Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

I can't let go of my unrequited love and it is killing me ... Watch

    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ahh finding a girlfriend, if only it was that easy ........
    Lol I never said it was easy! However, its not necessarily complicated either, just takes a bit of luck in meeting the right girl. To give yourself that opportunity, you need to get out there and start meeting girls!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by superduper9)
    Lol I never said it was easy! However, its not necessarily complicated either, just takes a bit of luck in meeting the right girl. To give yourself that opportunity, you need to get out there and start meeting girls!
    i HATE that phrase, don't you think i'm already doing that ......
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have been in love with a close female friend for almost a year. I have tried to get involved with other women, but i just don't get the spark i get with this girl, that or i get rejected

    I have obviously told her of my true feelings (despite people telling me that it was a very bad idea to do so)


    I have tried minimising contact but it makes no odds. I want to move on but I seem unable to do so. I am worried I am going to spend the rest of my life alone because I cannot get her out of my head or heart and I have even tried counselling. I simply adore her and would die for her. (yes i know that makes it seem like i've put her on a pedistal, but it's true)
    I know she doesn't feel the same way (she has a boyfriend so) and I am trying to accept that, I also can't imagine life without her as my friend. I don't know what to do. I know I should probably give her up, i already am distanced from her (she attends another uni)
    I've been through it before, and when it's happening it's horrible, and it happened for almost a year [Roughly]. (Although it's with a male for me, hence no mutual feeling - and I had no ability of getting someone else). Just try and think that she isn't the only one out there, I know the "Plenty of fish" is chliché and stupid, but eventually, over time you'll develop feelings for someone else, and you'll forget that you ever had feelings in that way. Try spending more time talking to more people (not neccessarily in am I'm-trying-to-get-over-someone-else-way) who are in your uni (EDIT: Start talking to them looking for friendship, and you'll get closer and closer and you'll find someone, trust me I've gotten ridiculously close to someone in a few days, we were talking until 3 in the morning over the Christmas break and we had hardly spoken before hand) and you'll find someone, I'm sure. Keep your head up it'll get better
    • #3
    #3

    Goodluck matey! This kinda things hurts so damn bad!!! Why human nature!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    She's not coming back be happy that she is happy and that you ever had her in your life, but your worth better, 7.5 billion people out there you'll find someone special
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I choose D) all of the above :P

    No but in all seriousness, i have no idea how to become the object of desire, i'm kinda socially awkward
    The self-pity thing would have to go too
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    As a first step, I would do something other than go on this forum. It encourages you to wallow.

    Don't wallow. Pit.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think it's about mentality.

    You need to change the mentality that enabled you to become so invested and obsessed with someone you're not actually with (get into the unrequited love in the first place) in order to move on. I think to do this you need to really ask what has caused your feelings to become so strong? What about yourself or the way you think has led to this?

    The answer is not because she's so wonderful or you're so compatible.

    My theory:

    1) I think people suffering unrequited love syndrome mistakenly attach all of their desire and expectations (which are often very strong) for an ideal relationship to a single person.

    2) Their feelings reinforce themselves in a vicious cycle via the mentality:

    My really strong feelings => Make this really meaningful and important (and attached to all sorts of romantic ideas about the "one" perfect person/relationship etc) => Make my feelings even stronger => and so on

    3) I think deep down maybe those in unrequited love don't want to let go of their romantic ideals which led to the problem in the first place. It's a very difficult thing to do.


    That's just my guess but it could be completely wrong and it doesn't matter - if the isn't why this has happened, then something else about you or how you think is responsible. It is, somewhere. If you can work out what it is, surely that's the first way to break the cycle and really change how you feel (because obviously just being able to recognise irrationality isn't enough, you've already done this).
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    even still, not sure what good a picture would do :P
    just curious to see what she looks like
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    OP, take a step back and look back at yourself, your behaviour, and your situation. Do you not realise how pitiful and pathetic you are being?

    Absolutely NOT ONE PERSON in this world is worthy enough to cost you your happiness, simply because they don't reciprocate your feelings. Remove your pearl rose tinted glasses, get a grip and move on.

    There are plenty of girls who you can connect with. There is no such thing as 'the one', there are many 'ones', and no particular 'one' deserves to be effectively worshipped like what you're doing.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Pigling)
    I think it's about mentality.

    You need to change the mentality that enabled you to become so invested and obsessed with someone you're not actually with (get into the unrequited love in the first place) in order to move on. I think to do this you need to really ask what has caused your feelings to become so strong? What about yourself or the way you think has led to this?

    The answer is not because she's so wonderful or you're so compatible.

    My theory:

    1) I think people suffering unrequited love syndrome mistakenly attach all of their desire and expectations (which are often very strong) for an ideal relationship to a single person.

    2) Their feelings reinforce themselves in a vicious cycle via the mentality:

    My really strong feelings => Make this really meaningful and important (and attached to all sorts of romantic ideas about the "one" perfect person/relationship etc) => Make my feelings even stronger => and so on

    3) I think deep down maybe those in unrequited love don't want to let go of their romantic ideals which led to the problem in the first place. It's a very difficult thing to do.


