Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Girl refuses to talk to me for almost a year for no apparent reason Watch

    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    'what have i done wrong'
    'you know what you've done wrong'

    why do people believe they'll fix problems saying that???
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ZRO)
    I wouldn't waste my time with her. She seems set in her ways that you've done something, and if she ain't got the decency yo tell you what then..... #Swerveee

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    You're right there, she is set in her ways. The fact that I haven't been given a chance to defend myself (if it's even about me?!) just tampers with my faith in humanity, that we are brilliant creatures yet openly choose not to live in harmony.



    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    I think this is what guys complain about with women.

    Rather then telling him that it isnt going to happen, this girl strung him.

    OP I have been there before - its ****. You waste all that time validating her ego only to get nothing worthwhile back.
    I've not heard of any guy who's done something similar to this which suggests it seems to be a girl thing? And what an ego...good to hear that I'm not alone in this, thanks for sharing


    (Original post by cabluigi)
    I feel bad for you OP, but if you want some serious advice... leave it. She sounds like your typical OTT attention seeker. If she doesn't have the class to confront you, and chooses to act like a stroppy child, leave her to it. You're better than that.
    It seems to be the ever-increasingly best option to be honest, I just get so affected by it because of who she was before all this; a really great friend! I haven't even told her I liked her in that way hahaha



    (Original post by MancBoy)
    This happened to me on my first ever real crush. It changed my life. Its character building if anything.
    (Original post by MancBoy)
    Just stopped treating girls like demi-gods and spoke to them in a very nonchalant manner. I also stopped coming across as so desperate and I prioritized having fun and my friends more than trying to get a girl. Once I started being happy and enjoying life the girls came to me. This was around 9 years ago and I've not changed ever since.
    Thanks for sharing, very empowering it's something I have to do sooner or later I guess, and there's no time like the present eh!


    (Original post by Pawsies)
    You sure she didn't develop feelings too and is using the 'you know what you did' to give an excuse?
    I'm not sure of anything to be honest, she never gave me the chance to be. She's a classic introvert so I found it normal that we talked a lot as she finds it difficult to spend time with new people (as do I, though not quite extreme). I mean, if you can't meet new people you concentrate your social efforts on those few who you do connect with, right? I would really love to know.


    (Original post by MancBoy)
    Just stopped treating girls like demi-gods and spoke to them in a very nonchalant manner. I also stopped coming across as so desperate and I prioritized having fun and my friends more than trying to get a girl. Once I started being happy and enjoying life the girls came to me. This was around 9 years ago and I've not changed ever since.

    (Original post by suedonim)
    You're talking about last June - so presumably she's now at uni. I don't tweet but perhaps she had to follow you long enough to block you or maybe she was curious about what you were up to now but is still annoyed with you.

    You could have asked a mutual friend if they knew what the problem was, you could have written to her saying you really didn't know what you did but you're sorry you upset her.

    She's presumably at uni now and making other friends, best to move on.

    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    OP delete her from your life; facebook, number etc and move on.

    I have had to do this with every girl I have been in this type of situation with, and it has always turned out for the best every single time.

    More to the point. By dping this, as time goes on, you may find 1 or two things will happen; she will contact you (genearally always happens with me/I ignore them) and you will realise that life goes on without the girl. So in future - you wouldn't be so clingy. And by that point, probably cant be bothered to talk to her anyway.

    (Original post by Alpharius)
    Good advice above.

    Forget her OP, not easy, but do it, and don't make an effort to get back in touch.

    As the Manc put it, character-building.
    Agreed, mostly empowering comments. Playing the game of life eh?




    (Original post by bahjat93)
    Basically it's like you've been taking drugs and you've suddenly gone cold turkey on them so your mind is a bit upset.
    Don't worry about it next time try not to get close to someone over the internet
    Firstly you made the mistake of getting to know someone of the internet and this can normally happen .
    When i was young and naive i too made this mistake and when the person didn't contact me i got worried :'(.
    The only thing you can do is to indulge your self in some other activities to keep your mind of her.
    Mm it's one of the dangers, becoming so attached to something is exactly as you've put it there. It's just odd how it happens when we're both supposed to be adults as opposed to when we were younger, you get me? This is so immature and something you wouldn't associate with a sane adult.


