Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I agree with the majority on this thread, OP. It's not about the money or you expecting anything you don't deserve - relationships are not about splitting things straight down the middle. You share; you give each other money and don't always expect to get it back; you trust that neither is leeching off the other; you don't weigh up what belongs to each person. Either that, or I suppose you keep your finances completely separate, although I'm not entirely sure that's healthy either.

    I think you're better off without him.

    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    However I dont think its fair for you to ask for him to put money towards your ticket on holiday, unfortuntaly if you cant afford to go you cant go its just fact, its like id love to go to glastonbury this year but i wont expect my boyfriend to pay towards it. We've booked a spa weekend in warwickshire for 2 weeks time and it was only £100 each.
    I think the point the OP was making is not that she expects him to pay, but that it was pretty hypocritical of him to then go and book another holiday.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds like he's having his cake and eating it and you're being slightly walked over. He needs to stop being so complacent in my opinion. I can understand the 50/50 thing but he's taking it a bit far really.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He is very successful, earning around £2200 a month, has his own house, 3 cars and around £20000 in savings
    I wouldn't class £2200/month has 'very successful'. This is £26400/year, which is slightly above the average pay.

    If he is able to afford his own house and 3 cars with this salary, then there's something that he's not telling you.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Trying to look at it from his side: it really sounds like he doesn't realise you're that tight for money.

    I think you should tell him that you're really struggling and tell him you need some money off him (give him a specific amount that you need like £100). I doubt he'll refuse a straight-up demand if you actually tell him you're struggling. If he refuses then it doesn't sound like a relationship, it sounds more like friends with benefits.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Now before anyone starts moaning, I'm a modern woman and dont expect a bunch of flowers every friday but this situation is really getting to me.

    My boyfriend is 25, I am 21, we have been together happily for 3 years.
    He is very successful, earning around £2200 a month, has his own house, 3 cars and around £20000 in savings

    I have worked since I left school, and am starting uni in sept.
    My parents struggle with money and I give some to them to help the cover bills (still live with my parents).
    I earn at the minute around £600 a month as I'm at college. But I have to travel quite far to college and work so my fuel bill is around 160/month. I have some savings (around 1500, to get me started at uni) and about £400 out standing on a credit card from when I first started college and didnt have a job.
    Before this I worked a full time job earning around £1000/month.

    We have enjoyed a few holidays abroad, always splitting things about 50/50, with myself being more carefree with cash, and always being the first to say "I'll treat".

    But now as money for myself is very tight, I'm getting so annoyed with him being tight!!
    The other day we went to do his food shop, and I needed a toothbrush, his food bill came to around £80, and he put my toothbrush behind one of those next customer please signs on the till so I had to pay myself! (Even the cashier was like WTF?!)
    We mainly use my car to go around, no petrol money ever seen, even on long journeys. If we go in his car 50/50.
    Majority of meals 50/50 or my treat.

    He will happily go and spend 100's on clothes, if I pick up a top to ask his opinion the first thing is "Buy it yourself" "I havent any money" not "that's nice" or "Chuck it with my stuff".
    I'd like to go a cheap holiday before uni, a few months ago I explained to him I'll struggle to get the cash for holiday and spending money so asked if he could put a 100-200 towards my ticket. It was met with a firm "No, I cant afford". He then booked a holiday with work colleagues.
    I've again bought up the holiday situation as he selling one of his cars for around £4000, still no movement on paying some towards my ticket.
    He often says "do you need a loan to till the end of the month" as he knows I sometimes have to put fuel/food on my credit card, but would it be so hard for him to go heres £50 don't worry about it!?
    Theres so many examples on a day to day basis that I just cant think.

    Its really starting to make me resent him, I come from a very humble family, but a family that would give each other their last pound.
    Am I being ridiculous?
    What would you do?
    I've bolded the only things you're 'justified' in being unhappy about, but even here you should be pushy too. Say you want petrol money, don't make the meals 'your treat' unless you arrange some sort of alternating paying agreement. You're essentially complaining about you being nice but expecting something in return, and him not being nice and not expecting anything in return. I'd say the two of you won't work out because he sees his money as his money, whilst you see it as (plural) your money.

