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How long do you wait before sleeping with a new bf/gf? Watch

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    (Original post by hali0112)
    This is really rather sad ... so you slept with him so he wouldn't leave you cos you felt you owed him sex to make him happy to feel more secure in the relationship. What happened to self respect? :rolleyes:
    no after 4 months I wanted to have sex with him, i was saying it was decent of him to stick around for 4 months with no sexual contact what so ever
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    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    Not even going to lie im a very insecure person, I have a horrible fear or being used for sex and somebody leaving me, so I make a guy wait a hell of a while. Its not because I dont want to but for me its waiting to see if there is a level of commiment if they actually really want to be with me, to know that its not just sex they want or a fling as i wear my heart on my sleeve and when i get into a realtionship its for long term.

    I made my boyfriend wait 3/4 months I think and for me that was fairly soon !! but it was just a sort of saftey net for me after 4 months of him having nothing ( we didnt do anything sexual) and considering hes had a lot of casual partners/ons it made me feel more secure and happy. Also i need to have feelings for somebody to enjoy sex

    But then on the other hand ive had friends who had one night stands and slept with guys after only an hour yet theyve got some of the strongest relationships and are still with them 3 plus years on
    That is so much like me!!

    Ive been seeing this guy officially for a few days and im a virgin but i really want to have sex with him, but i feel like i shouldnt cos like you, if i start something its because i can see it being long term and i give them my whole self rather than just 'date, ****, see where it goes' sort of thing, if that makes any sense whatsoever
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    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    no after 4 months I wanted to have sex with him, i was saying it was decent of him to stick around for 4 months with no sexual contact what so ever
    I don't know what kind of guys you go for but any decent kind hearted guy will stay with a girl he likes, for as long as she is ready for sex. It's not 'decent' for him to stick around. It should be expected as standard if he cares about you.

    Relationships aren't all about sex. So according to you, the definition of a decent guy is now one that sticks around despite no sexual contact. That should be expected! :rolleyes: I remember reading some of your posts before and some of your personal views and thoughts are rather unsettling :confused:
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    :facepalm:

    I just have sex with someone when we both want to...
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    (Original post by hali0112)
    I don't know what kind of guys you go for but any decent kind hearted guy will stay with a girl he likes, for as long as she is ready for sex. It's not 'decent' for him to stick around. It should be expected as standard if he cares about you.

    Relationships aren't all about sex. So according to you, the definition of a decent guy is now one that sticks around despite no sexual contact. That should be expected! :rolleyes: I remember reading some of your posts before and some of your personal views and thoughts are rather unsettling :confused:
    no but what im saying is that he never once questioned or pressured me he was happy to wait till i was ready, he didnt expect me to jump into bed with him like most men do. And at the end of the day im happy i waited im in a great relationship so your views are irrelevent. And again my views and thoughts are my views and thoughts
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    (Original post by pinkangelgirl)
    Im kinda in the same boat- ive been seeing a guy for a few weeks, officially ''seeing each other'' for a few days and I really want to have sex with him.

    Problem is Im a virgin and i might look really trampy or even like im obsessed with him if i let him take it too soon.

    Dont really know what to do lol...
    A few weeks is still quite soon in my opinion. I know often people put such a big emphasis on how long you should wait but in my opinion it's more about how comfortable you are with the guy and in your relationship and what your instincts say. People often compare and don't want to seem too prudish or too easy. It's easy to rush into something when your emotions are all over the place too with lust and feeling 'in love' and curiosity.

    But once you give in and lose your virginity, it's gone. You can't take it back and along with it your innocence, pride, self respect, confidence etc.

    Virginity in my opinion is something personal and precious and should be savored until you feel genuinely ready and not pressured. Few people place emphasis on it like they did in the past so treasure it cos people seem to lose it so quickly on a whim these days.

    Personally idealistically I'd wait 3-6 months. So I know that there is more to the relationship that just sex. Then 3 months after you lose it in any subsequent relationships.
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    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    no but what im saying is that he never once questioned or pressured me he was happy to wait till i was ready, he didnt expect me to jump into bed with him like most men do. And at the end of the day im happy i waited im in a great relationship so your views are irrelevent. And again my views and thoughts are my views and thoughts
    I quote: "... saftey net for me after 4 months of him having nothing ( we didnt do anything sexual) and considering hes had a lot of casual partners/ons it made me feel more secure and happy."

    He may not have pressured you but from what you've said in your previous posts (which I have quoted above) you felt compelled to have sex. You are clearly contradicting yourself. You felt threatened by his sexual history and felt you had to have sex to make him happy, to feel safe so he wouldn't run. You said having sex was a safety net for you. That's not what sex should make you feel ... Tbf you know yourself and you don't have to prove anything to anyone and it's irrelevant to anyone other than you.

