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Boyfriend never wants to have sex, tried talking. Doesn't work. Watch

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    (Original post by Louise1787)
    Dude, you are obsessed with drugs. Drugs are so not the answer!
    So how exactly do you artificially change someone's sexy drive then?
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    (Original post by Louise1787)
    Personally, I think it's unlikely he's cheating on you, I don't think that would cause him to not want to sleep with you unless he is feeling extremely guilty, in which case he would most likely have confessed by now. I suspect the most likely story is that he has some kind of psychological issue going on at the moment, what that is is obviously extremely hard to say with the very little information you have given. He might be nervous about sleeping with you because he is insecure, because he is worried about you judging him negatively. He may be having personal problems that are troubling him and mean that he just doesn't want to have sex at the moment, and the more you push him the worse it gets. He may also have worries about your relationship that are causing him to push you away and be too frightened to say anything.

    My suggestion would be to completely back off and just say to him that you are feeling very hurt by him not wanting to have sex with you, but that you will understand if he just needs some time and to come to you when he's ready. You could also suggest to him that you are happy to listen to anything he's got to say, if he's got any problems etc. Try to talk about other things when you go to bed, see if you can get him talking about the problem without directly asking.

    Ultimately though, if you are feeling unsatisfied and he doesn't ever explain the problem, you will have to tell him that you think you should break up, and see if that prompts a change in behaviour. If not, I'd say take some time apart. Only way I'm afraid! You both deserve to be happy and if you're not, you have to change things. Pushing him will only make him more stubborn and make everything worse.
    This ^^^^^^


    Seriously, as well as communication, backing off a little bit might be crucial. If you're putting too much pressure on him to perform, what's he got to gain by not living up to your expectations?

    You may also want to consider the possibility that he's been masturbating more recently, and his libido has all but disappeared into the convenience that is internet porn. Either way, it's worth asking about. If you wanted to be tactful about it, maybe suggest watching porn together sometime to see how he responds.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Unless he's drunk that's the only time he really wants it, I can count on one hand the amount of times we've done it in 2 months. He always invites me go stay over, we have a lovely evening together but by the time we go to bed he's always tired. Therefore never wants sex and its really getting me down. I've tried talking to him about it countless times but it doesn't work. If we do end up having sex it's never him who initiates it its always me, and I end up feeling like an idiot when he says no or when we do it and he clearly cba. I've just said to him, what's the point in me staying over, if you go straight to sleep every time and his reply 'I'm tired' and i said I feel rejected and he says he's not rejecting me when he clearly is. I'm lay next to him now, he's asleep and I just feel like getting dressed and going home, I'm on the verge of crying. Because I feel like he doesn't want to have sex with me - it makes me feel horrible. I only stay over once a week, so it's not asking a lot.. Seriously fed up and don't know if I can go on like this. Help please.
    You are a bit obsessed with sex him. Keep calm and use your hand
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    The bottom line is that if you are really unhappy (which you seem to be, judging from your posts) then you should consider leaving him - if he isn't willing to talk about it then there isn't really much else that you can do.

    Ignore the advice about seeing the GP for 'libido suppressants', there is absolutely nothing wrong with your sex drive and no doctor in their right mind would prescribe you drugs to alter it.
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    This isn't a dig at you OP, but if the genders were reversed, it'd be a very different story.

    Anyway, slip him some Viagra, work that joystick and show him what he's missing!
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    The options are:
    - He's asexual (unlikely, as it is the case for a very small part of the population)
    - He is releasing his sexual urges elsewhere, either with another woman or to porn. Porn addiction is not entirely uncommon.
    - He is not attracted to you sexually, possibly if you've changed (this would fuel the point above).

    Either way, if you have tried talking about it with him multiple times, I don't see any solution. If you decide to end things with him, make it clear that this is why.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Unless he's drunk that's the only time he really wants it, I can count on one hand the amount of times we've done it in 2 months. He always invites me go stay over, we have a lovely evening together but by the time we go to bed he's always tired. Therefore never wants sex and its really getting me down. I've tried talking to him about it countless times but it doesn't work. If we do end up having sex it's never him who initiates it its always me, and I end up feeling like an idiot when he says no or when we do it and he clearly cba. I've just said to him, what's the point in me staying over, if you go straight to sleep every time and his reply 'I'm tired' and i said I feel rejected and he says he's not rejecting me when he clearly is. I'm lay next to him now, he's asleep and I just feel like getting dressed and going home, I'm on the verge of crying. Because I feel like he doesn't want to have sex with me - it makes me feel horrible. I only stay over once a week, so it's not asking a lot.. Seriously fed up and don't know if I can go on like this. Help please.
    Make him an alcoholic....

