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He is perfect, WHY don't I like him? Anyone else had this?! watch

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    Okay, I hope I don't get trashed for saying this, but I've found it more and more common that girls don't develop feelings for the guys that are genuinely nice, treat them well and, as OP said, are on paper the "ideal guy". I know this is a generalisation to a certain extent. However, it makes me wonder sometimes what is it about a simple, straight forward, nice guy that makes a girl turn the other way? For the record, I'm not talking about the "nice guys finish last syndrome" and I'm not including myself in this because goodness knows how many bad traits I have!

    I have a girl mate in our group, she's really nice, we get along great, I have been attracted to her in the past (don't know about her) and sometimes I think that we'd make a great couple. We have the occasional argument, which is normal, but on the whole get on so well and like spending time together. Yet, in both our books, we're "nice" and, to be perfectly honest, there's no real mystery because we know each other fairly well. I know what would happen if I asked her out - she'd say no, tell me we're really good friends and its best we don't ruin that. So, does it boil down to there being some sort of friction that makes two people attract? Do you girls want someone rough and ready with whom you can have a few ups and downs, thrills and spills? Is the straightforward, simple nice guy missing out because he can't offer that mystery, the extra "unknown" factor (which I can't find the right word for and dearly want to avoid saying "x - factor"), tension, drama and excitement?

    I think neither boys nor girls know the answer to this. However, as a general (and very broadly speaking) conclusion, I find that guys like nice girls, whereas girls want someone who's generally nice but with a bad boy attitude somewhere thrown in!
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    (Original post by just_a_girl_x)
    I've spent the whole of this year in an on/off relationship with an ex. We like each other but ultimately don't get on - needless to say it got really horrible.

    So when I met this new guy it was like a breath of fresh air. He was wonderful and sweet! He's really nice, intelligent and really good looking. We're interested in the same sorts of things and physically things are good. He texts me and messages me every so often and has told me he really likes me. What I don't understand is why I don't like him more?! I mean, I don't not like him, but here is this genuinely perfect boy who I can see likes me. On paper he is my ideal guy, but I'm just generally not that fussed about him, which upsets me because he's a lovely boy and I don't want to hurt him.

    has anyone else experienced this before? it's so illogical and driving me crazy!
    its happened to me before, there doesn't sound like theres much chemistry, you can't help who you like.
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    What's the big deal? There are plenty of people out there who would make good partners, but you don't date the ones you're not attracted to.

    Simple as that. And cut all contact with your ex. He's an ex for a reason and you're just preventing yourself from moving on with all the "on and off" stuff.
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    (Original post by superduper9)
    Okay, I hope I don't get trashed for saying this, but I've found it more and more common that girls don't develop feelings for the guys that are genuinely nice, treat them well and, as OP said, are on paper the "ideal guy". I know this is a generalisation to a certain extent. However, it makes me wonder sometimes what is it about a simple, straight forward, nice guy that makes a girl turn the other way? For the record, I'm not talking about the "nice guys finish last syndrome" and I'm not including myself in this because goodness knows how many bad traits I have!

    I have a girl mate in our group, she's really nice, we get along great, I have been attracted to her in the past (don't know about her) and sometimes I think that we'd make a great couple. We have the occasional argument, which is normal, but on the whole get on so well and like spending time together. Yet, in both our books, we're "nice" and, to be perfectly honest, there's no real mystery because we know each other fairly well. I know what would happen if I asked her out - she'd say no, tell me we're really good friends and its best we don't ruin that. So, does it boil down to there being some sort of friction that makes two people attract? Do you girls want someone rough and ready with whom you can have a few ups and downs, thrills and spills? Is the straightforward, simple nice guy missing out because he can't offer that mystery, the extra "unknown" factor (which I can't find the right word for and dearly want to avoid saying "x - factor"), tension, drama and excitement?

    I think neither boys nor girls know the answer to this. However, as a general (and very broadly speaking) conclusion, I find that guys like nice girls, whereas girls want someone who's generally nice but with a bad boy attitude somewhere thrown in!
    Bad boy attitude is not preferable in general, but it is preferable over a man who does not show enough masculinity. "Bad boys" have very masculine traits (visible sex drive, independence, drive, confidence) along with all their negative ones. A woman will, like a man, choose after her attraction triggers. Women like men like Hank Moody in spite of the fact that he can an *******, not because of it. The equivalent is men who date bimbos. I hear women complaining that men don't look for smart girls, they are threatened by career or intelligence and only care about looks. The truth is (most of the time) that men date ditzy but beautiful women in spite of the fact that they are stupid, not because of it. Men care about appearance, and they will rather get that with the femininity, attraction and ditzyness over one who has neither.
    Women like men who are morally good, intelligent and ambitious. They don't like men who:
    - try to hard to identify with women. Don't be her vent, her emotional outlet and pretend to be into girly things she likes. You're not a woman.
    - pretend they are less sexual than other men. Women don't want an asexual man and they want to feel sexually attractive. We also know that men think about sex a lot and when you see a woman you find attractive, you will imagine her naked, you'll fantasize about sex with her and you'll try to make it happen. A lot of "nice guys" come off as if all they want to do is hold your hand, it's a lie, we know it, and women don't like men who aren't genuine and true to themselves.
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    (Original post by just_a_girl_x)
    I've spent the whole of this year in an on/off relationship with an ex. We like each other but ultimately don't get on - needless to say it got really horrible.

