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Getting involved with a married man... Watch

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    Oh, of course he is falling out of love with his wife. Of course they aren't having sex. Of course he regrets marrying her and wishes he met you first.
    No married man has ever used those lines to get a younger, more impressionable girl into bed with him. :rolleyes:

    And the vast majority of those men will not leave their wives for those girls.

    If he's worth it, he'll end things decently with his wife. But I'd bet he's not brave enough to take that step (and screw himself in the divorce) and take a chance on you. And unless he is, you shouldn't bother with him.
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    #4

    OP, I'm in a very similar situation right now, expect the married guy claims there is nothing wrong with his marriage and we've agreed just to be friends because neither of us want an affair or to ruin a decent marriage. This guy is my best friend, and so I can't really walk away and have to deal with my feelings knowing we're not together My advice for you is to walk away if you can because it's really not a nice position to be in, and it causes a lot of pain in the long-run.
    Your guy might be genuine but the whole "wife does not understand me" and no sex stuff is very cliché. Tell him you will only begin a relationship with him if he's no longer with his wife, and don't cross the line unless you know he's genuine.
    You have my sympathy though, I know how it feels
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    Leaving his wife out of the equation for moment (I personally think he's the one with the moral duty to her, but cannot understand your attraction to him when he's failing in that duty)...

    Why do you want to be somebody else's dirty little secret? Is that what you want? What you deserve? Is that respect?

    What do you stand to get out of being with someone who won't give their whole self, who is ashamed of you? What's the long-term plan here? Is this guy ever gonna leave his wife (if so, why can't your relationship with him wait) and settle down with you? Do you think he is the sort of person you would want to settle down with?
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    If it was me I wouldn't go there. He had a family and kids!


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    If he decides to get separated and divorce his wife, fine.

    But the idea of breaking up a family is absolutely repulsive and I beg you not to do that.
    • #1
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    Hey guys, OP here. Thank you for your input, I do appreciate it. Please keep it coming.
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    the fact he said he's not getting sex from his wife that he 'has to beg her for it' kind of hints what he wants from you . He wants sex you could be anybody as long as you have a vagina it doesnt sound like he'd care who you were
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    (Original post by nicatre)
    First of all "having to beg to get it" is pathetic regarding sex. No one of sound mind would actually "beg".

    Secondly, and I know a lot of people won't agree, you are the innocent party here. get involved as long as you feel you can handle the situation.
    no she is not innocent as a decent human being would refuse. Maybe its just me who abides by the rule of 'treat others how you would like to be treated' and quite frankly i wouldnt be happy somebody shagging my husband so i wouldnt do the same to them

    What is the world coming to when we think wrecking childrens lives, and sleeping with other peoples husbands is ok
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    The golden rule- do unto others... it's immoral. If you're selfish, you'll do it, this is a test of character.
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    My dad had an affair. I can't even begin to explain the heartbreak it caused. Imagine explaining to the child why the man they idolise is no longer coming home every evening. It tore our family apart and people who would knowingly and deliberately involve themselves with a married person disgust me

    PS. I can promise you this: if you two got together, were amazingly happy and got married blah blah blah you will still ALWAYS be remembered as the person he cheated with....
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know you really like this guy and you won't believe me when i say this but i can almost guarantee he is playing you. A decent guy would not act this way, and if you want to be sure all you need to say is 'come back and see me when you're getting a divorce'.

    Because if you start to have a relationship with him before he is divorced, there is no turning back. You will begin an affair, you will both feel terrible, before you know it you'll be meeting in secret in times when he can get away from his wife and as soon as she calls he'll be running off, is that really what you envision for a relationship? Then most likely not leave his wife in the end because he doesn't have a lot of motivation to when you're giving him everything anyway, and leaving your wife and kids and throwing all that away is very very different from considering it. Plus she might catch you and how will you feel then when she asks, how could you do this. And how will he feel. Even if he left his wife you would both have to live with the guilt of what you have done, especially to the children, and most likely for him this guilt and this sudden divorcing and moving straight on to someone else will destroy your relationship. To come out of divorce is a big thing and it needs to be done for the right reason and he needs time to heal otherwise at most you can only be a 'rebound'.

    But the other option is he is already well aware he will never leave her and is looking for a fling. He is already making the playing you this big story of how his wife doesn't give him sex, which you don't even know to be true, making her look like the bad one and him this helpless victim that is too 'good' to leave his wife and needs a push or motivation...in the form of you. And now he's trying to get you alone and make a move on you.

    You will feel a bit heartbroken if you don't get involved with this guy and just leave him alone now, and may always wonder what if, but if you go down this road it is going to be a complete mess, a rollercoaster of emotions and in the end you are most likely going to get heartbroken and will feel like a complete jerk for what happenned, maybe the rest of your life. Just google some experiences of people who had affairs and you will see they all turn out very similar and the regret that people feel. It always ends with "i can't leave them, they're my husband/wife" and then you have wasted all this energy and done a terrible thing for nothing.
    100% agree with this anon
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    How do you even know what he says about his relationship is the truth and nothing but? Married men have been known to silver-tongue the truth, to lie, to get younger women into bed, y'know. Would he be croaking on about sex if that weren't all he wanted? If you're expecting something serious with him, how would you feel if you were chucked aside for a younger model a decade or less down the line when he no longer finds you attractive and you're no longer as exciting and fresh in the bedroom for him? If he has power over you at work, you must also realize that just as he's now quite willing to favour you over other employees, and that's flattering I'm sure, if things go awry -- and these things do -- he'll be just as likely to prejudice you at work, overlooking you or not wanting to be around you because of how he feels, putting your career in jeopardy as well as his family.

    There are lots of potential negative consequences: I'd only even consider going any further with this if you're prepared to deal with them.
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    NO. NO. NO. THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA.

    Do not enable this man in his bad behaviour. Do not put his children's happiness at risk. Do not help someone screw over their own and their family's life. Tell him to give you a call when he's separated.
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    Please have respect for his wife and his children and back off, or tell him to think about his actions, lives could be ruined
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    To talk to someone about having no sex with your wife for a year is clearly an attempt at getting sympathy sex. He's trying to use you.
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    Don't.

    Just don't.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey guys, OP here. Thank you for your input, I do appreciate it. Please keep it coming.
    Seriously? You want to hear more? The fact that every person who's posted thinks this is a terrible idea hasn't convinced you to forget about it?!

    Well, in that case I will add my voice to the chorus.

    A close friend of mine had her family torn apart when her mum had an affair. My friend has completely lost her relationship with both her parents, finds it almost impossible to trust anyone and developed anorexia to the point where she almost killed herself and wrecked her body. Don't do that to a family. Children are innocent and you have no right to ruin their life, even if you don't care about the consequences for the poor wife.
 
 
 
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