    But in my opinion, it's rather sad. The fact that you have these self confidence issues and mention them on TSR can be harmful to other poor vulnerable girls who should be taught self respect and self confidence and not be giving in cos they feel they have to keep their man or feel somewhat level with his previous sexual exploits. Girls should feel loved and valued and respected first and sex should follow naturally as a next step. Your views are potentially harmful to young girls That is how I feel.
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    If he is coming over to yours overnight, its a bit late to back out now.
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    (Original post by hali0112)
    A few weeks is still quite soon in my opinion. I know often people put such a big emphasis on how long you should wait but in my opinion it's more about how comfortable you are with the guy and in your relationship and what your instincts say. People often compare and don't want to seem too prudish or too easy. It's easy to rush into something when your emotions are all over the place too with lust and feeling 'in love' and curiosity.

    But once you give in and lose your virginity, it's gone. You can't take it back and along with it your innocence, pride, self respect, confidence etc.

    Virginity in my opinion is something personal and precious and should be savored until you feel genuinely ready and not pressured. Few people place emphasis on it like they did in the past so treasure it cos people seem to lose it so quickly on a whim these days.

    Personally idealistically I'd wait 3-6 months. So I know that there is more to the relationship that just sex. Then 3 months after you lose it in any subsequent relationships.
    Okay thanks for the advice! And yeh, i dont wanna get caught up in the moment because the start of a relationship is always so cute and lovely and i want to do the right thing.
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    Honestly.... It's been about ten years since I dated someone without sleeping with them first :-/
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    (Original post by hali0112)
    A few weeks is still quite soon in my opinion. I know often people put such a big emphasis on how long you should wait but in my opinion it's more about how comfortable you are with the guy and in your relationship and what your instincts say. People often compare and don't want to seem too prudish or too easy. It's easy to rush into something when your emotions are all over the place too with lust and feeling 'in love' and curiosity.

    But once you give in and lose your virginity, it's gone. You can't take it back and along with it your innocence, pride, self respect, confidence etc.

    Virginity in my opinion is something personal and precious and should be savored until you feel genuinely ready and not pressured. Few people place emphasis on it like they did in the past so treasure it cos people seem to lose it so quickly on a whim these days.

    Personally idealistically I'd wait 3-6 months. So I know that there is more to the relationship that just sex. Then 3 months after you lose it in any subsequent relationships.
    Sex should be emotional, there isn't much rationalising you can do about relationships anyway. Feeling in love is a great reason to have sex!

    But only other people can tell you your virginity is linked to you pride. And you can tell them to **** off. You are not an inferior person in any way because you've had sex.

    People don't emphasise virginity (and it was always primarily female virginity) because society is a lot less sexist. We don't tend to see women who've had sex as "sullied" and of less worth anymore.

    This is something you need to able to work out. Surely this is what you learn when you go out with your partner. Do you share interests? Then that is something more than sex. Do you enjoy each others company? Then that is something more than sex. Do you make each other laugh? Then that is something more than sex.
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    (Original post by hali0112)
    I quote: "... saftey net for me after 4 months of him having nothing ( we didnt do anything sexual) and considering hes had a lot of casual partners/ons it made me feel more secure and happy."

    He may not have pressured you but from what you've said in your previous posts (which I have quoted above) you felt compelled to have sex. You are clearly contradicting yourself. You felt threatened by his sexual history and felt you had to have sex to make him happy, to feel safe so he wouldn't run. You said having sex was a safety net for you. That's not what sex should make you feel ... Tbf you know yourself and you don't have to prove anything to anyone and it's irrelevant to anyone other than you.

    But in my opinion, it's rather sad. The fact that you have these self confidence issues and mention them on TSR can be harmful to other poor vulnerable girls who should be taught self respect and self confidence and not be giving in cos they feel they have to keep their man or feel somewhat level with his previous sexual exploits. Girls should feel loved and valued and respected first and sex should follow naturally as a next step. Your views are potentially harmful to young girls That is how I feel.

    Yes a saftey net that I knew he actually wanted to be with me for me not that he just wanted sex, i didnt give in or what not I wanted to have sex with him and therefore had sex with him end off

    Yeah i have confidence issues but im honest enough to admit i do i dont try to hide the fact the im not perfect.

    My boyfriend has never ever sexually exploited me and i have never ever suggested or hinted that he has, so you are wrong in stating he has and its not fair to state he has.

    I have never advocated girls should sleep with men because they feel they have to, ive had numorous boyfriends yet this one is the only one ive done anything sexual with, ive had boys try to pressure me and ive said no asnd ive been dumped for it

    so you have me all wrong i think youve misunderstood what i was saying i was not saying i was forced to have sex i said i wanted to wait to know my boyfriend was committed to me as a person not my vagina and thenn i had sex with him when i wanted to and when i felt ready and do not believe any girl should ever be forced into sex
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    (Original post by pinkangelgirl)
    That is so much like me!!