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Unless he's drunk that's the only time he really wants it, I can count on one hand the amount of times we've done it in 2 months. He always invites me go stay over, we have a lovely evening together but by the time we go to bed he's always tired. Therefore never wants sex and its really getting me down. I've tried talking to him about it countless times but it doesn't work. If we do end up having sex it's never him who initiates it its always me, and I end up feeling like an idiot when he says no or when we do it and he clearly cba. I've just said to him, what's the point in me staying over, if you go straight to sleep every time and his reply 'I'm tired' and i said I feel rejected and he says he's not rejecting me when he clearly is. I'm lay next to him now, he's asleep and I just feel like getting dressed and going home, I'm on the verge of crying. Because I feel like he doesn't want to have sex with me - it makes me feel horrible. I only stay over once a week, so it's not asking a lot.. Seriously fed up and don't know if I can go on like this. Help please.
    I understand your frustration. However, if this were the other way around, and a guy was posting about how his girlfriend doesn't have enough sex with him: people would be going crazy about the girl's rights, and how you can't pressure her, and she is allowed to sleep with him as much or as little as she wants.

    At the end of the day, it is also up to both of you to decide whether or not to have sex. You can't just demand/expect it just because he is your boyfriend. Also it's not like he isn't doing it at all.

    If it really bothers you that much and you've tried talking to him, maybe you're not suitable for each other.
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    *he can be bisexual or even gay
    *perhaps he is prettier then u, so u dont know the right tricks to turn him on
    *perhaps he is just a-sexual, those kinda persons often dont feel like havin sex
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    Some people are just naturally less inclined to sex. There's no template for how men should behave, or how women should behave. Whether this is down to confidence issues or other psychological issues varies with each person. For him, it may not be a 'problem.'

    That being said, if he's more willing when drunk, perhaps it's down to inhibitions about sex. Some people are extremely conscious of themselves, causing them to lack confidence in certain situations.

    Although you mention that you 'only' stay over once a week, this may actually exacerbate the issue. When you ask him 'what's the point' in you staying over if he only wants to go to sleep, it makes him feel as if sex has to take place every time you happen to share a bed. He then comes to associate your visits with this pressure to have sex, which will only make him close off even more.

    Perhaps the solution there is to stay over more often, and simply don't mention the matter to him for a while. He may then relax a bit and be more likely to initiate it. Obviously this wouldn't be particularly enjoyable for you, but maybe it's just something that needs to be done.

    It's also dangerous to assume that he's rejecting you. He may not define your relationship by the frequency of sex, but by other things. And if it is an issue with his confidence, I'm sure he'd 'reject' pretty much anyone in the same situation, not just you personally.
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    If he'd be cheating, he wouldn't want sex when he'd be drunk either.

    Ultimately keep talking to him, perhaps when he's drunk or whenever. You may just not be compatible.
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    be sexier. find a way to his tiger!
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    Asexual?
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    Either a) talk to him, or b) break up.

    Breaking up because of sexual incompatibility is no bad thing, in the long run. A relationship can't function very well if you're not on the same wavelength physically.

    But first, talk to him. There could be a multiplicity of reasons why he isn't being very sexual, and they might be ones you can work through.

    (If you want the advice of an old, wise lady who might be able to offer some more specific insight in a PM, feel free. )
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    Ask him why he isn't


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    Hey man do you feel that you are so sexually frustrated and unfulfilled that is getting you down or is it the sense of rejection?
    • Welcome Squad
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    Welcome Squad
    maybe he is gay or he just respect you
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    (Original post by Benlaw92)
    I understand your frustration. However, if this were the other way around, and a guy was posting about how his girlfriend doesn't have enough sex with him: people would be going crazy about the girl's rights, and how you can't pressure her, and she is allowed to sleep with him as much or as little as she wants.

    At the end of the day, it is also up to both of you to decide whether or not to have sex. You can't just demand/expect it just because he is your boyfriend. Also it's not like he isn't doing it at all.

    If it really bothers you that much and you've tried talking to him, maybe you're not suitable for each other.
    I agree, the double standards are blatant
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    What's with all the people telling her to leave him?

    In the thread below which is quite similar, nobody is telling the guy to leave the girl. Instead, they're all telling him to give her time, don't be foreceful or she may be pushed away etc etc.

    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=2311529

    So why can't this OP give her bf time and 'understanding' etc? I hate the mentality of some people that the girl is always the prize in a relationship and everything must always go her way.
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    My bf is the same tbf and I've thought the 'is he cheating' and 'is it me' even 'am I not attractive' he has been the same since we first started dating and that's 2 years ago! Go a little easy on him and explain how your feeling, if nothing else works then be patient, if its going to work it will, keep your chin up x


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