    So when I met this new guy it was like a breath of fresh air. He was wonderful and sweet! He's really nice, intelligent and really good looking. We're interested in the same sorts of things and physically things are good. He texts me and messages me every so often and has told me he really likes me. What I don't understand is why I don't like him more?! I mean, I don't not like him, but here is this genuinely perfect boy who I can see likes me. On paper he is my ideal guy, but I'm just generally not that fussed about him, which upsets me because he's a lovely boy and I don't want to hurt him.

    has anyone else experienced this before? it's so illogical and driving me crazy!
    Some girls just prefer the on-off rocky relationships. The type Taylor Swift sings about where you fight and then kiss and make up. Rather than the treated like a princess type relationships. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Let the lad free and with someone who is going to appreciate him more.
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    He has got no game. He is not flirty enough, that is my guess.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    All these girls saying they want to be treated like princesses- are you eight?

    You can't rationalise attraction, there's no point in beating yourself up about it.
    I don't mean like in the Disney films, I mean I want a guy who treats me like I'm really special.
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    (Original post by Millie228)
    Women like men who are morally good, intelligent and ambitious. They don't like men who:
    - try to hard to identify with women. Don't be her vent, her emotional outlet and pretend to be into girly things she likes. You're not a woman.
    - pretend they are less sexual than other men. Women don't want an asexual man and they want to feel sexually attractive. We also know that men think about sex a lot and when you see a woman you find attractive, you will imagine her naked, you'll fantasize about sex with her and you'll try to make it happen. A lot of "nice guys" come off as if all they want to do is hold your hand, it's a lie, we know it, and women don't like men who aren't genuine and true to themselves.
    What's missing from this post is the word 'some'. 'Some' women like and don't like those things, want and don't want those things, but not all.

    Likewise, the 'nice guy' isn't always an act. Some men genuinely aren't simply looking for sex above everything else.

    The reason I say that is because I've had relationships that weren't especially sexual, and neither of us had a problem with it. While I'm not a 'nice guy', I'm not someone who puts sex at the centre of a relationship.
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    (Original post by jwshaw89)
    What's missing from this post is the word 'some'. 'Some' women like and don't like those things, want and don't want those things, but not all.

    Likewise, the 'nice guy' isn't always an act. Some men genuinely aren't simply looking for sex above everything else.

    The reason I say that is because I've had relationships that weren't especially sexual, and neither of us had a problem with it. While I'm not a 'nice guy', I'm not someone who puts sex at the centre of a relationship.
    I could change it to most, but still a majority. A lot of men are looking for a relationship if they find the right woman, but most men will place sex highly within a relationships, and will look for casual sex outside of them. If a man acts as if he is not interested in sex at all, there is a high chance he is lying.
    It is better to look at the world the way it is if you want to get the facts and know how to relate to men and women. Also women on online forums act as if "nice guys" is what the prefer, but reality says different.
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    (Original post by Millie228)
    I could change it to most, but still a majority. A lot of men are looking for a relationship if they find the right woman, but most men will place sex highly within a relationships, and will look for casual sex outside of them. If a man acts as if he is not interested in sex at all, there is a high chance he is lying.
    It is better to look at the world the way it is if you want to get the facts and know how to relate to men and women. Also women on online forums act as if "nice guys" is what the prefer, but reality says different.
    Fair enough.

    I do understand that the majority are how you describe, but I just hold out hope that the minority aren't as small as they seem. Mainly because I think I'm within this minority.

    I agree with your last point, and think it is the case with men too. Words, whether on the internet or elsewhere, are just words, and few back them up in practice.
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    had the same thing. 1 of my guy mates liked me and i thought he was ''perfect'' i just wasnt attracted. Then i realised he wasnt actually ''perfect'', we had nothing in common etc.

    I think sometimes you think someone is perfect boyfriend material when actually theyre not perfect for you.
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    (Original post by Millie228)
    Bad boy attitude is not preferable in general, but it is preferable over a man who does not show enough masculinity. "Bad boys" have very masculine traits (visible sex drive, independence, drive, confidence) along with all their negative ones. A woman will, like a man, choose after her attraction triggers. Women like men like Hank Moody in spite of the fact that he can an *******, not because of it. The equivalent is men who date bimbos. I hear women complaining that men don't look for smart girls, they are threatened by career or intelligence and only care about looks. The truth is (most of the time) that men date ditzy but beautiful women in spite of the fact that they are stupid, not because of it. Men care about appearance, and they will rather get that with the femininity, attraction and ditzyness over one who has neither.
    Women like men who are morally good, intelligent and ambitious. They don't like men who:
    - try to hard to identify with women. Don't be her vent, her emotional outlet and pretend to be into girly things she likes. You're not a woman.
    - pretend they are less sexual than other men. Women don't want an asexual man and they want to feel sexually attractive. We also know that men think about sex a lot and when you see a woman you find attractive, you will imagine her naked, you'll fantasize about sex with her and you'll try to make it happen. A lot of "nice guys" come off as if all they want to do is hold your hand, it's a lie, we know it, and women don't like men who aren't genuine and true to themselves.
    so spot on. This exactly.
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    (Original post by just_a_girl_x)
    I've spent the whole of this year in an on/off relationship with an ex. We like each other but ultimately don't get on - needless to say it got really horrible.

    So when I met this new guy it was like a breath of fresh air. He was wonderful and sweet! He's really nice, intelligent and really good looking. We're interested in the same sorts of things and physically things are good. He texts me and messages me every so often and has told me he really likes me. What I don't understand is why I don't like him more?! I mean, I don't not like him, but here is this genuinely perfect boy who I can see likes me. On paper he is my ideal guy, but I'm just generally not that fussed about him, which upsets me because he's a lovely boy and I don't want to hurt him.

    has anyone else experienced this before? it's so illogical and driving me crazy!
    Cut ties now, the poor guy doesn't deserve to be played with.

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    TSR Support Team
    Reminds me of this:

    A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

    http://www.bash.org/?414593
 
 
 
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