    Ive been seeing this guy officially for a few days and im a virgin but i really want to have sex with him, but i feel like i shouldnt cos like you, if i start something its because i can see it being long term and i give them my whole self rather than just 'date, ****, see where it goes' sort of thing, if that makes any sense whatsoever
    I personally wait till they are my exclusive boyfriend so however long that may be and when your ready ! although ive been told that apparntly after waiting 4 months i just gave into my boyfriend according to the other poster which is bull **** , do it when you know they want you not just sex
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    I'm pretty sure he's not really interested any more :sad: sorry to document my entire life on this thread hahaha but just the way he's been talking to me today compared to before last night.. it sucks. Hope I'm wrong/being hypersensitive, but doesn't look to be that way. Ouchhhhhh.
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    couple of hours at most.
    Slightly more seriously when said parties are both ready.
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    (Original post by pinkangelgirl)
    Okay thanks for the advice! And yeh, i dont wanna get caught up in the moment because the start of a relationship is always so cute and lovely and i want to do the right thing.
    I went through a similar thing and I know how it feels to be caught up in the moment. Everything is so amazing and you feel all these new emotions and you notice your body reacting in new ways and it can cloud your thinking and obscure rational thought. But you seem to know what you want and hold onto that until YOU are ready
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    (Original post by hali0112)
    I went through a similar thing and I know how it feels to be caught up in the moment. Everything is so amazing and you feel all these new emotions and you notice your body reacting in new ways and it can cloud your thinking and obscure rational thought. But you seem to know what you want and hold onto that until YOU are ready
    I fail to see how you could derive my boyfriend forced me its pretty offfensive not the sort of thing you should brandishing about when its crap
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Sex should be emotional, there isn't much rationalising you can do about relationships anyway. Feeling in love is a great reason to have sex!

    But only other people can tell you your virginity is linked to you pride. And you can tell them to **** off. You are not an inferior person in any way because you've had sex.

    People don't emphasise virginity (and it was always primarily female virginity) because society is a lot less sexist. We don't tend to see women who've had sex as "sullied" and of less worth anymore.

    This is something you need to able to work out. Surely this is what you learn when you go out with your partner. Do you share interests? Then that is something more than sex. Do you enjoy each others company? Then that is something more than sex. Do you make each other laugh? Then that is something more than sex.
    I think there is still a bit of stigma attached to the number of sexual partners someone, particularly a girl, has or how early they lose their virginity or how long they wait. It is a very personal thing but it's something girls talk to each other about and compare and people make judgments based on that. It's shallow but that's just an observation. It's definitely not the same with men.


    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    I fail to see how you could derive my boyfriend forced me its pretty offfensive not the sort of thing you should brandishing about when its crap
    Read my previous posts, I said he may not have pressured you, but from my interpretation it seemed that you felt compelled to have sex.

    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    Yes a saftey net that I knew he actually wanted to be with me for me not that he just wanted sex, i didnt give in or what not I wanted to have sex with him and therefore had sex with him end off

    Yeah i have confidence issues but im honest enough to admit i do i dont try to hide the fact the im not perfect.

    My boyfriend has never ever sexually exploited me and i have never ever suggested or hinted that he has, so you are wrong in stating he has and its not fair to state he has.

    I have never advocated girls should sleep with men because they feel they have to, ive had numorous boyfriends yet this one is the only one ive done anything sexual with, ive had boys try to pressure me and ive said no asnd ive been dumped for it

    so you have me all wrong i think youve misunderstood what i was saying i was not saying i was forced to have sex i said i wanted to wait to know my boyfriend was committed to me as a person not my vagina and thenn i had sex with him when i wanted to and when i felt ready and do not believe any girl should ever be forced into sex
    You don't need to justify anything to me, but your insecurities speak for themselves. Don't attack me for my inferences. Being open about your confidence issues doesn't make you a hero. Deal with them before attacking someone who is trying to help vulnerable TSR girls from opinions like yours. Talking about how you felt your boyfriend is some kind of hero cos he stuck around for 4 months without sexual contact is the kind of shallow understanding of a good boyfriend, is not helping anyone.
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    Depends on your views on sex really?
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    (Original post by hali0112)
    I think there is still a bit of stigma attached to the number of sexual partners someone, particularly a girl, has or how early they lose their virginity or how long they wait. It is a very personal thing but it's something girls talk to each other about and compare and people make judgments based on that. It's shallow but that's just an observation. It's definitely not the same with men.
    This is exactly it, and this is what bothers me: people can trivialise this issue, but at the end of the day, there are people who will judge you for it. That's why I was concerned, especially because of my past experiences.

    I wish I'd never made this thread now though, you know, it's making me overthink it all way too much! I'm going a bit crazy in my head about this.
 
 
 
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