    That's just my guess but it could be completely wrong and it doesn't matter - if the isn't why this has happened, then something else about you or how you think is responsible. It is, somewhere. If you can work out what it is, surely that's the first way to break the cycle and really change how you feel (because obviously just being able to recognise irrationality isn't enough, you've already done this).
    Great explanation. Sums up the unrequited love conundrum perfectly.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Dilan97)
    just curious to see what she looks like
    All a picture will show is how attractive she is to you. For the OP to have become so invested in this girl, I reckon it's her personality/character traits more than anything that have caused him to feel this way.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by kbountra)
    All a picture will show is how attractive she is to you. For the OP to have become so invested in this girl, I reckon it's her personality/character traits more than anything that have caused him to feel this way.
    Ba-zing we have a winner
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Unfortunately this is no longer a friendship. A friendship is a reciprocal role between two people. This is a one way street - you want something, she is not delivering. You must sever this friendship - you can tell her the truth if you want, that you can't be around her. It's the only way you'll get over her if it's been this long.

    Even after you never see her again, it may still take another year until you get over her. But if you cut out everything - delete her off facebook etc. and start to be around other girls, gradually you'll start to get over her. It will of course take a long time, possible even another year.

    Seriously, you can't be friends with her if you want to get over her.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by thatrollingstone)
    OP, take a step back and look back at yourself, your behaviour, and your situation. Do you not realise how pitiful and pathetic you are being?

    Absolutely NOT ONE PERSON in this world is worthy enough to cost you your happiness, simply because they don't reciprocate your feelings. Remove your pearl rose tinted glasses, get a grip and move on.

    There are plenty of girls who you can connect with. There is no such thing as 'the one', there are many 'ones', and no particular 'one' deserves to be effectively worshipped like what you're doing.
    Have to say,reading back through this post i agree with the above. It sounds like you are nowhere near ready to give up on her.Its a simple answer to a difficult situation-she doesn't want to be with you so move on or spend your days feeling sorry for yourself while life just passes you by.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by lillyblue)
    Have to say,reading back through this post i agree with the above. It sounds like you are nowhere near ready to give up on her.Its a simple answer to a difficult situation-she doesn't want to be with you so move on or spend your days feeling sorry for yourself while life just passes you by.
    i know that need to move on, but i just can't, every time i try to, this girl just keeps pulling me back and each time i think i've taken a step to moving on, something will happen (weather directly related to this or not) and i'm kinda back to square one again
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i know that need to move on, but i just can't, every time i try to, this girl just keeps pulling me back and each time i think i've taken a step to moving on, something will happen (weather directly related to this or not) and i'm kinda back to square one again
    Doesn't that make you see that cutting contact really is the best thing to do here? When she 'pulls' you back, tell her that you need space. Take charge here and stop acting like a victim at the mercy of someone else's actions. Why does she call all the shots?

    Also, how can you find her so amazing if she is not into you?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
    Doesn't that make you see that cutting contact really is the best thing to do here? When she 'pulls' you back, tell her that you need space. Take charge here and stop acting like a victim at the mercy of someone else's actions. Why does she call all the shots?

    Also, how can you find her so amazing if she is not into you?
    It's not the contact that causes me to "come back" it's me thinking / fantasising about her

    I find her amazing because she is my first love and she was the first person to show any actually care about me more than just a uni friend, add to the fact that she's drop dead gorgeous and me and her have very similar tastes in music (heck she even plays guitar) i could go on

    Believe me i have tried my best to let her go, and i am doing so slowly, but my feelings for her are still incredibly strong
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not the contact that causes me to "come back" it's me thinking / fantasising about her

    I find her amazing because she is my first love and she was the first person to show any actually care about me more than just a uni friend, add to the fact that she's drop dead gorgeous and me and her have very similar tastes in music (heck she even plays guitar) i could go on

    Believe me i have tried my best to let her go, and i am doing so slowly, but my feelings for her are still incredibly strong
    If she had feelings for you, as you imply here, then why did nothing ever happen? Or if you mean that she was friendly to you and that this was a factor in you falling for her, don't you think that if you expanded your social circle and made friends with other girls you might feel something similar for someone else?

    Plus, I have got to say that your tone in places on this thread has been quite aggressive. People are trying to help. People have hurt just as much as you're hurting right now. This situation is not unique and will not last forever.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
    If she had feelings for you, as you imply here, then why did nothing ever happen? Or if you mean that she was friendly to you and that this was a factor in you falling for her, don't you think that if you expanded your social circle and made friends with other girls you might feel something similar for someone else?

    Plus, I have got to say that your tone in places on this thread has been quite aggressive. People are trying to help. People have hurt just as much as you're hurting right now. This situation is not unique and will not last forever.
    i don't mean to be aggressive it's a lot easier to explain my situation in person rather than over the internet (nevertheless i try) and i do get a bit annoyed at the typical responses of "plenty of fish in the sea" had the response so many times i'm kinda sick of it

    and she was firendly towards me (more so than any of previous friends had been at that point) and i am friends with lots of girls, i've tried for a few of em (the ones that were single anyway) and i was rejected by all of em, however i am still firends with em and talk to them fine
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 7, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Have you ever participated in a Secret Santa?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.