    The other stuff is just you saying you want something and expecting him to give you free money because he has some. He is tight, and I'd have thought being that tight (toothbrush thing) would put anyone off but you've stuck with him, but given it's his money and not yours, you can't complain where he chooses to spend or not spend it. He's even (often, you say) offered you a loan, but you want free money.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I wouldn't want to be with a guy that can't buy me a toothbrush. I've been with my bf less than a year and he happily buy dinner from sainsburys to cook together at my house and if he knows i need milk, bread, binbags etc he'll chuck them in and pay for them.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    I'd be fuming with this guy, no lie.
    STOP BUYING HIM STUFF.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Dumb his a**!! He is so not worth it!!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    People who have money AND this attitude - well, it's why they have that much money. I didn't think any of what you were asking or want is unreasonable in any way. You shouldn't even have to ask, really. He couldn't buy you a toothbrush?!?!?!?! Have you spoken to him about this at all? Must be an exhausting attitude to live with after 3 years.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Oh my Oh my.....*Shocked*. I am trying to look at this from his angle to try and read his good intentions- but in no way can i do this without judging him in a cruel way. I am sorry.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend is 25, I am 21, we have been together happily for 3 years.
    He is very successful, earning around £2200 a month, has his own house, 3 cars and around £20000 in savings

    I have worked since I left school, and am starting uni in sept.
    My parents struggle with money and I give some to them to help the cover bills (still live with my parents).
    Out of curiosity, what does he think about you going to University?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We have enjoyed a few holidays abroad, always splitting things about 50/50, with myself being more carefree with cash, and always being the first to say "I'll treat".

    But now as money for myself is very tight, I'm getting so annoyed with him being tight!!
    The other day we went to do his food shop, and I needed a toothbrush, his food bill came to around £80, and he put my toothbrush behind one of those next customer please signs on the till so I had to pay myself! (Even the cashier was like WTF?!)
    Just looking at that tells me he doesn't see you as a 'whats mine is yours' kind of couple. That's just plain strange - a toothbrush? I mean really?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We mainly use my car to go around, no petrol money ever seen, even on long journeys. If we go in his car 50/50.
    Majority of meals 50/50 or my treat.
    He will happily go and spend 100's on clothes, if I pick up a top to ask his opinion the first thing is "Buy it yourself" "I havent any money" not "that's nice" or "Chuck it with my stuff".
    It looks like it's one set of rules for you and another for him. Have you not told him that it's 50/50 for his car and 100/0 for yours? Explain that and see what he has to say.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd like to go a cheap holiday before uni, a few months ago I explained to him I'll struggle to get the cash for holiday and spending money so asked if he could put a 100-200 towards my ticket. It was met with a firm "No, I cant afford". He then booked a holiday with work colleagues.
    I've again bought up the holiday situation as he selling one of his cars for around £4000, still no movement on paying some towards my ticket.
    He often says "do you need a loan to till the end of the month" as he knows I sometimes have to put fuel/food on my credit card, but would it be so hard for him to go heres £50 don't worry about it!?
    He sounds like a bank, asking his girlfriend of three years if she needs a 'loan'? In all honesty it sounds like he's been brought up in a very money-kept household. My Dad is much like him - spends hundreds on technological stuff he doesn't need, and when I ask to borrow £10 because the ATM swallowed my card, he says okay but I have to pay him back in a week or he'll want interest. :rolleyes:

    You really need to speak to him about this. Tell him it's not that he should be spending all his money on you, but explain that you think you're putting more than he is in the pot considering you earn much less. If he wants to split petrol 50/50 in his car, then he should automatically do the same with you. I suppose the holiday thing is debatable - he can't be expected to just pay for it all - but he could at least offer a loan or something until you're paid next.

    Really. Have a chat about it and see what he has to say. If it's anything like 'it's my money I'll spend it how I want, you have your own', then there's some obvious issues with the way he sees your relationship.

    The only other option I can think of is that he's in financial trouble of some sort. You never know, what with all these gambling websites and that lurking around. It would explain why he's being so stingy and almost secretive with his spending.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Ask for one of his cars .

    Maybe he took the saying 'Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' a bit too literally?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think it sounds like he's taking you for granted assuming you'll always be there for him. Why don't you stop seeing him & if he really loves you he'll soon change his habits & woo you back. Sometimes guys need a wake up call to make them realise what they really want.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    26K and he has 3 cars?

    he aint even earning that much to be doing that lmao, but yeah he sounds pretty selfish
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    lmfao at the toothbrush thing omfg hahaha joker
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by danny111)
    £2200 a month and he has 3 cars?