    (Original post by wishful)
    listen OP, i know its hard, but you just need to forget about her, move on, its done. You said it yourself, you tried finding out, you asked her father, and even made a 2nd twitter account. I mean what else are you gonna do? keep suffering like this everday and waste the days thinking about her when she's already moving on? dont be stupid, be smart. There are other girls out there. Keep your head up.
    Very true, I've exhausted all possibilities. Moving on is a process and, with a mixture of unfortunately and fortunately, it seems like it's the best option.


    (Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
    Sounds like this internet girl made her decision?

    It sucks but let it go and move on, make new friends.

    You haven't done anything wrong, she isn't even going to hear you out so what can you do? Nothing.

    Plus it sounds like a waste of energy to be worrying about one girl you don't know very well outside of Facebook/a game.

    People come and go, you'll be fine.

    Character building.
    Very true. Life's a funny old game.




    (Original post by Patel3000)
    this is a strange situation indeed, if you haven't actually done anything wrong, and i mean anything, then it is possible that someone has lied to her, possibly a boyfriend, or ex boyfriend, i don't want to stir but it would be good to get to the bottom of this just to preserve a friendship
    I'd really love it to be something stupid like someone told her something I apparently said because it would show how much of a freaking idiot she's been all this time. The problem is she's intelligent and something like that would be a very strange anomaly. But anything can happen, right?




    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    This.

    Chances are 1-2 years from now OP, you will look back at this girl and think nothing of her. Happens with guys too.

    You will find that different people will come in and out of your life in waves.
    I hope that time will come to be honest, thank you for the support



    (Original post by bottled)
    'what have i done wrong'
    'you know what you've done wrong'

    why do people believe they'll fix problems saying that???
    Eurgh, it's such a frustrating stance. I've seen people get into arguments and not tell them straight away what's up, like guys are supposed to be mind-readers. If someone's pissed you off, talk.









    I'd just like to say thank you to everyone here, you've all been very supportive and certainly made me feel better about the situation
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    She probably got a boyfriend.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    I think someone else mentioned it already OP. You probably got on so well with her that she started developing feelings for you, which she blames you for. Perhaps she isn't ready to be with someone else, and being insecure over her last boyfriend, made herself feel better by blaming you? Well either that or she's crazy... To be honest, even the reasoning I wrote out was a little insane. O.o
    • #1
    #1

    Okay so I am actually the girl that being talked about here... I guess everyone deserves closure
    I knew you had feelings for me and it freaked me out. You know I went through a really hard time with my ex and I getting close to anyone else again freaked me out, and I didn't like you in that way.. I didn't know how to handle the situation and I kinda ended up treating you how my ex treated me. All I wanted was a friend and when I knew you had feelings for me I just couldn't handle that.

    A few days ago I went onto your twitter as you had been messaging me in an attempt to find a way to make my privacy settings higher, I didn't intentionally follow you.

    My ex did mess me up a lot with what he did and I did end up seeing a lot of psychologists this year and turns out I have borderline personality disorder. That doesn't justify what I did but I thought that may shed some light on my behaviour.

    Yes it was extremely unfair and I shouldn't expect you to understand why I did what I did, but I don't think I can change. However I really don't want to be the same cruel person my ex-boyfriend was because you were a really good friend to me and you deserved to know why I did everything.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Oooo DRAAAA-MAAAAAA!

    (Really though dunno if the anon above is legit at all but heyho there's your answer, OP?)
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
    Oooo DRAAAA-MAAAAAA!

