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Is it right to tell my GF about my previous same-sex experiences? Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello,
    I have made this anon because its a really embarrassing thing.
    Basically I am in a happy relationship with my current girlfriend, it's being 8months (my longest relationship I've had!)...I love her so so much. I have been through a lot and she's supported me through it all...
    My guilty conscience lies in the fact that, when I was 14 I had a homosexual experience with a boy the same age as me (she doesn't know this) and at the time I was attracted to him but I think it was because I had no father figure maybe, I dunno. I never had sex with him, but we had everything in between. Then of course my life moved on, I would like to point out that I have never been sexually attracted to all men I see, and generally I'm not.

    Then I had another experience when I was 18/19 but this was with a much older guy (26/27)....basically I met him when I was 17, he was bisexual. I got emotionally attached to him somehow, and we didn't pursue anything because I was too young, so I waited until I was 19ish. I used to stay over at his house, we would do foreplay/oral. It felt great, I was attracted to him, and only him (in other words I wasn't generally into the male race just him. So I never have considered myself gay/bi. Always thought I was straight, and put all my experiences to the back of my mind, got on with life.

    This was partly due to the fact I was kind of disgusted with myself and ashamed and god forbid what my folks and friends would say if they knew. Kept it all to myself for years. I think it felt like a taboo before, but after it all happened I felt sordid, because I'd see this guy every so often, he worked away and I'd make some excuse to my mum so I could go over to his house when he was home.

    Anyways, this was years ago...the point been...I'm with my GF and it I'd my first ever relationship and GF. I love her very much, and still think of myself as straight, although I guess I'm not by popular belief. They say you can't choose sexuality but I choose to forget my past exp. The point is...is this something I should bring up with my GF after 8 months? I'm not sure she'd like to hear it.
    Also, I'm not the sort of guy that you'd assume had these sort of experiences with same sex. I act, look very straight....which of course I choose to be because although I had such events, I still always liked women. Any advice?
    Dude, you're gay, and at the very least bi, it doesn't matter if you're just attract to one or two men, it makes you gay/bi, FACT. Secondly, you should tell your girlfriend everything in detail so she can dump you and find herself real man
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    (Original post by Mycroft Holmes)
    Dude, you're gay, and at the very least bi, it doesn't matter if you're just attract to one or two men, it makes you gay/bi, FACT. Secondly, you should tell your girlfriend everything in detail so she can dump you and find herself real man
    He's attracted to women, so clearly he's not gay (unless he's lying about being attracted to women). Bisexual, yes, probably.

    The OP is not a real man because he's had some experiences with those of the same-sex? Right, ok. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by sucess)
    Imagine if your gf told you she had lesbian experiences in the past, how would you feel, I wouldn't feel a thing.
    Gotta disagree with that, I'd say don't tell her.
    I think for most guys (girls having had sex with girls) it's not an issue, a lot of guys would even like that - having had gay male relationships is different.

    Why would you tell her? You are happy in your relationship now, things are going well so there is no point risking it. Has she gone into vast detail about her past relationships? I doubt it. She doesn't need to know.

    Gay / Bi is about identity, I don't think you can be "straight" - I have never felt any sort of sexual attraction to men and would never do anything sexual to a man and never would want to. That is straight imo.
    I think it's more of a spectrum rather than fitting into a specific box - I have been with 3 girls who were bi, another who had sex with women but wasn't attracted to them. All 4 of those girls had a preference - 3 for guys, 1 for girls...

    I would be interested on what you decide and the outcome.
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    I wouldn't say there's a need to tell her, but also not a reason to hide it. If the conversation happens to arise, then there's no point hiding it, as it's part of who you are, but I wouldn't make a point of sitting her down for "a talk"! Everyone has histories and past experiences, but what should matter to you both is the here and now

    Also, don't be ashamed for your experiences. As you say, you don't choose sexuality. It's 2013 and is generally accepted, and rightly should be
 
 
 
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