    What's going on?
    He earns £2200 a month after tax, revives regular bonuses and bought one with inheritance.

    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    I think your right and wrong.

    I think your right that its insane he wont buy your bloody toothbrush! i regulary buy my boyfrined his essentials or buy him something id think hed like when im out, we always go in my car and ill give him lifts for nights out or pick him and his friends up from clubs and in return hell pay for dinner. so its a give and take he likes to buy me meals out so i like to buy him treats but like you said if i had a small item he'd just pay for it.


    However I dont think its fair for you to ask for him to put money towards your ticket on holiday, unfortuntaly if you cant afford to go you cant go its just fact, its like id love to go to glastonbury this year but i wont expect my boyfriend to pay towards it. We've booked a spa weekend in warwickshire for 2 weeks time and it was only £100 each.

    however i think hes being really tight and it is unfair
    I wasn't asking for him to pay for my whole holiday just if the holiday was £600pp then he could pay £750 and I could pay £450, and then both have our own spending money. He keeps moaning he wants to do something before I go to uni but its not possible for me.

    (Original post by Goodbye)
    I'm surprised that you've lived happily for 3 years! What does your boyfriend do? Maybe you could follow in his footsteps but apart from that leave him.
    We are very happy and dont argue about anything really, just this is becoming such a turn off
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Rascacielos)
    I agree with the majority on this thread, OP. It's not about the money or you expecting anything you don't deserve - relationships are not about splitting things straight down the middle. You share; you give each other money and don't always expect to get it back; you trust that neither is leeching off the other; you don't weigh up what belongs to each person. Either that, or I suppose you keep your finances completely separate, although I'm not entirely sure that's healthy either.

    I think you're better off without him.



    I think the point the OP was making is not that she expects him to pay, but that it was pretty hypocritical of him to then go and book another holiday.
    This is exactly it! ^
    My OP may have made it sound like I'm demanding but I dont want new clothes, a holiday and my car filled up all the time. I just want a hand as there is such an earnings gap. We did mention the once moving in, before I decided on uni this was when I was earning £1000/month and I said it wouldn't be fair for me to put the same money into bills as him, bought rather do a percent, like 30% of each of our earnings goes into a joint bank each month would be more fair. He couldn't see how that is more fair.

    (Original post by Lunch_Box)
    I wouldn't class £2200/month has 'very successful'. This is £26400/year, which is slightly above the average pay.

    If he is able to afford his own house and 3 cars with this salary, then there's something that he's not telling you.
    I class £2200 after tax successful, maybe thats because I'm so far off that
    He gets many bonuses; he came home with just over 8000 one month due to overtime+bonus. And has also had inheritance of a few thousand.
    (Original post by un-jardin-sur-le-nil)
    I wouldn't want to be with a guy that can't buy me a toothbrush. I've been with my bf less than a year and he happily buy dinner from sainsburys to cook together at my house and if he knows i need milk, bread, binbags etc he'll chuck them in and pay for them.
    This is what I want, to not have to ask, he knows my situation, knows my parents struggle so cant help. A friends boyfriend bought her a £15 tesco voucher for her lunches one week. I thought it was the cutest thing. He just doesn't see it :\
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for everyones input, I do try and talk to him, he just comes out with "I have a mortgage, bills etc, you dont know how hard it is" but when I point out that his bills are only about 30% of his monthly income, whereas mine are 60-70% he doesn't see why I struggle. Or he will bring up times when he bought things that cost say £17, and I maybe only gave him £15 back.

    The once he offered to buy me a coat, I was so grateful, I needed one for a winter holiday and found one for £135 (expensive but I offered to put some toward) he paid, and a week later asked for £100 back :\
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    It's his decision if he chooses to spend money on you, much like it is yours to spend money on him- stop being a mug and driving him about etc. I would suggest if he does have three cars, that much in savings and stuff he probably has a secondary income or else he maintains his wealth by leeching off people. He is a youngish guy and if he wants to spend money on himself cannot really blame him, the real issue is that he doesn't wish to spend it on you, which without sounding harsh shows he cares little. That is not being materiaslistic, but its natural in a relationship if you respect someone to help out even in a small way, or at least even out so you drive sometimes then sometimes he drives. I think it shows a wider problem in the relationship, personally I would heavily consider counting uni as a new beginning.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    It doesn't even sound so much about money. The question is what the way he's acting says about your relationship - do you feel he really cares about you or respects you?
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 10, 2013
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.