    (Really though dunno if the anon above is legit at all but heyho there's your answer, OP?)
    I want to hope so, just because I think it'd be really horrible if somebody was pretending to be 'that girl'... but at the same time I just don't think it would add up if it was her.
    • #1
    #1

    I can confirm I am the girl he is talking about and I think if he read that he would know it was me. I would put more information (such as his friends names, where we went for my birthday ect...) but living with my mental illness is hard enough without other people knowing I have one.
    If he doesn't already believe it is me then it was when we hugged at the station on my birthday I freaked out...
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Before you do cut her out of your life, make sure you tell her how weird and callous her behaviour is. But that it doesn't affect you, as you have other things besides her to be getting on with in life. Ask her if your 6 year long friendship meant nothing to her? Then wish her the best in life and mention you'll be moving on by not trying to get in touch any further .
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    16
    Welcome Squad
    Forget about her, she didn't give you a reason for ending the contact, and she clearly doesn't seem very nice, so just leave her. Block her, delete her, end contact with her (as someone else mentioned above) and just move on. You deserve better and to be happy, and thinking about this person and wondering what you did wrong won't get you anywhere. She'll probably end up coming back to you, because you finally stopped putting her on a pedestal and she'll want you back. Even if she does this, I wouldn't look back at her, leave her be, shes clearly being slightly inconsiderate and not being fair (as she didn't tell you what you did wrong/ why she cut you out).
    You deserve better, and best of luck
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay so I am actually the girl that being talked about here... I guess everyone deserves closure
    I knew you had feelings for me and it freaked me out. You know I went through a really hard time with my ex and I getting close to anyone else again freaked me out, and I didn't like you in that way.. I didn't know how to handle the situation and I kinda ended up treating you how my ex treated me. All I wanted was a friend and when I knew you had feelings for me I just couldn't handle that.

    A few days ago I went onto your twitter as you had been messaging me in an attempt to find a way to make my privacy settings higher, I didn't intentionally follow you.

    My ex did mess me up a lot with what he did and I did end up seeing a lot of psychologists this year and turns out I have borderline personality disorder. That doesn't justify what I did but I thought that may shed some light on my behaviour.

    Yes it was extremely unfair and I shouldn't expect you to understand why I did what I did, but I don't think I can change. However I really don't want to be the same cruel person my ex-boyfriend was because you were a really good friend to me and you deserved to know why I did everything.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can confirm I am the girl he is talking about and I think if he read that he would know it was me. I would put more information (such as his friends names, where we went for my birthday ect...) but living with my mental illness is hard enough without other people knowing I have one.
    If he doesn't already believe it is me then it was when we hugged at the station on my birthday I freaked out...

    For those wondering, this anon is legit.

    I accept that your actions haven't necessarily been completely your fault, but based on what I've seen, your inhibitions about getting too close with guys in the last 6 months seem to have diminished (the polite version), so why have you not told me all this sooner? Were you scared about hurting me? I'm not an idiot, if you would have said this earlier I would have realised (though maybe not straight away) that you did what you thought was the best thing to do based on the situation. I understand it's difficult when the person who you don't like starts liking you but surely being a part of this forum has shown you that cutting off communications is not the right way to go about things?

    I suppose the next logical step is to assess where we go from here. Telling me that you don't like me in that way enables me to let go of my feelings for you. Sure, I'll be sad but it won't last for long. If it wasn't for mistakes we wouldn't be able to learn, so the ball is now in your court. If you want back that "really good friend" that you so wanted then my hand of friendship is extended to you, as it has always been. I'm not the last good guy you'll ever meet, but you'll struggle to find one post-university that will put up with something like this.

    You're at a fork in the road where on one side is a friend for life, and the other is significantly darker. I know which one I would pick.





    EDIT:
    If I could I'd plus-rate all of you guys' positive posts I would but the TSR Gods forbid me to like them all! I really do appreciate your love and support. Rest assured, I'll return tomorrow!
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by Jonnyisonfire)
    For those wondering, this anon is legit.

