.A.M on us!!! :salute:
    It's gonna be lonely when we on top looking down at them like
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    (Original post by Reform)
    Uh

    I live in the hood
    I don't live good
    I eat rice pud
    At times I cut wood
    the ghetto is where I stood
    now I'm back in the hood.

    Ya dig?
    I very much so dig this bro!
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    (Original post by CreedofMaurus)
    I very much so dig this bro!
    Appreciate the support dawg!

    (Original post by ZRO)
    Oh godd he just went H.A.M on us!!! :salute:
    It's gonna be lonely when we on top looking down at them like
    We're already close to making it big. Once we make it, I'm beefing YMCMB for being moist.
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    (Original post by Reform)
    Uh

    I live in the hood
    I don't live good
    I eat rice pud
    At times I cut wood
    the ghetto is where I stood
    now I'm back in the hood.

    Ya dig?
    Far greater than anything the rap industry has produced in the last few years.

    I think *ahem* dat dem mans need to watch dey baks tho'
 
 
 
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