    I accept that your actions haven't necessarily been completely your fault, but based on what I've seen, your inhibitions about getting too close with guys in the last 6 months seem to have diminished (the polite version), so why have you not told me all this sooner? Were you scared about hurting me? I'm not an idiot, if you would have said this earlier I would have realised (though maybe not straight away) that you did what you thought was the best thing to do based on the situation. I understand it's difficult when the person who you don't like starts liking you but surely being a part of this forum has shown you that cutting off communications is not the right way to go about things?

    I suppose the next logical step is to assess where we go from here. Telling me that you don't like me in that way enables me to let go of my feelings for you. Sure, I'll be sad but it won't last for long. If it wasn't for mistakes we wouldn't be able to learn, so the ball is now in your court. If you want back that "really good friend" that you so wanted then my hand of friendship is extended to you, as it has always been. I'm not the last good guy you'll ever meet, but you'll struggle to find one post-university that will put up with something like this.

    You're at a fork in the road where on one side is a friend for life, and the other is significantly darker. I know which one I would pick.





    EDIT:
    If I could I'd plus-rate all of you guys' positive posts I would but the TSR Gods forbid me to like them all! I really do appreciate your love and support. Rest assured, I'll return tomorrow!
    I don't understand what you mean about my actions in the last six months? I'd appreciate if you explained what you meant by that

    I realise what I did was wrong but yes I did think it was the best to do in that situation I didn't want to get close to anyone at that point in time and I didn't want to hurt you by saying I didn't like you etc.. I handled it badly but I was very unstable at the time, a lot of stuff happened with the break up that I didn't tell you about and it really affected me quite badly.

    I did appreciate your friendship, and I think we do need to have a serious talk... and I should probably explain everything that happened to me that I should have told you a long time ago... I think you'd probably understand better.

    Also thank you for not saying anything too personal on here and you really didn't have to talk so kindly of me... I wouldn't have, and I guess seeing something about me on TSR made me realise the gravity of what I had done.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't understand what you mean about my actions in the last six months? I'd appreciate if you explained what you meant by that
    I'll tell you in private


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I did appreciate your friendship, and I think we do need to have a serious talk... and I should probably explain everything that happened to me that I should have told you a long time ago... I think you'd probably understand better.

    Also thank you for not saying anything too personal on here and you really didn't have to talk so kindly of me... I wouldn't have, and I guess seeing something about me on TSR made me realise the gravity of what I had done.
    I would very much like that. I enjoyed talking to you, and it was definitely a huge hole when you stopped altogether.

    No worries, I live by "don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to yourself" so.
    • #1
    #1

    are you still on the same phone number? if not I'll message you on here
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Have you tried asking her what you have done and explaining that you really don't understand what happened and want to stay friends. I can't imagine a girl- even if she wanted to friend zone you would go all yo that extent. Usually it would be the slow decrease in effort/contact like not replying to texts, agreeing to meet up... And to try and keep the relationship as acquaintances. But this girl seemed to change realllly dramatically. So to me sounds like you did upset her ... Did you talk to other girls that night at the party? Get drunk and can't even rem?


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    And sorry I just read the posts above but this guy sounds like a really nice snd genuine guy. Girl, you shouldn't treat others like that


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Jonnyisonfire)
    I'll tell you in private




    I would very much like that. I enjoyed talking to you, and it was definitely a huge hole when you stopped altogether.

    No worries, I live by "don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to yourself" so.
    You are a good person. +1
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by melanz)
    And sorry I just read the posts above but this guy sounds like a really nice snd genuine guy. Girl, you shouldn't treat others like that


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

    (Original post by ANARCHY__)
    You are a good person. +1

    Thank you both, very much appreciated we're back in contact now.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Jonnyisonfire)
    Thank you both, very much appreciated we're back in contact now.
    You're a better guy than I am OP, I would have stopped trying altogether after like a month.

    Woman logic, you help them out and then they ditch you once its over lol
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    if she is willing to throw away the friendship you guys had for no reason instead of trying to explain herself to you or attempt to work things out then you haven't lost a valuable friend.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: September 19, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Has a teacher ever helped you cheat?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.